A Dark Sark Day

New Southern California football head coach Steve Sarkisian pauses for a moment during a news conference on Tuesday, Dec. 3, 2013, in Los Angeles. USC hired Sarkisian away from Washington on Monday, bringing back the former Trojans offensive coordinator to his native Los Angeles area and the storied program where he thrived as Pete Carroll's assistant. (AP Photo/Jae C. Hong)

So I was just about to write-up a post about the dismal Sarkisian situation this Monday morning, and as it turns out, he was fired in a matter of hours, right after lunchtime PST to be exact.¬† Didn’t know it could get any worse ūüėõ


This is definitely one of the darkest times USC football has ever faced. The head football coach has become persona non grata on campus, go figure.  Reggie can now plan his celebrated return, Bush pushing it back to Heritage Hall.


The issue of Sark being a drunk shouldn’t really come as a surprise to us SC fans, let alone Pat Haden.¬† Apparently the Washington Huskies, his previous coaching job before taking on SC, were well aware of his addiction and some players even took to their Twitter to LOL about the situation.


Fox Sports even reported several additional incidents that involved Sark and the bottle. Among the reported incidents:

‚ÄĘ One former Huskies player claims he “smelled alcohol” on Sarkisian at team meetings “one or two” times;

‚ÄĘ Another ex-Huskie said that in 2009, Sarkisian sometimes arrived at meetings “smelling like booze” and with his “eyes all red”;

‚ÄĘ Two other former Huskies said Sarkisian and other coaches regularly drank alcohol in their offices;

‚ÄĘ Several receipts obtained by the Times¬†show hefty tabs for alcohol paid for in Sarkisian’s name.

So how was Pat Haden not aware of ANY of this?  How was this guy even hired?


This unfortunate incident sadly exposes a gaping issue that is bigger than crunk Sarkisian, which could be an even more detrimental to the program.¬† As University Athletic Director, Pat Haden is responsible for managing all athletic programs and hiring those sufficient enough to run said programs.¬† Haden is 0 for 2 with the football program. ¬†He didn’t hire Lane Kiffin, but he did drag that along quite nicely. The white visor-wearing douche was a complete disgrace.¬† Coach O was the only savior that graced the football program’s presence finishing the regular season on a high note and he was an interim! Promptly after the season ended, Haden dismissed him in order to make room for Jose Cuervo.¬† Coach O was so distraught by Haden’s decision that he didn’t even stay to coach the team in the Las Vegas Bowl.


Now this a fun trip down memory lane, remember when Haden and Sarkisian got in trouble? On September 8, 2014 he and USC football coach Steve Sarkisian were reprimanded by Pac-12 Conference commissioner Larry Scott for attempting “to influence the officiating, and ultimately the outcome of a contest” during the September 6 game with Stanford. Haden was fined $25,000.¬† Yea that was fun…..

Haden’s employee vetting almost reminds me of a certain under-qualified Vice Presidential candidate…….


Pat Haden must be under some serious fire, putting him in the HOT seat.¬† I mean ridiculously HOT, the HOT that is only found in HELL, HOT.¬† The man has only been Athletic Director for roughly 5 years.¬† I understand that the deistic legacy of Pete Carroll still runs deep within the program and forever will be until the man gets a gold statue on campus, but that doesn’t mean we need to try and desperately hang on to every individual that had some sort of connection to the winning program.¬† I know it may be hard to digest, but USC needs to start fresh and try and establish a new order.


I know it’s scary to go out and try something new guys, but in the long run you will be respected for it even if you falter for a short while.¬† But then again this is College Football we’re talking about, the one athletic program that is so highly coveted that some universities’ entire endowment is given just to the football program.¬† Clearly our priorities are in line.


All we can do in the interim is hope that Sarkisian seeks out the proper rehabilitation treatment to help him alleviate his alcohol addiction.  AND for Haden to get a clue


Top 10 Reasons Why I’m Excited For College Football 2015

College Football 2015 is fast approaching and I can hardly contain my excitement.¬† Almost as excited as Tim Tebow’s first day as an Alter Boy.


So I assembled my top 10 reasons to be excited for the upcoming 2015 season.

10. Alabama vs. Tennessee

Even though Tennessee will be meeting Alabama in Tuscaloosa, it will still be entertaining to see Lane Kiffin squirm on the sidelines. After all, Knoxville did name their sewage system after Kiffin’s unexpected departure. Only a lucky few college football coaches have ever received such an honor.


9. Charlie Strong Wrangling The Longhorns?

Is Charlie Strong in the hot seat? As college football fans are well aware, Texas football is not only a way of life, it IS life. They expect championships and expect no less.¬† Charlie Strong is entering his second year as their head coach. His 2nd!¬† Honestly, if Texas wins one more game than they did last year, that wouldn’t matter.¬† But if Texas faces another dismal season in 2015 and fires Strong entering the 2016 season….geeze, get a life Texas.


