The Battle of LA – The Battle of the Bacon Wrapped Hot Dogs

ucla-campus-usc-paint-bear                                                   tommy_trjan


The biggest college football game in the City of Angels is almost upon us.  Can’t you just smell the hatred and bitterness in the air with every passing pedestrian on the street?  Fortunately for us, during every college football game in Los Angeles ( well, for any big event taking place in the city for that matter), the streets usually smell like those delectable bacon wrapped hot dogs sold on every street corner.  The crackling  and greasy aroma is beyond intoxicating.


tumblr_ndcxd9fLDc1s2wio8o1_500You would think the Battle of LA could be settled over a shared round of these delicious bacon wrapped hot dogs. If the Pilgrims can come together with the native Americans over a plate of potatoes….then maybe the Trojans and Bruins can to.  Sadly no, they are just too damn good and they should only belong to one team and one team alone.  And that is USC, because frankly, I think they sell more in South Los Angeles than they do in the bougie parking lot of the Rose Bowl.  Oh wait, the Rose Bowl isn’t even encompassed by the city streets of LA?!  The Rose Bowl isn’t even on the FUCLA campus…..hmmmmmmm now that is a disadvantage for those pesky Bruins.

The freakin’ Rose Bowl is literally an hour away from campus.  Now what kind of school spirit is that?  I’ll tell you, one that lets its students drink and drive, that’s what!

FireShot Screen Capture #1403 - 'getting to rose bowl from ucla - Google Search' - www_google_com_search_site=&source=hp&q=getting+to+rose+bowl+from+ucla&oq=getting+to+rose+bowl+from+ucla&gs_l=hp_The game this year will be held at the Rose Bowl, a place where your backs go to die.  Have you sat in those seats? There are no backs, they are merely just cold metal benches. The Rose Bowl fails to accommodate those who actually don’t want to feel back pain.  Might as well stay at your tailgate, watch the game from a flat screen TV nestled in the back of someone’s SUV and sit in a lawn chair.


Aside from no beer being sold in the Rose Bowl, this is sadly a reality with the Coliseum as well.  Us fans in LA just can’t seem to handle our booze in a respectable fashion.  Which is why those bacon wrapped hot dogs come into play.  Those hot dogs could potentially save lives, sobering up fans before and after the game, so as to not make an embarrassing scene.  You never know.


In addition to the glory of winning and presiding over Los Angeles as if it were their own personal playground of youth indiscretion for the rest of year, I think the winning team should also receive reign over these bacon wrapped hot dogs.  Make the pot a bit tastier and sweeter.


Even though FUCLA is favored by 3.5 points, I think USC can take them and win. Losing the past 3 years has put USC in the hot seat, made them more hungry for the victory, giving them something to prove to not only themselves, but to their stomachs.  I strongly believe the Trojans’ can take the Bruins tomorrow night, if not for the citywide bragging rights but for those damn good hot dogs.



And please Tommy Trojan, stab the hell out of that field for all that is awesome and heavenly delectable.


College Football > The NFL

I don’t know about you, but I am more excited than a fat kid at the county fair right now….and you know why?


Two words: College Football…….and maybe beer.


Better make that three words.


College Football is upon us! This is the time of year when being crunk before 4 pm is acceptable, when you change your cell phone ring to marching band music, when hanging out in the parking lot is socially acceptable and when getting into heated fights no matter where you are is just plain awesome.


From the Coliseum to Kyle Field, from the “Big House” to Beaver Stadium, college football fans are thinking more about Saturday’s game than anything at work, that’s for sure.


It’s the thought that if your team loses one game, their national championship aspirations may be shot to shiz. It’s that late-game interception that leads the dramatic two-minute victory. That’s what we come out in hoards to see these boys give all they got every weekend.

Beyond awesome.


But then awesomeness is at times derailed by the few sorry people who ask you “Why are you wasting your time watching College? The NFL is way better bro!”  I really hate coming into contact with those people because for one, it is illegal to set their car on fire, two, fantasy football is actually kind of cool and three, they know deep down in their very souls that they are just flat-out wrong.


So here is my top 15 reasons why College Football is better than the NFL.

1. The Rivalries


Pro-football rivalries pale in comparison to long-standing college ones.  There’s really no comparison. Not only have they been around longer and generate a more intense atmosphere for the upcoming match-up, they play just once for a solid year of bragging rights. The NFL will play their rival from the same division at least twice in a single season, removing the significance of each win.  What’s the fun in that?


Love THIS!

