Porky Pig said it best: “That’s ALL Folks!” We wish we could laugh off this season like a Saturday morning cartoon. Sadly, we can’t.
The Los Angeles Lakers are dunzo. This season, to say the least, has been disappointing. VERY disappointing. Harsh you may ask? Hell NO. The expectations for this NBA team are far too high. But hey, that happens to a team with 17 championship rings, 4 won in the last 11 years.
After the loss to the young and energetic OKC Thunder, all Laker fans are turning their eyes to the fellas upstairs. And they should! We all want to know why our beloved basketball team has faltered, who is to blame and what is going to happen next year? It’s just easier to point fingers than be rational. Why? Because this is LA, we don’t have time to be rational with our sports teams. Especially to teams, like the Lakers, that clearly have problems and issues that need to be addressed.
First and foremost, where the mofo was Andrew Bynum?! This guy had the best season of his career up until the post season. What gives? Looking from the outside in, the only thing we can blame is his Bitchy Diva Attitude. All of Laker Nation were well aware of Bynum’s immature ways but unfortunately taking it to the court, ultimately negatively affecting his game. Did you see any hustle in his step against the Denver Nuggets or the Thunder? I sure as hell didn’t. He scored a whopping 10 points last game and 0 offensive rebounds. Why and the hell are we even paying this DIVA? Give that money to skid row yo, shoOOOooot. Or better yet, give Bynum’s money to struggling high school players who actually strut their stuff on the court and play like they want to win. GGeeeze. I say get rid of the DIVA. Sounds like he doesn’t even want to be a Laker anymore with statements like, “I’ll play anywhere.” Somebody will pick his slow ass up and hopefully slap him silly and tell him, “HEY, you are a professional basketball player! ACT LIKE IT!”
Pau Gasol. OOOooh Lord did I want you to be good. Sadly, you came up way too short. He is getting soft in his old age, I guess. He had two good games throughout the post season, but still coming up short as a defensive player. He just didn’t drive it hard to the basket or wasn’t aggressive enough to scare the bejesus outta his opponents to clear the way for a badass mamba jamba dunkeroo. Him and Kobe were often seen arguing throughout time outs and team huddles…..that can’t be good. You don’t want anybody on the team fighting with the Black Mamba. I would like to see Pau go in hopes for attaining a good trade deal in the process, even though I will miss those press conferences showcasing his Nashville Southern Spanish accent. Pau had a good run but I think it is about that time to end it.
Ramon Sessions. Bust or Must? Dude fasho not a total bust, but definitely not the ideal must. He really didn’t do anything for the Lakers this season, granted he didn’t have a whole lot of time. But the Lakers had real high hopes for the point guard, which just blew up in Mitch Kupchack’s busted fugs face. He most likely will not pick up his option and leave the Lake Show. Good Riddance? Naw, he tried to play hard and give us a taste of what younger players have to offer. He just wasn’t the solution the Lakers were hoping for.
Metta World Peace. This fools just makes me laugh. Did any of you catch that press conference the other day? Man, does he just bring on the laughs. Despite his suspension, he played well throughout the post season as our key defensive player. His offense is so-so, but we didn’t sign him for his three pointers. We would like to think so. Although World Peace is pretty comfortable where he is at, I think the Lakers should keep him. He brings that aggressive badass attitude we sometimes need to get through games, especially during the playoffs. Here is hoping that his attitude doesn’t turn into more suspensions.
The rest. Honestly, our bench is terrible. Is it beyond repair? Maybe. Troy Murphy (that lousy Irish blonde), Josh McRoberts, Devin Ebanks, Darius Morris, Steve Blake and Matt Barnes. Yikes. All of those fools could honestly be replaced. None of them stepped it up this post season, minus Steve Blake’s hail mary three pointers. I don’t know if it is Mitch Kupchack but let’s just say it is. That douche. He clearly doesn’t know how to build a team that helps Kobe Bryant be the Black Mamaba and get that 6th ring. Maybe Kobe is getting too old, why yes he is, 33 years ol to be exact. Not old at all, but if you ain’t playing golf, that is fasho OLD. Kobe only has , the most, two good years left in the NBA. Wouldn’t it be nice to see another championship before the Black Mamba’s decent into retired mediocrete? Well if Mitch Douche Kupchack has anything to say about it, then who knows? So far he hasn’t drawn in any promising talent.
Which brings us to another sensitive subject. Que paso with Derek Fisher and Lam Lam Odom? Are we missing them yet? Yes, we got swept by the Mavericks last post season but the Mavericks that season definitely drank some steroid Michael Jordan Space Jam laced Gatorade. They won the whole damn thing, beating the infamous down syndrome looking Lebron James of the Miami Heat Don’t get me wrong, it was awesome possum seeing Lebron not get the coveted ring he would kill his own children to get, but definitely sad to see how the Lakers finished their bad news bears season. Can we get Lam Lam back? I have no idea. I don’t think we would want him back the way he ended his dismal season in Dallas. It is pretty ironic and pleasing to see Derek Fisher go on to the Western Conference Finals when the Lakers are heading back to El Segundo. BUwahahahah Mitch, what you going to do now? Put some more hundred-dollar bills in your Lucky Charms every morning, not only will it make breakfast taste delicious but also make you realize that you have just thrown your money down a bottomless pit of a stomach and only getting in return a pile of poop players.