8. Beat the Irish!

Notre Dame is ranked #10 in the preseason polls.¬† It really grinds me gears that no matter how shitty they were the season before, Notre Dame always seems to creep their way into the top 25 preseason poles.¬† WTF?! Yea well, Rudy won’t save you this season.



7. Wow! Oregon’s Uniforms!

You gotta hand it to them, every season the Oregon Ducks give our eyes a nice little gift: tight neon-colored spandex boasting feathers of flight. Flight to Football. Nice.


6. Urban Meyer’s Non-Existent Health Problem

Let’s see if he makes it out another year. Sorry Meyer family, the Buckeyes are far more important than you.¬† Careful there Urban, your anger may only exacerbate that heart condition of yours….


5. Everett “Cheater” Golson Taking Over For Crab Legs

Should be entertaining to see a Notre Dame drop out attempt to form his own legacy following Heisman Trophy-Winning Crab Stealing Misogynist Winston. It is quite the legacy, I must say.  However, Golson is one of the smallest QBs in the game.  Apparently, Golson could be the shortest Florida State QB in nearly 30 years.  He has no chance.

FireShot Screen Capture #2555 - 'ESPN CollegeFootball on Twitter_ _Everett Golson had one of his worst career games vs_ Arizona State on Saturday #CFBLive http___t_co_hFwJmal0q3_' - twitter_com_es

Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston, right, greets Notre Dame quarterback Everett Golson after Florida State won 31-27 in an NCAA college football game in Tallahassee, Fla., Saturday, Oct. 18, 2014. (AP Photo/Mark Wallheiser)

Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston, right, greets Notre Dame quarterback Everett Golson after Florida State won 31-27 in an NCAA college football game in Tallahassee, Fla., Saturday, Oct. 18, 2014. (AP Photo/Mark Wallheiser)

4. Introducing Ann Arbor’s Own: Constipation Face

I don’t know about you, but I’m excited to see Constipation Face take the Big House by storm. Not so much with his football team, but with his douche-bag childish antics and ridiculous facial expressions, I’m sure we are in for some pure laughter. Those high rising tight khakis alone are up for a College Football comeback.


And my personal favorite….


3. Another Year, Another Year Older Can Only Mean One Thing: Retirement For Lee Corso!

Homeboy needs to pack his bags and take up golf. Someone just has to beat College Game Day out of him.¬† Or maybe just have one bad fall….. (I’m going to hell)


2. Playoffs Take 2

2nd time can be a charm.



Oh yeah ūüôā


Christmas Cancelled Early for Stanford

tumblr_la48uhRWjU1qdrrdn The Christmas Trees were defeated by the USC Trojans at the Coliseum Saturday night.  And even though the Trojans gave the dancing Christmas tree a good reason to stop dancing, it was truly amazing.

USC Trojans vs Stanford Cardinal

What was the most amazing part about it? ¬†Well, I can name a few parts……

1. The Underdogs defeating the No.5 BCS ranked team.


2. ¬†Andre Heidari’s right foot redeeming himself after ongoing struggle this season.


3. Coach O calling a Big Balls Pete Play on 4th and 2 from the Stanford 48 with 1:23 left in the 4th quarter.

Stanford v USC

4. USC ranked No.23 in BCS standings.


5. Lane Kiffin is crying himself to sleep somewhere in SoCal. Probably the Valley…..

USC v Arizona State

6. Amazing to see Jonathan Martin’s “emotional distress” is intact because he was spotted¬†smiling ear to ear on the Stanford sidelines.


I don’t know whether to puke or get angry at #6. ¬†Why the hell was Jonathan Martin there? ¬†He almost ruined the moment with his little smirks and texting on the field….but then again he didn’t because the Trojans won, giving College Football one of the biggest upsets of the season. ¬†Go away Jonathan Martin, your “emotional distress” ruined Christmas for Stanford.

c3cd30fb-327b-4479-baf8-dd85a78b66c0And as for the Trojan’s Merry Little Christmas…..may their hearts be light ūüôā

Dawn of a new era?

A new day, a new game, a new coach, a new life.


Interim Head Coach Ed Orgeron of USC debuted his awesome possum leadership skills last week during the Trojan’s 38-31 win against the Arizona Wildcats. ¬†Even USC Athletic Director, Pat Haden, was impressed with the atmosphere in the Trojan’s locker room before the Arizona game: “I’ve never seen anything like it. ¬†It was unbelievable.”


After the victory over Arizona, Haden said “Coach O was awesome” and cited the energy and joy of the players. ¬†Rather than quietly contemplating the start of the game, music filled the locker room.

“I don’t know what the music was,” Haden said. “It’s not on my iPod¬†‚ÄĒ it was weird music, but they loved it.” ¬†Nice. ¬†Too bad Kiffin’s favorite music is Taylor Swift.

