UF-Come on over and mount me

I got the chance to catch the last two big UFC fights….you know UFC…where guys (and sometimes girls) are getting it on with each other’s fists?


Let me tell you….the fights are wildly entertaining…i mean who doesn’t want to see someone get the SHIT kicked out of them.  Hello, Fight Club?  But just imagine Fight Club with 3X the fans, the cheers, the exposure, the awesome.   I think you are talking to the converted.


The one aspect about the game…..do we call this a game?…….about the UFC sport is the homoeroticism involved.  Since this is so regular boxing match, other fighting techniques are allowed and highly encouraged, to take down your opponent in 3-5 rounds.  This unique mix of fighting skills and discipline can do the trick, to name a few….like Jeet Kune Do, Sanshou, Judo and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.  Damn.  That’s a lot of syllables.


A lot of these fighting techniques involve wrestling, leg wrap arounds, squatting thrusts….should i go on?  No, i get it.  Wrestling itself is very homoerotic with those tight leaving nothing to the imagination leotards and the obvious fighting moves.  But with UFC, the more and more popular it gets, the more and more exposure this fighting style receives, thus making this homoerotic fighting really cool in the eyes of millions.



After watching a couple of fights, it is pretty cool to witness the awesome intensity, masculinity and straight up beat downs some of these fools get.  SO ask yourself this….with the dramatic surge in UFC popularity leaving bars standing room only on Saturday night fights and the mainstream broadcast thanks to FOX…..is this style of homoerotic fighting going to permeate into everyday life.  Good GOD I hope so.


Can you imagine?

Susumu Nagao's Photograph

Bar Brawls, Throwdowns, Rumbles, Gang hootenanies…..all would start incorporating these fighting tactics, making every confrontation a possible UFC show.  Awesome.  I would just feel bad for the profesional UFC fighters because when Joe Smoes start embracing your fighting style….it would kind of decrease your level of BadAss.  They just wouldn’t seem as cool when BuBa down the block can take out a legit UFC fighter with one Jiu Jitsu move.    Still, the world would be a much more entertaining place…..


Who is more Badass?

It’s not hard to overlook the little guys running around the big bad athletes during a game.  They are just so diminutive, dressed in dark colors and at times fat.  Funny to think that these small men are the ones actually calling all the shots.


With the power to call all the shots, they are at times public enemy #1.  With questionable play calling, enforcement of rules and sometimes downright stupidity blowing their whistles for no good reason, does that automatically mean we respect them any less?


Referees, Umpires, Blue, Official, Ref, Reviewer…..call them what you will but I believe they are at times the true badasses in Sports.  Considering they are the ones holding all the power, did you ever stop and think, do they deserve it?

I know, I know a loaded question, but it still is an important aspect about the game, an aspect that can make or break a game.  Their level of their significance to the game is indispensable, without them we wouldn’t have sports.  Every sport needs rules and regulation to function, hence someone to enforce the standard yet is it possible to give more respect to some refs over others?  You know, the refs that are more badass? Does the level of a ref’s badass affect our perception of them and in turn affect our perception of the game they are refereeing?  All of these questions can’t really be answered unless we had the luxury of interviewing a number of refs from every sport, but it is nice and convenient to base an argument on mere observation.  Thank you Television.


We first have to pick our sports: NBA, MLB, NFL, NHL and Soccer.  Every sport requires their refs to have the same level of professionalism and acute decision-making but calls on different athletic ability.  The difference in athletic ability is what separates the badasses from the feeble in referee world.  Some refs are expected to get into the game full throttle, rubbing elbows with the athletes, putting themselves at risk to get hit, harmed and bashed.  Kind of awesome right?  While other refs are expected to sit in the backfield, stand around and wait for the plays to happen.  Basically they are the lucky guys getting paid to watch a game on the field.


The level of badass among refs is definitely not distributed equally among sports.  Now that you have been reading my banter, you may be asking yourself, who are the most badass refs in sports?  Ha, my works is done.

5. NBA


These guys do in fact have to run up and down the court, but let’s be honest, the court ain’t that big.  I can’t recall one of these refs ever getting hurt or smashed by a giant basketball player.  Even though bald men can be super badass (Bruce Willis….Kojak…..Mr. Clean), I just can’t really take NBA officials too seriously with their funny kicks in the air, chop block technical foul calling and high black pants.


For some reason, it’s their play calling that appears to be the stupidest because the game always has to be put on hold to be reviewed via instant replay for about 2 minutes.  Unlike the NFL, NBA refs seem to stay far away from the player when in action.  Their level of badass seems to deplete when they get all chummy with the basketball players.  There is so much small talk in the NBA with players and referees it’s almost nauseating.  It almost looks as if they going to grab a beer later, which is cool but so not badass. A badass ref wouldn’t have to explain their calls to the players either.

