Mr. Not so Fast, My Friend

If you tune into College Game Day every Saturday morning/afternoon, then you are very familiar with the man who sits in between Kirk “Herbie” Herbstreit , Chris Fowler and Desmond Howard,  the man who is more well-known for his  “comic hijinks,” or as I like to call it “outlandish antics,” and of course his catchphrase, “Not so fast, my friend.” Ladies and Gents, may I sadly introduce, Mr. Lee Corso.

Under those pounds of Clinique foundation that grace his aged face, Lee Corso was actually a respectable college football player and coach before ESPN brilliantly decided to hire him as a broadcaster for their College GameDay program.  Forgive me for the “oh so not nice” comments concerning Corso’s ongoing tenure on ESPN, but he seriously contributes NOTHING but idiocy to the sports program as well as the game.

I haven’t watched all of his broadcasts so who is to say he has always been this obnoxious, making an endless array of pointless commentary.  I live and breathe college football, so when this leather faced old blockhead graces my television screen every weekend and starts to gabble about absolutely NOTHING, making ridiculous predictions about team match-ups saying “They will win by two safeties!” or “By 3 interceptions I bet” or the all time insightful favorite, “Hawaii doesn’t win many games in the United States.”  In addition to his senseless blabber, this cake-faced jalopy of a broadcaster has decided to cement his utter stupidity on air by not only always picking the upset but by sporting the team’s mascot headgear.  Instead of merely telling viewers his prediction and discussing the objective reasons as to why a team will win a game, he has to pick the team with the most comical looking mascot headgear and place it on his fat head to get a roaring cheer or jeer from the on looking college crowd.  Not only just the headgear, but props and all, to really REALLY get his point across (ie. Trojans with a sword, Sooners riding a covered wagon, Alabama’s elephant etc.). 

You gotta hand it to his fellow broadcasters (Fowler, Herbstreit and Howard) for saving his ass on the air by, you know, DOING their job.  It is such a shame for the hardworking Fowler, Herbstreit and Howard team, who actually take their job seriously by making insightful comments and athletic analyses.  Seriously, who wants to be seen with this joke of a sports broadcaster?  I guess if you’re getting paid to do YOUR job and the ratings are good, who is to complain?

Perhaps Corso is “doing his job” by offering some comical relief and his antics are fully supported by ESPN merely for the ratings, but his immature antics and ridiculous behavior are getting to be too distracting and too demeaning for the sport, ANY sport for that matter.  Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the bickering and animated personalities of Chuck and Shaq on TNT’s Inside the NBA, but at least they have something to positively contribute by commenting on players’ athletic abilities and presenting statistical facts to support their arguments.  Geeze Corso, does that sound so hard?  I know there are some big words in there, but you went to Florida State, Ivy League of the South East right?  In case you haven’t noticed, while on air Corso is always clutching a number 2 pencil, as if he was writing down important facts and names to bring up during the broadcast. DUH

What gives with the pencil?!  Apparently the clay face old man is “Director of Business Development for the Dixon-Ticonderoga pencil company.”  You gotta be kidding me.  Some company in Florida that unconsciously promotes education allows a dumb-witted sports guy to run the development of their entire business?!  Thank god these pencils look great on TV despite being held by a fat head broadcaster.  That sounds like the beginning of a beautiful and lucrative relationship.  Good luck with your Florida pencils kids, be careful with those sharp edges, they can be pesky when your flaying your arms around and not actually dulling the point with….what is that..?  oh WRITING?!  Yea, who needs that when you have cool headgear to parade around.

Yes, College Football is supposed to be fun like all sports, but it holds so much more pageantry, lifelong traditions and even a little innocence among the players and fans that professional sports at times may overlook.  Unlike professional Sports, College sports have yet to become fully engrossed in making that much-needed cha-ching and try to consciously separate themselves from the massive conglomerate, emanating more passionate fans, more hometown rivalries, more cheers,more songs, more excitement.  Lee Corso’s antics may be just for fun and games, but it feels like he is doing more bad than good, undermining what really makes the sport so different and so special to some.  Granted, his live audience is usually made up of hung over or intoxicated college students, Corso’s input is just a waste of life.

I don’t wish ill upon an old man, but I do wish for Lee Corso to retire with his pencil company in Florida (I would say dignity but that has already gone far out the window).  Please, if you love even a speck of college football, you would retire from College GameDay and hope to instill some integrity back in the program.  While he is still on the air, Corso continues to give a bad name for ESPN and Sports Broadcasting.  Hopefully ESPN will pull their heads out of the clouds one day when ratings take a little dive and shake up the commentary with a professional broadcaster,who could rock some mascot headgear if he or she wants, but more importantly, positively contribute a few valid points into the mix and stop making a mockery of the game.

No worries, we will be able to find Corso hanging back in one of the local watering holes in some random college town on a Saturday probably in the company with those NFL replacement refs, all basking in the good old days, wishing he can one day actually look  as happy as his fake mascot head.