NCAA Football: Southern California at Arizona State

I think we can all agree that the Trojans might have found their future and Lane Kiffin is really really depressed about it. ¬†You could see how depressed he is if you watched him last Saturday at the College Gameday broadcast at Washington University, where Chris Fowler interviewed the poor bastard, asking him about his recent flame out with USC. ¬†With chants of “You Got Fired” resounding behind him, Kiffin insisted that he still loves coaching and described the experience of watching USC defeat Arizona¬†as “like watching someone else raise your kids.” ¬†Yea, kids who don’t love you. ¬†How does that feel Kiffy?

Before concluding his interview with Fowler, Kiffin signaled to athletic directors around the country that he was ready to try again, referencing his “next job” and “young age.”

Puke in my mouth Kiffin. ¬†You probably won’t get hired somewhere until the off-season. Calm down. ¬†With keeping young age in mind, can you answer me this: What have you accomplished? ¬†What positive effect have you had on the world? ¬†Every job you had as a head coach, you were fired or immediately left in shambles, leaving only a Sewage System in your name. Enough about Kiffin, he is dunzo and we shouldn’t waste anymore of our valuable time on the useless douche of a coach.


Whether Orgeron will remain the head coach remains to be seen.  Despite the win, there was still some gaping problems no one can ignore like a depleting defense that gives up in the second half and an offense still trying to find its footing with a newcomer quarterback.  However, it was still pretty freaking sweet seeing them win, and having fun while doing it.

1381471895000-USP-NCAA-Football-Arizona-at-Southern-California-003Orgeron is bringing the fire and passion back to the game, something Kiffin was sorely lacking.  Even though it seems like the most important thing right now is to win, I think the hope that Orgeron represents is far more important, especially to the players.  The players are the ones who need that hope to drive them to go to practice at 6am, the drive to play for a coach they actually want to play for, the drive they need to WIN.

1528486_sp_usc_utah_state033_LSSo here is to the new coach, here is to a new team, here is to a new era in Trojan Land.  An era without Kiffin.  Can I get an AMEN up in this biatch?!

Thank you.

I call Shenanigans

The NCAA really just needs to die a quick and painful death.


Honestly with the flip-flopping, improper treatment and down right shady behavior, the NCAA has solidified itself as THE most counterproductive, incompetent, STUPID athletic association of all time.


Ever since this Johnny Manziel fiasco, bestowing a 30 minute time out as sufficient punishment for the Heisman Trophy Winner, the multi-billion dollar lawsuit brought on by past/present college athletes suing the NCAA for unfair treatment of student-athletes (or is it athlete-students…?), cutting ties with EA Games as well as the persistent douchebaggary of the Association, no one can take the NCAA seriously anymore.

You would think after all this controversy that the NCAA would get their shit together and start acting like a real collegiate authority, but no, their authority is as trustworthy as an alcohol free punch bowl at a frat party.  A JOKE.


Just like their revisionist history penalty, the NCAA is backtracking. ¬†The NCAA announced Tuesday¬†that it would begin to restore some of the scholarships it took from Penn State in the aftermath of the Jerry Sandusky child sex-abuse scandal. ¬†¬†Penn State, under Coach¬†Bill O’Brien, will be allowed to increase its scholarship number to 75 in 2014-15, 80 in 2015-16 and begin competing with the maximum 85 in the 2016-17 academic year.

Puke in my mouth, wtf NCAA. ¬†Answer me this, what does revisionist history solve?? ¬†Better yet, let’s ask Doc Brown, he will know what to do.


As a college football fan, forgive me for calling: Shenanigans!!

I am calling Shenanigans on the NCAA for their fickle executive decisions.  Did I say decisions?  I meant temporary punishments?  Did I say punishments?  I meant a croc of shit.


Why have we let these ass clowns decide what is ok and what isn’t ok in college sports when they don’t even know what to do themselves? ¬†Why have our leaders backtrack on decisions they have already made? ¬†Doesn’t that merely reflect poor judgement and weak character from our supposed confident leaders? ¬†Seriously, what gives George Bush?


Their decision to reduce the penalties by giving back the scholarships they initially took away from Penn State University is ridiculous. ¬†Why…WHY!?! ¬†Can we at least be given an explanation as to why these penalties are forgiven and other can not be, like USC.


USC thought, why not? If Penn State can get away with years child sexual abuse then maybe we can get away with one player’s greed, a greed that lives in every warm-blooded collegiate athlete (cough:: Johnny Football:::). ¬†Hey, can’t blame USC for trying.


The NCAA required less than a day to rule on USC’s latest appeal to modify the sanctions handed down in the case.

A day after USC Athletic Director Pat Haden met with NCAA officials in Indianapolis to request an easing of scholarship reductions, the NCAA said Friday that there would be no appeal.


It’s honestly this inconsistency in the NCAA that is beyond frustrating. ¬†Ever since USC was given the harshest punishments ever handed down by the NCAA back in June 2010, there has yet to be an equal punishment. ¬†Penn State came close but DUDE, are we seriously having this argument? Child rape vs. money….. clearly 1 individual’s greedy behavior yet realistic career aspirations is much worse than child sex abuse. ¬†Yes, of course.


