The Charmin Show

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Kobe Bryant is riding high off his recent career milestone, breaking Michael Jordan’s all time scoring record of 32,292 points.  That’s pretty sweet Kobe.  Would be even sweeter if you could break that other pesky MJ record of 6 rings.  Oh wait, that’s impossible.

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Watching Kobe break an MJ record is great, superb, amazing yet depressing at the same time.  All that hard work may seem to be paying off but in the grand scheme of things but it’s not.  Why isn’t it?  Well, just ask Kobe.  How does Kobe define success?  Championships.  Duh.

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Kobe will truly feel accomplished after he wins his sixth championship.  Don’t hold your breath Black Mamba.

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Kobe breaking this monumental record merely highlighted all of the daunting flaws and dismal talent the rest of the Lakers squad sadly embody.  Great, thanks for the spotlight Kobe.  This is just what the Lakers need instead of actually winning games.  Hell, we might as well drop the Lakers and just call them Kobe.  “Hey Steve, who are Spurs playing tonight?”  “Oh they are playing Kobe.”  Perfect.

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No wonder Kobe is screaming to Mitch comparing the Lakers to Charmin Toilet Paper.  Who likes Charmin anyways?  Angel Soft Baby.

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Anybody would be frustrated if they were Kobe.  Since he was first drafted in the NBA in 1996, he has been working hard every single day of his life, hard enough to get to where he is today.  A place in his much decorated life that will be celebrated more than Lebron leaving a penny in a “Take a Penny, Leave a Penny” tray at a local 7eleven.  Thanks ESPN.

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That’s all well and good for fans all around the world, but that’s not good enough for Kobe.  All of that hard work won’t be worth anything unless Kobe deems it worthy.  Which at the moment, he doesn’t.

Dammit Mitch, do something!  Do something before it is too late!!

Don’t get up too fast now…..

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America, F*ck Yeah….?

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The 2014 Olympics have come and gone, leaving America feeling restless and defeated.  Although the country’s ill-fated Russian relations may have come into play, America still came up short, winning 0 medals in events they usually dominate.  Dominate you say?

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When I think of the word “dominate,” I ultimately think of power, individualism and (in America’s case) imperialism.  Throughout our nation’s history, we have experienced more victories than defeat when playing on the world stage: The Revolutionary War, War of 1812, The Civil War (depending upon which side you were on), WWI, WWII, The Gulf War.  The Olympics are no different. Why do you think we have a medal count?

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The Olympics are any country’s chance to shine through athletic prowess.  Hmm, Russia figured that out real quick.  But the United States had other accidental plans, plans of unintentionally showcasing vulnerability and submission.  Two character traits the country would rather not show to the rest of the world.  Come on, aren’t we supposed to be THE world super power?

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Is this a possible foreshadowing of our future world standing?  Is this our time to step our of the spotlight and let other nations take the wheel?  Who the hell knows, I’m just talking about sports here.

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However, our less than stellar performance at this year’s Winter Olympics did bring our country of bit of shame, embarrassment and disappointment.  Especially in events we usually (and were expected to) win. But hell, must we always feel the need to win, to gloat and to feel accomplished?  Maybe that’s why ESPN, the supposed WORLD wide leader in sports, Olympic coverage was so limited.  Isn’t it safe to assume that there would be at least one Olympic athlete making the coveted Top 10 during ESPN’s SportsCenter every night during the Olympic 2 week run?? Maybe that is too much to ask of ESPN, a channel which seemed to be fixated on only AMERICAN sports rather than Olympic athletes who are competing against, I dunno, the WORLD!  Sure, fine.  The way ice is made more exciting than Lebron’s broken nose.

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The reason we are feeling such disappointment right now IS because of the media.  Good GOD, the coverage was just so skewed to the point where it almost seemed like we weren’t winning any medals. I wouldn’t say the ridiculous media hype placed on the US Olympic athletes in Sochi was the reason why they lost, but it definitely didn’t help.

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Rather than brush off our national disappointment, as Americans we should embrace it.  Brushing it off would be the coward’s way out. The United States is a country that prides itself on itself, a nation that has defied all odds by winning independence, practicing foreign diplomacy and building the most fortified military in the world.  The United States has the financial ability to send as many athletes as they want to compete on foreign soil among the best in the world.  That is an achievement of itself and should bring no disappointment to any country.  Well, except for that Olympic ring fiasco…..sorry Russia…..and that guy from Norway eating it during the Opening Ceremony.

