The Fugs uniforms vs. Darth Vadar

Who can compete with Darth Vadar?  NOBODY.  He is THE Badass of all time, the one villain you do not want to cross paths with.  He can kill you in more ways than one without even touching you.  ShoooOOoot.   

But his sheer awesomeness will be displayed by the Oregon Ducks this year at the Rose Bowl, January 2.  The Ducks have strategically decided to début the latest Niko Pro Combat gear that claims to be the most advanced football uniform system in the world.  These uniforms will include larger, bolder numbers with an iridescent sheen similar to that of a mallard duck’s feathers….or Lord Vadar’s coat.

The coolest part of the uniform has to be the helmet.  With Darth Vadar, it was all about the helmet…and the cape, but you can’t wear a cape in college football, that would just be too sweet….. and unnecessary deaths. The Nike designers placed the big traditional Oregon “O” on top-middle of the helmet, creating a hal-O effect  which offsets the sinister Vadar vibe….LOVE IT.

Apparently it’s the scariest shiz to come out in College Football since Jaba the Hut.  Jaba the Hut, let’s just say, graced our presence in South Bend not too long ago, pure fatness concealed in an oversized sweatshirt that isn’t even sold in the Student Store, because it had to be especially made by the Dark Side.


The other badass villains that can’t be ignored are any players from the University of Miami, 1984-1991.  They were pretty badass, soo bad that the NCAA had to make new and stricter regulations on unsportsmanlike conduct.  That is pretty badass.

If you are a Star Wars fans or even an admirer of one of the best cinematic villains of all time, you will want to catch a glimpse of these new Oregon uniforms.  During the College Football season, it’s a trip to watch Oregon play every week, sporting different and sleek uniforms.  It seems like Oregon’s Athletic Department spends more money on their Football team’s uniforms than on any of the other sports teams.  Sorry badminton, better luck next year.

It will be pretty intimidating to play against Darth Vadar uniforms.

Let’s see if those Wisconsin badgers can harness their inner Honey Badger this Sunday and be the true badass of the game and just take what they want, a Rose Bowl.

A fugs uniform that has to be mentioned are the new Miami Marlins.  Good GOD are they fugs.  They are the Rainbow Brite team, defending the Miami land from Murky and Lurky, the bad guys who want to spread fear and darkness in the land.  Well fear not Technicolor, the Miami Marlins are here to the rescue.  Seriously, butt fugs ugly uniforms.    

The new LA Kings uniforms are pretty busted too.  They got rid of the best color, PURPLE.  Why?  Purple is awesome.  It has been working for Laker nation…..well I may be speaking too soon here….but the color purple has been sported in LA for the past 25 years.  We ain’t complaining.  I guess the clubhouse wanted to go back to the old black and silver colors the team had in 1988.  Hey!  Just like the Raiders….another badass team.  I just don’t agree with the enlarged LA crest over the traditional King’s crown logo.  Everybody already hates LA dude, why bring more attention to it?

Sporting new uniforms is always a nice break away from the past an opens a door into the future.  Hopefully that future doesn’t contain a dismal losing season.  Well, my vote is always for the #1 Badass.  I guess we will just have to wait and see who that truly is.

Is the Black Mamba his own worst enemy?

A collective sigh can be heard all over Los Angeles……well except in Clipper town.  Today I drove past an unfamiliar billboard in West LA advertising the Clippers and Spurs game (stay tuned tonight sport’s fans, the game comes on at 5:30 pm).  In all my years driving in LA ( a whopping 8 years), I have never seen an advertisement for the Clippers.  This town was ruled by the Purple and Gold.  Nowadays, the purple and gold are the dark shadow this city now wants to forget and have the red, white and blue step into the sunlight and take the reins.

The last two Laker games have been anything but exciting.  Kobe Bryant, aka the Black Mamba, is trying the exceed the city’s expectations this season, defying the odds and controversy that has plagued the team since the CP3 trade debacle and farewell to Odom, but sadly his team has yet to realize this.  The Lakers didn’t get what they want for Christmas ( a win) nor received the adoration they are all too familiar with.  Well sorry boys, you don’t deserve it.

The loss against Derek Rose and the Bulls could have been avoided if they would have made some free throws.  The most infuriating part of that game is if the Lakers would have made those freakin’ foul shots, they would have won the game!  Aren’t free throws the kind of drill that your high school coach punishes you with for hot dogging it in practice or missing the fade away?  Geeze.  Punish ’em some more Mike Brown.