I don’t want to get into the East Coast vs West Coast battle, but clearly this East Coast bias has yet to, perhaps ever, subside in college sports. ¬†Let us save that for another time. ¬†All I ask is for the NCAA to be stern, to be honest and is to too much to ask to be FAIR?!


With little shiesty actions like these, the NCAA is becoming more and more obsolete and down right idiotic.  My call of Shenanigans is also a call for a Disbandment: disbandment of all the current associates presently at the NCAA.   Because clearly nobody there can tell the difference between what is right and what is wrong.

Doesn’t the NCAA remind of you the big bad woman Principal in Roald Dahl’s Maltida, Mrs. Trunchbull. The relentless educator who just bullies everybody for no reason at all?


Grabbing kids by the pigtails, throwing them over the fences, making fat kids eat cake and putting children into the chokey. ¬†That’s where USC will remain now and forever……the chokey.


Realistically college sports needs a police system, needs some higher administration, needs ORDER, so the NCAA can’t just go away. ¬†I can only pray that this multi-billion dollar lawsuit bankrupts those bastards and takes everything from them, leaving them with the only option of closing their doors and allowing each conference to independently regulate themselves. ¬† Lord, don’t fail me now!


Keep a Happy Face?

If you are a Trojan fan, can we please have a little chat about the future of this football team?


I am so sick of hearing the words ‘rebuilding,’ ‘sanctions,’ ‘hardship,’ and ‘drama.’ ¬†The one time the Trojans, particularly Lane Kiffin, had the chance to escape the depths of football crap….he didn’t…well, kinda sorta not really.


National signing day was a couple of weeks ago and the Trojans failed to sign the usual ‘A’ winning class like they have had the last 5 years. ¬† I guess it comes down to the good ol’ debate, ‘Quality vs. Quantity.’ ¬†According to Scout.com, USC attained 4-5 star recruits, which is pretty sweet but only a measly 12. ¬†The typical number of a college football recruiting class is 25. ¬†Now that is a hit to the ego.


Remember those pesky NCAA sanctions they have to deal with 4 years ago? Yea they are still paying for it and will be for what seems like an endless amount of time.  This is the last year the Trojans face scholarship restrictions, taking away 10 scholarships per season, which seems like nothing but has been harming the team since day 1.  That number alone makes up a solid Defensive and Offensive line, which the team desperately needs.


USC’s 2013 group of recruits are better than most classes out there, but it’s the high expectations that will forever plague any player that walks through Heritage Hall. ¬†The Trojans managed to snag a couple of solid defensive players, running back and an All-American Quarterback from Washington.T

1067974Ty Issac, RB, 6’2 215 pounds out of Illinois has great hands and speed which is perfect for SC seeing how the team will be saying goodbye to Robert Woods and Curtis McNeal. ¬†You can never have enough offense.






Defensive player Kenny Bigelow, 6’3 297 out of Maryland pounds is so versatile that in high school he played linebacker, defensive tackle, defensive end and even tight end. ¬†Ridiculous. No wonder he is a 5 star recruit. ¬†Sounds like this kid’s quick change of direction and speed are his winning assets, forcing double teams and breaking runs. ¬†This is guy is seriously going to get some playing time and secure a starting spot.


Steven Mitchell, WR 5’10 from Mission Hills, CA is not as tall as anyone would hope, but boy does he make up for it in speed. ¬†Speedy Gonzalez speed! ¬†This four star recruit has great hands, quick feet, runs solid routes and can change direction in a flash. ¬†If given a chance, I think USC can have another play maker in their hands.

thSu’a Cravens. ¬†S out of the middle of nowhere California. But fun name right? ¬†Apparently this athlete is a genius, scoring a very high football IQ. Dangerous in the pass coverage, Cravens, his instincts are what really separates him from the rest. ¬†It is instincts that make a defensive player indispensable and reliable, a play maker who knows what they are doing. ¬†Now isn’t that a thought.



Max Browne. QB from Washington (take that Steve Sarkisian!) is considered by many the top quarterback in this 2013 class. ¬†This 5 star recruit is everything you want in an √©lite quarterback. ¬†Lucky for him, this spring is going to be an open quarterback competition at USC, giving him the chance to beat at Wittek and start as a true freshman, just like Barkley. ¬†From his arm strength to his accuracy, Browne appears to be the complete package. ¬†Does this kid have a downfall? ¬†Who the mofo knows until you put him in those high pressure situations. ¬†It won’t be easy for Browne to start competing with so-so Wittek and Cody Kessler, who has yet to get any play time. ¬†But the pressure to win and for USC to get out of their ‘let’s fire’ Kiffin temper tantrum, Maxie Browne has a good shot.rn_maxbrowne4_ms_600

For the love of GOD, I pray that this recruiting class live up to all expectations. ¬†But sadly, lately USC football always has a way of royally screwing up and frankly, it’s not entirely their fault. ¬†It would so easy to place all the blame on Lane Kiffin, so why stop now. ¬†For now (and who knows how long that will last) the problem is Lane Kiffin. ¬†Last year he proved that despite the harsh sanctions, he can effectively formulate and coach a winning team. ¬†They beat the Oregon Ducks for pete sake.

