Top 10 Reasons Why I’m Excited For College Football 2015

College Football 2015 is fast approaching and I can hardly contain my excitement.  Almost as excited as Tim Tebow’s first day as an Alter Boy.

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So I assembled my top 10 reasons to be excited for the upcoming 2015 season.

10. Alabama vs. Tennessee

Even though Tennessee will be meeting Alabama in Tuscaloosa, it will still be entertaining to see Lane Kiffin squirm on the sidelines. After all, Knoxville did name their sewage system after Kiffin’s unexpected departure. Only a lucky few college football coaches have ever received such an honor.

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9. Charlie Strong Wrangling The Longhorns?

Is Charlie Strong in the hot seat? As college football fans are well aware, Texas football is not only a way of life, it IS life. They expect championships and expect no less.  Charlie Strong is entering his second year as their head coach. His 2nd!  Honestly, if Texas wins one more game than they did last year, that wouldn’t matter.  But if Texas faces another dismal season in 2015 and fires Strong entering the 2016 season….geeze, get a life Texas.

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8. Beat the Irish!

Notre Dame is ranked #10 in the preseason polls.  It really grinds me gears that no matter how shitty they were the season before, Notre Dame always seems to creep their way into the top 25 preseason poles.  WTF?! Yea well, Rudy won’t save you this season.

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7. Wow! Oregon’s Uniforms!

You gotta hand it to them, every season the Oregon Ducks give our eyes a nice little gift: tight neon-colored spandex boasting feathers of flight. Flight to Football. Nice.

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6. Urban Meyer’s Non-Existent Health Problem

Let’s see if he makes it out another year. Sorry Meyer family, the Buckeyes are far more important than you.  Careful there Urban, your anger may only exacerbate that heart condition of yours….

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5. Everett “Cheater” Golson Taking Over For Crab Legs

Should be entertaining to see a Notre Dame drop out attempt to form his own legacy following Heisman Trophy-Winning Crab Stealing Misogynist Winston. It is quite the legacy, I must say.  However, Golson is one of the smallest QBs in the game.  Apparently, Golson could be the shortest Florida State QB in nearly 30 years.  He has no chance.

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Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston, right, greets Notre Dame quarterback Everett Golson after Florida State won 31-27 in an NCAA college football game in Tallahassee, Fla., Saturday, Oct. 18, 2014. (AP Photo/Mark Wallheiser)

Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston, right, greets Notre Dame quarterback Everett Golson after Florida State won 31-27 in an NCAA college football game in Tallahassee, Fla., Saturday, Oct. 18, 2014. (AP Photo/Mark Wallheiser)

4. Introducing Ann Arbor’s Own: Constipation Face

I don’t know about you, but I’m excited to see Constipation Face take the Big House by storm. Not so much with his football team, but with his douche-bag childish antics and ridiculous facial expressions, I’m sure we are in for some pure laughter. Those high rising tight khakis alone are up for a College Football comeback.

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And my personal favorite….

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3. Another Year, Another Year Older Can Only Mean One Thing: Retirement For Lee Corso!

Homeboy needs to pack his bags and take up golf. Someone just has to beat College Game Day out of him.  Or maybe just have one bad fall….. (I’m going to hell)

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2. Playoffs Take 2

2nd time can be a charm.

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1. FIGHT ON

Oh yeah 🙂

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Constipation Going Blue

Forgive me as I swallow my pride, but  Jim Harbaugh is a great coach. Despite his constant constipated face, violently angry and all, Harbaugh knows his football and deserves to work for a notable franchise.  he has worked hard, he deserves it.  So hard he looks permanently constipated, which can be seen every game day.  Just look at this fool’s Wikipedia picture.  My God, is he backed up.

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He has turned around football programs, both college and professional, in less than 4 years, transforming teams into competitive forces.  While at San Diego State, the Toreros posted a combined 29-6 record and won two Division I-AA championships during Harbaugh’s three years at the helm.  I think this is when he started to feel the seething festering pain of winning.

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That lead him to the less-than reputable football program at Stanford University.  While there he not only managed to piss off Pete Carroll on more than one occasion, Harbaugh delivered a winning record in his third season, steering the Cardinals to a 12-1 record, always finishing in the top BCS standing.

