Days of Our Lakers Lives

The Los Angeles Lakers.  Where to begin?

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I thought long and hard about writing about the Lake Show but it sadly, always comes down to same conclusion.  There is NO point writing about this NBA team because it never stops and it wont stop.  The DRAMA, that is.  The Lakers managed to beat the Brooklyn Nets the other night without Howard and World Peace while proceeding to get slaughtered by the Boston Celtics WITH Dwight.  Ugh……Impressive.  Not nearly impressive enough.  It seems like the Lake Show is on a never-ending Gilligan’s Island Tour from hell.

Yes they have, and still are, stepped it up significantly considering their losses and close wins with teams they should be beating by more than 3 points.  All of the pressure and anxiety the Lakers must be feeling is forever mounting.  And you know why?  I think there are a few reasons why the Lakers are feeling like they are a soap opera of the NBA ages.

1. Chemistry

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How shall I put this.  There is NONE.  Or there is but it has yet to unleash itself.  I guess Mark Cuban was right last summer, making the annoying point that you can’t slap an élite team together and expect them to win.  With all that talent, there should be some chemistry.  Right now it’s just in the stages of  ‘blow up the lab’ chemistry because my lab partner forgot to put in enough base in the beaker.  It seems that Dwight isn’t meshing well with the rest of the team seeing how Kobe is ‘calling him out’ every other week, advising him to forget the white LA noise and just play.  Easier said than done I guess for the big 6’11 man.

With all these talks of a looming Pau Gasol trade and Kobe getting frustrated, it is only making the chemistry of the team worse.  I really don’t think anything or anybody is really helping the team gain a sense of cohesiveness or unity.  It’s times like these when I miss D Fish the most…….

2. The Bench

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3. Old Man River

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Dude, the team is OLD. There are seriously no spring chickens on this team.  All of the veterans are solid but not all of them have access to the fountain of youth.  Nash is almost 40, Kobe is probably only going to play for two more years (AT MOST), Gasol is well past his prime, Dwight plays like he is 30….it’s just a sticky situation.  All of the veteran players are solid and can perform, but time isn’t on their side.  Jim Bush seriously needs to get with the program, get off his high horse in Beverly Hills and start drafting some high school players, STAT.

4. Injury

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This comes with age.  The older the get, the more prone you are to get injured.  You body just isn’t what it used to be.  The Lakers have way to many injuries plaguing them each week.  Even if they don’t place themselves on the disabled list, KOBE, they play while hurt because they know the team is desperate.  I am a bit impressed with the number of injured players and the team’s ability to still play on a competitive level.  What is more astounding is when the starting lineup is present and manage to lose.  Wait, let me re-phrase that …..the Lakers don’t manage to lose, they just give up.

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5. Coach

Fool straight up doesn’t belong here and everybody knows it.  As long as Jim Buss is happy I guess we all have to be happy right?  Wouldn’t it be sweet if Mitch Kupchak just couldn’t take the bullshit anymore, decided to de-thrown Jim in a Battle Royal, and take over the Laker franchise, hire Phil Jackson, draft good players and give LA fans free tacos every night….Sweet.  Mitch is like 7 feet tall, he could totally take on Jim with only his right index finger.  Jim Buss sucks.

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6. Los Angeles

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I don’t know who to blame in this situation, Los Angeles or the Lakers.  For one, the Lakers have won several championships and produced some of the greatest basketball players of all time, thus giving Los Angeles a winning mentality.  On the other hand, Los Angeles is a selfish and demanding city when it comes to our sport franchises.  We want the best and we want to win, no excuses.  It’s a double-edged sword, it is a terrible masochistic relationship when the Lakers lose but it is a brilliantly loving relationship when the team wins.  We want our tacos dammit!

Laker Fans Riot

As of right now Los Angeles feels duped, swindled, tricked, straight up pawned by the Lakers head office.  Phil Jackson was dangled in front of the city’s very eyes and taken away before we could blink.  We snatched up some star quality players with the big signings of Steve Nash and Dwight Howard.  The unthinkable right?!  And now what are doing…..we aren’t just losing….we are really trying hard to lose.  It’s pathetic, its embarrassing, it sucks.  Wasn’t this team going to bring back our basketball dynasty?  So what are we going to do?

I have no idea.

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Panic Button

OMG the Lake Show won a game?!  Who knew it would only take them 12 games to get there.  The Lakers didn’t really start off the way they hoped. The Lakers are  1-2.

 

And now they are without their star point guard, Steve Nash, who hurt his ankle last game against the Dallas Mavericks.   LA fans have already hit the panic button and don’t really know what to make of the season.