This year proved to show Kiffin’s unfortunate true colors. ¬†All of the childish mishaps and immature stints from deflating footballs, changing jerseys, even to Kiffin’s ridiculous play calling….all have accumulated to make a disaster. ¬†So much of a disaster that this season will go down in the books. ¬†A #1 ranked team that falls into the depths of college football hell, next to the boys on the 1986 SMU team.


I really don’t want to keep giving Kiffin the benefit of the doubt, but this 2013 season is the last straw. ¬†Even if Kiffin wasn’t the coach, USC is a school known to always produce a decent recruiting class because what 18-year-old boy wouldn’t want to come to LA, live the sweet West Coast life and play on national TV. ¬†Exactly.

Wouldn’t it be nice to actually check out the recruits and see the new boys in actions? ¬†Yea, no. Nobody can because Kiffin has ended open practices , which now remain closed to everybody. ¬†This is another failure on Kiffin’s part.


It’s hard to keep a happy face when Kiffin doesn’t. ¬†Maybe he should try and smile once in a while, show a little emotion and enthusiasm when talking about his team or when on the field calling idiotic plays. ¬†When Kiffin changes, the team will change. ¬†Here is to a better, and FUN, 2013.

Hey Kiffin! ¬†Fight On with a Smile ūüôā

Blame it on the ButtFace

Screen Shot 2012-12-03 at 9.29.01 AM

Ouch LA Times. ouch. ¬†Hope Lane Kiffin doesn’t read the paper because his approval rating has dropped lower than Taylor Swift’s panties. ¬†I mean this was a ridiculous long time coming, just take a look at THE worst season a college football team has EVER seen. ¬†If you think Manti Te’o’s dating skills are tragic, take a look at USC.

Lane Kiffin

2012 has been the worst year USC football has ever seen. ¬†Where to begin….? ¬†Well I think it all started in New York at Met Life Stadium. ¬†SC was expected to slaughter a not so great Syracuse football team at least by a couple of touchdowns. ¬†No, SC only won by 13…..in retrospect in should have been a lot more to a Big East Team whose previous season record was a measly 5-7. ¬†I wish this was the only and last ::Sigh:: this Trojan fan would have for a season that started off so promising, ranked #1 in the country.

football-money ¬† After opening last football season ranked #1, the Trojans sank to an unbelievably embarrassing 7-6 record under the not so great tutelage of Coach Lane Kiffin. ¬†Is he to blame? ¬†At this point int time…….yes….yes he can…..and should for many MANY reasons. ¬†Even USC Athletic Director Pat Haden knows that football program’s derailed state of affairs, especially when all the hatred and blame is being pointed directly at Kiffin’s visor wearing head. ¬†Asked to describe the state of USC athletics, Haden says, “The sky is not falling, in spite of what some people read and think and write.” ¬†I get it, there is more to collegiate sports than football, but may I ask…..which sport brings in the most revenue? ¬†Which sport brings in the most publicity? ¬†Which sport increases freshman enrollment? ¬†la-sp-pat-haden-usc-20130122-001

Luckily for our Trojan fan sake, Haden acknowledges receiving a steady stream of negative letters, emails and Twitter messages. He says his car was recently keyed off campus ‚ÄĒ “I don’t know if that is a result of this,” he says, laughing. ¬†Yes, laugh it up Haden. Luckily for you, USC is located in South Central, one of safest hoods in Los Angeles. ¬†Didn’t the University just instill a 9pm curfew? ¬†You crazy college kids you.


Despite the influx of hate, Haden has continuously said he supports Kiffin 100% and has no reason why Kiffin shouldn’t be the football coach. ¬†UGH, do we have to do the math for you Haden?!

In September, an innocent reporter was banned from practice after he accurately reported that a player underwent surgery. GOOD GOD say it ain’t so!!¬†Kiffin also abruptly bolted from a post-practice news conference when asked about a player returning from injury. Beyond random. ¬†Why don’t you just make SC look like a bunch of ADHD Space Cadets who can’t handle the media. ¬†Sadly, this was only the beginning.

In October, a USC quarterback was instructed by coaches to wear another player’s jersey number on special teams in the first half against Colorado, and then played later in the game in his usual number. Brilliant strategy… thanks Napoleon! ¬†In November, the Pac-12¬†Conference fined USC $25,000 after it was discovered that a student manager intentionally deflated USC footballs before a game against Oregon. Now why would he do that? ¬†The season ended with the embarrassing Sun Bowl¬†loss to Georgia Tech, punctuated by news stories last week that portrayed a heated post game locker-room scene. ¬†I dunno if it was soo much heated towards each other or heated towards a certain khaki wearing individual who hides behind play cards.



