The Battle of LA – The Battle of the Bacon Wrapped Hot Dogs

ucla-campus-usc-paint-bear                                                   tommy_trjan


The biggest college football game in the City of Angels is almost upon us.  Can’t you just smell the hatred and bitterness in the air with every passing pedestrian on the street?  Fortunately for us, during every college football game in Los Angeles ( well, for any big event taking place in the city for that matter), the streets usually smell like those delectable bacon wrapped hot dogs sold on every street corner.  The crackling  and greasy aroma is beyond intoxicating.


tumblr_ndcxd9fLDc1s2wio8o1_500You would think the Battle of LA could be settled over a shared round of these delicious bacon wrapped hot dogs. If the Pilgrims can come together with the native Americans over a plate of potatoes….then maybe the Trojans and Bruins can to.  Sadly no, they are just too damn good and they should only belong to one team and one team alone.  And that is USC, because frankly, I think they sell more in South Los Angeles than they do in the bougie parking lot of the Rose Bowl.  Oh wait, the Rose Bowl isn’t even encompassed by the city streets of LA?!  The Rose Bowl isn’t even on the FUCLA campus…..hmmmmmmm now that is a disadvantage for those pesky Bruins.

The freakin’ Rose Bowl is literally an hour away from campus.  Now what kind of school spirit is that?  I’ll tell you, one that lets its students drink and drive, that’s what!

FireShot Screen Capture #1403 - 'getting to rose bowl from ucla - Google Search' - www_google_com_search_site=&source=hp&q=getting+to+rose+bowl+from+ucla&oq=getting+to+rose+bowl+from+ucla&gs_l=hp_The game this year will be held at the Rose Bowl, a place where your backs go to die.  Have you sat in those seats? There are no backs, they are merely just cold metal benches. The Rose Bowl fails to accommodate those who actually don’t want to feel back pain.  Might as well stay at your tailgate, watch the game from a flat screen TV nestled in the back of someone’s SUV and sit in a lawn chair.


Aside from no beer being sold in the Rose Bowl, this is sadly a reality with the Coliseum as well.  Us fans in LA just can’t seem to handle our booze in a respectable fashion.  Which is why those bacon wrapped hot dogs come into play.  Those hot dogs could potentially save lives, sobering up fans before and after the game, so as to not make an embarrassing scene.  You never know.


In addition to the glory of winning and presiding over Los Angeles as if it were their own personal playground of youth indiscretion for the rest of year, I think the winning team should also receive reign over these bacon wrapped hot dogs.  Make the pot a bit tastier and sweeter.


Even though FUCLA is favored by 3.5 points, I think USC can take them and win. Losing the past 3 years has put USC in the hot seat, made them more hungry for the victory, giving them something to prove to not only themselves, but to their stomachs.  I strongly believe the Trojans’ can take the Bruins tomorrow night, if not for the citywide bragging rights but for those damn good hot dogs.



And please Tommy Trojan, stab the hell out of that field for all that is awesome and heavenly delectable.


Moral of the March Madness Story….?

I know I know, March Madness isn’t over.  But isn’t it really over for all of us?  Aside from everyone’s bracket being completely f*cked,  does anybody really care who wins this tournament anymore?


Moral of this March Madness story:

NEVER EVER LISTEN TO OBAMA!tumblr_inline_n3bj2lw70J1rufomg

Welcome the Hell

Ever since the story of Richie Incognito harassing Jonathan Martin on the Miami Dolphins erupted, the news world has gone coo coo for cocoa puffs.  Cocoa Puffs being hazing and harassment in sports.


I think after reading the transcript of Incognito’s voicemail he left for Martin on his cellphone, we can all agree that harassment is a problem in professional sports and should not be overlooked.  However, this type of hazing and rookie treatment isn’t something new.  It is something that has been around for years and will be around for years to come.


