ESPN: World Wide Leader of Baloney

ESPN. The worldwide leader in sports….or is it something else, something dishonest, something false, something almost as fake as an E! television show.

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Although I do enjoy watching my Top 10 from time to time…and those damn 30 for 30s are just too good to pass up, lately ESPN’s news coverage has been a bit unbearable….in fact downright shameful.

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It all started last fall with Les Miles and his “pending termination” from LSU.

For a good two weeks ESPN wouldn’t shut up about LSU firing Les Miles, interviewing anyone they could find on campus to ask them their thoughts on the matter.  Yes, of course, one of the best college football coaches in the land who has taken his team to 11 bowl games with a 7-4 record, a coach that weaseled his way into convincing the NCAA to share a BCS Championship with USC, a coach who has an overall winning record with 112 wins and 32 loses is going to get canned. Makes sense to me.

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Hell the guy is environmental for god sakes, he actually drinks grass. Why would LSU get rid of this guy?

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It was so over-publicized that for his last home game in Baton Rouge, his team literally carried him off the field (RUDY, RUDY), because ESPN successfully convinced them that this was the last time they would be playing for Les Miles.

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ESPN fasho was front row and center for the post-game press conference for “The Announcement.”  Sorry Lebron, not this time.

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And you think it couldn’t get any worse?  Introducing Super Bowl 50, Cam Newton vs. White America.  I’m sure no one can exactly pin point who began this idiotic discussion, but I would definitely bet that ESPN had something to do with it.  And why wouldn’t they? Race is a hot enough topic that always ignites rapid fire op-eds and discussions in the news and beyond.  Some would say that’s just good journalism…..puke in my mouth.

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“The Plight of the Black Quarterback,” they are calling it.  Cam Newton is making headlines not because he has led his team to their second Super Bowl or the fact that he is highly favored to win this year’s MVP, but because of his celebratory antics and “fun” behavior on the field.

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Unfortunately, the rules that apply to other star quarterbacks in the NFL don’t seem to apply to Newton. And according to ESPN reports,  he apparently knows exactly why.

“I’m an African-American quarterback that may scare a lot of people,” Newton said frankly just days after winning the NFC Championship game. “[B]ecause they haven’t seen nothing that they can compare me to.”

Paging Russel Wilson……an African American Quarterback who actually has a Super Bowl ring honey, hold up.

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Perhaps Cam Newton is the one who brought up the issue, but ESPN is having a fucking FIELD DAY, covering the story like white on rice….sorry bad choice of words there.

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There is not much talk about Peyton Manning, no real talks about the point spread, only talks about Cam Newton and his race.

Linking his antics to his race is somewhat of a cowardly blow (YEAH CAM).  However, it is not ‘pathetic cowardice’ that ESPN is worried about it.  No, they need to hold the attention of their viewers at all costs, even if it means hosting an on-site poll asking fans to vote what they think of the issue.

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Newton’s “race” really isn’t the issue to begin with.  The only reason it is an issue is because ESPN is making it “THE ISSUE.” The true issue, which the ESPN poll participants have so sensibly concluded, is his behavior. Nothing about his childish behavior is linked to the color of his skin. Nothing about his college antics of cheating on a number of final exams, stealing expensive electronics from students’ dorm rooms, getting arrested in 2008 with charges of grand theft, burglary, and obstructing justice.  And who can forget his father, Cecil Newton, seeking $120,000 to $180,000 for his son to sign with the Bulldogs out of junior college.

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His past and present actions speak louder than race.  In fact, they SCREAM.

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By the way, someone should snatch that Heisman back…..

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Bringing up race is never a good idea, unless you are running a news station I guess. I understand why ESPN is fixating on the issue, but I feel that sports is the one place where ACTIONS should speak louder than one’s words or appearance. Only performance on (and off) the field should be judged. ESPN should know better.

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I can’t speak for everyone, but I don’t think we are judging Cam Newton by his race.  We are judging him strictly on his actions, both past and present.  Yes, he loves to have fun on the field and wants everybody to recognize it.  Fine, cool, go for it buddy.  Just make the cheerleaders look bad why don’t you.