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Then his constipation took him to San Francisco to coach the 49ers,  Harbaugh led the team to an 11-4-1 record in the regular season, winning back to back NFC West titles, and one Super Bowl appearance.  Hey, losing to your not so successful brother would only exacerbate the constipation.

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Now he is off to feel even more constipated at Ann Arbor, MI. Him returning to college merely reveals to us that his type of winning and languish energy is more appropriate for the less than mature players.  I think San Francisco was just sick of his shenanigans, or maybe his facial expressions.

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There is no denying that Harbaugh has a knack for building winning football programs.  But I think we can all agree that his constipation will never go away.  This fool thrives on his emotions.  And for college, that is well and dandy because Harbaugh’s maturity level is on the same level as his players.

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Go for it buddy, don’t let that constipation get you down.  That constipation lead you to take the crown from Nick Saban.  Harbaugh is now the highest paid college football coach.  But who would really win that facial feud?

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Even though Saban is The Lord of the Rings of the SEC, Harbaugh would destroy him with his constipated face. Now if only that will translate into wins for Michigan, Harbaugh will be in business.

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SUPER confused

Super-Bowl-2014

BIRD V.S. BEAST.  This Super Bowl is a tough one to call for many different reasons.  Both teams bring so much to the table because both teams have something to prove with a newcomer coach wanting to solidify his position in the NFL and a veteran quarterback in search of his second Super Bowl ring.  Both teams are quite awesome with both their states legalizing the green (Yea, I went there) while simultaneously representing the West.

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Remember the West side of the country ESPN? Are you guys even alive over there under all that snow?!  Damn Super Bowl, had to be in NYC.  Always the East trying to outshine the West…”SHINE” being the operative word….  Sorry, got off track….

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But who will win?  Who knows.  The bigger question is:  Who are you going to root for?

We should all be in for a treat on Sunday, as Denver and Seattle ended the season ranked No. 1 and 2 in the advanced NFL stats efficiency model by virtue of each team’s dominance on one side of the ball. For the Broncos, that side is obviously offense, led by quarterback Peyton Manning. And for the Seahawks, it is defense, led by their smothering secondary.  Yikes, sorry Russell, I guess you aren’t leading the pack 😦  Not if Richard Sherman has anything to say about it….

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The Seahawks are coached by the improbable Pete Carroll.  As a die-hard USC fan, you can’t help but love this guy despite his sudden, but necessary, departure from NCAA trouble.  Every other day since the playoffs, ESPN has published an article about Pete Carroll, outlining his awesomeness as a human being, an awesomeness that is so palpable that every player in the NFL wants to play for him.  Carroll was voted the most popular coach in the NFL, according to a survey conducted by ESPN.com. Carroll received over 22 percent of the votes cast by over 320 players asked “Which head coach would you most like to play for?”

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Carroll’s creation of a laid back, player-first atmosphere has been a hallmark of his time at both Seattle and USC, and that’s a major reason why players and fans LOVE him. Carroll doesn’t fit the coaching stereotype of an inflexible hot head douche — sorry Jim Harbaugh….and take off those hideous khakis, for the love of GOD — and that makes him someone NFL players want to work under.

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But then again, there is Peyton.  Peyton Manning set his own NFL record with 55 touchdown passes this year — that’s three-and-a-half TD passes every single game. To put it in another way: He had roughly 14 TD passes every four games. The New York Jets had 13 TD passes all season. DUDE.  At 37, coming off a career-ending neck injury, Manning had one of the greatest seasons in NFL history.

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Peyton Manning is a Monster Beast on the field. More importantly, in some ways, Manning finally seems comfortable with the football geek that he is. To the media’s amusement, he has been loose and funny in interviews this whole postseason. After the Broncos beat the Chargers, somebody asked if retirement was weighing on his mind, and he replied: “What’s weighing on my mind is how soon I can get a Bud Light in my mouth.” And isn’t that what is really weighing in all our heads?

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Two very likable guys, one Super Bowl.  I really don’t know!  For one, you want to see Petey win a Super Bowl just to stick it to big butt khaki wearing Jim Harbaugh, a feat he couldn’t conquer last year.  Buwhahaha, who’s the man now?!

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Second, Peyton needs to get another ring to stick it to his younger brother.  Despite Eli Manning’s 2 Super Bowl wins and 2 Super Bowl MVP awards, Peyton is by far the better quarterback, a quarterback whose name is already being etched in gold at the Football Hall of Fame.  With another Super Bowl win, Eli can take a seat.