Jonathan Martin, a young fresh-faced offensive lineman from Stanford University, stepping into the harsh realities of the NFL apparently couldn’t take the abuse from veteran Offensive lineman Incognito.  The guy just checked himself into South Florida hospital after leaving the Dolphins due to emotional distress. WTF. Incognito doesn’t look that scary…Martin looks straight up timid……But before we dive into the rights and wrongs, we have to answer ourselves some questions about this volatile situation…

Jonathan Martin


Is this abuse really normal in the NFL?  Isn’t this type of abuse considered hazing, a typical type of treatment rookie players receive from veteran players as a right of passage?  Isn’t there an expected level of intensity, rough attitude and tough physicality in the NFL that is connected to this type of violent behavior that projects this bad ass disposition?  Is the problem just violence or masculinity?


But with all the coverage, is the media’s treatment of this situation fair?  Hasn’t hazing of rookie players been going on since the beginning of the NFL in 1920?  A safe assumption indeed.

Hazing has been put on the forefront ever since Greek Life, Fraternities and Sororities on College Campuses, has been in existence.  Haven’t you ever talked to someone who belongs to a Frat or Sorority?  They can’t tell you what goes on in their rituals and traditions….because it’s a “secret.”  So obviously hazing runs rampant.  But it’s that type of hazing which brings groups together, almost like a Band of Brothers, those who suffer together, stay together.  Frat brothers and Sorority Sisters look back on it as if it was necessary to be accepted in this new Greek institution, and usually look back on it fondly because it created unity and friendships.



BUT when hazing has racial slurs thrown about…..then it becomes a different story…obviously.

The only reason for this situation’s popular media coverage is because it has yet to be fully exposed.  By being exposed in full effect, blasting the Miami Dolphins for lack of leadership, lack of respect and lack of discipline, the NFL is bound to take a big hit as well.  So what is the NFL going to do?  They should really do nothing.  Leave it ALONE.


I know players having been coming out of the woodwork defending Martin for exposing Incognito’s harsh treatment and cruelty, but haven’t all of them experienced the same type of bully treatment? Of course that doesn’t make it fair.  But this type of bullying shouldn’t be treated as if it is something new, something out of the ordinary, something taboo.  Then yesterday Miami Dolphin players have come out to defend Incognito, claiming his relationship with Martin was friendly, “acted like brothers.”  “Richie said, ‘Jonathan is like my little brother,'” Dolphins Quarterback Ryan Tannehill said of a past conversation. “I think that’s an accurate depiction. He gave him a hard time. He messed with him. But he was the first one there to have his back in any situation.”


Hmmmm, interesting.  Perhaps they really felt like brothers? And whose to say?!


Locker room culture is so compartmentalized, who are we to judge the rights and wrongs of what goes on behind those closed doors?  We aren’t football players.  Who are we to judge what we perhaps may never understand?  We are the ones looking in from the outside, not the ones looking out from the inside.  Let judgement be handled by GOD….or the Terminator…..



Especially since Dolphin players are coming to the defense of Incognito and Martin admitting his emotional distress, who is the real victim here?  Martin may be the one at fault here for not handling the situation in the best fashion.  Perhaps he should have confronted “his brother” head on and none of this mess would have been blown out of proportion.  Then again there is still the racism issue…….WTF dude, let’s face it, the issue of race will never disappear.

The NFL must tread lightly on this fine line between hazing and traditional ritual.  Yes rookie players must expect to swim in some rough waters but not be slapped with racial slurs or death threats.  Is Martin a pussy?  Who the hell knows.  One thing is clear though, the fool just can’t hang.


I call Shenanigans

The NCAA really just needs to die a quick and painful death.


Honestly with the flip-flopping, improper treatment and down right shady behavior, the NCAA has solidified itself as THE most counterproductive, incompetent, STUPID athletic association of all time.


Ever since this Johnny Manziel fiasco, bestowing a 30 minute time out as sufficient punishment for the Heisman Trophy Winner, the multi-billion dollar lawsuit brought on by past/present college athletes suing the NCAA for unfair treatment of student-athletes (or is it athlete-students…?), cutting ties with EA Games as well as the persistent douchebaggary of the Association, no one can take the NCAA seriously anymore.

