The Grinches of 2014

When Christmas time rolls around, you can’t help but think of your life and the people around you.  These swimming holiday thoughts are supposed to deliberately make you feel grateful and joyous that you don’t live in a third world country, can freely express yourself on a whim and have some form of sustenance to get you through your day, whether it be food or ESPN, you got it.  Life is good people!

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But you can’t help but wonder why so many people out there have it so good yet are complete jerk faces. Especially athletes.  So let us toast to this year’s Sports Grinches to more or less make us feel better about ourselves….when in actuality we still wish we were a rich Grinch.

1.  Floyd Mayweather Jr.

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How can I not pick this buttface.  You can always count on Mayweather to make the cut for the rest of his life.  But a little incident involving a friend’s suicide definitely put him over the edge this year.  Mayweather apparently witnessed his friend’s suicide over a face to face chat on his laptop.  He obviously failed at saving a life, so he decided to take his unapologetic ass to a Clipper game later that night.

Plus, is he really going to fight Pacquiao in May?  The fight will OF COURSE fall under the exact same day as the Cotto vs Canelo show down.  Sigh…….

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2. A-rod

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This jerk just doesn’t want to go away.  In the beginning of the year, A-rod  was expected to make his big comeback from his PED suspension.  That turned out to be a big fat NO.  It was then later revealed that he paid off a family member , his cousin, to keep his mouth shut about A-rod’s shenanigans.  Would it be terrible to just come clean A-rod??   One of the major reasons he is such a class-A Grinch is that jerk face smile he is always dawning.  Then again, the Yankees do owe him about $60 million……

 

3.  Roger Goodell

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There is just not enough time in the day to begin discussing the gravity of Roger Goodell’s “Grinch” behavior he so unabashedly displayed this past year.  We shall see how 2015 will unfold for Mr. Goodell….wait, I mean the NFL.

4.  Donald Sterling

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Well this guy should be at the top of everyone’s list for 2014.  Donald Sterling proceeded to become the most hated man in the NBA overnight due to his Uncle Ben behavior.  Well, good thing he is banned from the sport entirely.

5. Lebron James

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He went back to Cleveland.  Enough said.

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College Football > The NFL

I don’t know about you, but I am more excited than a fat kid at the county fair right now….and you know why?

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Two words: College Football…….and maybe beer.

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Better make that three words.

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College Football is upon us! This is the time of year when being crunk before 4 pm is acceptable, when you change your cell phone ring to marching band music, when hanging out in the parking lot is socially acceptable and when getting into heated fights no matter where you are is just plain awesome.

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From the Coliseum to Kyle Field, from the “Big House” to Beaver Stadium, college football fans are thinking more about Saturday’s game than anything at work, that’s for sure.

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It’s the thought that if your team loses one game, their national championship aspirations may be shot to shiz. It’s that late-game interception that leads the dramatic two-minute victory. That’s what we come out in hoards to see these boys give all they got every weekend.

Beyond awesome.

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But then awesomeness is at times derailed by the few sorry people who ask you “Why are you wasting your time watching College? The NFL is way better bro!”  I really hate coming into contact with those people because for one, it is illegal to set their car on fire, two, fantasy football is actually kind of cool and three, they know deep down in their very souls that they are just flat-out wrong.

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So here is my top 15 reasons why College Football is better than the NFL.

1. The Rivalries

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Pro-football rivalries pale in comparison to long-standing college ones.  There’s really no comparison. Not only have they been around longer and generate a more intense atmosphere for the upcoming match-up, they play just once for a solid year of bragging rights. The NFL will play their rival from the same division at least twice in a single season, removing the significance of each win.  What’s the fun in that?

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Love THIS!

2. The Heisman Trophy

Does the NFL have a Heisman Trophy….?

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3. The Marching Bands

College bands are an integral part of the college football experience. They have a way of getting fans pumped up and behind their team like no other. The music is so loud and powerful, you cannot help feeling motivated to get off your seat, clap your hands, and scream your fight song at the top of your lungs. It generates a special feeling and unique atmosphere foreign to pro sports.

Some of these marching bands have even won Grammy awards, been featured on Late Night, in feature films and even have had THE Ron Burgundy lead them to the promise land.