4. Soccer

I don’t know too much about soccer but can tell you, the most physically fit refs are probably the ones in soccer.  Unfortunately their level of badass begins to crumble when soccer players begin to get “hurt.”  You gotta hand it to them though, soccer fields are HUGE so constantly running up and down the field can get tiring and quite possibly fatigue their play calling abilities and judgement.  I get it, you can’t be two places at once nor can we the refs get magically built by that radioactive spire and have super human vision to see all.


I  feel like a badass ref in soccer wouldn’t stand for those “fouls” and Oscar-winning performances of I’M BEEN HURT< I”VE BEEN BLINDED.  Perhaps it is apart of the game’s culture but a real badass ref wouldn’t stand for it.  Maybe more red cards need to be given out…..then again if more red cards were given out…all the best players would be thrown out of the game….and then there would be shitty soccer.  Meh.

3. MLB


Even though these are the refs, or umpires, that probably do the least amount of physical work, they still have their badass moments.  Baseball umpires are in the game, perhaps more on the sidelines with one squatting behind the catcher and a couple of them standing on the edge of the foul lines but are still very involved.  These batch of umpires are probably as fat as they come but that doesn’t deter from their level of badass.


The umpire behind the plate is the king…directly facing 90 mph pitches on a daily basis.  One thing you have to take into consideration are the fights.  Have you seen any other refs get in a full on scream match with baseball players or coaches?  It happens on a regular basis.   Their level of badass is validated even more so if their screaming matches, game tossing antics ignite a baseball fight involving both teams complete with the bull pens running out into the field. Love it.

2. NFL

Philadelphia Eagles v Dallas Cowboys

The dance moves alone separate them from the rest.  Despite the embarrassing too much commercial time dance moves, these refs put themselves right into the action.  They are the refs that can get tackled, pushed and shoved to the ground by players.  Players don’t even mind hitting the refs because NFL refs are considered to be apart of field, not actual people.  Have you ever seen any other ref taken out on a stretcher?  That alone is badass.


There is some running up and down the field, but not to much physical exertion with these refs.  Their level of eagerness to be IN the game alone is badass enough.  They are so close to the player makers, I wouldn’t be surprised if they slapped Peyton Manning on the ass.

1. NHL

Dallas Stars v New York Islanders

Beyond badass.  These refs take the Badass Cake and spit it back in your face.  I think it is safe to say that these are the only refs expected to have the same athletic ability as the players: to skate like the motherfuckin’ wind.  NHL refs have to keep up with all the players thus have to skate as fast as them.  Plus, the small ice arena alone where slamming players against the wall is customary can involve refs as well.  Now comes the age-old question, is hockey more violent than football?  You decide America.

The refs wear a protective helmet for god sakes.  What other refs have to do that?

New York Islanders v New Jersey Devils

These refs also support Fight Club.  Badass.  Hockey players are almost encouraged to thrown down and get in a fight while the refs stand and watch.  If the refs were truly badass they would get in on the action, but ehhh, they gotta follow some rules too I guess.

March Sadness

This year’s March Madness is bound to bring more sadness than madness.


The 2013 college basketball season began like any other, ranked teams seemed to be dominated while making us all believe that bracketologists know what they are talking about.  Hell no.  Do they ever know what they are talking about?  LA Sports columnist Bill Plaschke isn’t a bracketologist and his brackets have finished in 90% accuracy the past two years on ESPN’s Around the Horn….which just goes to show you….if you follow sports and are a die hard passionate freak show for sports….then you got a shot to win your March Madness office pool.


Every March Madness is bound to bring heart-wrenching upsets, hail mary three pointers and your rare, but expected, shutouts.  In reality, you want all these things to happen, just in your bracket favor.  This season has had more than 15 upsets among top ten teams, giving every ranked team at least two losses.  As of now the #2 ranked team, Indiana, has lost four times.  FOUR.  The #10 team, Michigan St., has lost 7 times. Count ’em, SEVEN.  Yea, this is going to be a fun tournament.

Is it too much to ask to have a predictable March Madness?  Yes, yes it is…..because then there wouldn’t be any madness.  My only issue is that this year’s NCAA tournament is going to bring more jeers than cheers.  The only madness I am getting is the madness of making my bracket?!  I honestly don’t know who to choose let alone make an argument as to why I am choosing Ohio State over Valparaiso.  The one conference I always turn to, the eminent Big East Conference, has sadly fallen from grace.  Can we say…. overrated?  If I was you, I wouldn’t bet on any Big East Team getting very far in the tournament let alone winning it all.  So my advice, would be to bet on the randoms…..the more random the better, just shake up your bracket.   This March Madness is the Year of the Underdog.


