Buck Buck Quack Quack

Tomorrow is the first ever College Football Playoff Championship.  Are we excited or are WE EXCITED?!

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So what does this game have in store?  In the right corner, we have Urban Meyer and his Ohio State Buckeyes.  You have to admit, the Buckeyes 42-35 win over Alabama had us all in shock.

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I think it is safe to say that Urban Meyer now has Nick Saban by the cojones. Sorry Saban, maybe you need to get rid of your Offensive Coordinator.

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And to the left, we have the Nike-owned Oregon Ducks.  Those gosh darn kids have so many different football uniforms, they could clothe an entire Mexican village.  Heisman winner Marcus Mariotta has had a stellar season, completing nearly 70 percent of his passes, 4,121 passing yards, 731 rushing yards, 55 total touchdowns and three interceptions.  Dayum.

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Who is the better team?  I honestly have no idea.  As a fan of neither team, you always need to root for your team’s conference to win.  So in this instance, go Pac-12.

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Bias aside, I think it will definitely be an interesting nail-biter .  Hell, the Buckeyes beat Alabama, Urban Meyer defeated The Lord of the Rings, Gollumm defeated Sauron.  That is crazy talk.  Well I’m sure Tim Tebow is one happy camper.

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Aside from winners and losers, this isn’t just any championship football game, this is about making college football history.  Granted the trophy is nothing to be proud of nor the location of the game, Dallas, this game is a kick-off of what we hope will be a long Playoff tenure for College Football.  I wish upon a star…..

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Although the Playoff Committee did receive some flack regarding their snub of TCU (sorry horned frogs, we gotta give other Christians a chance), you can’t help but assume that the Committee was going to experience some grief their first time around.  No system is perfect…..::cough BCS cough::.  All we can hope is for the Playoffs to NOT be dominated by the SEC team.

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Even though Ohio State is in not in the SEC, who the hell wants to see Urban Meyer get up there and raise that sad excuse for a trophy?  The guy is a flat-out liar who hates his family.  He blatantly choose his football coaching career ($$ cha-ching $$) over focusing on his family as well as improving his “ailing” health condition.  Some health condition, a condition that took him all the way to the championship game.  Yea, well….we will see how that will work out.

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You gotta be rooting for Oregon.  They have yet to win a National Championship, have a Heisman Trophy winner playing as Quarterback and just look so damn cool on the field.  In every notable game they have ever played, the Oregon Ducks have always worn a different uniform.  Thank you Nike.
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Intimidating?  Not so sure you can be badass in white.  Although they did look pretty sweet when they  looked like Ninjas.

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So let us watch the game tomorrow night in high spirits, not only for the Oregon Ducks but for the College Football Playoffs.  I would like to think that the outcome of this game doesn’t necessarily matter, but it does.  The viewership of this championship game is what is what matters. The number of those viewers who positively promote the Playoffs is what matters.  If nobody watches, it is just a matter of time until the NCAA decides to revert back to the good ol’ BCS.

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I give it five years.

 

 

 

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Project Runway: Coaches Edition

I know it is a bit difficult to take your attention away from the game, averting your eyes from those “leave little to the imagination” uniforms those chiseled athletes are wearing.  But have you ever noticed what the coaches are wearing?

When it comes to what coaches wear on game day, I always wondered if it was a matter of choice, lifestyle or tradition.  Maybe it is neither.  But it does have to do something with the sport itself, whether the sport is a classy dignified occasion or a mangy get down and dirty game.  It is also to important to consider the types of fans those sports attract and appeal to.

So I roughly picked the 5 coaches that best represent the fashion and style (both homeless nasty and clean chic) of their sport.  Omitting Baseball because the coaches wear the same damn uniforms of the players.  Don’t get me wrong, baseball uniforms can be sexy….just not on an old saggy ass man.  Who knows?  Maybe a coach’s style has a direct reflection on their team, their franchise and their town/city.  Or maybe it doesn’t and I’m just really bored.

Here we go fashionista playas.