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Just saying……

BTW: Kudos to the band who got banned by the BYU Mormons.  You are an inspiration to all.

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4. A Day to Get Over the Hangover

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Monday is a work day.  That sucks because if you’re an NFL fan and you can’t hold your liquor, you’ve probably gone through life bouncing around between jobs or just completely hating life every Monday morning.  Do not discount the day of reckoning brought upon you by the hangover gods!  College games on Saturday should be your Day of Sloshness and then Sunday your Hangover Day.  If not, you might have to start exercising some self-control, and who really wants to do that?

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5. Brent Musburger

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You can hate Brent all you want but the man at least makes it interesting.  Sure, he makes it interesting by using the same old catch phrases that he’s been using for years, plus in his old age he is getting more and more inappropriate and senile.  Thank you AJ McCarron.

There’s also a Brent Musburger drinking game…?!?!?!! OMG you must see for yourself: http://bit.ly/BQ5Tv. That alone gets him on the list….and Herbie ❤

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6. Roger Goodell doesn’t exist in College Football

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I’m not a big fan of the Hammer.  Seriously.  I don’t understand why 32 grown upindividuals, the owners of each NFL team, can’t come up with real discipline rules and ways of solving issues, especially when it comes to domestic abuse.  “Uhhhh this player who beat the hell out of his wife…..let’s suspend him for only 2 games.  BUT this other fella who tested positive for marijuana….let’s suspend him for an entire year!”  What the hell Roger?  And, then, he’s washing his hands ofthe whole Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy problem and leaving it up to the players and owners to get through.  Whatever, dude.

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7. The Scandals

Yeah, I know, it’s a negative but for many others, it’s gold!  I mean, where else can you get into ridiculous debates about whether or not the exploitation of individuals is based on some cockamamie scheme of providing a college education is okay?  No where else except in college football!  Without Jameis Winston last year, the end of the season sure would have been boring.  Being charged for only 1/2 crimes is pure scandal in the making, when the crime he was actually charged for was straight up foolish. Damn, those crab legs must have been worth it.  And you gotta hand it to Josh Shaw of USC for being a complete moron and lying to God.  Ugh.

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Idiocy is entertainment.  Haven’t you seen Jackass?

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8. Lou Holtz vs Mark May

These two together is just two college football peas in a pod.  Love them 🙂

Every season, you can always count on these two to bring on the heated bickering to ESPN, diverting our attention from the moronic behavior of Lee Corso.  And rightly so.

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9. The Cheerleaders

Sure, most fellas would put this group of folks much higher than number 10 on the list, but come on people, really?  From a purely aesthetic point of view, cheerleaders are cool.  They dance and holler and they’re always happy.  Plus, it’s nice to see somebody dancing and doing flippity dippitiy moves without having to wait every four years for the Summer Olympics.

 

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Plus I would hope their academic scholarship is more than $50/game.  Sorry Raider Girls…..

10. Better Tailgating

You can live anywhere in the United States, well, almost anywhere, and get to a college football game.  No, really.  And…when you get to that college football game, if you wear the right colors there will be somebody, somewhere in the parking lot, willing to give you a bratwurst and ice-cold brewski.

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While both NFL and college venues feature elaborate tailgating traditions, the college atmosphere is a lot more fan-friendly and just flat-out more awesome. Most college fans bring their entire family, adding a nice little Hallmark touch to the party. Let’s face it, there are idiots that abuse alcohol in all walks of life, but at college tailgates, it seems a bit more contained and just downright fun.  Don’t worry, there are bound to be some parental figures there to keep your idiocy in check.

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11. Better Overtime

In college football, both teams are given equal opportunity to score, and the outcome does not hinge on a mere coin toss. While the coin toss does determine which one first goes on offense, the other team still gets a fair shot to score. Each team starts on the defender’s 25 yard-line and on fourth down they can either go for it to obtain a first down or touchdown, or kick a field goal. The other team then gets a turn to do the same. If the other team scored a touchdown or a field goal, your team must do the same or you lose the game.  It can get intense.

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It’s high time the NFL implements a similar method not so contingent on a coin toss.