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But why ESPN…WHY must you focus on his race? This merely makes the rest of us look bad because by watching your programming (which is prtety inevitable if you are a sports fan), we are unconscionably placing this topic of concern in our own minds, putting the discussion in the forefront, ultimately undermining what we have worked so hard to achieve as a society, where race shouldn’t the ultimate judgement.  It’s in the Constitution y’all!

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Now I am truly scared to see what type of questions ESPN reporters will ask Newton after the Super Bowl, win or lose.  “So Cam, do you feel any BLACK-ER winning/losing the Super Bowl….?”

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A Dark Sark Day

New Southern California football head coach Steve Sarkisian pauses for a moment during a news conference on Tuesday, Dec. 3, 2013, in Los Angeles. USC hired Sarkisian away from Washington on Monday, bringing back the former Trojans offensive coordinator to his native Los Angeles area and the storied program where he thrived as Pete Carroll's assistant. (AP Photo/Jae C. Hong)

So I was just about to write-up a post about the dismal Sarkisian situation this Monday morning, and as it turns out, he was fired in a matter of hours, right after lunchtime PST to be exact.  Didn’t know it could get any worse 😛

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This is definitely one of the darkest times USC football has ever faced. The head football coach has become persona non grata on campus, go figure.  Reggie can now plan his celebrated return, Bush pushing it back to Heritage Hall.

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The issue of Sark being a drunk shouldn’t really come as a surprise to us SC fans, let alone Pat Haden.  Apparently the Washington Huskies, his previous coaching job before taking on SC, were well aware of his addiction and some players even took to their Twitter to LOL about the situation.

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Fox Sports even reported several additional incidents that involved Sark and the bottle. Among the reported incidents:

• One former Huskies player claims he “smelled alcohol” on Sarkisian at team meetings “one or two” times;

• Another ex-Huskie said that in 2009, Sarkisian sometimes arrived at meetings “smelling like booze” and with his “eyes all red”;

• Two other former Huskies said Sarkisian and other coaches regularly drank alcohol in their offices;

• Several receipts obtained by the Times show hefty tabs for alcohol paid for in Sarkisian’s name.

So how was Pat Haden not aware of ANY of this?  How was this guy even hired?

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This unfortunate incident sadly exposes a gaping issue that is bigger than crunk Sarkisian, which could be an even more detrimental to the program.  As University Athletic Director, Pat Haden is responsible for managing all athletic programs and hiring those sufficient enough to run said programs.  Haden is 0 for 2 with the football program.  He didn’t hire Lane Kiffin, but he did drag that along quite nicely. The white visor-wearing douche was a complete disgrace.  Coach O was the only savior that graced the football program’s presence finishing the regular season on a high note and he was an interim! Promptly after the season ended, Haden dismissed him in order to make room for Jose Cuervo.  Coach O was so distraught by Haden’s decision that he didn’t even stay to coach the team in the Las Vegas Bowl.

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Now this a fun trip down memory lane, remember when Haden and Sarkisian got in trouble? On September 8, 2014 he and USC football coach Steve Sarkisian were reprimanded by Pac-12 Conference commissioner Larry Scott for attempting “to influence the officiating, and ultimately the outcome of a contest” during the September 6 game with Stanford. Haden was fined $25,000.  Yea that was fun…..

Haden’s employee vetting almost reminds me of a certain under-qualified Vice Presidential candidate…….

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Pat Haden must be under some serious fire, putting him in the HOT seat.  I mean ridiculously HOT, the HOT that is only found in HELL, HOT.  The man has only been Athletic Director for roughly 5 years.  I understand that the deistic legacy of Pete Carroll still runs deep within the program and forever will be until the man gets a gold statue on campus, but that doesn’t mean we need to try and desperately hang on to every individual that had some sort of connection to the winning program.  I know it may be hard to digest, but USC needs to start fresh and try and establish a new order.

