Blame it on the Cha-CH$NG

 

 

 

 

I don’t know if you have noticed (or if you’re a lame sauce sports nut like me) but a lot of sports teams have recently been dumping athletes for the Cha-Ch$ng.  Cha-Ch$ng: the moolah, the dinero, the greenbacks, the cash, the big buckeros.  Yes, sports is a business, a lucrative business.  The big guys upstairs with the deep pockets are the kings while athletes play the mere pawns on the chess board.  Hard work doesn’t seem to mean anything anymore because it won’t bring in the much desired and needed dough.  Only few get to reach that status of “king” or “queen” but even that doesn’t mean you won’t get jerked around, traded or dropped.

Case in point = The Great Peyton Manning  

Peyton Manning is already considered one of the greats.  He has played with the Indianapolis Colts for more than a decade and yet, has been let go by owner Jim Isray due to the Cha-Ch$ng.

Before his health issues, Manning hadn’t missed a game in 13 seasons, leading the Colts to unprecedented success along the way as he piled up more than 50,000 passing yards.

The Colts let Peyton go rather than pay the $28 million roster bonus Manning was due March 8th.

“It truly has been an honor to play in Indianapolis,” a tearful Manning said. “I will leave the Colts with nothing but good thoughts and gratitude.”

Why Peyton?  You have done nothing but give back to the Colts in the most positive and beneficial way.  You started your NFL career with the Colts and hoped to end it with the Colts.  He is still one of the highest paid athletes in the game and those checks aren’t only coming from Indianapolis, they are coming from commercials, sponsorships, endorsements, etc.  Let’s be honest, who cares about Indianapolis without Peyton?  Yes $28 million is a big chunk of change for any football team, but the Colts are blinded by their need to have a bright future.  Peyton is old and the Colts just can’t envision Peyton in that bright future.  It’s sad.

Second Case in Point = Derek Fisher  

This is truly a tragedy in the NBA.  The papa bear of the Lake Show was traded last week to the Houston Rockets, then later suited up for the Oklahoma City Thunder.

After winning five NBA titles with the Lakers, Mitch Kupchack (the douche) didn’t want to worry about Fisher’s future salary–$3.4 million guaranteed next season.   Fisher was initially traded for an awkward Jordan Hill, who was a lottery pick three years ago and apparently can only stay on the court for less than 15 minutes.  Seriously?

D Fish only had a good two years left in him.  And yes, D Fish hasn’t been looking to hot in recent years, he has been averaging 5.9 points on 38.8% shooting.  He routinely struggled to defend young point guards.  For a second can we ignore the obvious…..

Fisher kept the locker room together, more importantly kept Kobe Bryant together.  He was their leader and kept them focused.  Fisher opted out of his contract from Utah in 2007 to seek care in LA for his daughter’s eye cancer, taking a significant pay cut to come back and play for them Lakers.  He just wants to play.  Sigh

And the fellas upstairs pay you a trade in return.  That doesn’t seem fair.

Third Case in Point = Lam Lam Odom   

I know it is another Laker, but it is a prime example for this sad but true reality of the sports Cha-Ch$ng factor.

Lamar Odom was a money dump as well.  The Lakers saved $17 million in salary and luxury taxes by letting him go, trading him to a team who won the national championship the year before, The Dallas Mavericks.  But for what?  Making an ailing team even shittier by letting go of their versatile 6th man? God Mitch Kupchack is just destroying the Lakers.  A team that will now be lucky enough to make it to the second round of the playoffs

The year before he was traded, Lamar won the 6th man of the year award and won two national championships with the team.  His game was on top, then all of sudden was taken away by an attempted trade for Chris Paul, which was unfairly squashed by NBA Commissioner David Stern.  Lamar felt so disrespected by the alleged trade, he demanded to be traded. Now he is playing like diddly squat for the Mavericks (he scored a total of 1 point in yesterdays game against the Lakers), clearly still negatively affected by the uproot trade.  After all he has done for the team, he never thought he would be put on the trading chopping block for the money sucking vultures in the front offices.  This is sad

Sadly in the sports world, money always controls these situations, not talent.  Isn’t sports all about the talent and character athletes, as well as coaches, have that routinely fill the baseball stadiums, basketball courts, football fields, and even our living room couches with eager fans and viewers.  Sports will forever be dominated by economics, like so many other fruitful businesses. As time goes by, I would like to think back and reflect on sports fondly.  Sports should always remind us of what was once good and pure in this world, genuine talent, drive and love for a game that mirrors that traditional belief of integrity and dignity. Money does not guide one towards integrity and dignity.  I just hope that sports can find its way back to that beloved tradition and once in a while, look beyond the cha-ch$ng and truly celebrate the athlete, celebrate what they represent and what they could represent in the future to make it brighter.

