NFL Bust a Nut

The NFL Football Draft is almost upon us and the prospective picks are definitely the “buzz.”  But can we really take these meat heads seriously?

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In fact, can we take any professional football analyst, NFL scouts or coaches seriously?  Can we trust their judgement when it comes to selecting players who they deem worthy enough to take them to the Super Bowl promise land? It’s important to remember that more than half of these analysts, scouts and coaches were former football meat heads themselves.

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I love College Football, but honestly come NFL Draft season, I can’t help but get a little discouraged. Not only do you feel for these players whose futures lie in the decrepit hands of 60-something men who are either geniuses or don’t know what the hell they are doing, but you also can’t help but get your hopes up.  “Future of the Franchise” they will say!

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If you are a football fan, you can easily count the number of NFL busts. Although the list may be plentiful, it is still soul crushing to recall the fact that these once great athletes are now either in jail, on weight watchers, making PURPLE DRANK, addicted to drugs, etc.  It is the type of sad feeling that makes you evaluate and reflect on your own life and the choices you make along the way.

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Hello, have you seen Moneyball…?!

What isn’t sad is predicting the next upcoming NFL busts.  Maybe because it has yet to happen or makes you feel like a Jedi Knight predicting the future, but the point is that these players’ reality has yet to set in and the potential for them to “bust” is up in the air.  Feelings of grief and sorrow may or may not occur.  So hey, don’t feel bad!

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So here are my top 5 predictions for this year’s potential NFL busts.  The players on this list aren’t necessarily newbies or rookies.  Some are players who have played professionally for a few years and are on the verge of “busting.” SO let the judging begin.

 

1. Jameis Winston

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Jameis Winston seems like an obvious choice for the top pick in the 2015 draft. He not only led Florida State to an undefeated season and a national championship, but he won the Heisman Trophy behind some incredibly efficient numbers.

However, this past 2014 season?  Not so much. With 21 touch downs and 17 interceptions this year despite an offense with a massive talent advantage, I highly doubt that he has the budding future of a franchise QB.

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His long list of off-field antics is just embarrassing.  His shameful behavior has caused many to doubt whether he is too much of a risk to consider a franchise quarterback.  You have to admit, any 20-year who has the college football world at his feet is going to have some indiscretions under his belt.  But steering clear of the “no duh” obvious, a professional man would exercise some civility.  Yea, good luck with that Crab Boy.

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2. Johnny Manziel

Oh Johnny.  Where to begin….?

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Short, Frail, Incompetent, Party Boy, Immature, Out of the Pocket Scrambler, Fugly…..these are just some of the words that accurately describe Johnny Football.  Although he was an exciting player to watch at Texas A&M, he has barely seen any noteworthy action in the Pros.

For starters, he didn’t make his first start until the season was all but lost.  When he did start, let’s just say that it didn’t go so well. In total he has only thrown 175 yards with ZERO touchdowns. Go Team Hoyer.

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All he has been actively demonstrating is his lack of respect.  Although he may not look the part, he is definitely a Gronkowski “Meat Head” wannabe, partying it up every chance he gets (My apologies for sullying the name of “Gronk,” the meat head actually has a Super Bowl Ring).  Manziel’s partying ways took him all the way to rehab prior to his upcoming 2nd NFL season, which could more or less be the stark realization that he may not be cut out for the NFL limelight.

Not exactly sure if one can surmise that he is not talented or dedicated enough for the game, but one thing is for certain, he is well on his way to becoming a bust.

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3. Mark Sanchez

OMG, does this guy suck.  I have to admit, I DO love saying that 🙂

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Although he has played a number of years in the NFL, Sanchez has yet to experience any well-deserved credit for his less than stellar athletic ability.  And who the hell would give it to him anyway?

In his four years as a starter for the Jets, he was historically bad at playing quarterback, a fact that didn’t stop the Jets from signing him to a multi-million-dollar extension. Also, lest we never forget: the butt fumble.  One of the most glorious moments in NFL history… well not if you are a Mark Sanchez fan.

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The “Sanchise” quarterback is now the backup in Philadelphia, Nick Foles #2, another Pac-12 quarterback who didn’t nearly experience similar success at Arizona University.  My the tables have turned for Dirty Sanchez.

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4. Colin Kaepernick

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This may be a long shot, but Kaepernick’s performance towards the end of the 2014 was anything but stellar. With the sudden departure of his winning head coach Jim Harbaugh, the expected trade of their powerhouse running back Frank Gore and locker room shenanigans erupting, Kaepernick’s fate seems a bit muddled.

Sure he runs like a gazelle and has made a Super Bowl appearance, but without strength in leadership as well as support from his fellow teammates, Kaepernick may surely lose it. He can be just as disposable as his former mentor, Alex Smith.

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However, I do have to acknowledge the fact that Kaepernick wasn’t necessarily a top pick coming out of Nevada.  Being drafted in the second round isn’t bad at all.  But when the label “NFL Bust” is flung around the locker room, it is assumed that the player in question was initially expected to perform at a high level before seeing any professional action.  I am not sure if high expectations surrounded Kaepernick during the draft, nevertheless, his performance this last season along with the ambiguous future of the 49ers may mark the beginning of the end.

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(Yea, you tell him Sherman)

 

5. Ray Rice vs. Adrian Peterson

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The issue among these two players isn’t based on their athletic ability.  It’s their off-field antics that may haunt them for the rest of their lives, so much so that they may not recover.

