Thank you Oregon

Who would have thought that the Oregon Ducks consistent revamping of their uniforms would make everybody else look bad?

It seems like the Ducks change their uniforms so often, they could wear a different one for every game.  Hey, they are the second best team in the country according to both the AP and USA Today Poll.  Maybe if a team starts sporting a new sleek look they will start winning a few games and climb to the top of the polls.  Which is why other teams are starting to catch on to this “trend.”  Who doesn’t want to sport a new look, even if it is just for one game?

However, every other college football team that has come forth and decided to do the same, in hopes to create a more intimidating yet commercial “endorsement” friendly uniform, have yet to succeed in styling a new good look. The culprits: South Carolina Gamecocks and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish.

These aesthetic changes are good in theory, but these two teams have just gone off the deep end.  For the big meet this Saturday against the ridiculously overrated LSU Tigers in Baton Rouge, South Carolina had Under Armour design their new “Battle” uniforms, fully equipped with gray camo under shirts and pants.  Who would ever think to compare football to war, that is just crazy talk?!  Under Armour claims that these uniforms were inspired by a Battleship.  A Battleship…….?!  Which one?  The Game?  The Movie? They must have just seen that Rhianna movie too many times.

Why do the Gamecocks feel like they need to use their uniforms as a military tribute?  Especially a butt ugly military tribute.  America, Fuck YA! But hey, it could intimidate the hell out of Les Miles, making him and his team the Marty McFly “Chickens” of College Football, running scared and going back to the future.

Now onto the Irish.  The Notre Dame uniforms aren’t really the issue, it’s the helmet.  These smarty pants Irishmen decided to split their helmet basically into two, one side purely gold (resembling their famous golden DOME) and the other side dark blue with a white depiction of the fighting Irish leprechaun.  One question:  WHY!?!?!  Just do one or the other, not BOTH.  A college football team shouldn’t be this indecisive.  Aren’t you called the Fighting Irish?  ShooOOOooot why didn’t anybody fight over this dumb idea?  They used to look so classic and clean, purely golden, and now they are reduced to looking like something out of Peewee’s Playhouse.  The spilt is not even centered?!  What genius geometry whiz thought of that?  I bet you Brian Kelly thought it would be ingenious to put on two different patterns on the football helmets to confuse the other team..look one side our little fighting mascot, how cute….. but then SHABAMMMMMM, the other side blinds you with their shiny golden heads.  You become so disoriented that you can’t defend those fighting Irish as they run past you, scoring countless touchdowns. pssssh…..They wish.  Yea right, they are just butt ugly.  Opponents be straight up laughing at your dumb looking fat heads.  Just wait for the Stanford game.

No one can do it better than Oregon and they know it.  Oregon’s football reputation has far exceeding expectations, leading the Pac-12 conference a third year in a row with those badass Darth Vadar looking helmets, matching uniforms with”O” gloves and winged shoulders.  Damn, they look good.