Watching the games it becomes more and more clear that the Black Mamba is just as much helping the Lakers as he is harming them.  He scored 29 points last game against the Kings but he lost the game against the Bulls.  Aside from missing his free throws, he can’t expect to make all the game winning shots when the opposing team knows exactly who to defend in the last 6 seconds of the game?!  The Black Mamba is clutch but his clutchness doesn’t seem to be resonating with this new Laker team and it is not going to win games.  Maybe his clutchness just doesn’t work well with his torn ligament in his right hand?  Maybe Mike Brown will have all the answers when Bynum makes his coveted return to the court.

The million dollar question of the day for LA = Will you watch the once great Lakers tonight or the new thriving Clippers? Mr. Brown betta clean those peepers of his and watch the Black Mamba get back to work.

Christmas Come Early for the Trojans

It felt particularly good to wake up this morning, to bask in the warm SoCal sunlight and to pick up the Sports section with the heartfelt pictures of Matt Barkley and Lane Kiffin beaming in front of a Christmas tree.  Merry Christmas Trojans.

Let us all in SoCal bask in this glorious moment.  Just watch the press conference again, again, and again….it just keeps getting better.

Ahhhhh doesn’t it feel spectacular?  It sure does.

Now I had the privilege to also watch some ESPN commentators discuss Barkley’s decision to stay at USC.  It was pretty unanimous (LOVE IT), they all agreed that Barkely’s choice was the right choice.  Except one……  Christian Fauria…who the hell are you?  I just love hearing the haters and skeptics talk about the hot Barkley topic because their arguments lack the rationale reasoning behind his decision, they just don’t understand.  Skip Bayless and John Ritchie know what’s up.  Just see for yourselves you crazy kids you…..clip?id=7383763&ex_cid=nhffromfb

The one and only time I agreed with Fauria during this segment is his discussion about the presence of the USC marching band at the press conference.  Yes, that probably was the obvious sign of Barkley’s decision to stay.  Why else would they be there?  Just for the press bask in the awesomeness that is the Trojan Marching Band.  I hope after the press conference they blasted “TUSK”  aka “the UCLA SUCKS” song.  Greatest marching band song.EVER.

But both Bayless and Ritchie were spot on.  Money isn’t necessarily an issue for Barkley (that Newport Beach Bum).  And he wants to stay at USC for the most nostalgic and honest reason, to fulfill his childhood dreams to win a Heisman and win a National Championship for the Cardinal and Gold.  Now who wouldn’t want that?

And as of delaying the NFL….why worry?  Yes there is always the looming possibility that injury will ruin a season but Barkley has stayed healthy throughout all the three years he has started.  Barkley will stay healthy and will start every game, that isn’t a concern.  He isn’t the Bynum of College Football, people its OK!  And for fulfilling all the expectations…..DUH.  He finished this last season stronger than ever and his two star receivers Woods and Lee, and awesome possum running back McNeal, are all returning.  Dude, do the math.

Just look at Barkley’s face, he couldn’t look happier.  I don’t think any NFL team would bring him this much joy in a LOOOOoooooOOooNG time.  The first years in the NFL for a starting QB is definitely not all daisies and puppy dogs.  If you get extremely lucky, (or in Sanchez’s case be drafted by a team where the defense wins and get away with domestic abuse) you could see the light of day in the Pros.  But what Matty’s got in College won’t come to him as easily in the Pros.  Come on, let him be supremely happy for another year, winning games and soaking up not only the Cali sun but also the sheer adoration from his fans, teammates and coaches.   

I gotta give a shout out to Bill Plaschke and his column about the subject, “Deck the Halls with boughs of Barkley.”   YES.  Heritage Hall will be decked with boughs of Barkley next year, hopefully in more ways than one. Long after Christmas is over, Barkley will be the gift that keeps on giving.


He is STAYING!!!!!!!  Matty, you made the right decision.  Watch out SEC, you will no longer be contenders for the national championship this 2012 season.  Heisman and Championship here we come.  ESPN best recognize……..matt-barkley-usc-trojans-says-staying-school

Loving this video of this last season highlights of Barkely…just a mere preview of what is to come next year fools.  The dramatic music just makes this movie that more serious. Every other college football team best recognize the ridiculously awesome possum Trojans this year.  We will see who has the last laugh, I’m looking at you NCAA, you jerks.  I just can’t wait for the NCAA to hash out more investigations and punishments for SC in the upcoming years, collect anything they can find to keep ’em Trojans down.  Get over it, the SEC can’t always be on top and will be dethroned sooner or later by a team that has all along been the better, wiser and stronger team.  FIGHT ON.

