NBA Kickoff

The NBA Season kicks off tomorrow.  And how excited are we?!

2013-2014-NBA-schedule

Well, as a Lakers fan…….not that excited 😦  How excited can you be if your star veteran player is hurt, the supposed up and coming star player left for greener pastures, your newcomers are a snore, your bench is singing crickets and your returning players are….well, how can I put this….are OLD.  Plus the guys upstairs can’t even decide between ketchup or mustard.

Kobe Bryant

And Jordan Farmar…?  Don’t get me started on Dumbo…..

jordandumbo

The Lakers are a battered washed up team who will probably make the playoffs but it definitely won’t be an easy road to get to.  We will be lucky enough to see Kobe Bryant play his last game in full health and spirit.

derrick-rose-dunk

The one distraction I can count on this season is seeing the return of Derek Rose coming back from a torn ACL injury in April 2012.  Derek Rose is back, and back with a vengeance.  Haven’t you seen his epic commercial?  Here take a gander.

We can only hope that Derek Rose and his Chicago Bulls can take on Lebron James and the Miami Heat. Is anyone really rooting for Lebron this season?  Aside from kiss ass ESPN, aren’t we already sick of him?

VKo4B

Aren’t we sick of hearing Michael Jordan come out and say he doesn’t like Lebron and would rather play with Kobe Bryant any day of the week?  Hahaha, naw not really.  But seriously, when talking about the NBA, there has to be other topics to talk about other than Lebron?

The Bulls, who were the only NBA team with an 8-0 preseason record, are again expected to challenge the Heat for the Eastern Conference crown this season.  So of course, OF COURSE, ESPN had to ask Lebron about the come back of the only player whose on a team that can take on the Heat this season.  “We don’t like them, they don’t like us,” James said of the Bulls after the drill. “It’s not unheard of. We all know how it is.”

ledumb-copy

So articulate.  How does this guy come up with this stuff?

The only way this NBA season will be somewhat tolerable is if Lebron and the Heat lose.  Not necessarily lose a lot, but lose just enough for him to make that hilarious cry face again.

lebron-crying

Hopefully the Bulls can bring the Heat this season…..I mean beat the Heat…..I mean defeat the Heat.  Just WIN Chicago! Do it for Michael! Do it for SpaceJam!

space-jam

 

Ladies and Gents, Meet the New Lakers…..again

The Los Angeles Lakers just can’t seem to make up their mind.  This last weekend was filled with indecision, drama and impatience.  The brilliant Jim Buss and company decided to hire Mike D’Antoni over…..DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Phil Jackson?! Cue the dramatic music, it’s been playing all week in LA.  With the hiring of Mike Brown last year I thought the Lakers were already starting anew……but not soo fast….we got another new coach in town….dang……that was fast.

Why is this such a big freaking deal? Oh wait, BECAUSE.  Los Angeles brought this upon themselves and no thanks to the never-ending nosey media.  This situation was completely blown out of proportion and has seemed to create such a stir in sports media, that this hot topic is the ONLY thing everybody has been talking about the last week.  What happened?  Did the NFL stop playing games?  Did College Football forfeit the rest of the season?  No wonder Jeff Gordon and his crew started a massive brawl in the pit, they felt that NASCAR was getting shafted by ESPN’s constant flow of Phil Jackson and Lakers updates, they needed to start something to get everyone else’s attention.  GO NASCAR.  ShooOOOooooot.

With such talent on the roster and a championship reputation to uphold…..or at least a championship LA can realistically dream about…it is no wonder the Lakers suddenly tossed Mike Brown to the curb and scrambled to find a new coach as quickly as possible.  Here is a thought, why didn’t you recruit a new coach before you fired the other one?  Isn’t that what a professional does?  Wouldn’t you think this whole mess and media attention could have been avoided?  Meh, probably not, this is LA, this is Kobe’s team.  A coach of a championship caliber team fired at the beginning of a dismal season…yea that is pretty newsworthy.  It could have just been done in a more professional and timely manner boys, come on now.  You just had to strategically plan and execute.  This isn’t rocket science, you can use some common sense here. 

