THE NFL DRAFT BABY!
Now comes the time when the NFL comes together and judges the SHIT out of potential players. More like potential livestock, but hey it’s fun 🙂
THE NFL DRAFT BABY.
These football players have been dreaming about this moment their entire lives, just waiting to get chosen first and enter the promise land. But before they can start dreaming, they have to pass a few tests, athletic hurdles that only super humans can really conquer. With all due respect, the NFL draft is legit like the Hunger Games, the type of Hunger Games that emulate real-life. Survival of the fittest baby, these boys are hungry and need to feed all their babies.
The real reason why I find the NFL draft so comical, and yet so realistic, is the idea that it is widely acceptable to be shallow when choosing the players. Answering questions like, “How big are his muscles?” “Is he hot?” “Can he make me a lot of money?”
I can guarantee these are legitimate questions NFL teams try to answer come draft day….probably phrased a bit differently but you get the picture. Cha-CHING $$.
It’s time to pimp yourself out boys. Now who can shake their money-maker more? Seriously, scouts check out potential players culos because those tight muscular culos reveal their true athletic prowess. Who doesn’t want to look at dudes’ tight little muscular butts all day?
So you may be asking yourselves, who is this year’s hottest NFL draft pick? Well, let’s see. You got Johnny “Football” Manziel, quarterback from Texas A&M, in the forefront. Yes, he plays quarterback. Yes, he won the Heisman Trophy. Yes, he would be a wise draft choice. Hell, he is already drawing comparisons to Drew Breeze. But let’s take a closer look at Johnny Manziel. At 6’1 foot 210 pounds, Johnny is well on his way to becoming one of the smallest quarterbacks to enter the draft.
One thing if for certain though, fool is straight up goofy looking. Plus he has little to no booty. Granted that all quarterbacks never really sport a nice badunkadunk because they don’t have to, they don’t run….they really don’t do anything except throw the football. Manziel’s little booty honestly might affect his draft status……and his failure to make a lay-up.
Whatever team snatches up Manziel are banking on his “Goofy ” face to be the future of their football franchise. That football team might not be so lucky……
Now let’s take Jadeveon Clowney, Defensive End for South Carolina. In terms of size, speed and strength (fool is 6 foot 5, 266 pounds and can run the 40 yard dash in 4.51 seconds), Jadeveon is Beast Monster Titan, a player you would want to team up with in the Hunger Games. SURVIVOR.
As an NFL scout, you want a physical specimen, the whole package. You don’t want a no-booty Goofy faced player who runs around like a chicken with its head cut off. You want a killer.
Just look at the two biggest NFL busts of all time: Quarterbacks Ryan Leaf and Jamarcus Russel. Were they hot? No. They were not.
Physical judgment aside, everyone essentially wants to choose a player they can depend on, who they can look to in time of need, who they can trust to make the right life decisions and choose the right endorsement deals that will give their team a leg up. Obviously.
I don’t know about you but I can not wait for this year’s NFL Draft. Come this Thursday and Saturday, lets let the shallow judgement run rampant and free 🙂
Did anybody see the Sports Center segment talking about the Jets…..or the one before that….or the one before that talking about the Jets? Yea, it’s the same FREAKING update. But if you missed it, here is one for good measure in case you have been living under a rock, this one will catch you up to speed
Get the drift?! Mark Sanchez sucks and the Jets really have no idea what to do with Tebow let alone the entire team. Of course GM Mike Tannenbaum and offensive coordinator Tony Sparano would get fired by Woody Johnson because he can’t and won’t fire head coach Rex Ryan. Tim Tebow is in disarray and heading to Jacksonville to put himself to goood……..shit…even SOME use.
What the mofo is going on with the Jets?! Seriously, I have never seen a team fall into such disaster and embarrassment in my whole short life. Maybe I haven’t lived long enough or maybe the Jets 2012 truly sucks beyond sucks. It is so difficult to just focus on one issue because there are so many, too many for one football team to deal with in one season, Jesus Christ. No wait, Jesus christ could actually be one of the issues, god damn you Tim Tebow and your god christian like prayers before each game, yea now where did that get ya….?
I think we would all just love to blame somebody, but there are many people to blame, and one of them is NOT Tebow. Tebow merely served as a publicity distraction for the team, which definitely back fired. Tebow is just the victim in this whole Jets mess, a team that lured him in, swallowed him and spat him out, leaving him rejected and alone on the streets of New York. Boo to the New York Jets for using a dedicated kind-hearted player like Tebow without even USING him. The type of “using” where you try and hang out with the popular kids so you can get recognized in the cafeteria. The Jets used Tebow to gain some popularity and publicity for a team in a city that doesn’t even need recognition, it’s NEW YORK fuckin’ CITY. I don’t think anything goes unnoticed in the Big Apple. Shame on you Jets for using an innocent young jesus loving man for your own selfish gain, and for what? Gain of nothing. Pack your bags, we’re heading to Jacksonville!
Mark Sanchez should have been benched a long time ago. But I gotta say, he made one of the worst and most entertaining plays of the year, running into his own lineman during the Thanksgiving game against the Patriots. Pure Classic Dumb Ass. I love it. Thanks Dirty Sanchez, you will never live that one down. The guy is straight up the WORST QB in the NFL this season. And why didn’t Rex Ryan take a hint? Why didn’t Woody Johnson threaten the Fat Man and put his job on the line if there wasn’t a change?! Well, he likes the Fat Man around, his jokes, his jolliness. Hell he brings Christmas cheer all around….so he must view Dirty Sanchez as one of his little elves….that’s it! But wouldn’t one of Santa’s Little Helpers actually help? Well, there goes that analogy 😛
Woody Johnson has already made some drastic changes in the head office, firing the GM as well as the offensive coordinator, Tony Sparano. I guess Woody thinks he can fire everybody except the two guys who are causing the problems. Whatever, it’s his team right? As long as he feels comfortable signing those checks, then A-OK brotha. Apparently Woody Johnson “trusts” Rex Ryan. Trust eh?
How is this for trust. Last week, Rex Ryan was sporting a beautiful tattoo while vacationing in the Bahamas. The tattoo appears to be of a woman, his wife?, wearing only a green jersey with Mark Sanchez’s #6 on it and posing in the “Tim Tebow” crouch or stance or whatever you call it. Classy Rex….classy. That tattoo isn’t even funny…it wouldn’t even be funny if the Jets had a solid season with Sanchez as an effective QB. It’s insulting a god squadder for doing what he knows best, praying. Putting that religious crap aside, Tebow is a good guy and shouldn’t be made fun of by his own…well temporary….coach.
Well it will be an interesting off-season indeed. I just can’t wait to see what is in store for the Jets. I wish HBO’s Hard Knocks was following them this year, but sadly they are not. The Jets would be morons is they agreed to let HBO film their tumultuous off-season shenanigans. Great Entertainment, Bad Publicity……Oh wait……