Pigskinners be looking Fly

This year’s NFL draft is kind of a snore.  Everyone already knew where the top picks were headed because the teams already made the deals and made it perfectly clear who they want.  Plus, there were only a couple of Trojans in the mix, why would I even watch?

Even though the draft’s audience is predominantly male (sorry ladies but its kinda true), it was hard not to notice the fly lookin’ fellas.  It’s highly doubtful that the dudes actually picked the outfits themselves but a select few of them were workin’ it.  LOVE IT.  Who knows when we will see them this best dressed again.

There seemed to be a pattern of striped ties, dark suits and checkered shirts.  You would think all those shapes and patterns would clash when put together, but they surprisingly came out quite nicely.  All of them chose colors that really made their smile and sparkling eyes pop when interviewed on camera.  I guess great minds think alike.

Didn’t get a chance to look at the shoes…..but seriously…..who was looking at their shoes?

So before they suit up in their less than revealing NFL uniforms, let us relish in their flyness for now and pick the best dressed outta the boy bunch.

1.  RGIII    

Holla.  This is the guy who was sporting Superman socks during the Heisman Trophy Ceremony, where he wont the coveted trophy….suck it GEICO CAVEMAN LUCK.  Griffin was the only player to have his initials chanted before his name was called by the Washington Redskins.  He was sporting some more styling socks that said “Go Catch Your Dream.”  This guy is even more awesome when he sits down !

Baylor Boy was looking fly fasho.  Buttoning his coat after he exited his limo and strutted his stuff down the red carpet, what a baller.  The baby blue suit with the red stripped tie made him look like Superman (probably what he intended) or maybe.   The light blue and white checkered, picnic looking, shirt was a nice touch.  It wasn’t too cluttered and the bright colors played off on each other.  It was a comfortable combination of pattern and color, perfectly resonating with RGIII relaxed and friendly demeanor.  The Heisman trophy winner was in good spirits and goddamn is he articulate.  Rooting for the true blue RGIII!

2. Michael Brockers 

The big boy from LSU was looking like a high-end body-guard.  With that suit, beard, shades, diamond earrings….damn.  Just looking at the suit, his light gray suit with the lavender silver stripped tie and matching hanker-chief, you can’t help but stare.  Although it remained pretty hidden, he was wearing a matching gray sweater vest…..stepping up his swag.  He fasho looked like a classy guy on the red carpet.  Personally I loved the beard and the shades, just made him look more important.  Here is hoping the St. Louis Rams will think the same.

3. Mark Barron

Alabama safety Barron tried to do everything in one suit.  The colors, the patterns, the style.  I loved the colors: purple, white and gray.  The patterns were a bit outta control but in a good way.  His solid lavender tie, his picnic like checkered purple and white shirt, his white sports coast with shiny lavender inside lining and light gray pants…….see….describing it just sounds busy.  But in daring fashion, Barron pulled it off.  The coat was a little much but the colors really complemented his dark complexion and his combed out dreadlocks, which were pulled back in a nice pony tail.  He wanted to be noticed and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers did.

He stepped outta the car onto the red carpet without his white jacket on….so photographers and onlookers could notice the pretty purple inside lining of his white coat before he put it on his back.  ShooOOOooot.  What a G

4.  Trent Richardson 

This guy was the only one to NOT have purple in his ensemble.  That is refreshing.  The Alabama running back was drafted by the Cleveland Browns, which is almost fitting with the color of his suit.  Trent was sporting a tan suit with matching shirt and pants.  His dark brown and circle patterned tie playing with white and khaki colors was a perfect fit.  He looked G except for one thing…..His glasses kind of made him look like a sphincter but HEY!  He is playing in the NFL, who the hell am I to poke fun.

It was lovely seeing his entire family up on the stage with him after he was drafted, beaming and rejoicing in the pick.  Trent later stated in an interview that he was doing this for his family, more importantly his three children.  CUTE.   Sometimes we gotta step back and think of the bigger picture when it comes to some of these NFL players, they aren’t just playing for themselves, they are playing for their families.  Go Tan Suite Yo!

