That’s ALL Folks

Porky Pig said it best: “That’s ALL Folks!”  We wish we could laugh off this season like a Saturday morning cartoon.  Sadly, we can’t.

The Los Angeles Lakers are dunzo.  This season, to say the least, has been disappointing.  VERY disappointing.  Harsh you may ask?  Hell NO.  The expectations for this NBA team are far too high.  But hey, that happens to a team with 17 championship rings, 4 won in the last 11 years.

After the loss to the young and energetic OKC Thunder, all Laker fans are turning their eyes to the fellas upstairs.  And they should!  We all want to know why our beloved basketball team has faltered, who is to blame and what is going to happen next year?  It’s just easier to point fingers than be rational.  Why?  Because this is LA, we don’t have time to be rational with our sports teams.  Especially to teams, like the Lakers, that  clearly have problems and issues that need to be addressed.

First and foremost, where the mofo was Andrew Bynum?!  This guy had the best season of his career up until the post season.  What gives?  Looking from the outside in, the only thing we can blame is his Bitchy Diva Attitude.  All of Laker Nation were well aware of Bynum’s immature ways but unfortunately taking it to the court, ultimately negatively affecting his game.  Did you see any hustle in his step against the Denver Nuggets or the Thunder?  I sure as hell didn’t.  He scored a whopping 10 points last game and 0 offensive rebounds.  Why and the hell are we even paying this DIVA?  Give that money to skid row yo, shoOOOooot.  Or better yet, give Bynum’s money to struggling high school players who actually strut their stuff on the court and play like they want to win.  GGeeeze.  I say get rid of the DIVA.  Sounds like he doesn’t even want to be a Laker anymore with statements like, “I’ll play anywhere.”  Somebody will pick his slow ass up and hopefully slap him silly and tell him, “HEY, you are a professional basketball player!  ACT LIKE IT!”

  Pau Gasol.  OOOooh Lord did I want you to be good.  Sadly, you came up way too short.  He is getting soft in his old age, I guess.  He had two good games throughout the post season, but still coming up short as a defensive player.  He just didn’t drive it hard to the basket or wasn’t aggressive enough to scare the bejesus outta his opponents to clear the way for a badass mamba jamba dunkeroo.  Him and Kobe were often seen arguing throughout time outs and team huddles…..that can’t be good.  You don’t want anybody on the team fighting with the Black Mamba.  I would like to see Pau go in hopes for attaining a good trade deal in the process, even though I will miss those press conferences showcasing his Nashville Southern Spanish accent.  Pau had a good run but I think it is about that time to end it.

 

 

 Ramon Sessions.  Bust or Must?  Dude fasho not a total bust, but definitely not the ideal must.  He really didn’t do anything for the Lakers this season, granted he didn’t have a whole lot of time.  But the Lakers had real high hopes for the point guard, which just blew up in Mitch Kupchack’s busted fugs face.  He most likely will not pick up his option and leave the Lake Show.  Good Riddance?  Naw, he tried to play hard and give us a taste of what younger players have to offer.  He just wasn’t the solution the Lakers were hoping for.

 

 

 

Metta World Peace.  This fools just makes me laugh.  Did any of you catch that press conference the other day?  Man, does he just bring on the laughs.  Despite his suspension, he played well throughout the post season as our key defensive player.  His offense is so-so, but we didn’t sign him for his three pointers.  We would like to think so.  Although World Peace is pretty comfortable where he is at, I think the Lakers should keep him.  He brings that aggressive badass attitude we sometimes need to get through games, especially during the playoffs.  Here is hoping that his attitude doesn’t turn into more suspensions.

The rest.  Honestly, our bench is terrible.  Is it beyond repair?  Maybe.  Troy Murphy (that lousy Irish blonde), Josh McRoberts, Devin Ebanks, Darius Morris, Steve Blake and Matt Barnes.  Yikes.  All of those fools could honestly be replaced.  None of them stepped it up this post season, minus Steve Blake’s hail mary three pointers.  I don’t know if it is Mitch Kupchack but let’s just say it is.  That douche.  He clearly doesn’t know how to build a team that helps Kobe Bryant be the Black Mamaba and get that 6th ring.  Maybe Kobe is getting too old, why yes he is, 33 years ol to be exact.  Not old at all, but if you ain’t playing golf, that is fasho OLD.  Kobe only has , the most, two good years left in the NBA.  Wouldn’t it be nice to see another championship before the Black Mamba’s decent into retired mediocrete?  Well if Mitch Douche Kupchack has anything to say about it, then who knows?  So far he hasn’t drawn in any promising talent.  

