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The Los Angeles Lakers are not in La La Land anymore.  Now when you even hear “The Lakers,” you can’t help but run away, shut the door, lock it behind you and hope no one will find you. It is truly a tough time to be a Lakers fan 😦

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This is the first time in franchise history the Lakers have started 0-3 in consecutive seasons. They lost their first five games last season and ended with their worst record ever (21-61).  UGH.  You can’t even pay people to watch this once mighty basketball dynasty uncontrollably falling into the depths of shit. Gandalf the Grey is probably still falling.

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Kobe Bryant’s 20th season with the Los Angeles Lakers hasn’t exactly gone according to plan.

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So much so, the five-time NBA champion had to let reporters know how badly he was playing after their home loss against the Dallas Mavericks last Sunday night.

“I’m the 200th best player in the league right now,” Bryant said, in a video posted to Lakers.com. “I freaking suck.”

WaaaAAAAAh.  This is so sad to hear especially from THE veteran player of a team that desperately …DESPERATELY needs to rely on and turn to for guidance, compassion and most importantly, leadership.

And all we can do in Los Angeles is bitch, cry and whine about it. Yea, that’s right Lucy.

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While the rest of the country is laughing at our unrelenting misery. And the worst part about it is that there is absolutely nothing we can do about it…..well, except maybe to laugh at ourselves, but when is that ever fun?

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I guess all good things have to come to an end…….

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Your Los Angeles Lakers……

You may or may not be following the Los Angeles Lakers this season…..and why would you?!  They are just downright awful. From Kobe Bryant’s supposed triumphant return from a career ending ACL injury, to yet another detrimental injury to the star player, the Lakers have yet to find their footing.

I think the entire season can be summed up in this succession of photos of Kobe Bryant at the Lakers gut wrenching loss to city rival, the Los Angeles Clippers.  Did I say gut wrenching?  I meant an embarrassing disgrace.

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And here we go Lakers…….going straight back to the D League.

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Only down 40 points….no real biggie.  But check out his wedding ring bling yo!

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As of now, Kobe may be regretting signing his 2 year contract extension…….or his hands smell like coco butter.  Yum.

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I don’t know whether Kobe is pissed at his teammates poor play or Jordan Hill’s hairstyle.

I can’t……I just can’t…..

Days of Our Lakers Lives

The Los Angeles Lakers.  Where to begin?

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I thought long and hard about writing about the Lake Show but it sadly, always comes down to same conclusion.  There is NO point writing about this NBA team because it never stops and it wont stop.  The DRAMA, that is.  The Lakers managed to beat the Brooklyn Nets the other night without Howard and World Peace while proceeding to get slaughtered by the Boston Celtics WITH Dwight.  Ugh……Impressive.  Not nearly impressive enough.  It seems like the Lake Show is on a never-ending Gilligan’s Island Tour from hell.

Yes they have, and still are, stepped it up significantly considering their losses and close wins with teams they should be beating by more than 3 points.  All of the pressure and anxiety the Lakers must be feeling is forever mounting.  And you know why?  I think there are a few reasons why the Lakers are feeling like they are a soap opera of the NBA ages.

1. Chemistry

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How shall I put this.  There is NONE.  Or there is but it has yet to unleash itself.  I guess Mark Cuban was right last summer, making the annoying point that you can’t slap an élite team together and expect them to win.  With all that talent, there should be some chemistry.  Right now it’s just in the stages of  ‘blow up the lab’ chemistry because my lab partner forgot to put in enough base in the beaker.  It seems that Dwight isn’t meshing well with the rest of the team seeing how Kobe is ‘calling him out’ every other week, advising him to forget the white LA noise and just play.  Easier said than done I guess for the big 6’11 man.

With all these talks of a looming Pau Gasol trade and Kobe getting frustrated, it is only making the chemistry of the team worse.  I really don’t think anything or anybody is really helping the team gain a sense of cohesiveness or unity.  It’s times like these when I miss D Fish the most…….

2. The Bench

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3. Old Man River

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Dude, the team is OLD. There are seriously no spring chickens on this team.  All of the veterans are solid but not all of them have access to the fountain of youth.  Nash is almost 40, Kobe is probably only going to play for two more years (AT MOST), Gasol is well past his prime, Dwight plays like he is 30….it’s just a sticky situation.  All of the veteran players are solid and can perform, but time isn’t on their side.  Jim Bush seriously needs to get with the program, get off his high horse in Beverly Hills and start drafting some high school players, STAT.