 

5. Dre Kirkpatrick

His suit made me giggle.  It was almost as if he was trying to represent his alma mater, ROLL TIDE, with all the red.  Aside from my not so favorite color,  Dre’s suit was definitely the most fun to look it, it was just soo damn creative and different from the rest (no STRIPES :X).  Dre had a charcoal colored suit with a bright red sweater vest, a white stripped shirt, a red and white polka-dotted tie with a color matching white hanker chief with bright red lining.  LOVE it.  The polka dots definitely put him over the edge.  He made the clown pattern look classy.  Way to go Dre.

(Please ignore ugly Geico cave man and his boring butt fugs suit

Too bad soo sad for Dre being drafted by the Cincinnati Bengals, they won’t be sporting any red 😦 .   This D back will have his work cut out for him fasho.  At least he will be joining the greatest linebacker of all time 🙂

6. Matt Kalil

Holler back Trojans!  This SC Offensive Tackle was all about the stripes.  Purple and gray stripped tie, charcoal and white stripped suit with sweater vest with a clean white shirt.  He too was rockin ‘ a lumber jack jesus beard.  It wasn’t as baller as Brockers’s look but it complimented his more simple look.  Kalil is a humble guy, already knowing he was headed to the Minnesota Vikings, so he chose his suit not to be too flashy.  He is an Offensive Tackle for god sakes.  Nobody except football coaches knows or even notices the beast players on the O line.

Now the most boring looking dude in a suit–> Geico caveman Andrew Luck

(That’s why the picture is so small, you really don’t want to see the busted fugness of his face, let alone his suit)

OMG was his look busted and boring.  This guy isn’t too pretty to look at in the first place so you would think that his stylist would try and pretty him up a bit.  This is only the biggest and greatest night of his LIFE.  He literally just looked like a any old suit you would bump into on Wall Street.  Don’t get me wrong, any suit can be hot on a guy, but his tie needs to be bumping and fly for him to pop.  Fuggs Geico Caveman chose a black suite, white shirt and stripped light pink, grey and black tie.  Barf.  Maybe he didn’t want to bring too much unnecessary attention to himself, he was the # 1 draft pick, so everyone was already drooling over him.  If he was wearing a really nice suit, people would have probably thought what a fame whore.

Dude, whatever.  Luck is busted, there is no saving him there.  Not even a ballin’ suit.  Let’s just hope all the hype will work itself out in Indianapolis.

Metta World BOOYAH

So Ron Artest likes to play it rough?  Who doesn’t?

 

Oh wait, he is no longer named Ron Artest.  He is Metta World Peace.  Well, unfortunately this name change has yet to have a “peaceful” effect on his actions on the court.

His game has been pretty solid this year, making more threes than I can even count on my hands…..which is saying a whole lot for a defense player.  But sadly, his old ways are creeping back into his life.

I knew the dude was suspended a bit but a whopping 10 times.  ShooOOOoooot.  He was involved in one of the most brutal beatdowns in the NBA:  In 2004, the Pistons and Pacers were battling it out in the Eastern Conference Finals.  Some dumb ass fan decided to throw a cup or water? (beer) on Artest after he was already involved in a brawl with Piston’s forward Ben Wallace who fouled him hard on a layup.  Wallace shoved Artest…….and then the ticking time bomb goes KABOOM….Donkey Punch.  Yes, as a fan, I would want to throw something at an NBA player who is obviously bigger than me and could easily kill me with one hand.  There are some smarties in Detroit, let me tell you!  Just watch this jack ass completely crumble in the face of Ron Artest.

Sigh.  This is expected from the Metta.  He received a 7 game suspension from the hard elbow he gave to James Harden of the Oklahoma City Thunder last week.  Who wants to hit James Harden?  His bearded doo and foohawk makes him look like a badass Marvin Gaye.  Love it.  Too bad soo sad Badass Marvin Gaye suffered a concussion, but we will back for the first round of the Playoffs. 

After close examination from ESPN, Fox Sports, CBS, NBC….and more importantly…these sparkling brown eyes…..Ron is just stupid.  Yes he dunked on Kevin Durant….big whoopee Ron.  Go crazy, get emotional and then elbow the bejesus out of the closest opposing player.  Ugh.  Only he knows if it was intentional.  We can’t go yammering on about “If it was intentional”  because only Ron can answer that.