2. The Heisman Trophy

Does the NFL have a Heisman Trophy….?


3. The Marching Bands

College bands are an integral part of the college football experience. They have a way of getting fans pumped up and behind their team like no other. The music is so loud and powerful, you cannot help feeling motivated to get off your seat, clap your hands, and scream your fight song at the top of your lungs. It generates a special feeling and unique atmosphere foreign to pro sports.

Some of these marching bands have even won Grammy awards, been featured on Late Night, in feature films and even have had THE Ron Burgundy lead them to the promise land.


Just saying……

BTW: Kudos to the band who got banned by the BYU Mormons.  You are an inspiration to all.


4. A Day to Get Over the Hangover


Monday is a work day.  That sucks because if you’re an NFL fan and you can’t hold your liquor, you’ve probably gone through life bouncing around between jobs or just completely hating life every Monday morning.  Do not discount the day of reckoning brought upon you by the hangover gods!  College games on Saturday should be your Day of Sloshness and then Sunday your Hangover Day.  If not, you might have to start exercising some self-control, and who really wants to do that?


5. Brent Musburger


You can hate Brent all you want but the man at least makes it interesting.  Sure, he makes it interesting by using the same old catch phrases that he’s been using for years, plus in his old age he is getting more and more inappropriate and senile.  Thank you AJ McCarron.

There’s also a Brent Musburger drinking game…?!?!?!! OMG you must see for yourself: That alone gets him on the list….and Herbie ❤



6. Roger Goodell doesn’t exist in College Football


I’m not a big fan of the Hammer.  Seriously.  I don’t understand why 32 grown upindividuals, the owners of each NFL team, can’t come up with real discipline rules and ways of solving issues, especially when it comes to domestic abuse.  “Uhhhh this player who beat the hell out of his wife…..let’s suspend him for only 2 games.  BUT this other fella who tested positive for marijuana….let’s suspend him for an entire year!”  What the hell Roger?  And, then, he’s washing his hands ofthe whole Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy problem and leaving it up to the players and owners to get through.  Whatever, dude.



7. The Scandals

Yeah, I know, it’s a negative but for many others, it’s gold!  I mean, where else can you get into ridiculous debates about whether or not the exploitation of individuals is based on some cockamamie scheme of providing a college education is okay?  No where else except in college football!  Without Jameis Winston last year, the end of the season sure would have been boring.  Being charged for only 1/2 crimes is pure scandal in the making, when the crime he was actually charged for was straight up foolish. Damn, those crab legs must have been worth it.  And you gotta hand it to Josh Shaw of USC for being a complete moron and lying to God.  Ugh.


Idiocy is entertainment.  Haven’t you seen Jackass?


8. Lou Holtz vs Mark May

These two together is just two college football peas in a pod.  Love them 🙂

Every season, you can always count on these two to bring on the heated bickering to ESPN, diverting our attention from the moronic behavior of Lee Corso.  And rightly so.


9. The Cheerleaders

Sure, most fellas would put this group of folks much higher than number 10 on the list, but come on people, really?  From a purely aesthetic point of view, cheerleaders are cool.  They dance and holler and they’re always happy.  Plus, it’s nice to see somebody dancing and doing flippity dippitiy moves without having to wait every four years for the Summer Olympics.



Plus I would hope their academic scholarship is more than $50/game.  Sorry Raider Girls…..

10. Better Tailgating

You can live anywhere in the United States, well, almost anywhere, and get to a college football game.  No, really.  And…when you get to that college football game, if you wear the right colors there will be somebody, somewhere in the parking lot, willing to give you a bratwurst and ice-cold brewski.


While both NFL and college venues feature elaborate tailgating traditions, the college atmosphere is a lot more fan-friendly and just flat-out more awesome. Most college fans bring their entire family, adding a nice little Hallmark touch to the party. Let’s face it, there are idiots that abuse alcohol in all walks of life, but at college tailgates, it seems a bit more contained and just downright fun.  Don’t worry, there are bound to be some parental figures there to keep your idiocy in check.


11. Better Overtime

In college football, both teams are given equal opportunity to score, and the outcome does not hinge on a mere coin toss. While the coin toss does determine which one first goes on offense, the other team still gets a fair shot to score. Each team starts on the defender’s 25 yard-line and on fourth down they can either go for it to obtain a first down or touchdown, or kick a field goal. The other team then gets a turn to do the same. If the other team scored a touchdown or a field goal, your team must do the same or you lose the game.  It can get intense.


It’s high time the NFL implements a similar method not so contingent on a coin toss.