You would think after all this controversy that the NCAA would get their shit together and start acting like a real collegiate authority, but no, their authority is as trustworthy as an alcohol free punch bowl at a frat party.  A JOKE.


Just like their revisionist history penalty, the NCAA is backtracking.  The NCAA announced Tuesday that it would begin to restore some of the scholarships it took from Penn State in the aftermath of the Jerry Sandusky child sex-abuse scandal.   Penn State, under Coach Bill O’Brien, will be allowed to increase its scholarship number to 75 in 2014-15, 80 in 2015-16 and begin competing with the maximum 85 in the 2016-17 academic year.

Puke in my mouth, wtf NCAA.  Answer me this, what does revisionist history solve??  Better yet, let’s ask Doc Brown, he will know what to do.


As a college football fan, forgive me for calling: Shenanigans!!

I am calling Shenanigans on the NCAA for their fickle executive decisions.  Did I say decisions?  I meant temporary punishments?  Did I say punishments?  I meant a croc of shit.


Why have we let these ass clowns decide what is ok and what isn’t ok in college sports when they don’t even know what to do themselves?  Why have our leaders backtrack on decisions they have already made?  Doesn’t that merely reflect poor judgement and weak character from our supposed confident leaders?  Seriously, what gives George Bush?


Their decision to reduce the penalties by giving back the scholarships they initially took away from Penn State University is ridiculous.  Why…WHY!?!  Can we at least be given an explanation as to why these penalties are forgiven and other can not be, like USC.


USC thought, why not? If Penn State can get away with years child sexual abuse then maybe we can get away with one player’s greed, a greed that lives in every warm-blooded collegiate athlete (cough:: Johnny Football:::).  Hey, can’t blame USC for trying.


The NCAA required less than a day to rule on USC’s latest appeal to modify the sanctions handed down in the case.

A day after USC Athletic Director Pat Haden met with NCAA officials in Indianapolis to request an easing of scholarship reductions, the NCAA said Friday that there would be no appeal.


It’s honestly this inconsistency in the NCAA that is beyond frustrating.  Ever since USC was given the harshest punishments ever handed down by the NCAA back in June 2010, there has yet to be an equal punishment.  Penn State came close but DUDE, are we seriously having this argument? Child rape vs. money….. clearly 1 individual’s greedy behavior yet realistic career aspirations is much worse than child sex abuse.  Yes, of course.


I don’t want to get into the East Coast vs West Coast battle, but clearly this East Coast bias has yet to, perhaps ever, subside in college sports.  Let us save that for another time.  All I ask is for the NCAA to be stern, to be honest and is to too much to ask to be FAIR?!


With little shiesty actions like these, the NCAA is becoming more and more obsolete and down right idiotic.  My call of Shenanigans is also a call for a Disbandment: disbandment of all the current associates presently at the NCAA.   Because clearly nobody there can tell the difference between what is right and what is wrong.

Doesn’t the NCAA remind of you the big bad woman Principal in Roald Dahl’s Maltida, Mrs. Trunchbull. The relentless educator who just bullies everybody for no reason at all?


Grabbing kids by the pigtails, throwing them over the fences, making fat kids eat cake and putting children into the chokey.  That’s where USC will remain now and forever……the chokey.


Realistically college sports needs a police system, needs some higher administration, needs ORDER, so the NCAA can’t just go away.  I can only pray that this multi-billion dollar lawsuit bankrupts those bastards and takes everything from them, leaving them with the only option of closing their doors and allowing each conference to independently regulate themselves.   Lord, don’t fail me now!


Standing up to NCAA you say?

Standing up to NCAA you say?

Take a good look college boys…because this is what you are going to be staring at when your taking on the NCAA……

mordoreye copy

You might be asking yourself…..what’s the big deal.  Oh ….you just wait….with money….college…athletics…..and Sauron involved, there is bound to be an apocalypse of crystal football proportions.


One ring (cha-ching$$) to rule them all…..

Let’s just hope there are some smarty pants working for the NCAA to save the day….