A 7 game suspension was given to Ron Artest and his elbow of steel.  Is it fair?  Who knows?   Clearly not all of us work for the NBA so if they gave out the punishment, so be it.  Sucks balls that the Lake Show won’t being seeing the Metta till the second round of playoffs.  Which is why we can call Ron DUMB.  It was a careless DUMB mistake what he did.  Good thing he apologized and sent over some nice daisies to James Harden and his sports medicine trainer. Some say he is bi polar and takes medication.  So?  Let him take his pills in peace, it’s when he stops taking them is when the NBA should worry………wait a second……

Thanks to the awesome possum media, this elbow incident is being blown WAY out of proportion.  Why should we want to focus on something so dumb?  Yes it is interesting to chronicle the pre Metta World Peace beatdowns, brawls and rambuncous riots, but he is a good player who is just letting his emotions get the best of him.  Obviously, he and his team are now paying the price.  That being said.  Happy Playoffs everyone 😛

Lame Sauce Lam Lam

 

Poor Lam Lam.  I can only think TRAGEDY when his name comes up.  Is it fair?  Who is to say?  Lamar just can’t seem to roll with the punches.  Thank you Kardashian Klan for making your upcoming “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” season drama filled yet again.

There were confrontations, finger-pointing and plenty of regrets in this Lam Lam saga.  It all started with a locker room clash between Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban and Lam Lam, asking him straight up, “Are you in or out?”  Damn, Cuban just got right to the point, hey time is money my friends.  And we all know that Mark Cuban needs more of that bling bling.  

Lam Lam allegedly shouted “Stop playing games,” prompting Cuban to place the under-performing forward on the inactive list for the rest of the season.  Lam Lam was averaging career lows, the lowest being his last game against the Lake Show: 1 pt, 1 rebound and 1 assist.  EEEEeeeep.  Especially playing for a team trying to defend it’s NBA Title, pssssssh who we kidding, a team trying to make it to the Western Conference finals, at least!

Will the Mavericks have to pay Lam Lam his remaining $8.9 million salary for doing……what exactly? A lot of people say NOTHING, but others are a bit more sympathetic to his situation.  Odom’s cousin was recently killed and his father fell ill (yea Heroin addicts get sick once in a while), while Lam Lam rushed to be by his side, missing about 2 weeks of play with Dallas.  He was then dumped to the Mavericks’ D-League team then to the bench before he got the axe from Cuban.

To top it all off, Fox Sports Florida reported that Odom had been eliminated from consideration for Team USA during this summer’s Olympic Games in London.  How sad.  Money grubbing Mark Cuban and the Mavericks are expected to exercise the $2.4 million buyout of Lam Lam’s contract.  Ugh.  Bad News Bears up in Odon’s grill fasho.

Is it anybody’s fault.  Yes.  It is Lamar Odom’s fault.  He let his emotions get to him, clearly affecting his life in the worst way possible.  We have all been there, we have all been depressed but we learn to grow and move past is.  Life is all about staying positive baby.  Easier said than done for Reality TV Stars…….I mean NBA stars……..wait, what?

 

It’s hard to separate his reality TV show and his life.  The word “reality” means something right?  Nothing but love for his wife Khloe and those crazy Kardashians, but I can understand why the media has been attacking him like a group of Weight Watchers attacking a box of girl scout cookies.  It has been relentless.  It doesn’t seem like Odom’s life has been negatively affected by all his reality star family until now.  If anything, Khloe has been his rock, keeping his shiz together and helping him move forward.  We will be able to see for ourselves this upcoming season of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” which premieres in late May.  For now, we can watch Lam Lam slowly but surely unfold and become more and more depressed on Khloe and Lamar.

Mean Girls in da HOUSE

There has always been those “Mean Girls” that you cross paths with down those dreaded high school halls.  Then you graduate and you think the “mean girl” terror is over and you will never have to face such petty bicthness again.  WRONG.