Hold your breathe SC……

AHHHHHH the time has come!!!!!!!!!  I don’t know what to feel.  Nervous, anxious, scared, excited.  I hate this.

USC quarterback Matt Barkley is holding a press conference this afternoon at Heritage Hall to announce whether he will leaving school early to enter the NFL or stay his senior year.  And we all at Southern California are hoping he will stay, “Please STAY!”

This year was Barkley at his best, throwing 3,528 yards and 39 touchdowns with only seven interceptions.    During that 8 game stretch to finish the season for the Trojans, USC was 7-1 and averaged 39.1 points per game.

Defensive end Nick Perry and offensive tackle Matt Kalil have already decided to leave the nest for greener NFL pastures.  Maybe Barkley will pull a Leinart, hopefully not a dirty Sanchez, and decide to stay. I personally think Matt would look excellent in a ballroom tux and strut his stuff at the Heisman Trophy ceremony, boasting about his incredible season with the mighty Trojans (undefeated) and his hopes to take his team to glory.  Come on Matt, don’t you want to put up some new decorations in Heritage Hall?  A nice bronze football man of a trophy complimenting that crystal football?  Divine Design baby.

Before making his decision, Barkley said he would speak to Leinart and Sanchez as well as Carson Palmer and Andrew Luck, that lousy cardinal, who had to make a similar decision before their senior years.  “I think finishing out on a good note here at USC was something I wanted to do, and now that we’ve done that, there’s a chance for my future to be financially secure, to move on,” Barkley said earlier this month. “There’s a couple reasons, but it almost seems like the reasons to stay might outweigh those, with all the guys coming back. Both sides, I look at it and it almost seems too good to be true.

Okay first off…..don’t talk to Sanchez and Luck.  They are both garbage.  Sanchez didn’t take Pete Carroll’s advice and went pro.  So far he has had a successful career with the New York Jets….but come on!  He got lucky, he got drafted by a defensive team….just like Flacco on the Baltimore Ravens…their defense wins the games.  Sanchez was just dodging another year of violating SC girls and becoming the FAT ASS BIG BEN of college.  Who knows, he could have won the Heisman as well and taken the Trojans to another stellar season.

It goes the same for Luck.  Why would you talk to the enemy, an enemy that looks like the Geico caveman.  Barkley, you almost took the Heisman from this Neanderthal.  Why would you listen to the other NFL draft prospect who, if you entered the draft, would harm your projected chances?  Luck is looking out for himself too, he can’t just rely on working for Geico his whole life.

Just listen to Palmer and Leinart, they have both been in the NFL long enough to tell you the real deal.  Both have unfortunately haven’t had the best careers in the Pros……but hey, with age comes wisdom and peace of mind right?  Both are Heisman trophy winners and can tell you all about their life experiences in the Pros…..real life being not the greatest…possibly unfortunate….but that should just make you feel better about yourself and you have nowhere to go but up if you stay on campus 🙂

Stay Matty!  All of SoCal wants you to stay.  All of the cool beans SoCal, Westwood is off the radar, and we know you can bring the Trojans back on top.  With the bowl ban dunzo, why would you leave at a time like this, when your troops need you the most?  Nothing but love for you Matty, but hey if you do decide to leave……I think SC will be blasting Adele’s jams to cope with their grief.

Sad face……

Kobe will not be playing in tonight’s second so far brutal exhibition game with the Clippers.  Who will step it up you might ask?  Good question.  I have no idea.  What could the Lakers have accomplished in two days?  Probably not a whole lot, especially with their new Coach, Mike Brown, unaware of the team’s dynamic and chemistry.  Wait a second… there even a team dynamic without the Black Mamba?  Well, there is always the awesomeness that is Derek Fisher.  But without Kobe?

Who the hell knows.  Time will tell with them Lakers.  Tune into tonight’s game, Clippers have the home court advantage.  Let’s just hope the Lakers don’t choke on every three-point shot and play a little defense against those disgustingly good Clippers.  Sigh……

Wait a second Mr. Buckeye…….

