Urban Meyer the Liar

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If the ass clowns at the NCAA could catch a liar red-handed, they would go Monstro on Urban Meyer’s ass.  Then again, the NCAA can’t even catch a cold.  ShooOOOOOooot.

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Urban Meyer, do yourself a favor, quit coaching an overrated team whose conference has a sad excuse for a competitive schedule and start living up to your promises of spending more time with your family, and more importantly, taking care of your health.

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Or go do what you really love……. Tebow.

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Do you like Riddles?

Who doesn’t like a good riddle…..

Riddler

Now answer this million dollar Riddle…….

Riddle me this, Riddle me that: Now how does this Douche Lord still have a job, ya know the one that wears the Visor hat?

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Project Runway: Coaches Edition

I know it is a bit difficult to take your attention away from the game, averting your eyes from those “leave little to the imagination” uniforms those chiseled athletes are wearing.  But have you ever noticed what the coaches are wearing?

When it comes to what coaches wear on game day, I always wondered if it was a matter of choice, lifestyle or tradition.  Maybe it is neither.  But it does have to do something with the sport itself, whether the sport is a classy dignified occasion or a mangy get down and dirty game.  It is also to important to consider the types of fans those sports attract and appeal to.

So I roughly picked the 5 coaches that best represent the fashion and style (both homeless nasty and clean chic) of their sport.  Omitting Baseball because the coaches wear the same damn uniforms of the players.  Don’t get me wrong, baseball uniforms can be sexy….just not on an old saggy ass man.  Who knows?  Maybe a coach’s style has a direct reflection on their team, their franchise and their town/city.  Or maybe it doesn’t and I’m just really bored.

Here we go fashionista playas.

 

(oh they just look soo cute matching and all.  Don’t you wish all coaching staffs looked like this?  Naw, mean either…there would be no reason for this post yo)

 

1. Bill Belichick- The New England Patriots

Good GOD what is wrong with this guy’s fashion sense?  Oh wait, he clearly has none. This guy is a hell of a coach bringing New England 3 Super Bowl Championships and 5 NFC Championships.  Belichick is such a good coach he is clearly too distracted to get dressed before game day.  He legit dresses like a BUM.  Straight up BUM with his oversized Patriot’s hoodies.  What is even better is that some of those hoodies have the sleeves cut off.  Is he working out later?  WAIT, better call the cops to arrest those Belichick guns!!  Dude, this is New England, I think it is worth it to buy some sleeves.

What respectable coach of a championship team wears a freakin’ poncho of a sweatshirt to work?  Is he hiding something?  It’s ok Bill, we already know your fat.  At least he is comfortable, right. You would think coming from a championship team, producing a future hall of fame quarterback and representing not just one city but an entire region, a region that founded this country, would maybe want to brush his hair in the morning and put on some sleeves.  Then again….it is football

2.  Mike Krzyzewski-Duke University

If your going to coach a sport watched by millions and go all the way to see the March Madness daylight, hey you gotta dress the part.  Nobody does this better in the NCAA than the iconic Coach K. Even though he is on the sidelines, he looks damn good in those crisp grey suites and plenty of gold accents (cufflinks, belt buckles, rings).  It seriously looks like this dude is straight out of Mad Men.  Douche bag of characters but damn can they dress.  I mean Coach K coached the Olympic team for god sakes…..he should have some class.

Since this is college basketball, and the polished wooden basketball courts are pretty reflective, what the coaches wear might matter a bit more.  On a more serious note, any college coaches hold more responsibility than professional coaches because they are more like parents/mentors than a boss/co-worker.  These college coaches are coaching kids, not adults, and have the power to influence their players’ lives and help them grow into respectable athletes. Coach K coaches one of the most respectable college teams in the country, a southern bell of a school, Durham, North Carolina.  The South is always known to stay classy.