“Mean Girls” never leave you and always manage to creep back in your life one way or another.  Even the fellas get in on the action.  But you can’t call them “Mean Boys,”  that kinda sounds like a kinky porn.  Boys can just be as mean as those mean bitches who taunt those who are horizontally challenged or happen to have a BUTTA face (everything is good BUT THE FACE).  Boys, well rather men, can be immature douches, everyone knows that.  No one is immune, not even the Sports World.

So who are the “Meanest Girls” in Sports you might ask?  Well Well Well.  There are quite a few “Mean Girls” out there.   So let us make a “Mean Girls” group made up out of the bad news bears badasses from Sports.  Even though the list can go on and on, let us settle for 7.  5 is too small and 10 is too big, 7 is the perfect middle to make a “Mean Girls” gang.  Introducing the Damned Damsels or the Freak Show Floozies.  I couldn’t decide which sounds more Mean……or Badass…..or just plain cool beans 😛

1. Nick Saban (The Leader)

This guys just looks like a douche.  And please, let the appearance try to fool you.  Just look at his face.  This guy is never happy even when his team wins the College football National Championship.  The only coach to legit look pissed off when his team pours the victorious gatorade on him after the championship win.  Jeeze.  Hahaha the nickname Nick Satan is genius.  On top of his less than happy appearance and authoritarian style of coaching, he is also a BIG FAT LIAR.

After two seasons with the Miami Dolphins and months of denying he was interested in the head coaching position at Alabama, Saban ditched the Dolphins for the Tide and never looked back.  What a stand up chap.

He would be the leader of the “Mean Girl” Group fasho. Nick Satan wouldn’t have it any other way.He is domineering and loves to boss his little minions around.  Plus he is a sneaky liar, the most valuable trait a “Mean Girl” can have.

2. Ray Lewis (The Muscle)

Ray would be the muscle “mean girl” fasho.  The biatch who provides the physical scare, like the rugby player, who is down like charlie brown to fight dirty with anyone that comes their way.  Lewis is considered one of the scariest and meanest players in the NFL, based (entirely?) on his play on the field.

Well it doesn’t help Ray’s image that he was once arrested on murder charges in 2000.  Ultimately all of the witnesses changed their stories and nobody was ever convicted of the murders.  MMhhhMMMHhhhmmm, very interesting.  He is also a mentor to troubled colleges athletes.  Well the fool did go to Miami University, the biggest badass thug life college football program to date.  Obviously he would help the OGs in need.

Before every game in Baltimore, Ray is sporting some war like face makeup and appears to be doing a dance, a dance performed by any warrior before they enter into battle, while his snarls and roars on the screen like a lion feasting before he devours his kill.  The badass Ray Lewis.  The ultimate “Mean Girl” muscle.

 

 3.  Milton Bradley (The Psycho)

Don’t be fooled by his Toy Company name, this guy is not so nice.  He is kind of a psycho.   Bradley has been on eight teams in his last ten seasons in the MLB, the reason = psycho.  Throughout his career Bradley been involved in all kinds of unpleasant incidents: throwing a bottle into the stands, chucking a ball at a fan, numerous fights with umpires, uncomfortable run-ins with reporters, confronting police officers and season-endin suspensions for various acts of psychotic douchebaggery.  To top it off, Bradley has had recent arrests for menacing his wife with various weapons, one of these weapons being a baseball bat.  Classy Milton.

Later his wife filed a request for a restraining order after he allegedly picked up a photo of a gun and told her, “This is the gun that I’m going to kill you with.”  Dude, psycho.

Every “Mean Girl” Group needs a psycho.  Psychos are the ones that scare the bejesus outta of the “don’t think twice ” dudes that hook up with one without knowing they are a psycho and regretting it till the day they die.  Better delete your Facebook…..