12. Each is Game is IMPORTANT

In college football, rarely do we see a team play the same opponent in a single season. In the NFL, a team will play another from the same division twice in one season. While some fans argue it gives them a chance at payback, it confuses bragging rights unless the same team wins both match-ups. USC and UCLA fans and players can brag, with annual certainty, that they beat their rival back in said year. And isn’t that what bragging rights are all about?


An NFL fan cannot claim the same unless they beat their rival both times in a single season. If they have to share bragging rights in a given season, it takes something away from the win and makes beating your rival meaningless; especially if the loser of the first meeting manages to make it to the playoffs while your team sits at home.



13. No Trades, No Lockouts, No Changes

Just ask any Cleveland Browns fan how devastating it can be when your team decides to uproot and move to another city. The Michigan Wolverines will always be in Anne Arbor, forever sport blue & yellow, and will never cease to exist. Many fans of certain pro teams over the years did not have that same sense of security. A college fan could never imagine their team disappearing or moving to another location. It would be a nightmarish scenario for any fan of any sport to endure.


Our lives are filled with such uncertainty at times, the continuity of college football is a refreshing reminder that we DO have something we can always count on.  Sweet.


14. The Polls and Rankings

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, polls provide college fans with something to brag about and a gauge to compare their team to others. While it remains an imperfect system until we see how “playoffs” will work out this year, it was still better than what the NFL has. Polls give fans something to talk or brag about each week leading up to the next game. They’re also fun to contemplate, in particular if you like stats and numbers.


15. The Tradition


College football traditions are the oldest and most elaborate practices in all of sports. There’s the Little Brown Jug awarded to the winner of the annual Michigan verses Minnesota game, the War Eagle entrance for the Auburn Tigers, dotting the “I” in Script Ohio, the Clemson tigers running down the hill, the Twelfth Man at Texas A&M, the Victory bell awarded to the winner of the annual USC vs. FUCLA game and who can forget Notre Dame castrating all the players after Halloween.

Actually, I just made that last one up.  Who says that SHOULDN’T happen though!


So here we go College Football fans.  It’s our time to shine!


How to put the F in UCLA

Well well well the Bruins are really living up to their Baby Blue color.  UCLA is stooping to some selfish, and idiotic, lows to make this Saturday’s game against their big town LA rival, USC, a safer and secure environment to promote more sportsmanship among fans.  Well if that is the case, then why is UCLA pulling out all the stops to make USC look like the bad guy?  Why is UCLA making empty threats to USC, challenging and undermining their long-held traditions?

I’ll tell you why.  UCLA is falsely promoting sportsmanship when in fact it is mere disguise to wipe out the integrity and pride of USC.  UCLA told USC that their drum major, Tommy Trojan, would not be allowed to stick the sword in the midfield “UCLA” logo during USC’s pregame band performance prior to kickoff.  The routine, which always goes to Tommy Trojan (the drum major), has been a part of USC’s pre-game routine for decades…i dunno, like 40 YEARS.  An individual in the UCLA athletic department told Chris Foster of The Los Angeles Times that should the drum major choose to stab UCLA’s logo, the USC band will not perform at halftime.   Well, that sounds mature.

“In the spirit of cooperation and sportsmanship and at the request of the UCLA athletic department, the USC marching band drum major will not stab the field before the game Saturday,” USC said in a statement released Tuesday.  I’d be remiss if I failed to mention that UCLA has lost 12 of 13 to the Trojans, including a 50-0 loss last November that sealed Rick Neuheisel’s fate. But …..oh have the times have changed: UCLA is 8-2, atop the Pac-12 South Division, ranked higher than the Trojans and USC is no longer allowed to just stab away at the Rose Bowl’s field like Michael Meyers in Halloween.

The only dignity USC has left this season is being a lousy 4 point favor and upholding their traditions, their pride, their school spirit.  What is a college team without tradition?  Probably not a fun one. What are UCLA’s traditions again?   Putting the F in UCLA right?  Oh wait, that is USC’s…my bad.

I guess there is somewhat of a back story to how all this absurdity came to be.  When the game was played in 2010 at the Rose Bowl, multiple brawls in the parking lot erupted before the game, and two people were stabbed.  It was one of several high profile fan violence incidences in Los Angeles, a list that  unfortunately continues to grow and grow.  