Nash’s injury is always going to be a problem, especially when his trade (along with Dwight Howards) was so public and ::ahem:: ridiculously awesome.  But the dude is old, he is 38.  He is up in the ranks with Derek Jeter on the New York Yankees, a classic and great player who just never wants to quit the game.  Nash is only going to play 20-25 minutes a game, maybe play a total of 60 games rather than 80…..dude, the guy has some mileage.  We are going to need more than duct tape to help Nash’s (Lakers) “speedy” recovery.

 

The biggest reason to panic is the Lakers themselves.   Their offense and defense to start.  Good GOD the bench is terrible, being outscored by every bench in the league by at least 10 points or more.  And maybe we can put head coach Mike Brown into the mix.  Mike Brown is trying to instill a “Princeton” offense (whatever the hell that means).  Is this new offense absurd and completely pointless?  Maybe.  It clearly isn’t working out for anyone on the team.  Can we just go back to the good ‘ol pick and roll.  Don’t you think those newly acquired prized players would murder on the Pick and Roll offense?

And why is it called the “Princeton” offense?  Did it originate in Princeton?  Because we all know only superb athletics and talented players come out of the Ivy Leagues.

Unfortunately for Mitch Kupchack and Laker fans alike aren’t getting the results they are used to: winning.  Sadly, you can’t just throw these awesome talented players together and pray it is going to work.  Chemistry needs to be built.  Who knows how long that will take.  Hopefully not much longer because my eyes are starting to hurt just watching these painful games.  Mike Brown better stop looking like Randy Jackson from American Idol and start looking like a better coach. For starters, choose a better offense Brown.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sounds like the Lakers are going to have issues for a while.  Kobe is literally only going to play for another 2 years tops, Dwight will opt out next year as a free agent if he isn’t happy, Nash will retire, Metta World Peace will change his name to Generation Apocolypse and Pau Gasol will be the only remaining Laker who can remember the good ‘ol days of championship rings and parades.  Sounds like a fate worse than getting Lebron in a Laker Jersey.

Is the Lake Show dunzo?

Well Well Well looks like the Lake Show may not be dunzo after all?  Steve Nash is a pretty nice addition to this ailing Los Angeles team.  But is he the ultimate solution?

As much as a I love the alien look a like Steve Nash and all his point guard slick nasty moves, he is still NOT the solution for the Lake Show.  The Lakers are in far much more trouble than they want to lead on.  The problems are still there and from the looks of it, will be there for a while.

The Lakers have no bench.  No, seriously.  Nothing.  If you watched any of the Laker Western Conference Final games at all, you know exactly what I am talking about.  The Lakers have no money.  With all the dinero they had left I guess we can assume it went to Mr. Nash.  Paul Gasol, sad to say, must go.  He is the only somewhat “valuable” player we could trade to get someone valuable in return.  Besides, we would rather not pay out the rest of his contract to give those Laker Girls some shake weights for X-mas.

Good GOD do I wish we could trade Bynum for the ridiculously huge center Dwight Howard.  But, it sounds like Dwight only wants to suit up in Brooklyn or bust.  Bynum is a bitch.  Plain and simple.  He is like the anger spoiled teenager who acts out when he doesn’t get to go out past curfew.  Who wants that in the NBA?  Bynum, be grateful that you are playing for one of the best championship caliber teams and playing alongside one of the greatest players to ever hit the court…..but you won’t…..because you an anger lil bitch.  Grow up.  Where is Derek Fisher when you need him?  Talk some Papa Bear sense into his Big head.

 

 

 

The one player we all were hoping and praying would return to the Lake Show, Lamar Odom, went to the next best LA team, the Clippers.  I don’t know about you but I think Lam Lam is going to destroy with the Clippers.  Even though he is coming off his worst season, everyone believes that he is confident in returning to LA and playing his absolute best……bringing that purple and gold champ style to the Clipper court.  He was sixth man of the year when the Lakers decided to trade him.  I can’t wait to see Mitch Kupchack and Jim Buss pulling out their eye lashes this coming season…..

Will the Lake Show be served?    Maybe by Ray Allen and the championship Heat team……or quite possibly Jeremy Lin and the Rockets?  I think the Lake show can stomach to lose to those teams but losing their city to their own neighborhood rivals? Now that calls for some serious upchucking.

 

That’s ALL Folks

Porky Pig said it best: “That’s ALL Folks!”  We wish we could laugh off this season like a Saturday morning cartoon.  Sadly, we can’t.

The Los Angeles Lakers are dunzo.  This season, to say the least, has been disappointing.  VERY disappointing.  Harsh you may ask?  Hell NO.  The expectations for this NBA team are far too high.  But hey, that happens to a team with 17 championship rings, 4 won in the last 11 years.

After the loss to the young and energetic OKC Thunder, all Laker fans are turning their eyes to the fellas upstairs.  And they should!  We all want to know why our beloved basketball team has faltered, who is to blame and what is going to happen next year?  It’s just easier to point fingers than be rational.  Why?  Because this is LA, we don’t have time to be rational with our sports teams.  Especially to teams, like the Lakers, that  clearly have problems and issues that need to be addressed.