4. Ndamukong Suh (The Dumb One….or Ugly One)

The misunderstood giant.  The fun-loving teddy bear that clobbers you when you’re not looking.  Suh is a tough D lineman yet it has gotten him in trouble.  Fines for excessive violence have raised some preguntas.  Hits on Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton, Bears quarterback Jay Cutler and former Browns quarterback Jake Delhomme have cost Suh, only in his second season, $42,500 in fines.  Yikes

Maybe he is misunderstood, maybe he isn’t.  He could fill in the ugly slot in the gang. In this “Mean Girl” gang, House of Knives would be the ugly air head.  He clearly doesn’t use his brain when playing football.  How would walking the “mean girl” hall ways be any different?  He is there to pump up the self-esteem of the other “mean girls” in the gang. Suh is easy to love but hard to respect with his not so nice behavior.  Unlike Ray Lewis, Suh doesn’t perform any warrior like muscle dances or sport any scary demeanor.  He mostly keeps to himself…..until the whistle is blown.  At least if he sniped you in the school parking lot, you know he would be good for the money.

5. Lebron James (The Fame Whore)

Do I seriously have to explain myself.  Lebron sucks as life and he knows it, abandoning his hometown and team because he thought he was unable to become the ultimate player in the NBA in Cleveland.  So he packed his bags and went to Miami where he thinks his popularity will soar and give him the credit he deserves.  Yea Freakin Right.  “What Should I Do?” because I am Lebron James and want to please everybody but I can’t, Im a douche who just wants to be liked.  Sorry Lebron, nobody likes a fame whore.

LeBron used his press conference after the Heat’s Game 6 defeat to address the “haters”:

“All the people that were rooting for me to fail, at the end of the day, tomorrow they have to wake up and have the same life that (they had) before they woke up today.  They got the same personal problems they had today. And I’m going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things I want to do.”

Ughhh please just shut up.  You will fit perfectly with this “Mean Girl” gang.  You gotta keep their hated popularity up and keep those haters hating.

6. Skip Bayliss (The Gossip What’s Her Face)

OOOoooooOOOOoo look out for the Big Mouth who nobody knows about.  Usually nobody knows where the rumor came from and why somebody would spread such slander.  It’s cuz of dudes like Skip Bayliss.  If you just look at the guy, he is just a skinny old harmless man.  HEY-O, those are the characters you gotta look out for.  The unassuming appearances are always the most vicious gossipy bunch.  Skip is the guy on ESPN’s First Take who just wants to spread hurtful rumors and snide comments about players, personalities and anyone cooler than him basically.

He once called Shaq: Shakira O’Neal and Shaquille O’Whale.  So Skip your saying Shaq’s hips don’t lie and enjoys reading Moby Dick? ShooOOoot you cold-hearted bastard.

He doesn’t discuss anything worth listening to nor is he even nice to look at.  Why do we want to even listen to this guy? A “Mean Girls” gang always has a “what’s her face” in the click, might as well be Skip Bayliss.  Would you be able to point him out in a lineup?  Yea, I don’t think so, hence he spreads those “Mean Girl” rumors and gossip to feel just a little ounce of importance.

 7. Floyd Mayweather (The Sh*t talker)

You might be asking yourself: What is the difference between the Gossip and the Sh*t Talker.  The Sh*t Talker wants to start Sh*t and get in a “Mean Girl” brawl where as the gossip just can’t keep their big mouth shut.

Mayweather is a great boxer but not a great human being.  He is actually a terrible human being and should have God smite his ass down.  Remember that alleged fight with Manny Pacquiao?  Instead of being a stand up chap and trying to get the fight to actually happen, he backs out and starts talking smack.  And to just smack talk, how about some straight up racist talks:  “As soon as we come off vacation, we’re going to cook that little yellow chump… Once I stomp the midget, I’ll make that mother f—– make me a sushi roll and cook me some rice…. We gonna cook that mother f—– with some cats and dogs. … Rice with [a] little bit of cat, rice with a little bit of barbecued dog.”

Dude, seriously? How many other bad news bears behavior can you pull?….oh wait, hold up: The douche has been convicted of several misdemeanor battery charges and assault…all on women.  Wow Mayweather is one classy dude.  Mayweather even wanted to have security guards arrested for ticketing his cars: “My homies have guns. If you want me to call them, they’d come over here and take care of you.  These are my f**king cars. Don’t touch my f**king cars.”

The very definition of a Sh*t talker is definitely Mayweather, that is all he does besides beat women.  He would be perfect in this “Mean Girl” clickster.  Nobody would mess with this double threat, a sh*t talker who can also beat your woman.