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I know it’s scary to go out and try something new guys, but in the long run you will be respected for it even if you falter for a short while.  But then again this is College Football we’re talking about, the one athletic program that is so highly coveted that some universities’ entire endowment is given just to the football program.  Clearly our priorities are in line.

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All we can do in the interim is hope that Sarkisian seeks out the proper rehabilitation treatment to help him alleviate his alcohol addiction.  AND for Haden to get a clue

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Sark After Dark

So Steve Sarkisian got a little crunk on the big Salute to Troy night for the USC Football Program. According to several sources, he was fumbling around, used foul language and insulted other programs, particularly Notre Dame, Oregon and UCLA (nice).  This became dreadfully apparent after he showcased his inner frat boy while screaming “Fight the Fuck On,” into the podium mic right in front of the baby boomer big time donors.  Once his three sheets to the wind state became brazenly evident, Pat Haden immediately escorted him off the stage and began scolding him behind closed doors.  Thanks Dad.

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The only real sources from that night is a 5 second video clip from some random, a few tweets here and there and straight word of mouth…like the good old days.

LA Times Sports columnist Bill Plaschke released a quite alarming video stressing the issue that USC really needs to be concerned about coach Steve Sarkisian’s behavior at the Salute to Troy event.

It’s almost as if he is rooting for some sort of immediate termination.  Sarkisian released a statement claiming that he mixed prescription medicine with alcohol, mind you that this alcohol was completely free all night and most likely the best money can buy.  Any intelligent individual would have to agree that his behavior was irresponsible, childish and wrong, especially because he is the head football coach, one of the highest positions of authority on campus, some may even argue even in the Pac-12 Conference.

Im-Cool-gifSo Plaschke’s reactionary video draws up some important points but I think his response was more so fueled by that “shocking” gossip chatter that many nowadays consider actual news. The guy is going through a messy divorce and decided to throw back a few free drinks.  Who wouldn’t do the same? The only difference is that this guy had to go up and make a speech in front of hundreds of people, the same people who have very deep pockets, pockets that would like to be lightened by generous donations and such.  Plaschke has every right to say what he thinks and feels, that’s why the LA times pays him.  However, this Plaschke response seems a bit exaggerated, placing emphasis on buzz worthy words like “problems,” “humiliation,” and of course, the cliche “this is your wake-up call.”  Did Sarkisian even need a wake-up call in the first place?   How his players look at him is not the problem at all Plaschke, if anything his players are applauding this type of behavior because they can relate first-hand, “Hey, coach gettin’ turnt up!”

Turnt01Funny because a year ago, Plaschke was singing his praises…

Funny how things can change over the span of 1 year, 1 incident no less.

Sarkisian has a lot of responsibilities that he must be held to on and off the field.  This unfortunate event couldn’t have come at a worse time for USC.  This is the first year USC is off NCAA probation.  The Class of 2015 is the first full recruiting class USC has been able to put together for the first time in four years.  This is still USC’s year, their time to rise and shine despite Sarkisian’s antics.  Don’t ride off a team just because their coach got drunk.  I bet you anything Les Miles does this shit all the time.  Then again, that is the sacred SEC and this is the menial Pac-12, standards could be a bit skewed.

EDSBS-Les-Miles-ClapI don’t think a formal punishment is necessary.  I think the shame and embarrassment alone will suffice for now until the season even starts.  Sarkisian knows what he has to do this season to shut people up: WIN.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-4762-1388429483-17One thing is still certain though.  He is still better than Kiffin.

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Top 10 Reasons Why I’m Excited For College Football 2015

College Football 2015 is fast approaching and I can hardly contain my excitement.  Almost as excited as Tim Tebow’s first day as an Alter Boy.

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So I assembled my top 10 reasons to be excited for the upcoming 2015 season.

10. Alabama vs. Tennessee

Even though Tennessee will be meeting Alabama in Tuscaloosa, it will still be entertaining to see Lane Kiffin squirm on the sidelines. After all, Knoxville did name their sewage system after Kiffin’s unexpected departure. Only a lucky few college football coaches have ever received such an honor.

