Keep a Happy Face?

If you are a Trojan fan, can we please have a little chat about the future of this football team?


I am so sick of hearing the words ‘rebuilding,’ ‘sanctions,’ ‘hardship,’ and ‘drama.’  The one time the Trojans, particularly Lane Kiffin, had the chance to escape the depths of football crap….he didn’t…well, kinda sorta not really.


National signing day was a couple of weeks ago and the Trojans failed to sign the usual ‘A’ winning class like they have had the last 5 years.   I guess it comes down to the good ol’ debate, ‘Quality vs. Quantity.’  According to, USC attained 4-5 star recruits, which is pretty sweet but only a measly 12.  The typical number of a college football recruiting class is 25.  Now that is a hit to the ego.


Remember those pesky NCAA sanctions they have to deal with 4 years ago? Yea they are still paying for it and will be for what seems like an endless amount of time.  This is the last year the Trojans face scholarship restrictions, taking away 10 scholarships per season, which seems like nothing but has been harming the team since day 1.  That number alone makes up a solid Defensive and Offensive line, which the team desperately needs.


USC’s 2013 group of recruits are better than most classes out there, but it’s the high expectations that will forever plague any player that walks through Heritage Hall.  The Trojans managed to snag a couple of solid defensive players, running back and an All-American Quarterback from Washington.T

1067974Ty Issac, RB, 6’2 215 pounds out of Illinois has great hands and speed which is perfect for SC seeing how the team will be saying goodbye to Robert Woods and Curtis McNeal.  You can never have enough offense.






Defensive player Kenny Bigelow, 6’3 297 out of Maryland pounds is so versatile that in high school he played linebacker, defensive tackle, defensive end and even tight end.  Ridiculous. No wonder he is a 5 star recruit.  Sounds like this kid’s quick change of direction and speed are his winning assets, forcing double teams and breaking runs.  This is guy is seriously going to get some playing time and secure a starting spot.


Steven Mitchell, WR 5’10 from Mission Hills, CA is not as tall as anyone would hope, but boy does he make up for it in speed.  Speedy Gonzalez speed!  This four star recruit has great hands, quick feet, runs solid routes and can change direction in a flash.  If given a chance, I think USC can have another play maker in their hands.

thSu’a Cravens.  S out of the middle of nowhere California. But fun name right?  Apparently this athlete is a genius, scoring a very high football IQ. Dangerous in the pass coverage, Cravens, his instincts are what really separates him from the rest.  It is instincts that make a defensive player indispensable and reliable, a play maker who knows what they are doing.  Now isn’t that a thought.



Max Browne. QB from Washington (take that Steve Sarkisian!) is considered by many the top quarterback in this 2013 class.  This 5 star recruit is everything you want in an élite quarterback.  Lucky for him, this spring is going to be an open quarterback competition at USC, giving him the chance to beat at Wittek and start as a true freshman, just like Barkley.  From his arm strength to his accuracy, Browne appears to be the complete package.  Does this kid have a downfall?  Who the mofo knows until you put him in those high pressure situations.  It won’t be easy for Browne to start competing with so-so Wittek and Cody Kessler, who has yet to get any play time.  But the pressure to win and for USC to get out of their ‘let’s fire’ Kiffin temper tantrum, Maxie Browne has a good shot.rn_maxbrowne4_ms_600

For the love of GOD, I pray that this recruiting class live up to all expectations.  But sadly, lately USC football always has a way of royally screwing up and frankly, it’s not entirely their fault.  It would so easy to place all the blame on Lane Kiffin, so why stop now.  For now (and who knows how long that will last) the problem is Lane Kiffin.  Last year he proved that despite the harsh sanctions, he can effectively formulate and coach a winning team.  They beat the Oregon Ducks for pete sake.

This year proved to show Kiffin’s unfortunate true colors.  All of the childish mishaps and immature stints from deflating footballs, changing jerseys, even to Kiffin’s ridiculous play calling….all have accumulated to make a disaster.  So much of a disaster that this season will go down in the books.  A #1 ranked team that falls into the depths of college football hell, next to the boys on the 1986 SMU team.


I really don’t want to keep giving Kiffin the benefit of the doubt, but this 2013 season is the last straw.  Even if Kiffin wasn’t the coach, USC is a school known to always produce a decent recruiting class because what 18-year-old boy wouldn’t want to come to LA, live the sweet West Coast life and play on national TV.  Exactly.