 

Phil Jackson is old and retired.  He left a game a while ago, the game he happily left behind holding one of the greatest coaching reputations the game has ever seen, so obviously he would only return if the price was right.  A price he should be able to negotiate to favor his aging needs and brilliant mind, a price that would win Los Angeles a Championship they have been wanting for some time now.  Sadly, the men upstairs (VP Jim Buss, General Manger Mitch Kupchak, and the barley present President Jerry Buss) are trying to get their team under control but unfortunately under the relentless scrutiny and close watch of a city starving for a championship, a city that has very high expectations, so high that perhaps those expectations will never be met.  Phil Jackson would have “somewhat” met those expectations because he has won championships for the Lakers in the past.  But that still doesn’t guarantee a championship.

But LA wouldn’t be LA without those expectations.  The city simply expects the best.  Just look at the Lakers roster.  A roster filled with soo much talent they don’t even know what to do with themselves.  That talent seems to have gone to waste in the pre-season and nobody wants to see a talented team lose to the Golden State Warriors.  Laker’s star Kobe Bryant seems to be happy with the coaching change, “To be honest, I said D’Antoni was my first choice because I didn’t even know Phil was going to be an option,” Bryant said. “And then Jimmy’s the one that brought up Phil’s name. I didn’t even know that was a consideration. They said, ‘Well it is, and I want to know how you feel about it.’ I said ‘I love it’ and that was it. They knew my two guys that I liked. If one didn’t work out obviously with Phil, they knew that they had my approval to pull the trigger on the other one.”

Well of course Kobe has to say that.  Who wants to be labeled the team douche….oh wait….its Kobe.  He can do whatever the f*ck he wants, it’s clearly his team.  I am just glad Jim Buss consulted Kobe about the deal, that is a true friend right there.  Wish Phil could say the same.  That is going to be an awkward Thanksgiving at the Buss household.  Will Phil Jackson even be invited even though he has been shacking up with Jeannie Buss for years? Whose going to be sitting at the head of the table boys? Soo tense but probably soo entertaining.

But the more important question here is: What exactly is the Lakers’ vision for the Lakers?  Yes we all know winning is on the mind and forever will be in this town, but can’t we give enough time for a team to rebuild and grow?  I guess not.  With an aging team with no bench, there is no time.  Maybe Los Angeles just wants to go big or go home.  It’s not such a terrible mantra but it can get exhausting and just down right annoying.  I think all of LA just needs to take a chill pill and give this so-called “offensive genius” D’Antoni a chance.  Who is ready to riot? 

However, if D’Antoni doesn’t take the Lakers to at least the Conference Finals, Dwight Howard will opt out as a free agent and probably kiss the Lakers goodbye.  Unless D’Antoni impresses the pants off Dwight and the rest of team, possibly rejuvenating the bench with Space Jam’s Michael Jordan Water, then the town can start talking.  Another pressing factor is Kobe.  The Black Mamba be old.  Along with newly acquired Steve Nash, Kobe has a good two years left in those aging knees.  Two years starting from now.  Is that enough LA?

 

It is a bit naïve to fully support your city’s team and all the decisions management makes.   This is a democratic country, we ain’t shutting up.  It should be everybody’s job to question management especially when they are making contentious actions.  I don’t really agree with the Lakers’ decision to immediately fire and hire a coach (What are we the Yankees?) but I am going to support them because let’s be honest…support is all they need now from their fans.  An old and ailing Lakers need their fans’ consistent support to get through this difficult transition and hopefully start producing some winning results.  If you are the type of fan that just needs to see results NOW, go jump on the Clipper bandwagon.

Cubano no quiero

Ohhh Mark Cuban.  Will you ever shut that big mouth of yours?

(Probably not, so this is why all the sports blogshpere goes kaboom when this guy speaks….how entertaining)

Dallas Mavericks Owner, Mark Cuban, has recently dismissed the Los Angeles Lakers offseason moves this summer, making the comment that the NBA season will not be decided before it begins.  Obviously he is talking about the doosey of a Laker trade, getting rid of Andrew Bynum and picking up Steve Nash and Dwight Howard in return (yeah-yah!).