4. Injury

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This comes with age.  The older the get, the more prone you are to get injured.  You body just isn’t what it used to be.  The Lakers have way to many injuries plaguing them each week.  Even if they don’t place themselves on the disabled list, KOBE, they play while hurt because they know the team is desperate.  I am a bit impressed with the number of injured players and the team’s ability to still play on a competitive level.  What is more astounding is when the starting lineup is present and manage to lose.  Wait, let me re-phrase that …..the Lakers don’t manage to lose, they just give up.

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5. Coach

Fool straight up doesn’t belong here and everybody knows it.  As long as Jim Buss is happy I guess we all have to be happy right?  Wouldn’t it be sweet if Mitch Kupchak just couldn’t take the bullshit anymore, decided to de-thrown Jim in a Battle Royal, and take over the Laker franchise, hire Phil Jackson, draft good players and give LA fans free tacos every night….Sweet.  Mitch is like 7 feet tall, he could totally take on Jim with only his right index finger.  Jim Buss sucks.

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6. Los Angeles

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I don’t know who to blame in this situation, Los Angeles or the Lakers.  For one, the Lakers have won several championships and produced some of the greatest basketball players of all time, thus giving Los Angeles a winning mentality.  On the other hand, Los Angeles is a selfish and demanding city when it comes to our sport franchises.  We want the best and we want to win, no excuses.  It’s a double-edged sword, it is a terrible masochistic relationship when the Lakers lose but it is a brilliantly loving relationship when the team wins.  We want our tacos dammit!

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As of right now Los Angeles feels duped, swindled, tricked, straight up pawned by the Lakers head office.  Phil Jackson was dangled in front of the city’s very eyes and taken away before we could blink.  We snatched up some star quality players with the big signings of Steve Nash and Dwight Howard.  The unthinkable right?!  And now what are doing…..we aren’t just losing….we are really trying hard to lose.  It’s pathetic, its embarrassing, it sucks.  Wasn’t this team going to bring back our basketball dynasty?  So what are we going to do?

I have no idea.

Big City, Big Money, Big Talent, Big Problems

Who knows what the hell is going on with LA sports, considering a majority of the classic hometown teams are in disarray.  Sorry Clippers, you didn’t make the cut because you are the only team not sucking ass right now….and seriously who is a Clipper fan?

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I just don’t get these crazy lucrative contracts to get players to come to the big city.  Wait, maybe I do.  But then again, I don’t.  Whatever happened to plucking players from farm teams, the minor leagues, college teams and walk-ons?  What happened to teams nurturing and helping players grow into strong athletes?

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I guess it all started for me with big boy slugger Albert Pujols and his deal with the Anaheim Angels, a 10-deal for $250 million dollars and then some with the perks and bonuses.  WTF dude, I know you have 5 latino babies but DAYYyuuum.  The MLB had to come out and publicly address the ridiculousness of this deal, stating that there is now going to be a spending limit on players’ contracts.  Whooopee. The next was the Doyers crazy blockbuster deal, a deal worth over $265 million dollars, with the Boston Red Sox, sending pitcher Josh Beckett, first baseman Adrian Gonzalez and outfielder Carl Crawford to the Doyers.  Now Zack Greinke’s $158 million dollar for 6 six years is just insane, dude is 30 years old.  That doesn’t seem old but in sports, it is.  Hello, paging the farm leagues…?

It seemed that the ailing Lakers team had to follow the MLB trend of big spending with Steve Nash, a 38-year-old superstar point guard from Phoenix, and Dwight Howard, best center in the NBA from Orlando.  Seriously,  with all the drama they put themselves through with their bottomless purse, the Lakers are in for some hard times…….and it’s not even mid-season.  Dang, LA…..the city of angels just turned into Scrooge McDuck, diving into a pool of gold coins and swimming in wealth. Duck Tails…..Wooo Hoooo.Scrooge-in-gold-coins

Maybe it has to do with the awesomeness that is Los Angeles.  The size and popularity of the city is bound to ignite some drama in every entertainment facet, dude it’s the ENTERTAINMENT CAPITAL of the world.  Los Angeles is starving for more and more newsworthy entertainment because here we are just so spoiled and saturated in gossip, no matter where it comes from.  Sports don’t have a chance of escaping the clutches of LA.  Look what happened to Kobe and his not so fun let’s take advantage of a woman trial?  You think that shiz would have went down the same if he were on the Charlotte Bobcats?  How about Matt Kemp banging Rihanna?  You think those shenanigans would happen is he were on the Minnesota Twins?  Yea…not so much.  You grab dat ass Matty!