Both were caught in the act of beating one of their family members publicly, who were then dually reprimanded by the NFL, forcing them to leave the game in the 2014 season.  Although Rice’s actions erupted a mass attack on the NFL and their domestic abuse policy, Peterson’s “debatable” actions also ignited an open commentary on corporal punishment.  It was so serious that the NFL had to give up a precious Super Bowl commercial slot addressing domestic violence, losing millions and millions of dollars, money which could have been allocated towards something that benefits everyone, like beer.

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Public perception has the keen ability (and perhaps burden) to either positively or negatively effect an individuals’ appearance and character.  Despite evidence to the contrary, that perception can be everything, especially in this digital age where information is at everyone’s fingertips in an instant.

This wouldn’t be your feel good come back story of the season folks. Rice and Peterson did some not so nice things and people will not let them easily forget, score a few touchdowns and collect their checks. Public opinion may never let these athletes recover.

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Despite the setback, I am certain that both Rice and Peterson will return to the NFL. Whether they return triumphantly is highly questionable.

 

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Melt your little heart

Doesn’t Michael Sam and his Twink boyfriend just melt your little heart…???

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After Michael Sam was drafted to the St. Louis Rams as the 249th pick, him and his boyfriend displayed some ADORABLE behavior.  This affectionate behavior was nationally broadcasted for the entire NFL nation to see.  Let the flood gates open.

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Yo NFL…better start embracing these boys because this is on your doorstep whether you like it or not.  And frankly, I’m so happy they kissed and had a loving embrace on live television watched by beer drinking AMERICAN men.

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Some were not OK with it, as expected.  People can attempt full tolerance and still not be fully OK seeing an actual display of LOVE between two men.  Oh the times, they are A CHANGING.  But I think this is a great first step for the NFL , and that step is walking down acceptance road. Let’s just say the yellow brick road because that is more fun.

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It has yet to be determined IF Michael Sam will be fully accepted in the NFL.  We won’t know until after the season commences and a few exchanges of bodily fluids……I’m talking about SWEAT people!

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I am quite certain his fellow St. Louis Rams teammates will accept him and love him like he is their own brother.  The real issue will come when they play other teams when those other players have yet to formally meet and know Sam as a person outside of the “gay” label.  It might be one of those Remember the Titan moments. Hey, they had Sunshine.

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Michael Sam is black… but he is also gay: an identity the NFL has yet to face and actively accept on the field.  Come this fall, I know which team will have the highest television ratings ….and not because they are a good football team or have any star players.

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Time to be Shallow

Now comes the time when the NFL comes together and judges the SHIT out of potential players.  More like potential livestock, but hey it’s fun 🙂

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THE NFL DRAFT BABY.

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These football players have been dreaming about this moment their entire lives, just waiting to get chosen first and enter the promise land.  But before they can start dreaming, they have to pass a few tests, athletic hurdles that only super humans can really conquer. With all due respect, the NFL draft is legit like the Hunger Games, the type of Hunger Games that emulate real-life.  Survival of the fittest baby, these boys are hungry and need to feed all their babies.

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The real reason why I find the NFL draft so comical, and yet so realistic, is the idea that it is widely acceptable to be shallow when choosing the players.  Answering questions like, “How big are his muscles?” “Is he hot?” “Can he make me a lot of money?”

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I can guarantee these are legitimate questions NFL teams try to answer come draft day….probably phrased a bit differently but you get the picture.  Cha-CHING $$.

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It’s time to pimp yourself out boys.  Now who can shake their money-maker more?  Seriously, scouts check out potential players culos because those tight muscular culos reveal their true athletic prowess.  Who doesn’t want to look at  dudes’ tight little muscular butts all day?

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So you may be asking yourselves, who is this year’s hottest NFL draft pick?  Well, let’s see.  You got Johnny “Football” Manziel, quarterback from Texas A&M, in the forefront.  Yes, he plays quarterback. Yes, he won the Heisman Trophy. Yes, he would be a wise draft choice.  Hell, he is already drawing comparisons to Drew Breeze.  But let’s take a closer look at Johnny Manziel.  At 6’1 foot 210 pounds, Johnny is well on his way to becoming one of the smallest quarterbacks to enter the draft.

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One thing if for certain though, fool is straight up goofy looking.  Plus he has little to no booty.  Granted that all quarterbacks never really sport a nice badunkadunk because they don’t have to, they don’t run….they really don’t do anything except throw the football.  Manziel’s little booty honestly might affect his draft status……and his failure to make a lay-up.

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Whatever team snatches up Manziel are banking on his “Goofy ” face to be the future of their football franchise. That football team might not be so lucky……

Now let’s take Jadeveon Clowney, Defensive End for South Carolina.  In terms of size, speed and strength (fool is 6 foot 5, 266 pounds and can run the 40 yard dash in 4.51 seconds), Jadeveon is Beast Monster Titan, a player you would want to team up with in the Hunger Games.  SURVIVOR.

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As an NFL scout, you want a physical specimen, the whole package.  You don’t want a no-booty Goofy faced player who runs around like a chicken with its head cut off.  You want a killer.

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Just look at the two biggest NFL busts of all time: Quarterbacks Ryan Leaf and Jamarcus Russel.  Were they hot?  No.  They were not.

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Physical judgment aside, everyone essentially wants to choose a player they can depend on, who they can look to in time of need, who they can trust to make the right life decisions and choose the right endorsement deals that will give their team a leg up. Obviously.

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I don’t know about you but I can not wait for this year’s NFL Draft.  Come this Thursday and Saturday, lets let the shallow judgement run rampant and free 🙂

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