Top 10 Reasons Why I’m Excited For College Football 2015

College Football 2015 is fast approaching and I can hardly contain my excitement.  Almost as excited as Tim Tebow’s first day as an Alter Boy.

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So I assembled my top 10 reasons to be excited for the upcoming 2015 season.

10. Alabama vs. Tennessee

Even though Tennessee will be meeting Alabama in Tuscaloosa, it will still be entertaining to see Lane Kiffin squirm on the sidelines. After all, Knoxville did name their sewage system after Kiffin’s unexpected departure. Only a lucky few college football coaches have ever received such an honor.

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9. Charlie Strong Wrangling The Longhorns?

Is Charlie Strong in the hot seat? As college football fans are well aware, Texas football is not only a way of life, it IS life. They expect championships and expect no less.  Charlie Strong is entering his second year as their head coach. His 2nd!  Honestly, if Texas wins one more game than they did last year, that wouldn’t matter.  But if Texas faces another dismal season in 2015 and fires Strong entering the 2016 season….geeze, get a life Texas.

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8. Beat the Irish!

Notre Dame is ranked #10 in the preseason polls.  It really grinds me gears that no matter how shitty they were the season before, Notre Dame always seems to creep their way into the top 25 preseason poles.  WTF?! Yea well, Rudy won’t save you this season.

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7. Wow! Oregon’s Uniforms!

You gotta hand it to them, every season the Oregon Ducks give our eyes a nice little gift: tight neon-colored spandex boasting feathers of flight. Flight to Football. Nice.

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6. Urban Meyer’s Non-Existent Health Problem

Let’s see if he makes it out another year. Sorry Meyer family, the Buckeyes are far more important than you.  Careful there Urban, your anger may only exacerbate that heart condition of yours….

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5. Everett “Cheater” Golson Taking Over For Crab Legs

Should be entertaining to see a Notre Dame drop out attempt to form his own legacy following Heisman Trophy-Winning Crab Stealing Misogynist Winston. It is quite the legacy, I must say.  However, Golson is one of the smallest QBs in the game.  Apparently, Golson could be the shortest Florida State QB in nearly 30 years.  He has no chance.

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Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston, right, greets Notre Dame quarterback Everett Golson after Florida State won 31-27 in an NCAA college football game in Tallahassee, Fla., Saturday, Oct. 18, 2014. (AP Photo/Mark Wallheiser)

Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston, right, greets Notre Dame quarterback Everett Golson after Florida State won 31-27 in an NCAA college football game in Tallahassee, Fla., Saturday, Oct. 18, 2014. (AP Photo/Mark Wallheiser)

4. Introducing Ann Arbor’s Own: Constipation Face

I don’t know about you, but I’m excited to see Constipation Face take the Big House by storm. Not so much with his football team, but with his douche-bag childish antics and ridiculous facial expressions, I’m sure we are in for some pure laughter. Those high rising tight khakis alone are up for a College Football comeback.

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And my personal favorite….

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3. Another Year, Another Year Older Can Only Mean One Thing: Retirement For Lee Corso!

Homeboy needs to pack his bags and take up golf. Someone just has to beat College Game Day out of him.  Or maybe just have one bad fall….. (I’m going to hell)

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2. Playoffs Take 2

2nd time can be a charm.

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1. FIGHT ON

Oh yeah 🙂

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Buck Buck Quack Quack

Tomorrow is the first ever College Football Playoff Championship.  Are we excited or are WE EXCITED?!

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So what does this game have in store?  In the right corner, we have Urban Meyer and his Ohio State Buckeyes.  You have to admit, the Buckeyes 42-35 win over Alabama had us all in shock.

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I think it is safe to say that Urban Meyer now has Nick Saban by the cojones. Sorry Saban, maybe you need to get rid of your Offensive Coordinator.

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And to the left, we have the Nike-owned Oregon Ducks.  Those gosh darn kids have so many different football uniforms, they could clothe an entire Mexican village.  Heisman winner Marcus Mariotta has had a stellar season, completing nearly 70 percent of his passes, 4,121 passing yards, 731 rushing yards, 55 total touchdowns and three interceptions.  Dayum.

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Who is the better team?  I honestly have no idea.  As a fan of neither team, you always need to root for your team’s conference to win.  So in this instance, go Pac-12.

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Bias aside, I think it will definitely be an interesting nail-biter .  Hell, the Buckeyes beat Alabama, Urban Meyer defeated The Lord of the Rings, Gollumm defeated Sauron.  That is crazy talk.  Well I’m sure Tim Tebow is one happy camper.

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Aside from winners and losers, this isn’t just any championship football game, this is about making college football history.  Granted the trophy is nothing to be proud of nor the location of the game, Dallas, this game is a kick-off of what we hope will be a long Playoff tenure for College Football.  I wish upon a star…..

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Although the Playoff Committee did receive some flack regarding their snub of TCU (sorry horned frogs, we gotta give other Christians a chance), you can’t help but assume that the Committee was going to experience some grief their first time around.  No system is perfect…..::cough BCS cough::.  All we can hope is for the Playoffs to NOT be dominated by the SEC team.