WTF LAKE SHOW

That is all you can say: WTF.  I had to find out this news while I wasn’t even in the good city of LA.  And of course, in Texas nobody cared when I shouted out those hurtful and disbelieving words:  DEREK FISHER HAS BEEN TRADED.

Sigh.  I never ever would have thought I would ever say those words.  WTF LAKE SHOW.  Why would you think that trading Derek Fisher would solve anything?  Well except, to keep some chunk change in Mitch Kupchack’s pocket.  The bastard.  This just feels so wrong and so cheap.  It’s just hard to swallow.

Derek Fisher was the soul of the Lakers.  What good is trading away the soul of the team?  Fisher was the only player on the team to keep Kobe in check, as well as protecting the new guys away from the wrath of the Black Masked Mamba, let alone protecting the Mamba from himself.  Why would you trade papa bear?!?!?!!  He is 37 years old.  He has only got a good 2 years left to play.  Why in God’s name would he go to the Rockets?  Isn’t it a little risky trading him?  

The Lake Show has fasho done him wrong.  The worst wrong.  Fisher took a pay cut to come back to LA from the Utah Jazz for his daughter, who has a severe eye condition that only the best doctors in LA could treat.  He was the head of the Player’s Association during one of the most troubled times the NBA has ever faced and successfully brought back the season from a lockout.  I unfortunately have to admit, he has been getting on in age, which has been purdy evident in his play.  He just can’t keep up and play defense.  I don’t care if he is slowing down though, he is still an important asset for the team.  He is a leader.  His clutchness is still fasho awesome.  He has some of the most clutch moments in Lake Show history.  I guess that means diddly squat to the business.  I officially hate Mitch Kupchack and hopes he breaks his face.  First Lam Lam, now the FISH?!!

If I was D Fish, I would just pull the band-aid off and retire.  Don’t go out a Rocket!  Retire with dignity, retire a Laker.  Be remembered for who you are and what you deserve.  D FISH you are one of the greats and you know, as well as everybody in LA knows, that you don’t deserve this.  I hope and pray that you stay in LA, maybe have a job in the front office as a scout or spokesperson for the NBA.  You have done so much for the NBA and all the players,  they owe you this season and everything more. It is just depressing and infuriating to think the Lakers don’t understand this, or maybe don’t want to understand it.

It’s a bold statement for any Laker fan to say that I won’t root for the Lakers anymore.  I really don’t want to but I feel like I should as a die-hard D FISH fan since day 1. It will be interesting to see where this Laker franchise is going.  At the looks of it, the team is going to crap.  Kobe Bryant is literally seeing his basketball world crumbling before his very eyes.  Good luck with that buddy.   

 

 

 

 

 

All I can do now is mourn, but more importantly, I will still wear my #2 jersey proud and root for D FISH, almost like her never left.  I think he would want that.  To pay respect to this awesome possum player, let us now  watch this video of D FISH most clutch shots in NBA history and never forget the player he was and still is.

 

 

OHHOoooOHHh and let’s just watch D Fish take out Luis Scola in game 2 of the series in the 2009 playoffs.  Pure Awesomeness and Pure Leadership.  Teaching ugly butt face Scola to not mess with his team and not mess with his tough bad ass mamba jamba self.  Take that butt face Scola.  Love the repeat.   He is just freakin’ awesome.

 

 

Tebowmania no more

Lo siento Tebow, but there is a new man in town.  And not just any old man.  It’s freaking Peyton Manning, that’s who!?

So Why Denver Peyton?  You had the NFL world at your finger tips and you chose Denver.  DENVER?!  Hey, nothing but love for them Broncos, but the obvious choice was San Francisco.  They are the better team and by far a more attractive and lively city to become the football star of.  Lo siento Denver.  This has John Elway written all over it.  