OMFG–Ever since the NCAA bestowed USC with its harshest punishment to date, well except for SMU’s death penalty, every other school who has committed violations have received ridiculously lenient punishments.  The good ol’ Buckeyes were handed a one year bowl ban and the loss of nine scholarships over the next three years.

Former Coach Jim Tressel, or as I like to call him : Sweater Vest, was found to have engaged in unethical conduct, having knowledge of his players committing illegal activities under his watch.  Well those Buckeyes must have REALLY needed those tattoos to win the game or just look like bad asses on the field in front of the almighty SEC audience.   Hmmm…Trojan fans…..doesn’t this sound oddly familiar?

The NCAA cited USC for lack of institutional control, hammering them with a two-year bowl ban and a loss of 30 scholarships over three years.  When you put the two school’s punishments up to par, does anyone come out the wiser?   That would have to be a big fat NO!!!!  NCAA, you got to be kidding me.

Ohio State had not just one player, but 8….count ’em 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8….that were found violating NCAA rules.  Does 1 player equal 8 players now or am I missing something?  So i guess 1 player’s actions at USC means 8 players at Ohio State can commit similar violations.  If you think otherwise, I have some more math that will boggle your mind.  1 year bowl ban compared to 2 years….and 9 scholarship losses to 30 over the same 3 year period. WHAT THE MOTHER.  Who the hell is working at the NCAA sanctions committee?!?!  Somebody in SEC offices are laughing out loud, can’t you hear them now?  I bet you it’s those bitter Bruins, those snide golden Domers, the untouchable South Eastern Conference and anybody else in the Pacific Conference who are hating on the Trojans. It’s not hard to believe that there are hundreds, quite possibly thousands, of Trojan haters out there. This Trojan fan is sick of it.  Obviously I am a bit bitter, but give me a freaking break here.  One guy’s actions, better yet, one guy’s family actions (notice how there is no TEAM actions) equates one of the severest punishments the NCAA has given in college football.  Despite the rumors, Coach Carroll wasn’t even aware of it, created a dynasty only to have it tainted and taken away by the NCAA.  Didn’t the Buckeyes win a championship as well?  Wait the Trojans clearly didn’t in 2005 because that year just didn’t exist for college football according to the NCAA.  

FYI NCAA: revisionist history is crap and you know it.


Forget all the other universities and teams that are receiving punishments that don’t equal the crime.  USC has apparently set the bar for punishments and are still paying for it.  All the haters will have their mouths stuffed this coming year with the Trojans emerging from their two-year bowl ban (and the scholarships, well still suffering) and get back to greatness.

The NCAA should just go back to obscurity and go kick it with the equally hated BCS, watch your useless bowl games and choke on a little eggnog for me and all the Trojans.  Give Tressel a congratulatory call and deliver him another sweater vest, this time sporting Tommy Trojan on the left hand corner instead of a disgusting plant of a mascot, because we all know what team is truly going to come out of the dark and shine big.  FIGHT ON


Ouch is all you can really say about last night’s exhibition showdown between the newly improved Clippers and the old school Lakers.  An ouch of 19 points to be exact.  Hell, that  wasn’t even the highest score difference between the two Los Angeles rivals. More like 22 or 24 point difference.  Yikes…..

Ugh this is just infuriating to think the new man in the Clippers #3 uniform was putting on a show and out playing every Laker (with the exception of the Black Mamba……who is ALWAYS the exception) because he was supposed to be a LAKER.  The dynamic and dangerous duo of Chris Paul and Chauncey Billups made the Lakers defense look like a joke.  The only “entertaining” part of watching the Clippers outplay the Lakers was hearing the sports commentators on Fox Sports comment on the score.  They didn’t even want to do the subtraction from the scoreboard.”The Clippers……by a lot.”  Yea good one guys, I know the Lakers are losing by a lot, but doesn’t your job description have some sort of math requirement involved…..ya know?  I know subtracting numbers can be a tough challenge but hey, who am I to tell you how to do your job, I’m just watching the Lakers get their ass handed to them by a team who was well on their way to being the Chicago Cubs of Basketball= a joke.  Hey prove me wrong fellas, the Cubs have at least one championship under their belts, break out of the mold and win one for the other Los Angeles fans. The one thing that was truly amusing about your commentary was discussing how to refer to Ronny….excuse me…Metta World Peace during the game…Metta…..MWP….WPeace…..Peace of the World Metta…..Metta THAT World Peace…..there is just too much to work with.  Poor Metta.  Maybe if Metta worked on making his shots once in a while, sports commentators would stop making fun of you…..meh, probably not.