 

The Damned Damsels/ Freak Show Floozies.  You best not cross their path.

Paging Big Gay AL

I don’t want to be the bully but someone HAS to say it.  WTF is happening to the the Miami Marlins?!?!?!

First they are introduced as the Miami Marlins, no longer the Florida Marlins, singling out the rest of the Southern Swamp, but hey Miami is the only really important city in the state, right?  Then the team comes out with these hideous butt ugly uniforms with the new rainbow logo.  Rainbow.  When you think of a Rainbow and  all its glorious colors…..what thoughts enter your mind….?  Well there is skittles “taste the rainbow,” Rainbow Brite saving the world from gray and darkness, and then there is the universal flag for the homosexual community, gay pride.  

I am sorry.  But COME ON.  How can you not think of the gay community looking at the Rainbow Marlin’s logo.  M is for males, as in gay males.  If that doesn’t convince you, just take a look out into center field in their brand new state of the rainbow art stadium.

Seriously that attraction belongs in Big Gay AL’s Boat Ride in South Park.  The colors, the water, the animals….GOOD GOD, who approved such a catastrophe?!  HMMMMmmmm catastrophe is such a harsh word, perhaps mistake…..or just fugly piece of art?  Maybe the Marlins will love it and every household in Miami will own and display a similar contraption in their front  yards come X-mas.  Then again, just google the phrase, “What happened to the Miami Marlins?!” and the big old fat picture of this center field piece of “art” will appear first.  Whatever, I am calling center field Big Gay AL.  

Ughhhhh why?!  I love the old Florida Marlins logo with the badass Marlin and that cool combination of light green and black.  It was so unique, nobody else in the league could come close.  It kinda looks like a Long John Silver’s endorsement for a new Marlin sandwich, but hey, I am just letting myself get distracted from the issue.  The issue is that the Florida Marlins were a unique team with a unique mascot.  Well the Miami Marlins got a whole lotta more “unique” headed their way this season.

Who knows?  Maybe the Miami Marlins will make a huge splash and be such a ginormous success in the MLB,  going against all odds by winning games and producing outstanding talent, the club might be able to have their center field Big Gay AL ride retired in the Baseball Hall Of Fame.  Miami Marlins, be the Rainbow.  Look out Cooperstown……the Miami Marlins are here to stay.

D is for DIVA

 

Andrew Bynum, or to his close friends and homies, Drew, is in a bit of some trouble with the Lake show.  Trouble being guilty of being a straight up DIVA.  ShooOOooot J Lo and Mariah Carey watch out, Drew Bynum is up to no DIVA good and could kick both your culos with his one bare hand.

Drew Bynum, center for the Lakers, was recently fined for “numerous infractions.”  One stunt was Bynum blowing off a meeting with the Lakers general manager, Mitch Kupchak.  Regardless of Kupchak being a complete douche, as a player you shouldn’t just blow off a meeting with the guy who has the power to cut you, that is just dumb.  (Silent Kudos to Bynum though, Kupchak sucks at life).

Bynum chose not to play in yesterday’s game against the New Jersey Nets (yawn) because he suffered a moderately mild sprain to his left ankle in a previous game against the Golden State Warriors.    Bynum’s sprain did not require an MRI on Monday and X-rays on Bynum’s ankle were negative, but Bynum did not participate in the Lakers’ shootaround on Tuesday. Bynum used the shootaround time for treatment, which included anti-inflammatory medicine.  He claimed he couldn’t play, so obviously we have to believe him……..right?

If you all remember last week Drew made a bold move (as a center) to take a 3 point shot, which resulted in taking a nice fat old seat on the bench.  He decided to go out of formation and take the shot, against the (better?) judgment of head coach Mike Brown. 

While Bynum never has been better on the court, averaging career highs in points (17.9) and rebounds (11.9) per game to go along with 2.0 blocks and the second-best field goal percentage in the league (58.1 percent), he increasingly has been difficult off it since playing in his first All-Star Game in February.  HmmMMMmmm interesting development, wouldn’t you say?  Now he is getting all good and bad ass in his swag, Drew feels like the DIVA best be released.