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But how many of these lucrative contracts are really paying off?  The only decent payoff would probably be Pujols on the Angels.  The dude hit 30+ home runs but didn’t take the team to a World Series his first season.  Hey, it’s only his first season.  Angels just picked up Josh Hamilton for a butt load of money too, fool is 31 years old getting a $125 million dollars for 5 years.  Dude is crack addict?  Really?!   The Dodgers…..that’s just too depressing to talk about.  The Lakers, well that remains to be seen.

Truly the most tragic part about the greed in LA sports is the sacrifice of players.  It is so rare to see players now a days stay with one team their entire career.  We rarely get to see a player be loved and adored by his city, grow up and become a part of a family, become a part of the city.  Superstars aren’t even immune.  Look at Albert Pujols from St. Louis.  Didn’t he have a restaurant in the heart of St. Louis?  Said he would DIE a Cardinal?  That quickly changed. He picked up and left right after he won a World Series following the millions and millions of dollars that LA flashed before his very eyes.  Steve Nash was the best thing to happen to the Phoenix Suns while Dwight Howard was selected by the Orlando Magic in the 2004 NBA draft.  No professional athlete feels like they can stay if they feel like they deserve more money for their talent.  City love just ain’t what it used to be 😦

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Sports is a business and needs to make money. DUH.  Gambling big can mean winning big, I get that. What we also have to get is it makes BIG PROBLEMS.  It’s not rocket science.  I just can’t get past the loss of the nostalgia and innocence that sports used to hold dear.  As time goes on, the greed in sports is showing no signs of slowing down as long as athletes will continue to follow the money and not follow their hearts.  Does love have a price tag? In LA, there is a price, it’s just a ridiculously crazy Vatican spending HIGH.   Isn’t that sad?  I feel like I don’t want to accept that but it’s true.  Is there still that good we once loved in sports?  Am I just being a spoiled LA sports fan?  Who the mofo knows.  If you do know, please come talk to me.  Maybe I’ll buy you a taco.

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Panic Button

OMG the Lake Show won a game?!  Who knew it would only take them 12 games to get there.  The Lakers didn’t really start off the way they hoped. The Lakers are  1-2.

 

And now they are without their star point guard, Steve Nash, who hurt his ankle last game against the Dallas Mavericks.   LA fans have already hit the panic button and don’t really know what to make of the season.

Nash’s injury is always going to be a problem, especially when his trade (along with Dwight Howards) was so public and ::ahem:: ridiculously awesome.  But the dude is old, he is 38.  He is up in the ranks with Derek Jeter on the New York Yankees, a classic and great player who just never wants to quit the game.  Nash is only going to play 20-25 minutes a game, maybe play a total of 60 games rather than 80…..dude, the guy has some mileage.  We are going to need more than duct tape to help Nash’s (Lakers) “speedy” recovery.

 

The biggest reason to panic is the Lakers themselves.   Their offense and defense to start.  Good GOD the bench is terrible, being outscored by every bench in the league by at least 10 points or more.  And maybe we can put head coach Mike Brown into the mix.  Mike Brown is trying to instill a “Princeton” offense (whatever the hell that means).  Is this new offense absurd and completely pointless?  Maybe.  It clearly isn’t working out for anyone on the team.  Can we just go back to the good ‘ol pick and roll.  Don’t you think those newly acquired prized players would murder on the Pick and Roll offense?

And why is it called the “Princeton” offense?  Did it originate in Princeton?  Because we all know only superb athletics and talented players come out of the Ivy Leagues.

Unfortunately for Mitch Kupchack and Laker fans alike aren’t getting the results they are used to: winning.  Sadly, you can’t just throw these awesome talented players together and pray it is going to work.  Chemistry needs to be built.  Who knows how long that will take.  Hopefully not much longer because my eyes are starting to hurt just watching these painful games.  Mike Brown better stop looking like Randy Jackson from American Idol and start looking like a better coach. For starters, choose a better offense Brown.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sounds like the Lakers are going to have issues for a while.  Kobe is literally only going to play for another 2 years tops, Dwight will opt out next year as a free agent if he isn’t happy, Nash will retire, Metta World Peace will change his name to Generation Apocolypse and Pau Gasol will be the only remaining Laker who can remember the good ‘ol days of championship rings and parades.  Sounds like a fate worse than getting Lebron in a Laker Jersey.