When this Steinbrenner wannabe doesn’t get what he wants or when things aren’t going so well for his Mavericks, he let’s everybody know about it:

“The Lakers have done this before,” Cuban said. “Remember Gary Payton, Karl Malone and Kobe and Shaq were all together, and it didn’t work.

“It takes great chemistry, like coach (Rick Carlisle) alluded to, it takes guys wanting to be there — I don’t know if all their guys want to be there — it’s going to be interesting.

“Look, (the Lakers are) going to be a great team, but I remember when we made our run,” Cuban said. “We weren’t supposed to win any series. The Lakers were defending champs when we swept them, and they had everybody back. A lot of teams do a great job winning the summer, but I never get so antsy about what happens over the summer.”

[…]

“The CBA now isn’t just about money,” Cuban said. “Now it is about flexibility as well. And, for instance, going to the Lakers, this time next year, they wouldn’t be able to do a deal for Steve Nash. … The Nets and some other teams who have just said, ‘we’re going to spend whatever it takes,’ that is their team for a long time. Somebody gets hurt, something happens or it doesn’t work, they’ve got big problems.”

Almost politician like….don’t you think?

Hmmmmmm…didn’t that Laker squad work perfectly well?……despite Malone’s injury on top of the Kobe and Shaq-tastic feud.  I think it did work Cuban.  The Lakers dominated the league on pace to win 66 games and make it to the conference finals.  The only reason they were defeated in the Western Conference Finals by the Pistons is because Malone got injured AGAIN, his knee no less.  The Pistons were a healthier team.  It wasn’t because of bad chemistry.

 

 

Cuban does make a point about chemistry though.  Who knows what will happen with these two new players coming into an already older veteran squad.  Remember in Miami?  Things didn’t go as planned for the Heat until their second year together as the three musketeers.  Damn Lebron, now he has a ring.  Sigh…..

It is known that Kobe and Dwight don’t have the best relationship.  But in the scheme of things, I think they can set their differences aside and play some competitive ball.  Nash is going to have to learn some  more defense than offense if you know what I mean.  I know the dude can assist and run down the court till the cows come home, but can he guard these young point guards?  I’m sure it will be a good season just as long as nobody gets injured.  

I just love the burn Cuban gives, “I don’t know if all their guys want to be there.”  What a bitch.  The only one who didn’t want to be there isn’t there anymore.  He is in Philly, praying to GOD his risky knee surgery in Switzerland this summer will save his NBA career.  Dwight obviously wants to be there now, even though the Lakers might have been his second choice, he is making the most of it.  It’s like getting into your second college choice, hey man, it’s better than getting into NO college, just take a keg stand and enjoy life.

It is long ways away to say who is going to dominate the NBA this upcoming season.  Ahem….CUBAN.  Who knows, the Mavericks chemistry can come out of nowhere, leaving the Lakers forlorn and defeated.  However, there is more pressure on the Lakers to perform this season….well not according to Catty Cuban.  Who is to say that both teams might fall watching a much younger team pass them by to the championship finals (cough: cough : Thunder)

Even though I am quick to judge Cuban and his snarky remarks, he could have been talking to a different audience, an audience full of Maverick fans, sponsors, donors, etc.  I am not the ideal audience to catch wind of his comments.  Nevertheless, you got to hand it to Mark Cuban to really piss you off in this “snore” of a Laker offseason.    I mean seriously, can you name another owner who has been photographed with the championship trophy before the actual team and coaches, who WON the freaking game, has?!

Good Riddance to the Bitch

YES.  Andrew Bynum is gone and we got Dwight Howard.  Maybe dreams really do come true…….

I just had to make a post about this amazing trade, more amazing that Bynum is gone and is never coming back.  I have never really agreed with Stephen A. Smith and am more partial to side with Skip Bayliss on ESPN’s First Take.  But this time, Bayliss is sadly…. sadly mistaken.

Just watch the clip displaying the intense argument over the bitch that is Andrew Bynum, titled  “Kareem Questions Bynum’s Commitment.”