Which brings us to another sensitive subject.  Que paso with Derek Fisher and Lam Lam Odom?  Are we missing them yet?  Yes, we got swept by the Mavericks last post season but the Mavericks that season definitely drank some steroid Michael Jordan Space Jam laced Gatorade.  They won the whole damn thing, beating the infamous down syndrome looking Lebron James of the Miami Heat  Don’t get me wrong, it was awesome possum seeing Lebron not get the coveted ring he would kill his own children to get, but definitely sad to see how the Lakers finished their bad news bears season.  Can we get Lam Lam back?  I have no idea.  I don’t think we would want him back the way he ended his dismal season in Dallas.  It is pretty ironic and pleasing to see Derek Fisher go on to the Western Conference Finals when the Lakers are heading back to El Segundo.  BUwahahahah Mitch, what you going to do now?  Put some more hundred-dollar bills in your Lucky Charms every morning, not only will it make breakfast taste delicious but also make you realize that you have just thrown your money down a bottomless pit of a stomach and only getting in return a pile of poop players.

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Hop on this Bandwagon yo!

Following the Lake Show’s pathetic demise to OKC along with the overhyped Clipper Nation being swept under the rug and Albert Pujols’s less than perfect batting average producing only 3 home-runs,  LA sports are left in exhaustion and disappointment.  There is only one thing left for us Los Angelinos to do……..Jump on the Mighty KINGS Bandwagon y’all.

No seriously, there is a bandwagon we can jump on.  It looks like this….i guess the tradeoff for some car windows are hot white chicks……nice

It’s hard not to notice the LA Kings.  They are about the win their second playoff series against the Phoenix Coyotes (what a team name).  The Kings might actually make to the Stanley FREAKING Cup.  The Staples Center is in dire need of a new trophy and what better than the HOly Grail of Hockey?  And who has the coolest trophy?  Obviously the Stanley Cup, it’s just so regal and elegant with all its silver lining ingrained names, it just looks like it comes from royalty.  Fo-shizzle.

This is exciting shiz.  The Kings haven’t been to the Stanley Cup final since 1993.  SHOOOooooooOOOOt.  No way.  This is the best thing to happen to LA in a while.  Seriously.  With the majority of LA sports ailing, who wouldn’t jump on this LA KINGS bandwagon?

The eight-seeded Kings are on an unbelievable winning 11-2 streak with eight consecutive wins in the postseason, outscoring their opponents 37-17 and winning the first three games in each of their first three series.  The KINGS just have one win separating the team from heading back East to battle for the Stanley Cup.  Get Out Of Town Fools!

LA, let alone the west coast, hasn’t really jumped outta their seats for a hockey game since……well, maybe since ever (obvi MINUS Wayne Gretzky).   LA is just not a Hockey Town.  Hockey is a cold.  LA never gets cold.  The only ice we get is from the our coolers to put in our margaritas when we are chilling on the beach in our perpetual summer weather.  But with any sports team on the brink of competing for a championship, the city jumps on board.

I for one and glad to say I’m jumping on this bandwagon.  Hockey is awesome.  Sadly, it is a sport that needs to be experienced live.  Watching it on TV does it no justice.  The excitement, the speed, the fights.  It’s awesome.  With more on the line for the Kings, LA will become more and more decked out in white and black.  Peace out Purple and Gold.  Bow Down to the MIGHTY KINGS.

Start spreading the News Dirty Sanchez :)

Dirty Sanchez isn’t looking to happy these days.

Tim Tebow continues to receive kudos from everybody around him, except ol’ Dirty Sanchez who is SOOOOOo going to lose the starting job.  One word : YES.

The Jet’s backup quarterback, Matt Cavanaugh, says Tim Tebow ‘can be very good: He has the arm strength, he has the mechanics, he is improving everyday.’  Well DUH he isn’t going to praise the Dirty Sanchez who holds the starting job HE wants. So obviously he is going to praise the one guy who beat him out as second string and who can take away the Dirty Sanchez.