Wouldn’t it be nice to actually check out the recruits and see the new boys in actions?  Yea, no. Nobody can because Kiffin has ended open practices , which now remain closed to everybody.  This is another failure on Kiffin’s part.


It’s hard to keep a happy face when Kiffin doesn’t.  Maybe he should try and smile once in a while, show a little emotion and enthusiasm when talking about his team or when on the field calling idiotic plays.  When Kiffin changes, the team will change.  Here is to a better, and FUN, 2013.

Hey Kiffin!  Fight On with a Smile 🙂

Since when are we the only World Champions?

Did you ever notice after the end of a World Series or a Super Bowl, the winning team is always called “Champions of the World” ?


Doesn’t that just sound wrong, ignorant and a bit narcissistic?  I just cringe ever time I hear that, which sucks because it’s the end of the game meaning I’m usually in my happy place.  Thank you Coors Light.

I believe this said title is a combination of a couple of things: Americans sports + Winners = National Arrogance


But why only Football and Baseball?  Why no NBA or Hockey or Handball?

american-football-wallpapersFootball and Baseball would be the only sports to crown their winners, ‘World Champions,’ because those two sports are American.  Baseball is as American as apple pie and Football was invented in America.  Who are we kidding, who the hell else loves and plays football like we do?  Not a whole lot of other countries play football to say the least.  The whole conception of football is constantly referred to as a war, where the quarterback is the general and his troops (teammates) go into the battlefield.  The comparison alone should be any indication that the USA loves war, a feeling that exerts this country into dominance while creating this deluded sense of super power.  Which is why when football was conceived, some said Football was a new American pastime.   Hmmmmm let me think about that…that would be a big fat NO.


Baseball is America’s pastime.  No Duh.  Baseball isn’t compared to war or American dominance…the whole point is to stay safe and run home….which is perhaps why the sport is embraced and played by many countries…..countries that… i dare say….love it more than America?

Obviously I’m talking about Japan.  I don’t know if they necessarily love it more because it isn’t their historical ‘pastime’ but they sure do worship the sport.  Which is awesome for America right?  I love how Baseball is considered a more international sport as well as a catalyst for friendly foreign relations.


So World Champions?  How the hell do we get away with that?

Both Football and Baseball were first played in America, when no other countries at the time were aware or even knew about the sports.  Baseball was first played in the 1800’s while Football was first played over 75 years ago.  So I guess by default if no other countries were played the sport, this meant that that their champion is the ‘World Champion.’  By the time other countries starting playing the sport and competing on a professional level, Super Bowl and World Series winners being considered ‘World Champions’ was common practice and stuck.  I mean ‘WORLD’ Series….come on. th

But is it at all possible to evolve from that and consider the rest of the world?  No, this is America, the best, the proud and true.  But even in the Olympics when a team or an individual wins, I can’t recall them being dubbed ‘World Champions,’ when in actuality they are because they are competing on a world level, competing with other countries.  Olympic athletes are the best of the best while we like to think that the football players in the NFL and baseball players in the MLB are the best of the best.  But they are only the best in the USA.  America doesn’t want to consider other countries because they don’t have to.


Nothing but love for one of the greatest countries in the world, but when it comes to this word choice for our sport’s champions, is a bit nauseating.  The problem is there is no accountability.  America isn’t going to catch itself saying it let alone other countries going to correct it.  Other countries just don’t care because there is no point for debate.  America isn’t going to budge over for something that places them on a national pedestal and no other country wants to piss of America particularly over a very beloved and sacred topic.


If anyone was to challenge this American narcissism would be a notable and well-respected broadcaster, like Bob Costas.  He hasn’t covered the Super Bowl nor World Series in about 10 years but if was to come back, I could see him calling out the ‘World Championship’ title as archaic and rude.  And then he would be fired.


Mama Drama

Does mother know best?  Yea, if you’re Norman Bates.


This year’s National Signing Day made us all feel a little bit better about our family life.  Seriously, who saw crazy mama drama coming?

High school football player, Alex Collins, signed his letter of intent, as well as his father, with the Arkansas Razorbacks.  But mom, who had failed to sign the papers and wants her son to go to the University of Miami, has hired a lawyer.  A LAWYER.

Mom legit stole Alex’s letter of intent when it arrived in the mail because she wants him to stay closer to home in Miami.  Did you tell your son how you feel woman?  Is it that hard to talk to your son?