3. Lane Kiffin- USC

Love my trojans but this coach’s signature “visor-white wearing style” is just plain boring, kind of like the personality.  If your going to go for a signature style, make it good.  Don’t make it white, especially in a sport that is known to get down and dirty in the mud.  Why would you want to worry about ruining your whites when you have a football game to coach?  Oh wait, he isn’t really coaching is he…at least not this season. You would think as a SoCal coach he would just be sporting Hawaiian shirts and board shorts….that would be ridiculously awesome.

Kiffin’s signature visor is a just another mere hiding tactic, kinda of like his giant laminated play card. Although he is trying really hard to dress like a classic football coach with his neatly pressed khakis and white collared shirts like Oklahoma’s Bob Stoops, but come on, you gotta get rid of that play card man.  You can dress the part but it don’t mean you are the part.  And those white beanies….yikes.  Recipe waiting for a disastrous season..  Word of advice, you can’t get away with wearing white if you muddy up your season with those stains of defeat.

4. Jim Tressel

God I hate Ohio State but damn do I love Tressel’s sweater vests.  Even though he isn’t the coach anymore, his red/grey sweater vests, white colored shirts + khaki pants are just a damn good combo.  Such a clean and classic look for the annoying college football town of Toledo, Ohio.  Although Tressel’s career ended in shame and ultimate termination from the Buckeye family, he is still one of the best dressed college football coaches.    And hey, it wasn’t such a terrible coach anyway, leading Ohio State to 6 Big Ten Conference Final Championship games and winning coach of year 12 times.  Maybe he is soo well dressed he forgot to manage his players, the same players who managed to trade in some one of a kind Buckeye paraphernalia for some narley tattoos.   It’s always something isn’t it!

Why is he a well dressed coach you ask?  Perhaps it is the sport…?  Maybe, maybe not.  I really think it has to do with the University and it’s culture.  Ohio State is a prestigious school known for its winning sports.  Not to say USC isn’t, but Southern California isn’t Ohio.  I don’t know what there is to do in Toledo, Ohio….but it’s not LA, I bet you people live and breathe college sports more so than any dedicated Trojan fan in Los Angeles.  At least Trojan fans go the movies or hit the beach… not so much in Ohio.

5.Paulo Sousa- Videoton FC (Hungary)

What is it about Portuguese men and style?  Wait.  What is it about European men, soccer and style? Seriously, it has to do with the fact that they are from an entirely different country or maybe that the good ol’ US of A has none when it comes to sports?  Meh, I just think it’s because these are sexy guys with accents coaching a foreign sport.

Paulo is well-known for coaching Swansea City A.F.C. (South Wales), Leicester City F.C. (English) and now coaches in the Hungary League.  What a globetrotter. Needless to say, it seems like it reflects his style. His colored sweaters, dark fitted suites, pea-coats with brightly colored buttons and scarfs, it legit looks like he could strut down a Marc Jacobs runaway show in Milan.  Total GQ yo.  The magazine made them their 37th best dressed man in Britain in 2011.  Obviously, he could just resort to wearing a sweater or wind breaker like some other soccer coaches out there who are standing out there in those cold uncovered fields in sometimes miserable weather, but naw, not Paulo.  Always rocking his dapper attire and giving into his love for Armani, Paulo is the classiest and best dressed soccer coach out there.  You don’t really see that soo much in other sports…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgive me for not picking a NHL or NBA coach because frankly, they look the same to me.  Plus the coaches in the NHL are always standing behind the bench and players….how in the hell am I supposed to see what they are wearing? But from what I can tell, they all wear the same dark suit and light-colored tie combo.  No one has ever really stood out from the rest or rocked some shiny jewelry.    Not discriminating against the suit and tie ensemble, very classy, but it can get tedious and down right dull.  The only fashionista to come out of the NHL is Barry Melrose, dude looks like a mobster with those black pin stripped suits and slicked back hair.  Love it.  But Barry hasn’t been a coach in a long time, plus he didn’t start dressing like a badass mobster until he became an NHL analyst on ESPN.  Thanks ESPN!