John Elway wined and dined Peyton during his visit in Denver, using his wiles and sexy football pedigree to sway Peyton’s decision.  So much so, that his decision will have Tebow packing his bags.  For everything Tebow has “done” for the Broncos, bringing them to the second round playoffs and more popularity than they have seen since John Elway.  I guess Elway couldn’t take Tebowmania.

Did Elway just not like Tebowmania or couldn’t hang?  Don’t get me wrong, Peyton is the man!  He will definitely have a good 5 year run with ’em Broncos, only will cost them $96 million.  Chunk Change right? Tebow was just not the right QB Elway wanted to see his Broncos groom.  He just wasn’t a true believer of the good Christian that is Tim Tebow.   Tebowmania was a bit much but he isn’t a bad guy.  He is actually a great guy, just a lil on the annoying religious side…..and does pro-life commercials with his Mommy dearest……..

He plays hard every game, only had a disappointing 47% passing completion, but put the Broncos back on the map.  He Charlie Hustles his ass every game, scoring touchdowns NFL QBs normally don’t have the balls to do.  It’s just a shame that Tebow started his rookie year and now will most likely be riding the bench for a few more years wherever he ends up.  He is a great athlete and hard worker.  Hopefully a team will play him, not necessarily as QB, but where ever a coach puts him, he will play hard and never back down.

I can’t believe this is a pro Tebow blog post.  GOOD GOD is right.  I hate Urban Meyer and those damn Gators.  But i guess I am just a sucker for Tebowmania.

 

Bracketology= Smacketology my biatch

So this one lucky mexicana will be in Austin, TX this upcoming week for the infamously popular awesome possum SXSW (South by South West) music festival.  If it is everything it says it is, then we will party down like charlie brown every night.  I am sad to leave LA.  I will be leaving some things I hold so dear to me and shall miss them.  Especially the start of the MADNESS of MARCH fools!??!?!

Well March Madness aint going nowhere but I’m not sure Austin, TX believes in it. ……..That is a complete bias lie.  Texas actually made it in the tourney, up against Cincy (the team that took out CUSE in the Big East tournament, those bastards) in the first round.  So….. do I have to bring my nasty off chalk orange pom poms to Austin?  Hell no bitches, best be bringing my CUSE ORANGE!  Well gotta represent the school you gave soo much money too, it is the least you can do.

March Madness is the shit.  You don’t even have to watch or even like basketball to enjoy filling out those brackets.  You can get into some serious debates and disagreements over one’s choices.  Are there any games in the first round that just piss you people off?  There are some match ups that were truly worth a giggle.

Let us all bow down to HARVARD vs. Vanderbilt.  Because Harvard is an actual ivy league, Vanderbilt is calling themselves the ivy league of the south.   the SOUTH.  First of all, an ivy league wouldn’t even gracefully spit on the SOUTH while passing by the Mighty Mississippi river, let alone giving it the time of day.  Yea right Vandy.  But hey, is anyone going to actually pick Harvard to advance into the next round?  Yea, I didn’t think so.    

Gotta give a shout out to Long Beach State and SDSU, holla!! West Coast represent fasho.  But are they going to go far?  Yea, maybe if they sold their souls to Dick Vitale.  Would it be worth it to win it all and never win it again?  Naw.  Just be glad you made it into the tourney.   But I do have LBC advancing…..somewhat.

This bias biatch is trying to single out CUSE and have the rest of the Big East teams lose in the first round.  Yea….in my dreams.  The Big East is the narliest conference when it comes to college hoops.  The Hoyas, Cincy, CUSE, Louisville, Marquette, UConn,  SHOOOOooooooOOt dude.  The Big East conference is G.  I got them all advancing purdy far.  But when it comes down to it, CUSE is winning it all.  Otto the Orange will be making you his breakfast juice mofos.  Suck it.