Tebow’s popularity has fueled a fever in New York City.  A fever for 2012 baby!  A fever that has no room for that Dirty Sanchez.  Who wants to feel that hot and look ugly with that narley stinky lip?   Nobody, that’s fasho.  Is there really speculation about Mark Sanchez’s job?  Oh baby, there is NOW.  Just look at the ESPN TV spot with Sanchez next to Tebow in the TV backdrop.  Dirty Sanchez just looks soo forlorn and dejected in his little grey beenie covering his over sized big head while Tebow is beaming under God’s light.  Foreshadowing is a BITCH yo!

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Cavanaugh’s praise for Tebow’s talent and work ethic comes after he made some snide comments, criticizing Sanchez’s decision-making.  Well anyone would with a combined 26 turnovers, 8 lost fumbles and 18 interceptions last season.  What a crappy d-bag who loses for the Big Apple 😛  

It has been noted that the demise of the Jets began when Sanchez’s overconfidence became a problem.  What a Dirty Diva.  Can you blame the dude?  The Jets reached two back to back AFC title games under Sanchez’s QB skills.  But was that really all Sanchez?  Hell No.  They are a DEFENSE team.  Rex Ryan is a not only a head coach but was previously a DEFENSIVE Coordinator for Arizona Cardinals and Baltimore Ravens.

The Jets say that God Christian Tebow could see 20 snaps a game.  Let’s hope a couple of the snaps are some touchdowns.  Will Dirty Sanchez be coming off the field shaking in his cleats? Well if he is a professional he won’t.  But come on?  This is Tim Tebow we are talking about.  God is on his side.  Who is on Dirty Sanchez’s side?  Not the media.  With every news outlet and sports talk show talking about this battle of New York coming to your television screens this fall, it’s hard not to notice the “drama” cooking up between the QBs.  What will go down?  Who knows.  You will all have to tune in for the season première of the Jets and maybe, JUST MAYBE, God will grace us with his presence 🙂

Mayweather: Scum of the Earth

I unfortunately didn’t get to catch the showdown Saturday night between Floyd Mayweather and Miguel Cotto, but it sounds like I didn’t miss all that much.

After there was a unanimous vote in favor of Mayweather, earning him the WBA super welterweight title and leaving him with a perfect 43-0 record, it isn’t hard to believe that many innocent remote controls were killed, shattered into hundreds of little plastic pieces because they were thrown against the wall.  Sorry Brave Little Toaster, there was good reason.  Floyd Mayweather is Scum of the Earth.

Yes, he deserves the title because he single-handedly won every game, quite possibly with a uber cheap shot to Ortiz last fight, but that is the game, I guess.  Floyd threw 179 punches while Cotto landed 105.  Yea, I guess the schmuck won.  What was truly nauseating was to hear that Floyd would be given 32 million dollars for this May 5th fight while Cotto would receive  a measly 8 million.  This is the largest pay cut in boxing history.  A guaranteed 32 million to good old Scum of the Earth.  Great.  Another reason for Mayweather to toot his own horn.

That money can’t buy him out of prison, that’s fasho.  But now with this money, he can make friends in prison. He could buy 500,000 cartons of premium cigarettes for his inmates.  That will keep off em vultures for a good while, maybe throughout his entire 30 month sentence.  He could BUY the prison if he wanted to keep his ass really safe.  Well, I for one, would love to see Mayweather become somebody’s bitch.  

During the fight, Cotto gave Mayweather a bloody nose.  UN-FREAKIN-BELIEVABLE.  He bleeds.  He is Human.  No freaking way dude.  I don’t know about you but I thought that was kind of a big deal.  Just for that, Mayweather approached Cotto after the fight telling him ” You’re a hell of a champion.  You’re the toughest guys I ever fought.”   ShOOOOooooOOoot Mayweather.  That is the nicest thing I have ever heard you say.  Better not get used to that :/

Even though it was a good fight, the crowd was not pleased with the verdict.  Fortunately for Mayweather, that’s exactly what he thrives on.  With all the booing and shouts of discontent, Mayweather still has another win, a win with a nice pot of gold at the end of that boxing rainbow.  And he will never live that down.