 

(oh they just look soo cute matching and all.  Don’t you wish all coaching staffs looked like this?  Naw, mean either…there would be no reason for this post yo)

 

1. Bill Belichick- The New England Patriots

Good GOD what is wrong with this guy’s fashion sense?  Oh wait, he clearly has none. This guy is a hell of a coach bringing New England 3 Super Bowl Championships and 5 NFC Championships.  Belichick is such a good coach he is clearly too distracted to get dressed before game day.  He legit dresses like a BUM.  Straight up BUM with his oversized Patriot’s hoodies.  What is even better is that some of those hoodies have the sleeves cut off.  Is he working out later?  WAIT, better call the cops to arrest those Belichick guns!!  Dude, this is New England, I think it is worth it to buy some sleeves.

What respectable coach of a championship team wears a freakin’ poncho of a sweatshirt to work?  Is he hiding something?  It’s ok Bill, we already know your fat.  At least he is comfortable, right. You would think coming from a championship team, producing a future hall of fame quarterback and representing not just one city but an entire region, a region that founded this country, would maybe want to brush his hair in the morning and put on some sleeves.  Then again….it is football

2.  Mike Krzyzewski-Duke University

If your going to coach a sport watched by millions and go all the way to see the March Madness daylight, hey you gotta dress the part.  Nobody does this better in the NCAA than the iconic Coach K. Even though he is on the sidelines, he looks damn good in those crisp grey suites and plenty of gold accents (cufflinks, belt buckles, rings).  It seriously looks like this dude is straight out of Mad Men.  Douche bag of characters but damn can they dress.  I mean Coach K coached the Olympic team for god sakes…..he should have some class.

Since this is college basketball, and the polished wooden basketball courts are pretty reflective, what the coaches wear might matter a bit more.  On a more serious note, any college coaches hold more responsibility than professional coaches because they are more like parents/mentors than a boss/co-worker.  These college coaches are coaching kids, not adults, and have the power to influence their players’ lives and help them grow into respectable athletes. Coach K coaches one of the most respectable college teams in the country, a southern bell of a school, Durham, North Carolina.  The South is always known to stay classy.

3. Lane Kiffin- USC

Love my trojans but this coach’s signature “visor-white wearing style” is just plain boring, kind of like the personality.  If your going to go for a signature style, make it good.  Don’t make it white, especially in a sport that is known to get down and dirty in the mud.  Why would you want to worry about ruining your whites when you have a football game to coach?  Oh wait, he isn’t really coaching is he…at least not this season. You would think as a SoCal coach he would just be sporting Hawaiian shirts and board shorts….that would be ridiculously awesome.

Kiffin’s signature visor is a just another mere hiding tactic, kinda of like his giant laminated play card. Although he is trying really hard to dress like a classic football coach with his neatly pressed khakis and white collared shirts like Oklahoma’s Bob Stoops, but come on, you gotta get rid of that play card man.  You can dress the part but it don’t mean you are the part.  And those white beanies….yikes.  Recipe waiting for a disastrous season..  Word of advice, you can’t get away with wearing white if you muddy up your season with those stains of defeat.

4. Jim Tressel

God I hate Ohio State but damn do I love Tressel’s sweater vests.  Even though he isn’t the coach anymore, his red/grey sweater vests, white colored shirts + khaki pants are just a damn good combo.  Such a clean and classic look for the annoying college football town of Toledo, Ohio.  Although Tressel’s career ended in shame and ultimate termination from the Buckeye family, he is still one of the best dressed college football coaches.    And hey, it wasn’t such a terrible coach anyway, leading Ohio State to 6 Big Ten Conference Final Championship games and winning coach of year 12 times.  Maybe he is soo well dressed he forgot to manage his players, the same players who managed to trade in some one of a kind Buckeye paraphernalia for some narley tattoos.   It’s always something isn’t it!

Why is he a well dressed coach you ask?  Perhaps it is the sport…?  Maybe, maybe not.  I really think it has to do with the University and it’s culture.  Ohio State is a prestigious school known for its winning sports.  Not to say USC isn’t, but Southern California isn’t Ohio.  I don’t know what there is to do in Toledo, Ohio….but it’s not LA, I bet you people live and breathe college sports more so than any dedicated Trojan fan in Los Angeles.  At least Trojan fans go the movies or hit the beach… not so much in Ohio.