This weekend we will see the first round games where the men are separated from the lil boys.  And if your like me, your bracketology is crap.  It is cursed and is inevitably screwed, because the teams you choose happen to decide to not bring their A game to March Madness…..their madness has run out……they just did not want to put on their game faces and just couldn’t handle the madness….. so they pack their bags and go home, and your once glorious and hopeful bracket turns into shit.  That’s right, Im talking to you MEMPHIS AND PURDUE.  yea right am I going to pick you fools ever again.  (Watch them make it to championship game, sigh………) My little heart just can’t take it.  I gotta win that office pool, duh.  

Peyton Peyton, Whose got the Peyton?

Oh Peyton Manning.  Wherever shall you go?  With 12 NFL teams nipping at your heels, it seems like you have your pick of the litter.  Not the greatest of NFL teams, but you alone are GREAT.  You are already among the GREATS of professional athletes and will have your #18 Jersey retired in Indianapolis.  So what have you got to lose?

Peyton would prefer to remain in the AFC, but is open to play in the NFC.  SHooOOOOot.  Now that just complicates things.  Of those 12 teams whoring themselves out to Peyton, ESPN sources tell us that the Arizona Cardinals, Seattle Seahawks, Washington Redskins, Miami Dolphins, Kansas City Chiefs, Denver Broncos and the New York Jets. 

According to Dan Marino, star of Ace Ventura Pet Detective, he thinks Peyton will be A-OK.  “I think he fits with anybody,” Marino said Thursday at a charity golf tournament. “He’s one of the best to ever play the game at that position. So wherever he ends up playing, if he’s healthy, which is going to be important to Peyton, I’m sure he wants to go out there and play at a high level. Wherever he plays, he’ll be a huge impact for that team.”

Well DUH.  Everybody knows that Dan.  It’s just a matter of consistency.  Where will Peyton be able to live out his career as a successful and effective player?  All 12 teams need a QB that is for sure but wouldn’t it just be so FREAKIN’ sweet to have him in New York?!

Let’s do the math shall we?  The New York Jet’s quarterback is crap.  Mark Sanchez sucks at life with his career just begging to take a big seat on the bench.  He ain’t performing and the whole locker room is letting him know about it, let alone the twitter world.  LOVE IT.  Sanchez could use a break, going back to his old ways of good ol’ fashion domestic abuse.

I would love to see Manning vs. Manning on a Sunday afternoon.  That would just be spectacular.  Who would you root for?  Legend vs. Baby Bro?  The Tater Tot vs. the Tiny Tot?  ShooOOOoot.  Hard to say.  It would just be fun to see if they would play nice.  New York would literally destroy itself if they were both in the Superbowl.  CraZZZzzzeeeeee

Sadly, the Jets probably won’t get Manning because he doesn’t want to play for the Jets.  YES, it would be ever so sweet but I don’t think Peyton would want to play for a coach known for his defense.  The Jets are just not an appealing team for a strong offensive player.  Sigh.  Cant a girl dream?

NFL Quarterbacks playing Softball? You craZZeeee

It’s always fun to think that athletes can play any sport because they are badass mofos.  We sport nuts would love to see basketball players take up a hockey stick and have a showdown on the ice or have golfers trading in their golf clubs for some shiny smelly shoes and a bowling ball.  But it would be just a box of fun to imagine NFL Quarterbacks having a players softball league.  18 Cream of the Crop Quarterbacks would come together every Sunday afternoon to play the game that made America so great.  (Sorry NFL, but it is fasho the MLB that is America’s pastime).

So if you had the option, lets say the POWER, to make a 9 player softball team made up of today’s NFL quarterbacks, who would you pick?  Since I have all the free time in the world and love sports, I made a QB roster for my softball team: The Soggy Goldfish.

1. Peyton Manning– DUH, you gotta pick him.  He is the Stan “the Man” Musial of Football.  Sad he got let go by the Colts, but that doesn’t mean that would hurt his softball skills 😛  I would put him at first base.  As a coach, you can count on Peyton to try his hardest to make those double plays, rocketing the ball to second base. He is getting a bit old, so placing him at first wouldn’t put him in play situations where he would have to move around that much.  He would be a solid team captain.

2. Tom Brady–Pitcher. He is purdy darn clutch (not to say that baby bro Eli isn’t, he did just win the Superbowl).  But Brady has a few years on Manning, so you would feel a bit more comfortable for him to close out the game.  You can count on him to make the clutch plays and throw batters out when it really mattered.