Yes, USC is still hurtin’ for certain from the harsh (harshest!) NCAA sanctions thanks to running back Reggie Bush. ¬†But come on, you can’t even compare this season to last season, 2011 where the Trojans went 10-2. ¬†Maybe the penalties are sinking in with loss of scholarships and recruits but DUDE, resulting in theses immature and stupid antics leaving the team so frustrated that they decide to West Side Story it out in the Locker Room? ¬†Unacceptable.

“We need to earn our fans’ respect back,” Haden says, “and the only way you can do that is win.” ¬†I sure hope so buddy. ¬†Is that all Kiffin needs to do to keep his job? ¬†“I’m not answering that question,” Haden says, adding, “Sometimes when you’re calling plays . . . you don’t sense maybe the whole team. So I think he has to really sense the whole team and feel and have the relationship with the whole team….” ¬†First of all, grammar! ¬†Second, isn’t that covered in Freshman course¬†PSY 101, building any sort of relationship requires a connection with trust and honesty? ¬†Kiffin is so distant from his team he can’t even call GOOD plays, are you kidding me? ¬†Didn’t you watch the Notre Game? ¬† Yes Lane, let’s run the ball on 3rd down because it worked out so well the other 432 times you did it! ¬† ” Secondly, ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff, Lane,’ Haden blabs on. ¬†“Don’t worry about injury reporting at practice and whatever other things we kind of trip ourselves up on ‚ÄĒ jersey numbers and things.” ¬†Hmmmmmm so what you mean is don’t learn from your mistakes? ¬†That’s great parenting right there. ¬†You Kiffin, do NOT get a time out even though you broke some rules….who cares right? ¬†If you are in calling the shots for LA’s most popular football team, the closest thing we have to the NFL, you can get away with anything. ¬†Everybody knows that. ¬†Haden you are starting to border line MORON.

Notre Dame v USC

Lucky for us, somebody is optimistic about next year. ¬†“I’m a paid optimist,” he says, “and I think we’ve got a great opportunity to rebound and have a terrific season next year.” ¬†That’s right, your PAID. ¬†Shit, if I was paid to think like you I would. ¬†But lets put ourselves in Haden’s position. ¬†What if the Trojans DO in fact have a great season, receive a great recruiting class, compete for the Pac-12 Conference title game and have one of their players nominated for the Heisman. ¬†That all sounds fantastic but still will never change the fact that the 2012 season was one of the most depressing and darkest times that any college football program has ever seen. ¬†EVER. ¬†Kudos to Kiffin for making USC football season the laughing-stock of the entire NCAA. ¬†No other team in college football history has been ranked #1 in the preseason, had a Heisman frontrunner and fallen so low to depths of complete shit.


Hey, I want to be a paid optimist.  Say Haden, where can I sign up?

Project Runway: Coaches Edition

I know it is a bit difficult to take your attention away from the game, averting your eyes from those “leave little to the imagination” uniforms those chiseled athletes are wearing. ¬†But have you ever noticed what the coaches are wearing?

When it comes to what coaches wear on game day, I always wondered if it was a matter of choice, lifestyle or tradition.  Maybe it is neither.  But it does have to do something with the sport itself, whether the sport is a classy dignified occasion or a mangy get down and dirty game.  It is also to important to consider the types of fans those sports attract and appeal to.

So I roughly picked the 5 coaches that best represent the fashion and style (both homeless nasty and clean chic) of their sport. ¬†Omitting Baseball because the coaches wear the same damn uniforms of the players. ¬†Don’t get me wrong, baseball uniforms can be sexy….just not on an old saggy ass man. ¬†Who knows? ¬†Maybe a coach’s style has a direct reflection on their team, their franchise and their town/city. ¬†Or maybe it doesn’t and I’m just really bored.

Here we go fashionista playas.


(oh they just look soo cute matching and all. ¬†Don’t you wish all coaching staffs looked like this? ¬†Naw, mean either…there would be no reason for this post yo)


1. Bill Belichick- The New England Patriots

Good GOD what is wrong with this guy’s fashion sense? ¬†Oh wait, he clearly has none. This guy is a hell of a coach bringing New England 3 Super Bowl Championships and 5 NFC Championships. ¬†Belichick is such a good coach he is clearly too distracted to get dressed before game day. ¬†He legit dresses like a BUM. ¬†Straight up BUM with his oversized Patriot’s hoodies. ¬†What is even better is that some of those hoodies have the sleeves cut off. ¬†Is he working out later? ¬†WAIT, better call the cops to arrest those Belichick guns!! ¬†Dude, this is New England, I think it is worth it to buy some sleeves.