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9. Charlie Strong Wrangling The Longhorns?

Is Charlie Strong in the hot seat? As college football fans are well aware, Texas football is not only a way of life, it IS life. They expect championships and expect no less.  Charlie Strong is entering his second year as their head coach. His 2nd!  Honestly, if Texas wins one more game than they did last year, that wouldn’t matter.  But if Texas faces another dismal season in 2015 and fires Strong entering the 2016 season….geeze, get a life Texas.

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8. Beat the Irish!

Notre Dame is ranked #10 in the preseason polls.  It really grinds me gears that no matter how shitty they were the season before, Notre Dame always seems to creep their way into the top 25 preseason poles.  WTF?! Yea well, Rudy won’t save you this season.

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7. Wow! Oregon’s Uniforms!

You gotta hand it to them, every season the Oregon Ducks give our eyes a nice little gift: tight neon-colored spandex boasting feathers of flight. Flight to Football. Nice.

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6. Urban Meyer’s Non-Existent Health Problem

Let’s see if he makes it out another year. Sorry Meyer family, the Buckeyes are far more important than you.  Careful there Urban, your anger may only exacerbate that heart condition of yours….

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5. Everett “Cheater” Golson Taking Over For Crab Legs

Should be entertaining to see a Notre Dame drop out attempt to form his own legacy following Heisman Trophy-Winning Crab Stealing Misogynist Winston. It is quite the legacy, I must say.  However, Golson is one of the smallest QBs in the game.  Apparently, Golson could be the shortest Florida State QB in nearly 30 years.  He has no chance.

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Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston, right, greets Notre Dame quarterback Everett Golson after Florida State won 31-27 in an NCAA college football game in Tallahassee, Fla., Saturday, Oct. 18, 2014. (AP Photo/Mark Wallheiser)

Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston, right, greets Notre Dame quarterback Everett Golson after Florida State won 31-27 in an NCAA college football game in Tallahassee, Fla., Saturday, Oct. 18, 2014. (AP Photo/Mark Wallheiser)

4. Introducing Ann Arbor’s Own: Constipation Face

I don’t know about you, but I’m excited to see Constipation Face take the Big House by storm. Not so much with his football team, but with his douche-bag childish antics and ridiculous facial expressions, I’m sure we are in for some pure laughter. Those high rising tight khakis alone are up for a College Football comeback.

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And my personal favorite….

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3. Another Year, Another Year Older Can Only Mean One Thing: Retirement For Lee Corso!

Homeboy needs to pack his bags and take up golf. Someone just has to beat College Game Day out of him.  Or maybe just have one bad fall….. (I’m going to hell)

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2. Playoffs Take 2

2nd time can be a charm.

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1. FIGHT ON

Oh yeah 🙂

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Where is Biff Tannen When You Need Him?

It’s that time of year when we get to feel like sport scientists and yakkity yak about a topic we may or may not be all that familiar with.  Who doesn’t like to sound cool and keep in the loop?

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That is right boys and girls, it is March Madness!

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So by now your brackets must be finished and you are probably second, triple, quadruple guessing all of your choices.  Don’t worry, you didn’t get your degree in Bracketology. Only the special few attended universities that offered such a major.

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My only hope is that you only made a few brackets (instead of 15) just for your own sanity.

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I filled out two, nothing too adventurous because I would like to win the pot.

But who the hell knows. Nobody can predict the future of sports except Biff Tannen. Lucky bastard.

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So how do you think yours will match up this year? Who are your Cinderella stories, upsets, shutouts, beat downs, slam dunks, losers and champions?

Watch Wyoming win it all. Calling it now.

