What will you be drinking this Sunday?

What is the one thing you instantaneously think of when you hear the words, “The Super Bowl.”  Well, a lot comes to mind: Football (I would sure hope so), commercials, The Halftime Show and, quite possibly, Doritos.

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But if you are a hard-hitting muscle testosterone driven individual, you think of one thing : BEER.

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There are so many tasty brews out there, it’s hard to just pick one.  But let’s get one thing straight.  The Super Bowl isn’t the time nor place for those fancy micro-brews (unless your Hipster, but what true Hipster watches sports?).  Save those expensive beers for an art gallery opening.

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So for your viewing and tasting pleasure, I picked the top 5 (affordable) beers to bring to your Super Bowl party.  To duly note: I am avoiding high-alcohol beers—you don’t want the lightweight LAME-Os to fall asleep…or make their chips and salsa magically appear again on your couch.  Second, I want to try and offer some sort of variety so there’s something for everyone, and finally , I am solely basing my selections on their 2013 Super Bowl commercials.  That’s right.  The Super Bowl wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂

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5. Redd’s Apple Ale

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This might have been Redd’s Apple Ale’s first prime time television commercial slot, but it doesn’t really do anything to convince me to chug this.  This is obviously marketed for the chicas.  Instead of ordering the stereotypical Appletini at the bar, the ladies can opt for an apple tasting beer while watching football with the fellas, saving themselves from estrogenic embarrassment.  So what gives with the dude ordering the beer in the commercial?

Basically, violence is what makes people drink this beer.  Whoever is throwing the apple at your head is definitely not your friend.  If you want something sweet, go for Woodchuck Cider. Besides, it is a known fact that beavers are the friendliest animal.

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4. Heineken

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Ok this one is a bit frustrating. Too many unanswered questions with not enough cute cuddly dog humor to back it up.

Since when do dogs drink beer?  Since when can you bring dogs to a bar?  Since when do all guys who drink beer have dogs? Why would you ultimately go to a bar if you ran out of beer instead of going to a nearby liquor store? Much easier when you are bringing your dog along.   This is why Heineken shouldn’t be one of your top choices because your dog keeps hiding them, making you spend more money at the bar and more money on those stolen six packs 😦  Man’s best friend indeed.

3. Budweiser Black Crown

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This commercial is a bit off-putting.  I know Budweiser is trying to take over the beer world, but this beer commercial is making it out to be more of a cocktail party turned dance party than a laid back get together.

The Budweiser audience just can’t connect to this commercial, nor would want to drink it while watching the Super Bowl.  Despite its good taste, nobody who goes to a dimly lit lounge dressed in black cocktail attire dancing on tables is drinking beer.  This commercial is geared more towards the fancy vodka, whiskey, scotch sipping crowd, you know, classy.  Beer can be classy, but this is Super Bowl, an event that is anything but classy.

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2. Bud Light

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DUH!  It is THE Super Bowl beer.  They only have like 4 different commercials.  Last year’s commercial is interesting but has nothing to do with beer.  It has to do with a magical chair…..

Ok, not the best commercial.  Although it’s cool celebrity guest spots with Stevie Wonder and the Avatar chick are fun to watch, it still has nothing at all to do with beer.  I guess this was the time to their let their advertisers unleash their creativity, to market Bud Light in a different way, since this is the most over-exposed beer brand in the country.  But really, voodoo witchcraft?

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Nevertheless, Bud Light is always around when the Super Bowl is on.  And a 30 rack is so goddamn cheap, how can you say no?

1. Budweiser

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This is by far the best commercial because of its use of an adorable beast horse remembering the man friend that raised him.  Oh the Budweiser Clydesdale horses, thank you for giving us a touching tender moment that warms the heart….oh yea, and transporting our beer….I think.  Whatever, they are cute!

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A Necessary Apology: Nothing but BUD dominating the list.  Seriously dude, it’s taking over the entire Super Bowl commercial slots.  Well, now we know what beer company has the largest advertising budget.  Now I’m just waiting for their new 2014 commercial…… introducing UNCLE BUDS: the beer you love but with a new quirky taste.

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Omissions: Miller Light and Coors Light

Two of my favorite cheap Go-To Light beers for any get together.  The Super Bowl is the ideal event to snag a 12- pack of these bad boys because they’re very light (light enough to consume for 5 hours), great for beer pong, they don’ t leave a terrible gut-wrenching dish water taste in your mouth and you don’t feel bad if you spill it all over the place because they are both so cheap.  Just remember to clean up.

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Sadly both Miller Light and Coors Light didn’t have commercials in last year’s Super Bowl 😦  Maybe it’s because they didn’t have the means to scrounge up $1 million+ dollars to buy a spot.  OR maybe they ran out of money in their advertising budget because they choose to run their commercials 50,000 times throughout the entire year.  Well, it must be working.  I’m still buying them.

Cheers to Sunday!

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