What respectable coach of a championship team wears a freakin’ poncho of a sweatshirt to work? ¬†Is he hiding something? ¬†It’s ok Bill, we already know your fat. ¬†At least he is comfortable, right. You would think coming from a championship team, producing a future hall of fame quarterback and representing not just one city but an entire region, a region that founded this country, would maybe want to brush his hair in the morning and put on some sleeves. ¬†Then again….it is football

2.  Mike Krzyzewski-Duke University

If your going to coach a sport watched by millions and go all the way to see the March Madness daylight, hey you gotta dress the part. ¬†Nobody does this better in the NCAA than the iconic Coach K. Even though he is on the sidelines, he looks damn good in those crisp grey suites and plenty of gold accents (cufflinks, belt buckles, rings). ¬†It seriously looks like this dude is straight out of Mad Men. ¬†Douche bag of characters but damn can they dress. ¬†I mean Coach K coached the Olympic team for god sakes…..he should have some class.

Since this is college basketball, and the polished wooden basketball courts are pretty reflective, what the coaches wear might matter a bit more. ¬†On a more serious note, any college coaches hold more responsibility than professional coaches because they are more like parents/mentors than a boss/co-worker. ¬†These college coaches are coaching kids, not adults, and have the power to influence their players’ lives and help them grow into respectable athletes. Coach K coaches one of the most respectable college teams in the country, a southern bell of a school, Durham, North Carolina. ¬†The South is always known to stay classy.

3. Lane Kiffin- USC

Love my trojans but this coach’s signature “visor-white wearing style” is just plain boring, kind of like the personality. ¬†If your going to go for a signature style, make it good. ¬†Don’t make it white, especially in a sport that is known to get down and dirty in the mud. ¬†Why would you want to worry about ruining your whites when you have a football game to coach? ¬†Oh wait, he isn’t really coaching is he…at least not this season. You would think as a SoCal coach he would just be sporting Hawaiian shirts and board shorts….that would be ridiculously awesome.

Kiffin’s signature visor is a just another mere hiding tactic, kinda of like his giant laminated play card. Although he is trying really hard to dress like a classic football coach with his neatly pressed khakis and white collared shirts like Oklahoma’s Bob Stoops, but come on, you gotta get rid of that play card man. ¬†You can dress the part but it don’t mean you are the part. ¬†And those white beanies….yikes. ¬†Recipe waiting for a disastrous season.. ¬†Word of advice, you can’t get away with wearing white if you muddy up your season with those stains of defeat.

4. Jim Tressel

God I hate Ohio State but damn do I love Tressel’s sweater vests. ¬†Even though he isn’t the coach anymore, his red/grey sweater vests, white colored shirts + khaki pants are just a damn good combo. ¬†Such a clean and classic look for the annoying college football town of Toledo, Ohio. ¬†Although Tressel’s career ended in shame and ultimate termination from the Buckeye family, he is still one of the best dressed college football coaches. ¬† ¬†And hey, it wasn’t such a terrible coach anyway, leading Ohio State to 6 Big Ten Conference Final Championship games and winning coach of year 12 times. ¬†Maybe he is soo well dressed he forgot to manage his players, the same players who managed to trade in some one of a kind Buckeye paraphernalia for some narley tattoos. ¬† It’s always something isn’t it!

Why is he a well dressed coach you ask? ¬†Perhaps it is the sport…? ¬†Maybe, maybe not. ¬†I really think it has to do with the University and it’s culture. ¬†Ohio State is a prestigious school known for its winning sports. ¬†Not to say USC isn’t, but Southern California isn’t Ohio. ¬†I don’t know what there is to do in Toledo, Ohio….but it’s not LA, I bet you people live and breathe college sports more so than any dedicated Trojan fan in Los Angeles. ¬†At least Trojan fans go the movies or hit the beach… not so much in Ohio.

5.Paulo Sousa- Videoton FC (Hungary)

What is it about Portuguese men and style? ¬†Wait. ¬†What is it about European men, soccer and style? Seriously, it has to do with the fact that they are from an entirely different country or maybe that the good ol’ US of A has none when it comes to sports? ¬†Meh, I just think it’s because these are sexy guys with accents coaching a foreign sport.

Paulo is well-known for coaching Swansea City A.F.C. (South Wales), Leicester City F.C. (English) and now coaches in the Hungary League. ¬†What a globetrotter. Needless to say, it seems like it reflects his style. His colored sweaters, dark fitted suites, pea-coats with brightly colored buttons and scarfs, it legit looks like he could strut down a Marc Jacobs runaway show in Milan. ¬†Total GQ yo. ¬†The magazine made them their 37th best dressed man in Britain in 2011. ¬†Obviously, he could just resort to wearing a sweater or wind breaker like some other soccer coaches out there who are standing out there in those cold uncovered fields in sometimes miserable weather, but naw, not Paulo. ¬†Always rocking his dapper attire and giving into his love for Armani, Paulo is the classiest and best dressed soccer coach out there. ¬†You don’t really see that soo much in other sports…