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The Battle of LA – The Battle of the Bacon Wrapped Hot Dogs

ucla-campus-usc-paint-bear                                                   tommy_trjan

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The biggest college football game in the City of Angels is almost upon us.  Can’t you just smell the hatred and bitterness in the air with every passing pedestrian on the street?  Fortunately for us, during every college football game in Los Angeles ( well, for any big event taking place in the city for that matter), the streets usually smell like those delectable bacon wrapped hot dogs sold on every street corner.  The crackling  and greasy aroma is beyond intoxicating.

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tumblr_ndcxd9fLDc1s2wio8o1_500You would think the Battle of LA could be settled over a shared round of these delicious bacon wrapped hot dogs. If the Pilgrims can come together with the native Americans over a plate of potatoes….then maybe the Trojans and Bruins can to.  Sadly no, they are just too damn good and they should only belong to one team and one team alone.  And that is USC, because frankly, I think they sell more in South Los Angeles than they do in the bougie parking lot of the Rose Bowl.  Oh wait, the Rose Bowl isn’t even encompassed by the city streets of LA?!  The Rose Bowl isn’t even on the FUCLA campus…..hmmmmmmm now that is a disadvantage for those pesky Bruins.

The freakin’ Rose Bowl is literally an hour away from campus.  Now what kind of school spirit is that?  I’ll tell you, one that lets its students drink and drive, that’s what!

FireShot Screen Capture #1403 - 'getting to rose bowl from ucla - Google Search' - www_google_com_search_site=&source=hp&q=getting+to+rose+bowl+from+ucla&oq=getting+to+rose+bowl+from+ucla&gs_l=hp_The game this year will be held at the Rose Bowl, a place where your backs go to die.  Have you sat in those seats? There are no backs, they are merely just cold metal benches. The Rose Bowl fails to accommodate those who actually don’t want to feel back pain.  Might as well stay at your tailgate, watch the game from a flat screen TV nestled in the back of someone’s SUV and sit in a lawn chair.

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Aside from no beer being sold in the Rose Bowl, this is sadly a reality with the Coliseum as well.  Us fans in LA just can’t seem to handle our booze in a respectable fashion.  Which is why those bacon wrapped hot dogs come into play.  Those hot dogs could potentially save lives, sobering up fans before and after the game, so as to not make an embarrassing scene.  You never know.

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In addition to the glory of winning and presiding over Los Angeles as if it were their own personal playground of youth indiscretion for the rest of year, I think the winning team should also receive reign over these bacon wrapped hot dogs.  Make the pot a bit tastier and sweeter.

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Even though FUCLA is favored by 3.5 points, I think USC can take them and win. Losing the past 3 years has put USC in the hot seat, made them more hungry for the victory, giving them something to prove to not only themselves, but to their stomachs.  I strongly believe the Trojans’ can take the Bruins tomorrow night, if not for the citywide bragging rights but for those damn good hot dogs.

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And please Tommy Trojan, stab the hell out of that field for all that is awesome and heavenly delectable.

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Kegger at the Heisman House

The party never stops at the Heisman House.

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I think Nissan struck gold with this commercial gem.  A bunch of college football player stars all living under one roof.  The real beauty behind these video spots is the communal feel to them.  No matter how old they get, every Heisman trophy winner seems to live in this one house.

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So who does what in this Heisman House?  Who cooks the meals, who does the yard work, who throws the parties, who sorts the mail and who the hell does everybody’s laundry??

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Let’s think about this logically, how many chores are actually done around the house?  I say there are about 7 different roles every functional house has, 7 different roles that these Heisman Trophy winners would need to take on in order for this Heisman House to be fully functional (and to be fully awesome!).  But who would do what?  And more importantly, who would be the best at it?  Well, today is your lucky day because I am going to attempt to answer that question.  Here we go:

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1) The Iron Chef

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Who would want to cook for all these football players?  Probably nobody.  Hell, these guys probably inhale food so fast they don’t even taste the flavor.  You saw that cereal commercial?

I’m going to have to go with Jameis Winston.  We already know he has good taste in seafood and doesn’t want to pay for it.  It’s a win-win, eat like kings while saving a few bucks.