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All you can root for in this situation is the commercials, hoping they will be worth the 1 million dollars.  I would say the half time show, but seriously who will be watching that?  Sorry Bruno, but I think I will take the Puppy Bowl instead.

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Shermanology

NFL: St. Louis Rams at Seattle Seahawks

All of Sports Media is a buzz about Richard Sherman and his less than mature antics after winning the NFC championship game against the 49ers.  In case you have been living under a rock, Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman blocked a game winning pass intended for 49er’s receiver Michael Crabtree in the end zone in last Sunday’s NFC Championship game.  Immediately after the play, Sherman smacked Crabtree on his bootie and exchanged some words….basically showboating and rubbing it in his face.  Crabtree proceeded to shove him in the face.

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First off, let me just say it was beyond sweet seeing Jim Harbaugh truly angry throughout the entire game.  What truly would have been amazing is if Sherman directed his showboating towards his old Stanford coach and gave him a big hug after the play……”Thanks Coach! Couldn’t have done it without your tight khaki pants!” Ahhh, can you just imagine the tantrum??

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Anyways, back to business.  Richard Sherman is either the biggest jerk alive or the smartest man alive.  Were his antics necessary?  In short, yes, yes they were because nobody can stop talking about him, which I think is EXACTLY what he wanted.

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Richard Sherman is getting more press than ever.  His own football jersey is now among the top 10 best-selling jerseys in the league, according to sales rankings provided to ESPN.com from the league official store NFLSHOP.com.  Sherman has broken into the top 10 for the first time.  Sherman has also witnessed his Twitter account balloon by more than 270,000 followers in the first 24 hours. In fact, he has singularly been talked about as much as both the Seahawks and 49ers combined.

GEE, I wonder WHY?

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Interestingly enough, Sherman on Wednesday retracted his post-game comments, comments that are less than classy, “I’m the best Cornerback in the game,” “I was making sure everyone knew Crabtree was a mediocre receiver, ” and then my favorite, “Crabtree. Don’t you open your mouth about the best or I’m gonna shut it for you real quick.”  Sounds a bit threatening bro.

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Let’s start calling this for what it is:  SHERMANOLOGY = Being a Dick = Popularity = $$

It’s true!  Sherman is an ivy-league educated athlete with a GPA of 4.0 straight out of Compton, CA, I think we can safely say he isn’t THAT dumb.  Well, let’s not include Jonathan Martin in this conversation,  that guy is just a big fat whiner.

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Sherman knew exactly what he was going to do, what to say and who to say it to this season if the Seahawks were going to take it to the Superbowl.  With all the press coverage, interviews, jersey sales and twitter popularity, Sherman has put on the new face of “what is trending,” for weeks to come.  I don’t care what anybody else says out there, I think this Shermonolgy strategy is genius, and possibly a way of NFL life.

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The guy is not only a great player who is brilliantly self-marketing his name, he is also remorseful.  He has already come out and apologized for his comments, “It is what it is. Things like that happen and you deal with the adversity. I come from a place where it’s all adversity (STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON), so what’s a little more or people telling you what you can’t do. I really was surprised. If I had known it was going to blow up like that I would have approached it differently, just in terms of the way it took away from my teammates. That’s the thing I feel regretful about.”

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Oh snap.  This guy doesn’t even need a publicist, he knows what to say, how to say it and when to say it, leaving us sports fans only wanting more. My only concern would be if they lose the Superbowl and Sherman directs his bad sportsmanship and frustration towards Peyton Manning. Now who would have the balls to do that to Peyton Manning?

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Peyton Manning is too beloved in the NFL to be subject to classless harassment, so if Sherman learned anything from his Shermanology, he knows better than to disrespect Peyton.  Otherwise, the city of Omaha will be on his ass like shit on Velcro.

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The Annexation of Puerto Rico

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It’s hard to ignore the magnitude this Sunday’s Super Bowl holds.  I don’t think anybody could have called this one.  Not even Carnac the Magnificent could have predicted that two brothers would be coaching against each other in the Super Bowl.  It’s a good old fashion family showdown between John Harbaugh and Jim Harbaugh.  Some are even calling it the Har-Bowl.  How original boys.  Yesterday, the Harbaugh parents held a media day of their own, discussing how proud they are of their sons and that this Sunday will be tough to root for both Jim and John.  It’s like Cain and Abel all over again.  Which son do you want to win?  Which son is truly the Harbaugh favorite?