Forgive me for not picking a NHL or NBA coach because frankly, they look the same to me. ¬†Plus the coaches in the NHL are always standing behind the bench and players….how in the hell am I supposed to see what they are wearing? But from what I can tell, they all wear the same dark suit and light-colored tie combo. ¬†No one has ever really stood out from the rest or rocked some shiny jewelry. ¬† ¬†Not discriminating against the suit and tie ensemble, very classy, but it can get tedious and down right dull. ¬†The only fashionista to come out of the NHL is Barry Melrose, dude looks like a mobster with those black pin stripped suits and slicked back hair. ¬†Love it. ¬†But Barry hasn’t been a coach in a long time, plus he didn’t start dressing like a badass mobster until he became an NHL analyst on ESPN. ¬†Thanks ESPN!

So here is my conclusion when comparing and contrasting these fashion forward and fashion retarded coaches.  One could assume that a highly watched sport would have coaches wanting to look their best.  Yea, not so much. Case and point: Belichick.  The dude has been to how many super bowls?  The Superbowl, one of the most watched television events of the year.  Gimme a break dude.  When it comes down to it, it is the sport and the culture.

NFL is a violent and dirty¬†sport that takes place outside in sometimes not so great weather. Yes sweatshirts, windbreakers and beanies are sometimes a necessity but can be presented in a classy and clean fashion. ¬† You would think New England would produce a classy American Revolutionary coach, but no, you get a dude with cutoffs. All Americans love their professional sports but never really consider the cultural pride behind them. Every sport contains a level of pride, especially representing where your team comes from, but American football (sad to say) is shameless.¬†It really is all about the benjamins in the pros. ¬†Americans only care about the popularity and the winning in professional sports not because it depends on their livelihood (unless they are a¬†professional athlete, coach or owner) but because it’s fun, exciting and just makes life better, even if it costs over $100 bucks for a nosebleed seat. ¬†NFL Fans do care about their team and their players, but they aren’t as genuinely connected as they could be. ¬†How genuinely connected can you get to a money-grubbing conglomerate?

College sports give fans with the same fun just like the pros but have a bit more pageantry, more pride and cultural importance. ¬†No matter if it is football or basketball, college sports is more pure because “in theory” is not about the money. ¬†These are kids playing, not adults. ¬†College athletes have yet to be screwed up by the world. ¬†College coaches are more than just coaches to these athletes, students and fans…. they are family. ¬†These dabber dressed coaches (minus Kiffin) represent more than the sport, they represent an entire family filled with tradition, pride and innocence. ¬†A dingy dressed college coach would be down right disrespectful. ¬†The only reason Kiffin gets away with his boring snuggle white attire is because of the city his team resides in. ¬†Los Angeles is one of the chillest places in the country. ¬†USC does indeed have tradition, but nobody can ever get over the fact that its sunny Southern California…forget that visor man and dismal run of a season, relax bra, just hit the beach.

Soccer takes the project runway cake fasho. ¬†Perhaps because it is a foreign sport and people across the pond have better fashion sense…common decency..? I would assume that since these soccer coaches are closer to the heart of fashion, therefore come into contact with more fashionistas, their fashion sense is taken to new heights. ¬†It was hard to just pick one but apparently Paulo Sousa was the easy choice because he openly talks about his love for fashion. ¬†Even though these coaches are consistently outside standing on the cold grass, yelling and screaming at the top of their lungs hundreds of yards away to get their players’ attention, they still look good doing it. ¬†The biggest distinction between these coaches’ fashion sense is the culture. ¬†Soccer isn’t an American sport and never will be. ¬†It was invented in Europe and is the most popular sport in the world, except in America. ¬†There are Americans that love soccer and there is a somewhat popular league bringing David Beckham to the LA Galaxy, but soccer is still not the country’s sport. ¬†Popular American sports are never going to adopt the styles of a foreign sport because USA is filled with too much pride. ¬†Kudos to European soccer coaches and their fashion forward trendy style, making the rest of the coaches of the world look bad, but hey that is the last Armani shoe drops I guess…

It would be nice for American coaches to take a hint and take fashion more seriously, especially when our attention is on them 25% of time. ¬†Don’t let that attention go to waste boys. ¬†Even if you are an amazing coach with outstanding credentials, I think you can still make a little time out of your busy schedules to take a shower, comb your hair and put on a nice outfit not just for you, but for your team, your town, your city, your sport. ¬†Appearances aren’t everything, but sometimes they can make or break a first impression. ¬†When it comes to any team sport and it’s time to go up against your opponent, it’s all about looking intimidating, overpowering and giving off that aggressive attitude that will win the game. ¬†And if by chance one of those players, or even coaches, on the opposing team takes one look at their competition, a dumpy looking coach with sleeves cut off and goofy white beanie, I think that intimidation might be dunzo.



Shine on you fashionista coaches you!