Earlier this year, both UCLA and USC, as well as professional sports teams, institutions and venues, adopted the Los Angeles Sports Council’s Southern California Code of Conduct. It is outlined on the UCLA athletics website.  Go figure…..all of this violence occurred at The ROSE BOWL, not the Coliseum, all this violence is outlined on the UCLA website.  I hate to point fingers but UCLA is making it really hard not to.

Yes, the planting of the sword is a violent act itself but it is tradition.  Would you tell Colorado that they are no longer allowed to run out with the Buffalo on the field or the Oklahoma Sooners to shoot their muskets?  I don’t think so.  Just because the Trojan represents a warrior who happens to rock a sword and shield, why punish a school for the tradition that only harms the groundskeepers?  Interestingly enough, all of this violence has only went down under UCLA’s watch.

There were no brawls on USC’s home court Coliseum last year or the times before, so why punish the Trojans when they come to the Rose Bowl?  Yes, fans will get rowdy especially when they are home town rivals and it is hard to blame one side or the other for the violence because it is probably equally instigated by fans decked out in cardinal or baby blue.  But UCLA is taking this sportsmanship to extreme and quite possibly dangerous lengths.

A school so dedicated to making their sporting arena a friendly place and endorsing sportsmanship is sure making a decision that WILL create more violence and intensity among fans.  Taking away your rival’s traditions is not the answer.  It is merely going to piss everybody off.  You sure as hell aren’t going to bring out the best in both teams.  The rivalry should be held with graciousness and class but come on!  This is Football not the Chess Club, it is going to get nasty among the players and the fans because it is one of the most violent sports in this country.












Does this prove that UCLA are babies?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  I just don’t get why there is so much sensitivity all of a sudden.  Has this been an oppressive action that UCLA has been living with these last 40 years and just haven’t said anything?  Are the complaints mounting and mounting to the point where UCLA’s Athletic Director Guerrero has to do something to appease the whiny alumni?  Or is this possibly a PR ploy to get the fans and media all riled up for the big rivalry.

Hate to break it to you Bruins, but you are ranked higher than USC this year, you actually have a real shot of BEATING the Trojans and basking in the glory of  being Los Angeles’ college football team.  The Trojans are on the decline and UCLA knows it.  This Trojan fan just wants to put the blame on UCLA because it’s easy and it feels just too damn good.  But safety is always an important issue in any sporting event and measure should always be taken into great length to ensure everyone’s safety, both players and the fans.  The Bruins are just making this a “ME” issue and taking it away from the Trojans.

This isn’t about defacing or disrespecting UCLA, it is about USC’s pride and football tradition.  It is to get the band going and get the fans excited to watch their team take the field.  The sword is planted in the center of the field, it has nothing to do with the placement of the logo…that would just get too complicated.  It is a shame to reduce the rivalry to this.  Hopefully this new sportsmanship resonates with all the fans….because it is the ultimate lesson to be learned in any sport…but realistically, it seems like the USC fans will instead tear the Rose Bowl apart.  I just wish i could be there to hear the “U-C-L-A Sucks song,” it is going to be beyond loud and roaring all throughout Pasadena.

“FIGHT ON…..but safely (and without swords)

Damn Bruins

First they taken down Matty Barkley’s bootiful face off  Westwood Billboard and now they have to beat Rice in their opening game.  Jim Mora ain’t looking that half bad……

A few days ago, USC quarterback Matt Barkley’s awesome possum Billboard was taken down in Westwood (UCLA territory), not too far from the main campus.  The billboard was stripped or painted over either late Monday night or early Tuesday morning and now shows nothing but a black background.  The billboard featured the Trojan stud standing at a wooden podium with an official USC Trojans microphone right below him, looking off into the crowd…..or the distance…along with big bold letters, “WE PLAY TO FINISH,” with the LA in “PLAY” highlighted in gold.  Trojan gold…..none of the Bruin yellow shizzz.  Love it.  

Unfortunately the billboard was taken down after 1 DAY.  No worries though, it clearly has done its damage.  FIGHT ON you UCLA bruins.

According to ESPN, Several Bruin players said that the Billboard was too close to comfort.  Well yea, it was only in your backyard.  Come on Boys!  Just giving you some steam to blow off before game day!  Get you all fired up for those bowl games you won’t be playing in.



Apparently the covering up of the billboard was not a “USC decision.”  Sorry, but no duh?  Why would they ever take it down in enemy territory?  It’s like pulling back your troops right before battle.  UCLA officials have also denied any involvement.  Yes, all bruins must protect their own.  I would sure hope so, don’t want any Benedict Arnolds here.