5.Paulo Sousa- Videoton FC (Hungary)

What is it about Portuguese men and style?  Wait.  What is it about European men, soccer and style? Seriously, it has to do with the fact that they are from an entirely different country or maybe that the good ol’ US of A has none when it comes to sports?  Meh, I just think it’s because these are sexy guys with accents coaching a foreign sport.

Paulo is well-known for coaching Swansea City A.F.C. (South Wales), Leicester City F.C. (English) and now coaches in the Hungary League.  What a globetrotter. Needless to say, it seems like it reflects his style. His colored sweaters, dark fitted suites, pea-coats with brightly colored buttons and scarfs, it legit looks like he could strut down a Marc Jacobs runaway show in Milan.  Total GQ yo.  The magazine made them their 37th best dressed man in Britain in 2011.  Obviously, he could just resort to wearing a sweater or wind breaker like some other soccer coaches out there who are standing out there in those cold uncovered fields in sometimes miserable weather, but naw, not Paulo.  Always rocking his dapper attire and giving into his love for Armani, Paulo is the classiest and best dressed soccer coach out there.  You don’t really see that soo much in other sports…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgive me for not picking a NHL or NBA coach because frankly, they look the same to me.  Plus the coaches in the NHL are always standing behind the bench and players….how in the hell am I supposed to see what they are wearing? But from what I can tell, they all wear the same dark suit and light-colored tie combo.  No one has ever really stood out from the rest or rocked some shiny jewelry.    Not discriminating against the suit and tie ensemble, very classy, but it can get tedious and down right dull.  The only fashionista to come out of the NHL is Barry Melrose, dude looks like a mobster with those black pin stripped suits and slicked back hair.  Love it.  But Barry hasn’t been a coach in a long time, plus he didn’t start dressing like a badass mobster until he became an NHL analyst on ESPN.  Thanks ESPN!

So here is my conclusion when comparing and contrasting these fashion forward and fashion retarded coaches.  One could assume that a highly watched sport would have coaches wanting to look their best.  Yea, not so much. Case and point: Belichick.  The dude has been to how many super bowls?  The Superbowl, one of the most watched television events of the year.  Gimme a break dude.  When it comes down to it, it is the sport and the culture.

NFL is a violent and dirty sport that takes place outside in sometimes not so great weather. Yes sweatshirts, windbreakers and beanies are sometimes a necessity but can be presented in a classy and clean fashion.   You would think New England would produce a classy American Revolutionary coach, but no, you get a dude with cutoffs. All Americans love their professional sports but never really consider the cultural pride behind them. Every sport contains a level of pride, especially representing where your team comes from, but American football (sad to say) is shameless. It really is all about the benjamins in the pros.  Americans only care about the popularity and the winning in professional sports not because it depends on their livelihood (unless they are a professional athlete, coach or owner) but because it’s fun, exciting and just makes life better, even if it costs over $100 bucks for a nosebleed seat.  NFL Fans do care about their team and their players, but they aren’t as genuinely connected as they could be.  How genuinely connected can you get to a money-grubbing conglomerate?

College sports give fans with the same fun just like the pros but have a bit more pageantry, more pride and cultural importance.  No matter if it is football or basketball, college sports is more pure because “in theory” is not about the money.  These are kids playing, not adults.  College athletes have yet to be screwed up by the world.  College coaches are more than just coaches to these athletes, students and fans…. they are family.  These dabber dressed coaches (minus Kiffin) represent more than the sport, they represent an entire family filled with tradition, pride and innocence.  A dingy dressed college coach would be down right disrespectful.  The only reason Kiffin gets away with his boring snuggle white attire is because of the city his team resides in.  Los Angeles is one of the chillest places in the country.  USC does indeed have tradition, but nobody can ever get over the fact that its sunny Southern California…forget that visor man and dismal run of a season, relax bra, just hit the beach.