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Even though Ohio State is in not in the SEC, who the hell wants to see Urban Meyer get up there and raise that sad excuse for a trophy?  The guy is a flat-out liar who hates his family.  He blatantly choose his football coaching career ($$ cha-ching $$) over focusing on his family as well as improving his “ailing” health condition.  Some health condition, a condition that took him all the way to the championship game.  Yea, well….we will see how that will work out.

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You gotta be rooting for Oregon.  They have yet to win a National Championship, have a Heisman Trophy winner playing as Quarterback and just look so damn cool on the field.  In every notable game they have ever played, the Oregon Ducks have always worn a different uniform.  Thank you Nike.
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Intimidating?  Not so sure you can be badass in white.  Although they did look pretty sweet when they  looked like Ninjas.

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So let us watch the game tomorrow night in high spirits, not only for the Oregon Ducks but for the College Football Playoffs.  I would like to think that the outcome of this game doesn’t necessarily matter, but it does.  The viewership of this championship game is what is what matters. The number of those viewers who positively promote the Playoffs is what matters.  If nobody watches, it is just a matter of time until the NCAA decides to revert back to the good ol’ BCS.

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I give it five years.

 

 

 

Urban Meyer the Liar

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If the ass clowns at the NCAA could catch a liar red-handed, they would go Monstro on Urban Meyer’s ass.  Then again, the NCAA can’t even catch a cold.  ShooOOOOOooot.

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Urban Meyer, do yourself a favor, quit coaching an overrated team whose conference has a sad excuse for a competitive schedule and start living up to your promises of spending more time with your family, and more importantly, taking care of your health.

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Or go do what you really love……. Tebow.

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Meyer baggin’ the Buckeye loot

Urban Meyer, Ohio State’s new football coach, is receiving a minimum of $4 million annually.  A MINIMUM.  Meyer is receiving more money than his be loved predecessor, the sweater vest man himself Jim Tressel.  Sounds like the Buckeyes won’t be missing Tressel.

Ohio State University completed the details of Meyer’s contract and released it Monday, with all the excessive money-grubbing spending-ness.  The school’s board of trustees are expected to approve it later this week.  Let’s just go over what they exactly need to approve shall we??

The ridiculously deal runs through 2017, hoping Meyer will rebuild the program back to its college football prestige.  Prestige eh..?  The Buckeyes received a one year bowl ban for NCAA rule violations under former coach Jim Tressel.  Sweater-vest Tressel was forced out because he didn’t tell anyone he received a tip about some players violating some pesky NCAA rules.  Darn those just get in way don’t they?  These violations included 8 players (count ’em 12….oh wait 8!) taking $14,000 cash and tattoos in exchange for   jerseys, rings and other football memorabilia.  Better be some sweet glow in the dark tattoos that can make you dinner and do your taxes too. ShooOOOoooot. 

Now back to this lucrative contract for Mr. Meyer.  Meyer’s contract guarantees him at least $4 million annually ( up from Tressel’s $3.8 million) with “many” chances to make significantly more with bonuses, youth camps and other compensation.  It includes SOOOooOOO many perks it should be labeled RIDIC : golf membership, car stipends, unlimited tickets and a suite for home football games, use of private jet for recruiting and “private” trips on the school’s tab.  Yea, “private” trips being weekend getaways to the Bahamas.  Well, if the trip is under 35 hours……

Meyer will get more money than the freakin’ president of the University, Gordon Gee.  The only important difference between Meyer’s contract from Jim Tressel’s is that the contract goes into greater detail about what he must do when in the face of a potential NCAA violation.  If he follows all the rules like a good highly-paid coach, Meyer will receive employment bonuses, a division title bonus, a league championship bonus as well as a BCS bowl bonus (since the Buckeyes are banned one year from playing in a bowl game this year, Meyer can still get his bonuses by still having the team finish in the top 10 of the BCS rankings).  The bastard also can get an academic bonus if his smarty pants players have a reasonable cumulative GPA above  a 3.0.  Sounds like some football players be hiring some nerds on the quad to finish up those pesky anthropology essays and take those challenging Bio exams.  UGH.  Ohio State, just shower this dude with more green why don’t you!

According to Meyer, he doesn’t even look at his contract.  Is he crazy??  “”I really don’t look at the contract.  I had my attorney look at it. I just don’t deal with that or how it compares to other contracts across the country, so I never looked at it. We talked through it and I’m OK with it.”  That’s great Meyer, for you to be just OK with the contract because the private jet perks and 6 potential bonuses you can receive are just OK.  How is that heart condition treating ya buddy?  Is it OK now?  Glad you are a happy man because there so many other football programs who could use that money to salvage a worthy football program and actually reach the BCS championship.  With all that dough flying around your face, I am sure no NCAA violations will get past you!  Psssssh..! Shit, with all that money who cares if there were any NCAA violations, you are going to get a bowl game bonus regardless if you ever actually reach a bowl game this year and finish in the top 10.

Ohio State is delusional if they think they can pay this one person vast amounts of money and believe that they are going to be a championship caliber football team.  Get real Buckeyes.  You cheated and you deserve far more punishment than you received from the NCAA.  Just count your blessings……better yet….just keep counting your money.