This debacle happened two days ago and doesn’t seem like the drama is stopping with the lawyer.  For athletes younger than 21, national letters of intent are not valid unless they are signed by a parent or legal guardian.  Great.  I guess parents really can ruin their children’s lives.


Jack Paris, that attorney that Collin’s mother hired is from the Cochran Firm.  That’s right.  The Johnny Cochran Firm from the man who persuaded a jury that a murderer was innocent.  I guess Mrs. Collins feels like anybody from that firm can make the impossible happen.  Paris has released a statement about his client, “she is a loving and caring mother who only wants her son to choose a university without any outside of inappropriate influences.”  Wait, Mrs. McDonald, can you say that again to yourself while looking in the mirror.

national-signing-dayIt really sucks because National Signing Day should have been Alex’s day, one of the greatest days of his life, but his crazy Mom took that away from him.  For the rest of his life, Alex and everybody else in the Collins family will only remember that day as the day Mrs. McDonald went off her rocker.  I know there is a fine line between loving your mother and despising your mother because you can’t really hate her… she gave you life and raised you.  You are in debt to her the rest of your life because she gave you your life.  But seriously….you have to let your child make their own choices, especially when they are LIFE choices that will shape the rest of their lives.  And when it comes to athletes, their choices will affect the rest of their families lives as well.


College is the first time kids are treated (and act?) like adults but it makes it a little more difficult when the adults are acting like children themselves.  Seriously Mrs. McDonald, you love you son and love him so much you want him to stick around for college, but you have to let him find his own happiness.  I would hate for Alex to take back his decision and go to Miami for his mother.  Who the mofo wants to live with that life regret?  Ugh, that would suck major balls.


Maybe this is the Twilight Zone.  Alex and his mother made a deal with the devil that he would be an amazing football star only if he went to Miami.  His mom would just be taking care of business and trying not to piss off the devil by taking away his letter of intent with Arkansas.  But if it’s anything like the Simpsons, maybe her head will just turn into a giant donut.  YUM.


Days of Our Lakers Lives

The Los Angeles Lakers.  Where to begin?


I thought long and hard about writing about the Lake Show but it sadly, always comes down to same conclusion.  There is NO point writing about this NBA team because it never stops and it wont stop.  The DRAMA, that is.  The Lakers managed to beat the Brooklyn Nets the other night without Howard and World Peace while proceeding to get slaughtered by the Boston Celtics WITH Dwight.  Ugh……Impressive.  Not nearly impressive enough.  It seems like the Lake Show is on a never-ending Gilligan’s Island Tour from hell.

Yes they have, and still are, stepped it up significantly considering their losses and close wins with teams they should be beating by more than 3 points.  All of the pressure and anxiety the Lakers must be feeling is forever mounting.  And you know why?  I think there are a few reasons why the Lakers are feeling like they are a soap opera of the NBA ages.

1. Chemistry


How shall I put this.  There is NONE.  Or there is but it has yet to unleash itself.  I guess Mark Cuban was right last summer, making the annoying point that you can’t slap an élite team together and expect them to win.  With all that talent, there should be some chemistry.  Right now it’s just in the stages of  ‘blow up the lab’ chemistry because my lab partner forgot to put in enough base in the beaker.  It seems that Dwight isn’t meshing well with the rest of the team seeing how Kobe is ‘calling him out’ every other week, advising him to forget the white LA noise and just play.  Easier said than done I guess for the big 6’11 man.

With all these talks of a looming Pau Gasol trade and Kobe getting frustrated, it is only making the chemistry of the team worse.  I really don’t think anything or anybody is really helping the team gain a sense of cohesiveness or unity.  It’s times like these when I miss D Fish the most…….

2. The Bench




3. Old Man River


Dude, the team is OLD. There are seriously no spring chickens on this team.  All of the veterans are solid but not all of them have access to the fountain of youth.  Nash is almost 40, Kobe is probably only going to play for two more years (AT MOST), Gasol is well past his prime, Dwight plays like he is 30….it’s just a sticky situation.  All of the veteran players are solid and can perform, but time isn’t on their side.  Jim Bush seriously needs to get with the program, get off his high horse in Beverly Hills and start drafting some high school players, STAT.