During his post fight press conference, he left us with this cryptic statement, “”If it was my last fight, I gave them a bang. There’s really no one for me to fight anymore.”  Hold the phone yo.  Is Mayweather trying to make us believe this was his last fight!??!?!  He is retiring?!??!  Good GOD does this guy piss the sports world off.  If he thinks he is truly the best then he needs to fight his last competitor: Manny Pacquiao.  DUH.  Mayweather earlier mentioned that he would never play Pacquiao, “I don’t have to fight if I don’t want to.  It’s not going to happen.”  Well he has earned enough money to never play the game again.

Mayweather is becoming more annoyed with the incessant stream of questions about facing Pacquiao. On his Twitter, he has completely refused to address fan comments about this topic or his retirement. Instead, he has focused on promoting his “Money Team.”  WTF is his “money team?”  Is that his lover: 50 cent’s new album? 

Scum of the Earth continues to dodge questions about Manny Pacquiao. Mayweather continues to insist that Bob Arum is the main problem and won’t let the fight happen. How convenient to shift the blame to avoid answering more questions about the Pacquiao topic he prefers to ignore.  What a chicken sh*t douchebag.

If you are truly the best fighter Mayweather, wouldn’t you have to play every competitor in the game?  Is he that scared of losing the title or does he really just doesn’t want to fight? Everybody thinks they know the answer and we all want to KNOW the answer.  But isn’t it just more fun to just rip Mayweather a new one and be just like him: a sh*t talker.  AHHHHHH Floyd, you piss everyone off soo damn much it’s actually impressive.  Come on Floyd, if you lose you can become a straight up Gangsta rapper with your hottie with a body boyfriend 50 cent.  You two can conquer the Rap world with your love ballads and mournful rhymes of a lost title.  Word.

Just blame it on Lebron

UGHHHHHH The New York Knicks have just been eliminated from the NBA Playoffs by the Miami Heat.  And it is all Lebron’s fault.  Can we just put more blame on Lebron James, cuz the fool is clearly not getting enough 😛

Amare Stoudemire was so frustrated with Lebron and his down syndrome looking face, he punched some glass on a fire extinguisher in the locker room, putting the entire Miami Heat fans, workers, executives, celebrities who attended the game that night at the American Airlines Arena. Dammit Lebron, you could have potentially killed a couple of devoted “bandwagon” fans who actually like you and the other Miami Heat players, or work for your team to make it possible for you guys to play.  Even though it was one fire extinguisher, it could have possibly saved a handful of lives in case of a fire, earthquake, Godzilla attack, etc.  What a selfish herd.  Plus harming Stoudemire to take him out of game 5…..well played Lebron…….

The other bad news bears injury was Baron Davis.  Another Marvin Gaye look-alike.  Who wants to hurt the man who just wants to know “What’s Going On?”  It is obvious Davis just tripped up and blew out his knee, but it’s just so damn fun to blame it on Lebron because you know he would just implode with frustration and anger. Lebron just can’t catch a break and we love all just LOVE taking it from him, every time……all the time.  Let the HEAT burn y’all, cuz Lebron be catching the bad news bears fire yo and it ain’t getting put out :X

 

Lebron James is one of the most scrutinized athletes in the game, but there is very good reason.  Due to his highly questionable “decisions” and bitch whining on the court, why would anyone like this fool?  Probably one of the best players in the NBA who has yet to receive a ring, is getting closer and closer this year to winning one.  With Derek Rose out for the Chicago Bulls, it is very unlikely any team in the East will beat them.  Let’s turn our attention and love to the West: Go Oklahoma City!

Is enough is enough for all Lebron haters out there?  Hell NO.  Why you think we keep on hating?  Because we have cause to: his punk ass fouls, his twitter name KINGJAMES (who calls you the king aside from your knocked up baby mama who is stuck with fug looking babies?), the desertion of his hometown and team, the unnecessarily long TV announcement on ESPN showcasing Lebron’s truly selfish and disgusting ego, and his fugs down syndrome face…..dude Im sorry, your busted.  Why you wearing that sweat-band further back yo?  Receding hairline anyone??

 And if Lebron finally gets the ring he has coveted for nearly a decade, then the MAD HATE will ensue fasho.  With popular athletes, it is very difficult to let the past be the past.  With Lebron James, that is never going to happen.  Do yourself a favor Lebron, don’t win a ring because you will never live to see the light of day.  HATERS don’t die, they grow.  And they will grow so far past South Beach you will have nowhere to hide.