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=8274551

In case you missed the fast paced reading of ESPN anchors, here is Kareem’s quote for you to get the full effect of the Bitch that is Andrew Bynum: “Andrew has been up and down on that issue. There are times he wants to play, do a great job and he goes out and does it.  Then here are other times where it seems like he’s not focused….When I first started working with him, he was eager to learn.  He appreciated me shortening the learning curve.  Once he figured he did everything he wanted to do in terms of learning, he didn’t want me to bother him constantly going over the fundamentals.”

Love me some Stephen A. Smith right about now.  He is COMPLETELY right.  WTF Skip?  Where do you get off questioning the word and talent of a basketball legend?  There is just no reasonable logic in defending the Bitch that is Bynum.  He clearly isn’t up to the level that is six-time NBA champion Kareem Abdul Jabbar and has obviously demonstrated a bratty attitude when playing for the Lake Show.  He clearly doesn’t want to listen to any advice from a NBA hall of fame player, who just wants to help him grow and become a better player.  Are you now the better player Bynum??  You don’t need any other outside help??  Why did he even show up to practice if he is soo damn good?  He was obviously above everybody else :/

Why have to deal with a temperamental douche who doesn’t want to play with one of the best basketball players in the game?  Shaq and Kobe hated each other towards the end despite winning some championship rings…and THAT animosity and tension didn’t negatively affect Shaq’s hustle and attitude.  He came to play and WON.

If Bynum was a professional, he would have swallowed his tongue and listened to what Kareem had to say.  You would listen and RESPECT what the legend had to say.  RESPECT is not a quality the Bitch has and probably will never have.  He could have been great with the Lakers, but his heart was never in it.

I don’t want to hope for Bynum to fail in Philadelphia….but it would be nice for some one to slap him silly.  All that potential and talent needs to go somewhere….and it sadly went nowhere in LA.  I only say “nowhere” because Bynum was putting up good numbers.   Despite those solid numbers, his bad attitude was just so palpable it became just frustrating to watch him play and watch his negative emotions seep into the team’s mentality.  His ungrateful attitude overshadowed his god given talent in LA.  After the playoff loss to the Oklahoma City Thunder last year, the Bitch Bynum told the press that he “would play for any team” next season.  WTF dude?  I guess we don’t want you here either, you ungrateful douche.  Get out of here and never come back.  Have fun re-creating the Rocky jog up those steps and chilling with the Liberty Bell.  Hey there is something you are definitely familiar with…… objects that are smaller than they actually appear.  HMMMmmmm…. explains so much……..

Good riddance to the bitchy ungrateful disrespectful rubbish.

That’s ALL Folks

Porky Pig said it best: “That’s ALL Folks!”  We wish we could laugh off this season like a Saturday morning cartoon.  Sadly, we can’t.

The Los Angeles Lakers are dunzo.  This season, to say the least, has been disappointing.  VERY disappointing.  Harsh you may ask?  Hell NO.  The expectations for this NBA team are far too high.  But hey, that happens to a team with 17 championship rings, 4 won in the last 11 years.

After the loss to the young and energetic OKC Thunder, all Laker fans are turning their eyes to the fellas upstairs.  And they should!  We all want to know why our beloved basketball team has faltered, who is to blame and what is going to happen next year?  It’s just easier to point fingers than be rational.  Why?  Because this is LA, we don’t have time to be rational with our sports teams.  Especially to teams, like the Lakers, that  clearly have problems and issues that need to be addressed.

First and foremost, where the mofo was Andrew Bynum?!  This guy had the best season of his career up until the post season.  What gives?  Looking from the outside in, the only thing we can blame is his Bitchy Diva Attitude.  All of Laker Nation were well aware of Bynum’s immature ways but unfortunately taking it to the court, ultimately negatively affecting his game.  Did you see any hustle in his step against the Denver Nuggets or the Thunder?  I sure as hell didn’t.  He scored a whopping 10 points last game and 0 offensive rebounds.  Why and the hell are we even paying this DIVA?  Give that money to skid row yo, shoOOOooot.  Or better yet, give Bynum’s money to struggling high school players who actually strut their stuff on the court and play like they want to win.  GGeeeze.  I say get rid of the DIVA.  Sounds like he doesn’t even want to be a Laker anymore with statements like, “I’ll play anywhere.”  Somebody will pick his slow ass up and hopefully slap him silly and tell him, “HEY, you are a professional basketball player!  ACT LIKE IT!”