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2) The Green Thumb

Whoever holds this responsibility needs to be able to hold a shovel and pick axe in one hand. This individual needs to be the Jolly Green Giant. I can’t think of anybody else but Bo Jackson. Baseball Player + Football Player = Gets shit done.

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Bo’s size and strength alone can easily rival Hercules juggling cows at the tractor show. Bo probably wouldn’t necessarily enjoy being a gardner but it would come easy to him.  He would finish half an acre of yard work in less than an hour. In 1982, Bo set state school records for indoor high-jump (6’9″) and triple-jump (48’8″).  Hmmmm, ok Jumping Jack Flash.

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In his spare time, he makes bows and arrows to go out hunting deer in the woods.  If that doesn’t scream Paul Bunyan, I don’t know what does.

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He is one with nature. Best not to disturb the beast at work.

 

3) The “Dad”

This guy has to radiate responsibility, uphold respect and bestow unyielding guilt to those who deserve it.  Despite his size, this football player is someone the guys would listen to and respect because they probably see a bit of themselves in him (…and probably feel a bit sorry for him because he never really was successful in the NFL…..).

Come on, he has the haircut of a “Dad.”

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I can see it now.  Doug Flutie gathering the gang around the fireplace recalling the glory days of his “Flutie Effect.” Encouraging all the fellas to chase their dreams because if they put their mind to it, they too can throw a Hail Mary pass to win the championship game.

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Not entirely sure about being the “stern father figure,” but these are all grown men who more or less don’t need to be punished, but rather need to be encouraged to do the right thing and do the dishes.

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4) The Interior Decorator

This player doesn’t necessarily have to know plaid from argyle player but have a good enough sense of style that wouldn’t offend any of the other football players.  If I had to recall every Heisman Trophy ceremony I watched while simultaneously remembering every suit and tie every winner wore, I would probably never finish this post.  But the one fashion forward player I DO remember is Robert Griffin III.

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Those Superman socks, hello?!  Those were damn cool.  A sense of style I think everybody in the house can appreciate (and tolerate).  If RGIII decorated the entire house in comic book hero paraphernalia, I think that would not only bring all the players a fictitious sense of unlimited power but also a sense of comfort and childlike wonder, feelings they haven’t felt since pee-wee football boyhood.

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Ahhh the good ol’ days.

 

5) The Maid

This is when you wish the Beauty and the Beast appliances would come to life and clean themselves.

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Tim Tebow seems like he would unbelievably thrilled to clean the house, leaving breath mints on every pillow.  Homeboy isn’t exactly a tool but I think he would be up for anything that positively contributes to the House.  Even though he isn’t playing football, he would love to pall around all the guys who actually had an NFL career longer than the lifespan of a butterfly.

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Can’t you just imagine him in an apron and duster breezing through the House leaving only the fresh scent of Florida oranges.

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6) The Rebel

OJ. Duh.

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7) Party Boy

When it’s time to party, we will party hard.

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It is without question that all of the Heisman Trophy winners know how to party.  But I’m going to have to go with the most recent and most publicized party animal the House has ever seen: Johnny Football.

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Thanks to his avid social media use, Johnny has infamously gained the reputation of ‘Party Animal.”  Aside from his poor composure, the man doesn’t let his party animal ways negatively affect his work.  And his partying ways would be put to good use at the Heisman House no?

 

8) The Casanova

It’s hard to just pick one, I mean all the players have some sense of dashing athleticism and sport some dapper looks. But the one who notoriously banged his way through college is Matt Leinart.  Although we can’t exactly blame his womanizing for his disastrous NFL career, we can blame his less than shy appendage for his illegitimate child who is half brothers with Blake Griffin’s kid.  Blood brothers for life.

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Leinart is also known to have dated MTV reality stars and Paris Hilton.  Yes, Paris Hilton, aspiring DJ.

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Well at least everyone in the Heisman House can count on Matty Leinart for some of that needed protection….oh wait.

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Oh the Hesiman House. Seems like such a magical place where dreams come true.

 

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