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12. Each is Game is IMPORTANT

In college football, rarely do we see a team play the same opponent in a single season. In the NFL, a team will play another from the same division twice in one season. While some fans argue it gives them a chance at payback, it confuses bragging rights unless the same team wins both match-ups. USC and UCLA fans and players can brag, with annual certainty, that they beat their rival back in said year. And isn’t that what bragging rights are all about?

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An NFL fan cannot claim the same unless they beat their rival both times in a single season. If they have to share bragging rights in a given season, it takes something away from the win and makes beating your rival meaningless; especially if the loser of the first meeting manages to make it to the playoffs while your team sits at home.

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13. No Trades, No Lockouts, No Changes

Just ask any Cleveland Browns fan how devastating it can be when your team decides to uproot and move to another city. The Michigan Wolverines will always be in Anne Arbor, forever sport blue & yellow, and will never cease to exist. Many fans of certain pro teams over the years did not have that same sense of security. A college fan could never imagine their team disappearing or moving to another location. It would be a nightmarish scenario for any fan of any sport to endure.

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Our lives are filled with such uncertainty at times, the continuity of college football is a refreshing reminder that we DO have something we can always count on.  Sweet.

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14. The Polls and Rankings

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, polls provide college fans with something to brag about and a gauge to compare their team to others. While it remains an imperfect system until we see how “playoffs” will work out this year, it was still better than what the NFL has. Polls give fans something to talk or brag about each week leading up to the next game. They’re also fun to contemplate, in particular if you like stats and numbers.

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15. The Tradition

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College football traditions are the oldest and most elaborate practices in all of sports. There’s the Little Brown Jug awarded to the winner of the annual Michigan verses Minnesota game, the War Eagle entrance for the Auburn Tigers, dotting the “I” in Script Ohio, the Clemson tigers running down the hill, the Twelfth Man at Texas A&M, the Victory bell awarded to the winner of the annual USC vs. FUCLA game and who can forget Notre Dame castrating all the players after Halloween.

Actually, I just made that last one up.  Who says that SHOULDN’T happen though!

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So here we go College Football fans.  It’s our time to shine!

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Do Women and Sports Mix?

We would like to think women and sports go together like peanut butter and jelly 😛 Might be a bit more complicated than that. It’s like what Smither’s said to Mr. Burns,”Women and Seamen don’t mix.” Ha, maybe not really.

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Women and sports have a very interesting and at times depressing relationship. With all of the controversy surrounding Ray Rice’s less than harsh punishment for hitting his wife versus the San Antonio Spurs hiring the first woman assistant coach, it’s unavoidable to question the “real” place women have in sports. There are several different sports that have a separate women’s leagues: WNBA, Softball, Soccer, Golf, Hockey.  And who can forget, lingerie football.  Kidding, kidding.

Of course the manliness sport has to have women play in their underwear……

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These women leagues have yet to experience the success of the men’s leagues, and sadly, probably never will.  Why?  For one, they are not commercially viable in part because people may think watching women play sports is not be as exciting as the big boys and flat-out just don’t care.  If people cared, they would be lucrative markets and be broadcasted nationally.  The popularity of the National Soccer League lasted about as long as David Beckham’s screen time in Bend It Like Beckham, Softball ceases to exist in the Olympics, the WNBA is going to have to hitch hike overseas, The National Hockey League ended 7 years ago and Golf…..well, let’s be honest, who the hell watches golf?

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Despite these women leagues, women athletes do in fact dominate other sports. Unfortunately, those other sports suffer the stigma of being labeled very feminine and dainty, displaying a downright sexist outlook on these women athletes. I’m looking at you Gymnastics, Figure Skating, Synchronized Swimming and Ballet.  YES, ballet.  Ballet is badass.  Haven’t you seen Center Stage? Seriously, can you don’t see those ballet dance moves done by the frail and feeble.

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In typical sexist fashion, these ‘feminine’ sports are slapped with heavy makeup, tight bright spandex, blinding sequins and at times, just awful…awful music. Despite the feminine presentation, these women are badass athletes who work hard to jump 10 ft in the air, land that triple toe lutz, tread water for hours on end while starving themselves.  That sheer dedication and their athletic prowess is immensely admirable and shouldn’t be dumbed down by being too “gay” or “soft.”  Because they are far from it.