Cubano no quiero

Ohhh Mark Cuban.  Will you ever shut that big mouth of yours?

(Probably not, so this is why all the sports blogshpere goes kaboom when this guy speaks….how entertaining)

Dallas Mavericks Owner, Mark Cuban, has recently dismissed the Los Angeles Lakers offseason moves this summer, making the comment that the NBA season will not be decided before it begins.  Obviously he is talking about the doosey of a Laker trade, getting rid of Andrew Bynum and picking up Steve Nash and Dwight Howard in return (yeah-yah!).

When this Steinbrenner wannabe doesn’t get what he wants or when things aren’t going so well for his Mavericks, he let’s everybody know about it:

“The Lakers have done this before,” Cuban said. “Remember Gary Payton, Karl Malone and Kobe and Shaq were all together, and it didn’t work.

“It takes great chemistry, like coach (Rick Carlisle) alluded to, it takes guys wanting to be there — I don’t know if all their guys want to be there — it’s going to be interesting.

“Look, (the Lakers are) going to be a great team, but I remember when we made our run,” Cuban said. “We weren’t supposed to win any series. The Lakers were defending champs when we swept them, and they had everybody back. A lot of teams do a great job winning the summer, but I never get so antsy about what happens over the summer.”

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“The CBA now isn’t just about money,” Cuban said. “Now it is about flexibility as well. And, for instance, going to the Lakers, this time next year, they wouldn’t be able to do a deal for Steve Nash. … The Nets and some other teams who have just said, ‘we’re going to spend whatever it takes,’ that is their team for a long time. Somebody gets hurt, something happens or it doesn’t work, they’ve got big problems.”

Almost politician like….don’t you think?

Hmmmmmm…didn’t that Laker squad work perfectly well?……despite Malone’s injury on top of the Kobe and Shaq-tastic feud.  I think it did work Cuban.  The Lakers dominated the league on pace to win 66 games and make it to the conference finals.  The only reason they were defeated in the Western Conference Finals by the Pistons is because Malone got injured AGAIN, his knee no less.  The Pistons were a healthier team.  It wasn’t because of bad chemistry.

 

 

Cuban does make a point about chemistry though.  Who knows what will happen with these two new players coming into an already older veteran squad.  Remember in Miami?  Things didn’t go as planned for the Heat until their second year together as the three musketeers.  Damn Lebron, now he has a ring.  Sigh…..

It is known that Kobe and Dwight don’t have the best relationship.  But in the scheme of things, I think they can set their differences aside and play some competitive ball.  Nash is going to have to learn some  more defense than offense if you know what I mean.  I know the dude can assist and run down the court till the cows come home, but can he guard these young point guards?  I’m sure it will be a good season just as long as nobody gets injured.  

I just love the burn Cuban gives, “I don’t know if all their guys want to be there.”  What a bitch.  The only one who didn’t want to be there isn’t there anymore.  He is in Philly, praying to GOD his risky knee surgery in Switzerland this summer will save his NBA career.  Dwight obviously wants to be there now, even though the Lakers might have been his second choice, he is making the most of it.  It’s like getting into your second college choice, hey man, it’s better than getting into NO college, just take a keg stand and enjoy life.

It is long ways away to say who is going to dominate the NBA this upcoming season.  Ahem….CUBAN.  Who knows, the Mavericks chemistry can come out of nowhere, leaving the Lakers forlorn and defeated.  However, there is more pressure on the Lakers to perform this season….well not according to Catty Cuban.  Who is to say that both teams might fall watching a much younger team pass them by to the championship finals (cough: cough : Thunder)

Even though I am quick to judge Cuban and his snarky remarks, he could have been talking to a different audience, an audience full of Maverick fans, sponsors, donors, etc.  I am not the ideal audience to catch wind of his comments.  Nevertheless, you got to hand it to Mark Cuban to really piss you off in this “snore” of a Laker offseason.    I mean seriously, can you name another owner who has been photographed with the championship trophy before the actual team and coaches, who WON the freaking game, has?!