First and foremost, where the mofo was Andrew Bynum?!  This guy had the best season of his career up until the post season.  What gives?  Looking from the outside in, the only thing we can blame is his Bitchy Diva Attitude.  All of Laker Nation were well aware of Bynum’s immature ways but unfortunately taking it to the court, ultimately negatively affecting his game.  Did you see any hustle in his step against the Denver Nuggets or the Thunder?  I sure as hell didn’t.  He scored a whopping 10 points last game and 0 offensive rebounds.  Why and the hell are we even paying this DIVA?  Give that money to skid row yo, shoOOOooot.  Or better yet, give Bynum’s money to struggling high school players who actually strut their stuff on the court and play like they want to win.  GGeeeze.  I say get rid of the DIVA.  Sounds like he doesn’t even want to be a Laker anymore with statements like, “I’ll play anywhere.”  Somebody will pick his slow ass up and hopefully slap him silly and tell him, “HEY, you are a professional basketball player!  ACT LIKE IT!”

  Pau Gasol.  OOOooh Lord did I want you to be good.  Sadly, you came up way too short.  He is getting soft in his old age, I guess.  He had two good games throughout the post season, but still coming up short as a defensive player.  He just didn’t drive it hard to the basket or wasn’t aggressive enough to scare the bejesus outta his opponents to clear the way for a badass mamba jamba dunkeroo.  Him and Kobe were often seen arguing throughout time outs and team huddles…..that can’t be good.  You don’t want anybody on the team fighting with the Black Mamba.  I would like to see Pau go in hopes for attaining a good trade deal in the process, even though I will miss those press conferences showcasing his Nashville Southern Spanish accent.  Pau had a good run but I think it is about that time to end it.

 

 

 Ramon Sessions.  Bust or Must?  Dude fasho not a total bust, but definitely not the ideal must.  He really didn’t do anything for the Lakers this season, granted he didn’t have a whole lot of time.  But the Lakers had real high hopes for the point guard, which just blew up in Mitch Kupchack’s busted fugs face.  He most likely will not pick up his option and leave the Lake Show.  Good Riddance?  Naw, he tried to play hard and give us a taste of what younger players have to offer.  He just wasn’t the solution the Lakers were hoping for.

 

 

 

Metta World Peace.  This fools just makes me laugh.  Did any of you catch that press conference the other day?  Man, does he just bring on the laughs.  Despite his suspension, he played well throughout the post season as our key defensive player.  His offense is so-so, but we didn’t sign him for his three pointers.  We would like to think so.  Although World Peace is pretty comfortable where he is at, I think the Lakers should keep him.  He brings that aggressive badass attitude we sometimes need to get through games, especially during the playoffs.  Here is hoping that his attitude doesn’t turn into more suspensions.

The rest.  Honestly, our bench is terrible.  Is it beyond repair?  Maybe.  Troy Murphy (that lousy Irish blonde), Josh McRoberts, Devin Ebanks, Darius Morris, Steve Blake and Matt Barnes.  Yikes.  All of those fools could honestly be replaced.  None of them stepped it up this post season, minus Steve Blake’s hail mary three pointers.  I don’t know if it is Mitch Kupchack but let’s just say it is.  That douche.  He clearly doesn’t know how to build a team that helps Kobe Bryant be the Black Mamaba and get that 6th ring.  Maybe Kobe is getting too old, why yes he is, 33 years ol to be exact.  Not old at all, but if you ain’t playing golf, that is fasho OLD.  Kobe only has , the most, two good years left in the NBA.  Wouldn’t it be nice to see another championship before the Black Mamba’s decent into retired mediocrete?  Well if Mitch Douche Kupchack has anything to say about it, then who knows?  So far he hasn’t drawn in any promising talent.  

Which brings us to another sensitive subject.  Que paso with Derek Fisher and Lam Lam Odom?  Are we missing them yet?  Yes, we got swept by the Mavericks last post season but the Mavericks that season definitely drank some steroid Michael Jordan Space Jam laced Gatorade.  They won the whole damn thing, beating the infamous down syndrome looking Lebron James of the Miami Heat  Don’t get me wrong, it was awesome possum seeing Lebron not get the coveted ring he would kill his own children to get, but definitely sad to see how the Lakers finished their bad news bears season.  Can we get Lam Lam back?  I have no idea.  I don’t think we would want him back the way he ended his dismal season in Dallas.  It is pretty ironic and pleasing to see Derek Fisher go on to the Western Conference Finals when the Lakers are heading back to El Segundo.  BUwahahahah Mitch, what you going to do now?  Put some more hundred-dollar bills in your Lucky Charms every morning, not only will it make breakfast taste delicious but also make you realize that you have just thrown your money down a bottomless pit of a stomach and only getting in return a pile of poop players.