The biggest college football game in the City of Angels is almost upon us. Can’t you just smell the hatred and bitterness in the air with every passing pedestrian on the street? Fortunately for us, during every college football game in Los Angeles ( well, for any big event taking place in the city for that matter), the streets usually smell like those delectable bacon wrapped hot dogs sold on every street corner. The crackling and greasy aroma is beyond intoxicating.
You would think the Battle of LA could be settled over a shared round of these delicious bacon wrapped hot dogs. If the Pilgrims can come together with the native Americans over a plate of potatoes….then maybe the Trojans and Bruins can to. Sadly no, they are just too damn good and they should only belong to one team and one team alone. And that is USC, because frankly, I think they sell more in South Los Angeles than they do in the bougie parking lot of the Rose Bowl. Oh wait, the Rose Bowl isn’t even encompassed by the city streets of LA?! The Rose Bowl isn’t even on the FUCLA campus…..hmmmmmmm now that is a disadvantage for those pesky Bruins.
The freakin’ Rose Bowl is literally an hour away from campus. Now what kind of school spirit is that? I’ll tell you, one that lets its students drink and drive, that’s what!
The game this year will be held at the Rose Bowl, a place where your backs go to die. Have you sat in those seats? There are no backs, they are merely just cold metal benches. The Rose Bowl fails to accommodate those who actually don’t want to feel back pain. Might as well stay at your tailgate, watch the game from a flat screen TV nestled in the back of someone’s SUV and sit in a lawn chair.
Aside from no beer being sold in the Rose Bowl, this is sadly a reality with the Coliseum as well. Us fans in LA just can’t seem to handle our booze in a respectable fashion. Which is why those bacon wrapped hot dogs come into play. Those hot dogs could potentially save lives, sobering up fans before and after the game, so as to not make an embarrassing scene. You never know.
In addition to the glory of winning and presiding over Los Angeles as if it were their own personal playground of youth indiscretion for the rest of year, I think the winning team should also receive reign over these bacon wrapped hot dogs. Make the pot a bit tastier and sweeter.
Even though FUCLA is favored by 3.5 points, I think USC can take them and win. Losing the past 3 years has put USC in the hot seat, made them more hungry for the victory, giving them something to prove to not only themselves, but to their stomachs. I strongly believe the Trojans’ can take the Bruins tomorrow night, if not for the citywide bragging rights but for those damn good hot dogs.
And please Tommy Trojan, stab the hell out of that field for all that is awesome and heavenly delectable.