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I don’t know about you but I couldn’t help but think of one of my favorite childhood sports movies, The Little Giants.  This Superbowl is the EXACT same storyline of the 1994 family film……except the fact that the film is about pewee football game taking place in a small Ohio town.  Nevertheless, the fictional story is about two brothers, the O’Shea brothers, Danny living in the shadow of his older brother, Kevin , a Heisman Trophy winner and local football hero. Kevin coaches the elite pewee Cowboys football team while Danny takes on the opposing gang of misfits who call themselves ‘The Little Giants’ in an attempt to show their hometown that his older brother isn’t invincible and that there is another O’shea who is capable of winning.  The little brother isn’t always the LOSER dammit.

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This Superbowl Sunday is literally almost like a cross story with this classic film.  Bigger brother versus little brother, one trying to prove each other’s worth. But the roles are a bit reversed, see John Harbaugh is little brother Danny O’shea (Rick Moranis- ultimate nerd) when in actuality he is the older brother to Jim, who is older brother Kevin O’shea (Ed O’Neil- Al Bundy- The Douche).  Despite their roles being reversed, the personalities closely resonate.

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Of course on the Super Bowl’s Media Day this last Tuesday, the Harbaugh boys got a show, their own show, the Harbaugh variety hour.  All prominent media hubs, such as ESPN and Sports Illustrated, all asked the Harbaugh boys the same questions, questions touching upon on the brothers traditional upbringing in Ann Arbor, Michigan, their intense sibling rivalry as well as their relentless football aspirations.

If you’ve happened to have read any of these articles, seen their joint press conference or  have gotten a chance to see the way these Harbaugh boys coach during the regular season, you would instantly know …..these guys are very different.  In fact, they are SOO different that it really only makes sense to root for one.  That’s right, you have to root for Danny O’shea…..I mean John.

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John is humble, collected and just seems a bit nicer when you watch his interviews, his coaching demeanor and his attitude.  Jim on the other hand is a complete hot head.  Jim is aggressive, intense, and just flat-out a jerk face.  It’s one thing to blow off the handle when a bad play is called but it is quite another to humiliate an opposing head coach after a crushing defeat.  Jim is the kind of jerk face that just always wants to be top dog.  For example, their press conference this morning, John shows up in a classy suit and tie while Jim, because he thinks he is just so darn cool, shows up in his typical coaching douche outfit complete with khakis and 49er’s hat. Puke in my mouth. This is EXACTLY why the ‘Harbowl’ is like ‘The Little Giants.’  url

Kevin O’shea is the big bad brother who always brought his little brother down just because he wanted to, just because he could.  Plus, Kevin O’shea never changed outfits throughout the entire movie, sporting his same blue track suit like jacket and polyester short shorts.  Jim is clearly that older brother persona, even though he is 15 months younger than John.  Jim is taller than John, bigger than John, has had a more successful career in the NFL than John.  Although both brothers seem amicable and are still giving off that ‘we bicker and fight but love each other’ brothers, you know this Super Bowl is a battle between good and evil.

You think I’m crazy?  I’m not crazy.  I have proof.  Just check out this fun video I found on crossing the Harbaugh Boys with The Little Giants.  Pure genius, especially with the Bill Bellicheck cameo.

Awesomely Accurate  

I adore this movie, some of the greatest one-liners as well as a comical cameo from real NFL players like Emmitt Smith, Tim Brown, Steve Emtman and even coach John Madden.  Listen if you don’t know who John Madden is and only know him as the popular football video game, then you clearly weren’t born in the 80’s and probably haven’t even heard of The Little Giants.  Seriously, Netflix that shit NOW!

If you are having trouble choosing which side to root for this Super Bowl.  Let me make it easier for you…  GO RAVENS= LITTLE GIANTS!  JOHN 4 LIFE.  You always gotta root for the underdog especially when the jerk face brother is on the opposing team.  You don’t want to see the douche bag beat the humble good guy do you?  John has Ray Lewis, the beast felon.  You think if the 49ers win, Ray is going to be ok with that?  Just don’t wear a white suit that night.  Plus John is cuter.  Jim be fugg busted and nobody in Disney World would have him….well maybe Ursula.

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