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The whining and sniffling is a mere spoiled child that is used to getting everything it wants.  Let us embrace the change.  This disappointment, this change, is something that will make this country stronger, a strength that will make us become more poised in the way we conduct ourselves abroad, the expectations we hold and the outcomes we don’t necessarily desire, but need.

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This experienced disappointment would have been ideal if it was the Summer Olympics.  Or perhaps this disappointment came at the right time.  Slap in the face America.  Wake up! Let us share the crown with other countries and rejoice in diversity.  What’s the fun in winning all the time anyways?  Just ask Michael.

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Lebron denied entry into SpaceJam

Are we sick of the Lebron James and Michael Jordan comparisons yet?  I sure as hell am.  Maybe I should just turn off ESPN…but then how the hell am I going to keep up with my sports…..how can I live without Top 10?!

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Lebron James, or King James as so many others like to to call him, is a great basketball player, probably one of the best.  Everybody in the media wants to talk about Lebron, can’t stop talking about Lebron, and clearly won’t stop talking about Lebron.  Ever since his ‘Announcement’ Special aired on ESPN, the world-wide leader of sports won’t stop praising this athlete.  Since praise can only get you so far, ESPN decided to mention King James in the same sentence as Michael Jordan, merely to keep the attention on Lebron and his athleticism.  If you are a sports fan and someone says Michael, shit, you better pay attention!

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But is it at all possible for the media to just stop comparing Lebron to one of the greatest, possibly THE greatest, basketball player of all time ?  Why does ESPN have to result in comparison?  If Lebron was so great, wouldn’t he be in a league of his own, surpassing Michael?

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Let’s do a comparison of our own shall we?  Jordan had played 6 seasons in the NBA when he was 27 years old. James has played 9 seasons thus far. Also, Jordan missed 64 games in his second season because he was injured. James never played fewer than 70 games in a season until this year, when teams played a shortened 66-game season. So Jordan had actually played 5 seasons by age 27. I don’t think it’s fair to compare a 9-season career with a 5-season career. It’s obvious that a player will achieve more if he plays 9 seasons instead of just 5.  Lebron was drafted out of high school because some considered him to be so good.  Michael on the other hand went to college and played for 3 years, taking North Carolina to win the NCAA championship.  Smarty Pants.

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I think it is just waaaaaaaaay to early to compare Lebron to Michael.  Lebron has a long way to go.  Maybe Lebron has yet to prove himself, seeing how he has only one 1 lousy title, but all I know is that someone in particular is sick of the comparison.  (Yea, you hug that trophy Lebron, might be your last.)

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Michael Jordan clearly hates Lebron and it’s awesome.  Michael probably doesn’t mind being compared to a newcomer or mentioned in the same sentence, but when sports journalists and broadcasters are bombarding every media outlet and NBA press conference with this tired topic, I think anybody would get sick of it.  This relentless association which may or may not be well deserved if ESPN is the one doing all the talking.  Especially when Michael says he would rather play with Kobe than Lebron.  He is right, “5 beats 1 every the time.” (Kobe, Bring back the FRO!)

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Michael Jordan is an international symbol for not just the NBA, but for all sports.  From the collectible shoes to his global clothing line, Michael has established his name as an emblem of elite athleticism.  For god sakes, he starred in one of the most beloved classic children’s movies, SpaceJam.  A basketball player saving the world with the Looney-Tunes……plus an amazing grammy winning soundtrack.  “I Believe I can Fly” hello?  Can Lebron do that?  Naw, guy can barely maintain a conversation let alone save the world.  Guy can play on the court but just ain’t the brightest color in the box.  Maybe things would have been different if he went to college……spacejam

Lebron certainly deserves the accolades because the guy is a beast and a 3 time MVP winner.  But when ESPN is giving all the applause adoration, it’s a bit hard to take it seriously because it’s biased.  ESPN just wants a story that will catch the attention of their audience, not necessarily the truth.  Who knows if Lebron thinks he is just as good or better than Michael.  And frankly, I don’t care what Lebron thinks and nobody in the NBA should either.  Michael Jordan is Zeus while Lebron is merely a sprite trying to claw his way to the top of Mount Olympus.  Jordan didn’t need to leave his team to get a title.

I am just waiting for the day for when some basketball player out of college takes the NBA by storm while the media starts inevitably comparing him to players past, like Lebron…..better yet, comparing him to Jordan.  Sweet. I don’t think Lebron’s little heart could take it.

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