4. Injury


This comes with age.  The older the get, the more prone you are to get injured.  You body just isn’t what it used to be.  The Lakers have way to many injuries plaguing them each week.  Even if they don’t place themselves on the disabled list, KOBE, they play while hurt because they know the team is desperate.  I am a bit impressed with the number of injured players and the team’s ability to still play on a competitive level.  What is more astounding is when the starting lineup is present and manage to lose.  Wait, let me re-phrase that …..the Lakers don’t manage to lose, they just give up.

Utah Jazz v Los Angeles Lakers

5. Coach

Fool straight up doesn’t belong here and everybody knows it.  As long as Jim Buss is happy I guess we all have to be happy right?  Wouldn’t it be sweet if Mitch Kupchak just couldn’t take the bullshit anymore, decided to de-thrown Jim in a Battle Royal, and take over the Laker franchise, hire Phil Jackson, draft good players and give LA fans free tacos every night….Sweet.  Mitch is like 7 feet tall, he could totally take on Jim with only his right index finger.  Jim Buss sucks.


6. Los Angeles


I don’t know who to blame in this situation, Los Angeles or the Lakers.  For one, the Lakers have won several championships and produced some of the greatest basketball players of all time, thus giving Los Angeles a winning mentality.  On the other hand, Los Angeles is a selfish and demanding city when it comes to our sport franchises.  We want the best and we want to win, no excuses.  It’s a double-edged sword, it is a terrible masochistic relationship when the Lakers lose but it is a brilliantly loving relationship when the team wins.  We want our tacos dammit!

Laker Fans Riot

As of right now Los Angeles feels duped, swindled, tricked, straight up pawned by the Lakers head office.  Phil Jackson was dangled in front of the city’s very eyes and taken away before we could blink.  We snatched up some star quality players with the big signings of Steve Nash and Dwight Howard.  The unthinkable right?!  And now what are doing…..we aren’t just losing….we are really trying hard to lose.  It’s pathetic, its embarrassing, it sucks.  Wasn’t this team going to bring back our basketball dynasty?  So what are we going to do?

I have no idea.

A-hole tearing himself a new one

The more and more information trickling down to the masses about Alex Rodriguez and his use of PEDs, the more and more you wish that Centaur Portrait of himself is still hung in his bedroom.  This big ass third baseman is at it again, first his lack of post season play and now deceit.


Alex Rodriguez of the celebrated New York Yankees has been accused of using PEDS again. And now the Yankees want OUT of his lucrative contract…what they owe him like $114 million or something?  Yeesh.  Good one guys.  Now apparently he is going to rehabilitation for the drugs?!  Hah, just kidding. The fool had hip surgery and is in need of some rehabilitation if he wants to play baseball, let alone walk, again.  The Yankees estimated with the right rehabilitation, A-hole can return before the All-Star Break.

??????????????????????????????  So who is this Anthony Bosch character?  The guy supposedly injected A-hole the drugs at his Miami home after A-hole came out of the closet and admitted to his past use of steroids to the public.  I wouldn’t be surprised if A-hole did in fact take the steroids and would lie about it.  But has he necessarily lied about it?  He hasn’t even come out with a statement yet.  What do his teammates have to say about this debacle?



“I don’t comment on anyone until they speak first. Let him address his situation before I comment on it. Let him speak first and then we’ll talk about that,” Derek Jeter said when asked about A-hole.  He has a point.  A-hole has yet to discuss this matter with the public.  He has already discussed his past use of PEDs but not this recent development, leaving us only in speculation and assumption.  th




Shit, Jeter broke his ankle last season and is expected to start in New York’s opener against Boston on April 1, the greatest day of the year.  I am fully aware that hip surgery is quite different from fixing a broken ankle, but Jeter is 38 years old, where is this short stop getting his awesomeness?  Needless to say, Jeter is a better player than A-hole and hasn’t been sucking ass in the post season.


Fool should just retire.  It’s already well beyond his golden years and they way he has been playing lately he will definitely not go out with a BANG….more like a SPLAT on his Zoolander Blue Steel wanna be face.  A-hole still has 5 years left on his contract!  That is insane!  I don’t know why he would try and come back and play.  It seems like nobody wants him too anyways.  In the light of these allegations, A-hole should just bow out and take comfort in the fact that he will be paid a hefty sum to do so.  Who knows, maybe he will miraculously recover and start looking younger while his Centaur self-portrait collects dust in his attic.  Watch out Dorian Gray.