The only sport that I can think of where women experience the same level of popularity and success as men is Tennis.  Tennis has become one of the most popular international sports, boasting around 1 billion fans around Europe, the Americas and Asia. Yes the uniforms are a bit ridiculous but the athletic intensity remains the same.  Serena Williams’ athletic power alone probably scares the hell out of men in Compton.

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It’s sad to say, but the reality is that women and sports DO mix but make some sort of odd concoction that doesn’t tend to sit well with the general male public. Then again, you have the women who have left their permanent mark on the sport they played, coached, commentated or just even loved.

Pat Summit

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Danica Patrick

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The Williams sisters

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Linda Cohn

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The interesting takeaway from this diverse list of women in sports is that they all are influential, business savvy, and intelligent individuals, yet not all are athletes.  Can we say the same about men?

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Patt Summit is known as one of the greatest coaches of all time.  Danica Patrick defeated all the conservative odds and became the first popular woman race car driver to compete with the boys on the NASCAR track.  Jeannie Buss pretty much single handily runs the Los Angeles Lakers (one of the biggest brands in pro sports) with no thanks to her co-owner brother.  The Williams sisters have permanently made themselves tennis royalty.  Linda Cohn has been a witty sportscaster for over 20 years.

Men do run the sport, but it’s the women who make it interesting. A bold statement that may be.  Bold enough to piss off the boys 🙂

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In an ideal world, women would receive the same respect as men in every facet of life.  But they don’t.  And the sports world is no different, maybe even worse.  Women and sports do mix but takes a bit more effort on the women’s side to make it functional.  Hats off to the women who have and still are succeeding in sports, leaving their mark on a male dominated world.

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BTW: Screw Roger Goodell for slapping Ray Rice on the hands and Stephen A. Smith for saying “She had it coming.” Watch out boys, you may have it coming….

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Time to be Shallow

Now comes the time when the NFL comes together and judges the SHIT out of potential players.  More like potential livestock, but hey it’s fun 🙂

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THE NFL DRAFT BABY.

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These football players have been dreaming about this moment their entire lives, just waiting to get chosen first and enter the promise land.  But before they can start dreaming, they have to pass a few tests, athletic hurdles that only super humans can really conquer. With all due respect, the NFL draft is legit like the Hunger Games, the type of Hunger Games that emulate real-life.  Survival of the fittest baby, these boys are hungry and need to feed all their babies.

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The real reason why I find the NFL draft so comical, and yet so realistic, is the idea that it is widely acceptable to be shallow when choosing the players.  Answering questions like, “How big are his muscles?” “Is he hot?” “Can he make me a lot of money?”

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I can guarantee these are legitimate questions NFL teams try to answer come draft day….probably phrased a bit differently but you get the picture.  Cha-CHING $$.

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It’s time to pimp yourself out boys.  Now who can shake their money-maker more?  Seriously, scouts check out potential players culos because those tight muscular culos reveal their true athletic prowess.  Who doesn’t want to look at  dudes’ tight little muscular butts all day?

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So you may be asking yourselves, who is this year’s hottest NFL draft pick?  Well, let’s see.  You got Johnny “Football” Manziel, quarterback from Texas A&M, in the forefront.  Yes, he plays quarterback. Yes, he won the Heisman Trophy. Yes, he would be a wise draft choice.  Hell, he is already drawing comparisons to Drew Breeze.  But let’s take a closer look at Johnny Manziel.  At 6’1 foot 210 pounds, Johnny is well on his way to becoming one of the smallest quarterbacks to enter the draft.

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One thing if for certain though, fool is straight up goofy looking.  Plus he has little to no booty.  Granted that all quarterbacks never really sport a nice badunkadunk because they don’t have to, they don’t run….they really don’t do anything except throw the football.  Manziel’s little booty honestly might affect his draft status……and his failure to make a lay-up.