Who is seriously going to win it all?  Nobody on ESPN can predict that. You can count on that  lucky Smoe to win it all, predicting Virginia Commonwealth to win as he/she proceeds to collect their accolades, congratulations and that big pot of mula.  I think we can all safely say that this bracket winner is more or less going to have no college basketball knowledge or real interest in the sport.  What a cheap trick you are March Madness!

Brackets - Locked Room

Lebron denied entry into SpaceJam

Are we sick of the Lebron James and Michael Jordan comparisons yet?  I sure as hell am.  Maybe I should just turn off ESPN…but then how the hell am I going to keep up with my sports…..how can I live without Top 10?!


Lebron James, or King James as so many others like to to call him, is a great basketball player, probably one of the best.  Everybody in the media wants to talk about Lebron, can’t stop talking about Lebron, and clearly won’t stop talking about Lebron.  Ever since his ‘Announcement’ Special aired on ESPN, the world-wide leader of sports won’t stop praising this athlete.  Since praise can only get you so far, ESPN decided to mention King James in the same sentence as Michael Jordan, merely to keep the attention on Lebron and his athleticism.  If you are a sports fan and someone says Michael, shit, you better pay attention!


But is it at all possible for the media to just stop comparing Lebron to one of the greatest, possibly THE greatest, basketball player of all time ?  Why does ESPN have to result in comparison?  If Lebron was so great, wouldn’t he be in a league of his own, surpassing Michael?


Let’s do a comparison of our own shall we?  Jordan had played 6 seasons in the NBA when he was 27 years old. James has played 9 seasons thus far. Also, Jordan missed 64 games in his second season because he was injured. James never played fewer than 70 games in a season until this year, when teams played a shortened 66-game season. So Jordan had actually played 5 seasons by age 27. I don’t think it’s fair to compare a 9-season career with a 5-season career. It’s obvious that a player will achieve more if he plays 9 seasons instead of just 5.  Lebron was drafted out of high school because some considered him to be so good.  Michael on the other hand went to college and played for 3 years, taking North Carolina to win the NCAA championship.  Smarty Pants.


I think it is just waaaaaaaaay to early to compare Lebron to Michael.  Lebron has a long way to go.  Maybe Lebron has yet to prove himself, seeing how he has only one 1 lousy title, but all I know is that someone in particular is sick of the comparison.  (Yea, you hug that trophy Lebron, might be your last.)


Michael Jordan clearly hates Lebron and it’s awesome.  Michael probably doesn’t mind being compared to a newcomer or mentioned in the same sentence, but when sports journalists and broadcasters are bombarding every media outlet and NBA press conference with this tired topic, I think anybody would get sick of it.  This relentless association which may or may not be well deserved if ESPN is the one doing all the talking.  Especially when Michael says he would rather play with Kobe than Lebron.  He is right, “5 beats 1 every the time.” (Kobe, Bring back the FRO!)


Michael Jordan is an international symbol for not just the NBA, but for all sports.  From the collectible shoes to his global clothing line, Michael has established his name as an emblem of elite athleticism.  For god sakes, he starred in one of the most beloved classic children’s movies, SpaceJam.  A basketball player saving the world with the Looney-Tunes……plus an amazing grammy winning soundtrack.  “I Believe I can Fly” hello?  Can Lebron do that?  Naw, guy can barely maintain a conversation let alone save the world.  Guy can play on the court but just ain’t the brightest color in the box.  Maybe things would have been different if he went to college……spacejam

Lebron certainly deserves the accolades because the guy is a beast and a 3 time MVP winner.  But when ESPN is giving all the applause adoration, it’s a bit hard to take it seriously because it’s biased.  ESPN just wants a story that will catch the attention of their audience, not necessarily the truth.  Who knows if Lebron thinks he is just as good or better than Michael.  And frankly, I don’t care what Lebron thinks and nobody in the NBA should either.  Michael Jordan is Zeus while Lebron is merely a sprite trying to claw his way to the top of Mount Olympus.  Jordan didn’t need to leave his team to get a title.

I am just waiting for the day for when some basketball player out of college takes the NBA by storm while the media starts inevitably comparing him to players past, like Lebron…..better yet, comparing him to Jordan.  Sweet. I don’t think Lebron’s little heart could take it.