3. Cam Newton– I hate the bastard, I really do.  He should give up his Heisman asap.  But the fool can run and throw the ball purdy darn far.  I would put him at Center Field.  He has the speed and the accuracy to throw the ball all the way to home plate, snag those runners out.  He would dive for those hard to catch hits and back up right and left field every chance he got.  Haven’t you seen his incredible air/ground attack in football?  Although he is a rather inexperienced pro football player, the dude is FAST.  He was a freakin gazelle in college.  His legs alone beat out Alabama.

4. Carson Palmer– DUH, of course I’m going to put him on my team.  He would play 2nd base.   Although he is a veteran and puts up mediocre numbers in the NFL, he is still a consistent player.  He would always put his best efforts into making the double play and never accepting anything less.  Carson would definitely dive for those hard ground hits up the middle (which he would never be able to get), but hey you got Cam running in as backup.

5. Michael Vick–Another fast dude.  Vick would be in Left Field.  With him next the Cam Newton, no ball would get past them.  Him and Vick would have some sort of fun (we are cooler than you because we are professional athletes and can get away with those stupid gestures that get you in trouble with the NFL referees) hand shakes. He has a solid enough arm to make the fast throws to third, second and home.  His 50.5-percent success rate was sixth in the NFL. SHoooOOoot.  He would be a solid addition.

6. Aaron Rogers–Third Base.  This position was a hard decision to make.  You could put any solid quarterback there.  But there is just something about Rogers.  He managed to throw 45 scores while getting picked off only six times.  Six INTs all season!  Rodgers also averaged an insane 9.3 yards per attempt, had the highest NFL passer rating (122.7), the most Expected Points Added (250.6) and a 68.3-percent completion rate.  SHOooooOOOt.  Sounds like he would be a vacuüm cleaner of a fielder, a golden glove winner, and a solid arm blasting accurate throws into Peyton Manning’s glove at first.  He would never overthrow the ball or throw it short to his receivers.  He would put up similar numbers on the softball field fasho.

7. Tim Tebow–Come on.  He won’t stop praying to GOD until he makes the team, or beg for his forgiveness because he got cut.  So I would place him at Right Field.  Some say that is the worst position.  Who knows?  When the coach puts you in right, you run out there like it’s the greatest position on the field (even though you don’t get a lot of action, you are furthest from the rest of the players, and no one takes you seriously).  It is still a position Tebow would love to play.  You don’t really need the best arm to be in right because it’s outfield position is usually situated a bit closer to the infield than left or center and the ball is more or less hit to center or left than right field.  Putting Tebow there would make his day.  He would love to just be a part of the team no matter what position he played.  Tebow doesn’t got the best and most accurate arm, but he makes the important throws when it counts (thanks Jesus) and would hustle his ass off the just back up Cam at center, Carson at 2nd and Manning at 1st even if the ball was hit to Brady at the pitching mound.  His hustle and bustle would either annoy the shit outta everybody else or he would just be the guy to make fun of, “Hey guys, let’s Tebow if he catches a pop fly?!”  Nice.

8. Drew Brees: Shortstop.  Brees is solid.  Brees posted a ridiculous 71.2 completion percentage, threw 46 touchdowns and was second in the league in Expected Points Added with 246.2.  You need someone with a solid arm and accuracy at shortstop.   He would get down in the dirt to stop the ball and make the double plays. Shortstop is the position everyone admires and respects.  Seems like Brees would be the perfect fit with his good guy demeanor and  family man smile.

9.  Ben the FatAss Douche Roethlisberger–Catcher.  GOD this guy sucks.  But you need a fat ass to be behind home plate.  Being the fattest QB in the NFL, obviously he would be catcher to stop those pitches and break the small bodies of oncoming runners sliding into home. Who knows if he has a decent arm?  I think he does but who really knows.  When you watch this guy play football you can’t help but stare at his ripples of fat all over his body, particularly on his face.  No one should be that fat in the NFL unless you are a lineman, but hey this is softball.  You can be as fat as you want as long as you can stop and throw the ball.  Fat Ass Douche is Fat enough.

Now can any of these dudes actually  hit the ball?  That will have to be a different post.