The billboard site is owned by Regency Outdoor Advertising, a company co-owned by Brian Kennedy, a prominent USC donor. Kennedy said Tuesday the company decided to move the Barkley board to another location.  This just gets better and better 😀

It is beyond awesome that the Billboard was in Westwood, prime time hangout for FUCLA students……or asians.  But what is even better is the how perfect the location was, on the corner of Westwood Boulevard and Lindbrook Drive, a major MAJOR West LA traffic trap.  For all you farming non city dwellers out there….when I say traffic trap, I mean a car gridlock where the cars ain’t moving in the streets because everybody is trying to get home the exact same time at 5pm.  Doesn’t that sound just great!  Well the SC marketers made the best of an LA situation…..and placed this glorious Billboard right in the heart of Westwood’s traffic trap.  People just sitting in their cars with nothing to look at except the car in front of you, the traffic light, and the big beautiful billboards in the sky.  I can see it now, all these UCLA alumni, students and fans in their cars….steaming with anger or just in absolute disbelief that a USC billboard would be chilling near their precious baby blue school when football season is about the begin.  Forgive the obligatory Ha HAAAA (Nelson Muntz insert).  I’m surprised it took them a day to take it down.  I mean UCLA actually has the letters “LA” in their school name than USC…..hmmmmmmmm interesting.   If a UCLA billboard was up in south central, SC territory, it wouldn’t have even lasted an hour.

UCLA fans on online message boards congregated when the LATimes story was released and complained about the ad being near the school’s campus, appearing to jokingly plan on a blue-paintball assault on the billboard to reclaim their territory. Subtle…..

“I wish some one (sic) would take the time to deface it,” one fan wrote. “Just saying.”  Then do it!  Bruin Bitch.

None of the other 29 Billboards with Barkley’s face have been taken down. This multi-platform SC marketing campaign will continue on bus wraps and other available ad slots around Southern California…. not near Bruinville…and will stretch out nationwide next week.



Barkley seemed unfazed by it all….but secretly LOVING it. “I know they’re up all over Southern California,” he said. “My job is on the field, so whatever happens with that happens.”  Spoken by a true class act.  FIGHT ON Matty!

Take a splash in the Pacific :)

The most wonderful time of year is upon us……..COLLEGE FOOTBALL baby!

Aside from the awesomeness that is USC, there are four new coaches in the Pac-12 Conference.  Four teams who will debuting not just a new coach but a new team, a new work ethic, a new collegiate football culture.  Not the exact time and place these teams would have liked to be at in their athletic career, but hey!  better make the best of it.

Rich Rodriguez (or RiRo as I like to call him) is at Arizona, Todd Graham at Arizona State, Mike Leach at Washington State, and of course….Jim Mora at FUCLA.  Apparently these fab four our pocketing a lot more money these days than their predecessors.  Big time hires means Big time money, which can only mean Big time season!




With that being said, the expectations are running purdy darn high for these Pac 12 teams.  We all know SC is going to dominate the conference along with those pesky but damn good-looking Ducks, but that leaves the 10 remaining teams with the difficult challenge to fulfill those high expectations and ACTUALLY compete.  That is either going to make the 2012 season a yawn for those SEC bandwagon fans on the other side of the country or an absolute BLASTY for those west coasters who want to see if these new coaches will put their money where their mouth is.

So how do these coaches deal with all these high expectations?  They call it “Re-Building.”  The word “re-building” just sounds safer   and sounder than “conference domination” or “we are here to win!”  Winning is the obvious but a new coach isn’t going to come in and expect the team to win the conference let alone every game.

Arizona State’s coach is either the most delusional about the issue or just a smart guy who knows how to win over his team:




“We’re in some big-time recruiting battles right now,” Graham said. “Kids want to go to a big-time program. I’m just being honest. If I sit here and say, ‘Well, you know, it’s just going to take time.’ I don’t think they want to hear that. And I really don’t think that’s the reality of it. It’s just not in my mindset to approach things that way. I just believe you can get what you expect. Is it going to be easy? No. Are we going to face a lot of adversity? Yes. Can we win a championship this first year? Yes we can. That’s what our mission is going to be.”

This relentless optimism can get obnoxious but can also be what is giving a football team the energy and attitude they need to make it to practice everyday and suit up for the big games.  Any athletic team needs focus, discipline and dedication, ultimately relying on their coaches for that push.  Will these four new coaches reach the promise land?  Well, definitely not in their first season…..but let us hope for the best and encourage these coaches to make the Pac-12 the most competitive conference in college football 🙂  Just to shut up that pesky SEC conference.