  Pau Gasol.  OOOooh Lord did I want you to be good.  Sadly, you came up way too short.  He is getting soft in his old age, I guess.  He had two good games throughout the post season, but still coming up short as a defensive player.  He just didn’t drive it hard to the basket or wasn’t aggressive enough to scare the bejesus outta his opponents to clear the way for a badass mamba jamba dunkeroo.  Him and Kobe were often seen arguing throughout time outs and team huddles…..that can’t be good.  You don’t want anybody on the team fighting with the Black Mamba.  I would like to see Pau go in hopes for attaining a good trade deal in the process, even though I will miss those press conferences showcasing his Nashville Southern Spanish accent.  Pau had a good run but I think it is about that time to end it.

 

 

 Ramon Sessions.  Bust or Must?  Dude fasho not a total bust, but definitely not the ideal must.  He really didn’t do anything for the Lakers this season, granted he didn’t have a whole lot of time.  But the Lakers had real high hopes for the point guard, which just blew up in Mitch Kupchack’s busted fugs face.  He most likely will not pick up his option and leave the Lake Show.  Good Riddance?  Naw, he tried to play hard and give us a taste of what younger players have to offer.  He just wasn’t the solution the Lakers were hoping for.

 

 

 

Metta World Peace.  This fools just makes me laugh.  Did any of you catch that press conference the other day?  Man, does he just bring on the laughs.  Despite his suspension, he played well throughout the post season as our key defensive player.  His offense is so-so, but we didn’t sign him for his three pointers.  We would like to think so.  Although World Peace is pretty comfortable where he is at, I think the Lakers should keep him.  He brings that aggressive badass attitude we sometimes need to get through games, especially during the playoffs.  Here is hoping that his attitude doesn’t turn into more suspensions.

The rest.  Honestly, our bench is terrible.  Is it beyond repair?  Maybe.  Troy Murphy (that lousy Irish blonde), Josh McRoberts, Devin Ebanks, Darius Morris, Steve Blake and Matt Barnes.  Yikes.  All of those fools could honestly be replaced.  None of them stepped it up this post season, minus Steve Blake’s hail mary three pointers.  I don’t know if it is Mitch Kupchack but let’s just say it is.  That douche.  He clearly doesn’t know how to build a team that helps Kobe Bryant be the Black Mamaba and get that 6th ring.  Maybe Kobe is getting too old, why yes he is, 33 years ol to be exact.  Not old at all, but if you ain’t playing golf, that is fasho OLD.  Kobe only has , the most, two good years left in the NBA.  Wouldn’t it be nice to see another championship before the Black Mamba’s decent into retired mediocrete?  Well if Mitch Douche Kupchack has anything to say about it, then who knows?  So far he hasn’t drawn in any promising talent.  

Which brings us to another sensitive subject.  Que paso with Derek Fisher and Lam Lam Odom?  Are we missing them yet?  Yes, we got swept by the Mavericks last post season but the Mavericks that season definitely drank some steroid Michael Jordan Space Jam laced Gatorade.  They won the whole damn thing, beating the infamous down syndrome looking Lebron James of the Miami Heat  Don’t get me wrong, it was awesome possum seeing Lebron not get the coveted ring he would kill his own children to get, but definitely sad to see how the Lakers finished their bad news bears season.  Can we get Lam Lam back?  I have no idea.  I don’t think we would want him back the way he ended his dismal season in Dallas.  It is pretty ironic and pleasing to see Derek Fisher go on to the Western Conference Finals when the Lakers are heading back to El Segundo.  BUwahahahah Mitch, what you going to do now?  Put some more hundred-dollar bills in your Lucky Charms every morning, not only will it make breakfast taste delicious but also make you realize that you have just thrown your money down a bottomless pit of a stomach and only getting in return a pile of poop players.