Ahhh I digress.  Probably because this Laker fan is upset by it all.  This one game is obviously a glimpse into what the upcoming season may look like…a lackluster affair.  More regionally specific, how this Los Angeles rivalry has been revived (wait, was it ever alive?).  I think we all missed Lam Lam in this game 😦  If the Lakers handled the Clippers this bad, Christmas day is looking a little grim.  Maybe we should tune into the Heat and the Mavs instead?  Let’s just wait for Wednesday night’s game at 7:30 pm bitches.

Derek Fisher is coming back for Wednesday night’s game, so all hope is not lost.  Gotta love the veteran who can put Kobe in his place.  Bynum and Gasol got some work to do but in general didn’t look terrible, Gasol for 16 points and Bynum for 15 points and 12 rebounds.  The new players made somewhat of a splash as well: Morris, McRoberts, Ebanks, and even the lousy Bruin Kapono.  Not bad.  Here is hoping Brown doesn’t cut you playas.  Make it happen on hump day yo.

Rumble in the LA Jungle

The day has finally arrived…the preseason so-cal battle bitches!  Everybody in LA has been waiting for this day to come ever since the Lakers botched the Chris Paul deal with New Orléans, leaving the Clippers an open opportunity to snatch the point guard up.  Many of us are wishing we could just strangle Mitch Kupchack….or maybe just TP his house…because it was his call (and maybe David Stern a little) that would have made the Lake Show a lethal weapon with new and lively ammunition for this year, most likely leading this fair city to see another national championship.  But wait….there are two teams in Los Angeles.

Tonight the Lakers take on the Clippers at 7pm.  A pre-game all of Los Angeles will be watching, a foreshadowing of the season to come for both teams.  The Clippers obviously have more of the city’s attention with the lucrative trade of Paul but the Lakers tried to retaliate with the typical Hollywood press release that so many notable people who live in this city are subjected to, confirmed that Kobe Byrant’s wife is filing for divorce.  Sad.   Just when you think the Lakers were going to have a tough season, now their star player is going to have to play with the rain cloud of divorce looming over his black mamba head.  We all saw how it affected Tiger’s game.  Well, he got over it right?  Only took him about a year to become a competitor on the green again.  Can the Lakers wait another year though? Not if the black mamba has anything to say about it, hold up Vanessa.

The Clippers have a lot going for them this season.  Aside from Chris Paul, who averages 15.9 points per game, the team has acquired Chauncey Billups who is just averaging a measly 16.8 points per game and small forward Caron Butler sporting his new championship *bling* from Dallas last season.  Wow.  If the Clippers didn’t have the beast that is Blake Griffin, I would say they are in deep water. Who are we kidding?  The Clippers have a legitimate shot at dethroning the Lakers this year.

I can’t even go into the drama that is the Lakers this season.  The season hasn’t even started yet and Los Angeles is still fuming over their trade debacle.  That story is for another time and place.  This is the Clippers time to shine in this city.

As we hold our breaths for the NBA season to start on Christmas day, a Lakers/Clippers show down will have to do.  Who knows?  Maybe Los Angeles will be sporting more red white and blue (and no not R-O-C-K in the USA) than the familiar purple and gold this year.  Viva Los Angeles baby!

All things must come to an end

As you know, the Denver Broncos lost to the Patriots this last Sunday, ending the Broncos 6 game winning streak…..and quite possibly ending this nonsensical Tebow buzz.  Can we just leave this guy alone with his outspoken faith and somewhat annoying game ritual……to just play some good old-fashioned pig skin? He has entertained viewers and sports fans alike for these past 6 weeks with this idea that GOD and his faith are helping the Bronco’s see the light.  Let’s be honest, what else does Denver got going for them really?  Their hockey team does have a rad goalie helmet though….nothing but love for yea Giguere and Varlamov.

If we have to put the blame on the Bronco’s loss…lets put it on SNL and this terribly boring skit.  Gotta love God wearing red tube socks but mad hating on one of his most popular devoted disciples on ESPN…..yeesh, can you just not win one with the big guy?  Hope you have a merry Xmas Lorne Michaels 🙂  You totally deserve one after taking 4 precious minutes to make the many (MANY) other sports fans out there to take another big fat yawn.