So here is my conclusion when comparing and contrasting these fashion forward and fashion retarded coaches.  One could assume that a highly watched sport would have coaches wanting to look their best.  Yea, not so much. Case and point: Belichick.  The dude has been to how many super bowls?  The Superbowl, one of the most watched television events of the year.  Gimme a break dude.  When it comes down to it, it is the sport and the culture.

NFL is a violent and dirty sport that takes place outside in sometimes not so great weather. Yes sweatshirts, windbreakers and beanies are sometimes a necessity but can be presented in a classy and clean fashion.   You would think New England would produce a classy American Revolutionary coach, but no, you get a dude with cutoffs. All Americans love their professional sports but never really consider the cultural pride behind them. Every sport contains a level of pride, especially representing where your team comes from, but American football (sad to say) is shameless. It really is all about the benjamins in the pros.  Americans only care about the popularity and the winning in professional sports not because it depends on their livelihood (unless they are a professional athlete, coach or owner) but because it’s fun, exciting and just makes life better, even if it costs over $100 bucks for a nosebleed seat.  NFL Fans do care about their team and their players, but they aren’t as genuinely connected as they could be.  How genuinely connected can you get to a money-grubbing conglomerate?

College sports give fans with the same fun just like the pros but have a bit more pageantry, more pride and cultural importance.  No matter if it is football or basketball, college sports is more pure because “in theory” is not about the money.  These are kids playing, not adults.  College athletes have yet to be screwed up by the world.  College coaches are more than just coaches to these athletes, students and fans…. they are family.  These dabber dressed coaches (minus Kiffin) represent more than the sport, they represent an entire family filled with tradition, pride and innocence.  A dingy dressed college coach would be down right disrespectful.  The only reason Kiffin gets away with his boring snuggle white attire is because of the city his team resides in.  Los Angeles is one of the chillest places in the country.  USC does indeed have tradition, but nobody can ever get over the fact that its sunny Southern California…forget that visor man and dismal run of a season, relax bra, just hit the beach.

Soccer takes the project runway cake fasho.  Perhaps because it is a foreign sport and people across the pond have better fashion sense…common decency..? I would assume that since these soccer coaches are closer to the heart of fashion, therefore come into contact with more fashionistas, their fashion sense is taken to new heights.  It was hard to just pick one but apparently Paulo Sousa was the easy choice because he openly talks about his love for fashion.  Even though these coaches are consistently outside standing on the cold grass, yelling and screaming at the top of their lungs hundreds of yards away to get their players’ attention, they still look good doing it.  The biggest distinction between these coaches’ fashion sense is the culture.  Soccer isn’t an American sport and never will be.  It was invented in Europe and is the most popular sport in the world, except in America.  There are Americans that love soccer and there is a somewhat popular league bringing David Beckham to the LA Galaxy, but soccer is still not the country’s sport.  Popular American sports are never going to adopt the styles of a foreign sport because USA is filled with too much pride.  Kudos to European soccer coaches and their fashion forward trendy style, making the rest of the coaches of the world look bad, but hey that is the last Armani shoe drops I guess…

It would be nice for American coaches to take a hint and take fashion more seriously, especially when our attention is on them 25% of time.  Don’t let that attention go to waste boys.  Even if you are an amazing coach with outstanding credentials, I think you can still make a little time out of your busy schedules to take a shower, comb your hair and put on a nice outfit not just for you, but for your team, your town, your city, your sport.  Appearances aren’t everything, but sometimes they can make or break a first impression.  When it comes to any team sport and it’s time to go up against your opponent, it’s all about looking intimidating, overpowering and giving off that aggressive attitude that will win the game.  And if by chance one of those players, or even coaches, on the opposing team takes one look at their competition, a dumpy looking coach with sleeves cut off and goofy white beanie, I think that intimidation might be dunzo.

 

 

Shine on you fashionista coaches you!