“I don’t take part in the huddles,” Bynum said. “I’m resting … getting my Zen on.”  BOOYAH.  If that doesn’t scream DIVA, then something is fasho wrong with your interpretation of DIVA.  Dammit Drew.

 

 

 

The Lake Show got enough problems as it is yo.  Why would Drew feel like he is all of a sudden entitled to spell his name with a capital D for DIVA.  Ughhhh it makes sense.  He is on somewhat of a hot streak since he has been with the team, made the All Stars, and has to prove his worth to a new coach who may or may not know what the hell he is doing.  But seeing how the team is playing and how their season is unfolding, Drew needs to shut up and play.  Don’t give me this zen crap and not enter the team huddle.  Such a cliche but it has to be said: THERE IS NO “I” IN TEAM DREW.  Seriously, swallow your pride, which might actually take a couple of mouth fulls in your case, and just play.  Play for the Lake Show, they are in dire need of your athletic ability and gigantor size.  We are all now well aware that YOU know that, but be the bigger (hah, is that physically possible?) man and just play with your teammates and finish out the season strong.

Holler Back Magic

I know, I know, it’s been at least a week since Magic and three other rich ass fools bought the Doyers for 2 billion dollars but this Angelino had to give her input on the matter.

Is Magic Johnson a perfect fit for the Doyers?  I would think most of us down in LA would say a big fat “YES!” ShooOOOooOoot.   The only downside is that the deal didn’t throw McCourt out of LA.  The bastard still owns the surrounding parking lots, in hopes to erect a mall in center field.  Blow me McCourt.  Nobody in LA wants you, let alone shop in your god forsaken parking lot mall.  Now we are gonna have mall cops running around in their segways and weapon of choice (they ain’t gonna get the normal mall cop plastic clubs, oh no…..this is Doyer stadium, they best be given the hard shizzz). Just what Doyer Stadium needs, more Cops.

 

 

 

 

Now, back to the good stuff.  Magic is already all over LA from greasy Fat Burger restaurants, sketchy Movie Theaters, the glorious Staples Center, and now America’s past time: Baseball bitches!

 

This time around,  everyone is going BLUE.  And that is a very comforting thought for Los Angeles.  It’s hard to not think about the money, only 2 billion dollars, but Johnson is approaching the business deal as something more to the basketball legend, “”The Dodgers are my next big thing. This is not just millions of my money, this is dear to my heart. This is bringing back the brand for the people of Los Angeles.”

“When I first got to town [in 1979], the Dodgers were on Page 1 of the L.A. Times and the Lakers were on Page 3,” Johnson said. “I’ve seen how the Dodgers can be as big as the Lakers, and I want that to happen again.”

Well the Lake Show ain’t making the headlines like they used to and aren’t making any positive moves to even see the light of day. Mitch Kupchack is running the team into the ground.  Clipper nation anybody?  But it would be nice to see some actual Dodger news on the front page that didn’t involve Frank McCourt’s stupid ugly face.  

 

The Dodgers hold such a dear place in not just the heart of Los Angeles and die-hard baseball fans alike, but more importantly to American history.    The Dodger franchise is home to Jackie Robinson, the first African-American player to enter the game, not only breaking the league’s racial barriers and baseball records but more importantly helped ignite the Civil Rights movement in this country.   The Dodgers were also one of the first teams to expand to the (Best) West Coast, making baseball a more influential and popular game that they entire country can relish in.  Hey, the East Coast can’t hog all the fun!

Baseball is American History.  American History is Baseball.  It is the sport that evokes the most nostalgia among Americans than any other sport.  It is such a democratic game, where all the participants can be the average weight and height to play the game.  Not these gargantuan sasquatches in football or tall mofos in basketball, baseball has average joe smoes running around the field and swinging the bats.   Although football seems like it was, and still is, on the verge of replacing baseball as the American pastime, it never will.  Baseball is sacred and should never be messed with fools!  Los Angeles is thankful to have Magic and his rich buddies buy the city’s (even one of the country’s) most beloved baseball franchise because nobody wants to lose their American pastime.