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Whatever team snatches up Manziel are banking on his “Goofy ” face to be the future of their football franchise. That football team might not be so lucky……

Now let’s take Jadeveon Clowney, Defensive End for South Carolina.  In terms of size, speed and strength (fool is 6 foot 5, 266 pounds and can run the 40 yard dash in 4.51 seconds), Jadeveon is Beast Monster Titan, a player you would want to team up with in the Hunger Games.  SURVIVOR.

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As an NFL scout, you want a physical specimen, the whole package.  You don’t want a no-booty Goofy faced player who runs around like a chicken with its head cut off.  You want a killer.

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Just look at the two biggest NFL busts of all time: Quarterbacks Ryan Leaf and Jamarcus Russel.  Were they hot?  No.  They were not.

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Physical judgment aside, everyone essentially wants to choose a player they can depend on, who they can look to in time of need, who they can trust to make the right life decisions and choose the right endorsement deals that will give their team a leg up. Obviously.

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I don’t know about you but I can not wait for this year’s NFL Draft.  Come this Thursday and Saturday, lets let the shallow judgement run rampant and free 🙂

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Thank you Mr. Sam

The hot topic: Michael Sam.

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Let’s first just say a big “thank you.”  “Thank you” Mr. Sam for shedding light on an important yet at times  overlooked topic in professional sports, particularly the NFL.  The NBA already got Jason Collins, a veteran player who finally came out back in April 2013.  But having an up and coming NFL player come out confidently is very refreshing.

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Second, another big “Thank You” for your courage Mr. Sam.  Not only are you the SEC’s Defensive Player of the year, but you could perhaps be the most talked about NFL player of the 2014 season for your courage and frankly, balls, for being an “open, proud gay” man in football.  Sorry Richard Sherman.

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Some say time doesn’t seem to really move forward in sports, particularly the NFL (and Baseball….jesus they just introduced instant replay for god sakes).  The NFL’s conservative nature is almost palpable with their old school General Managers and white washed demeanor.  Hell, it took them almost 2 decades to realize that brain damage is a bad thing in football.

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But I commend the NFL for taking the news so well, expressing open acceptance of Sam entering the NFL draft this spring.  Then again….why wouldn’t they?  Why would the NFL even come out with a statement to validate their efforts towards tolerance?  Shouldn’t every sports organization in this point and time already be doing that?

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I get it.  We want to believe that we are all living in a world of that is more accepting of others. (Yea, tell that to FOX)  But are we really? Is the NFL really accepting Michael Sam into their world with open arms?

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Well apparently, Fortune 500 companies are.  This news comes according to Sam’s agent Joe Barkett, who says, “Every time I’m on the phone, I’m getting phone calls. There’s always one from a company expressing their interest in Michael. Name any type of industry, we’ve probably heard from a company in their sector in the last 48 hours.”

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Companies see is “market potential” for their monetary gain, completely taking advantage of his emerging “individuality.”  Sam just now has to pick and choose his endorsements wisely so as to not have the public perceive him as a sell out using his sexuality for profit.

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The first step for change is actual change.  Michael Sam now represents the change that is coming to the NFL whether it likes it or not.  With all the NFL insiders claiming that his draft status will be harmed is crap. Statements like that are more detrimental to themselves and their television station than Sam, making them all look like ignorant douches.  The NFL has yet to accept Michael Sam and everything he represents but has the ideal opportunity to take center stage for the recognition of gay athletes come Draft Day.

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If what some NFL insiders say is true concerning Sam’s negative draft status, then we truly are an intolerant society.  But it is highly unlikely that he won’t be drafted because the dude got SEC Defensive Player of the Year.  DUDE, the SEC- The almighty dominant conference in college football, the greatest college football teams in the world right?  What team wouldn’t want that player?!  They be crazy if they didn’t draft him.  (And just think of all the popularity of having the first “openly gay” player on your team).   Tebow couldn’t do it, but maybe Sam can.  Just Kidding Timmy!

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Michael Sam will be the change. He will get drafted.  He will play.  He will persevere.  And he will forever be a shining example for other gay athletes to be honest, forthright and strong.  Thank you Mr. Sam.

The only one who has everything to lose in this fight is the NFL.  So don’t fuck it up boys.

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