Soccer takes the project runway cake fasho.  Perhaps because it is a foreign sport and people across the pond have better fashion sense…common decency..? I would assume that since these soccer coaches are closer to the heart of fashion, therefore come into contact with more fashionistas, their fashion sense is taken to new heights.  It was hard to just pick one but apparently Paulo Sousa was the easy choice because he openly talks about his love for fashion.  Even though these coaches are consistently outside standing on the cold grass, yelling and screaming at the top of their lungs hundreds of yards away to get their players’ attention, they still look good doing it.  The biggest distinction between these coaches’ fashion sense is the culture.  Soccer isn’t an American sport and never will be.  It was invented in Europe and is the most popular sport in the world, except in America.  There are Americans that love soccer and there is a somewhat popular league bringing David Beckham to the LA Galaxy, but soccer is still not the country’s sport.  Popular American sports are never going to adopt the styles of a foreign sport because USA is filled with too much pride.  Kudos to European soccer coaches and their fashion forward trendy style, making the rest of the coaches of the world look bad, but hey that is the last Armani shoe drops I guess…

It would be nice for American coaches to take a hint and take fashion more seriously, especially when our attention is on them 25% of time.  Don’t let that attention go to waste boys.  Even if you are an amazing coach with outstanding credentials, I think you can still make a little time out of your busy schedules to take a shower, comb your hair and put on a nice outfit not just for you, but for your team, your town, your city, your sport.  Appearances aren’t everything, but sometimes they can make or break a first impression.  When it comes to any team sport and it’s time to go up against your opponent, it’s all about looking intimidating, overpowering and giving off that aggressive attitude that will win the game.  And if by chance one of those players, or even coaches, on the opposing team takes one look at their competition, a dumpy looking coach with sleeves cut off and goofy white beanie, I think that intimidation might be dunzo.

 

 

Shine on you fashionista coaches you!

Meyer baggin’ the Buckeye loot

Urban Meyer, Ohio State’s new football coach, is receiving a minimum of $4 million annually.  A MINIMUM.  Meyer is receiving more money than his be loved predecessor, the sweater vest man himself Jim Tressel.  Sounds like the Buckeyes won’t be missing Tressel.

Ohio State University completed the details of Meyer’s contract and released it Monday, with all the excessive money-grubbing spending-ness.  The school’s board of trustees are expected to approve it later this week.  Let’s just go over what they exactly need to approve shall we??

The ridiculously deal runs through 2017, hoping Meyer will rebuild the program back to its college football prestige.  Prestige eh..?  The Buckeyes received a one year bowl ban for NCAA rule violations under former coach Jim Tressel.  Sweater-vest Tressel was forced out because he didn’t tell anyone he received a tip about some players violating some pesky NCAA rules.  Darn those just get in way don’t they?  These violations included 8 players (count ’em 12….oh wait 8!) taking $14,000 cash and tattoos in exchange for   jerseys, rings and other football memorabilia.  Better be some sweet glow in the dark tattoos that can make you dinner and do your taxes too. ShooOOOoooot. 

Now back to this lucrative contract for Mr. Meyer.  Meyer’s contract guarantees him at least $4 million annually ( up from Tressel’s $3.8 million) with “many” chances to make significantly more with bonuses, youth camps and other compensation.  It includes SOOOooOOO many perks it should be labeled RIDIC : golf membership, car stipends, unlimited tickets and a suite for home football games, use of private jet for recruiting and “private” trips on the school’s tab.  Yea, “private” trips being weekend getaways to the Bahamas.  Well, if the trip is under 35 hours……

Meyer will get more money than the freakin’ president of the University, Gordon Gee.  The only important difference between Meyer’s contract from Jim Tressel’s is that the contract goes into greater detail about what he must do when in the face of a potential NCAA violation.  If he follows all the rules like a good highly-paid coach, Meyer will receive employment bonuses, a division title bonus, a league championship bonus as well as a BCS bowl bonus (since the Buckeyes are banned one year from playing in a bowl game this year, Meyer can still get his bonuses by still having the team finish in the top 10 of the BCS rankings).  The bastard also can get an academic bonus if his smarty pants players have a reasonable cumulative GPA above  a 3.0.  Sounds like some football players be hiring some nerds on the quad to finish up those pesky anthropology essays and take those challenging Bio exams.  UGH.  Ohio State, just shower this dude with more green why don’t you!

According to Meyer, he doesn’t even look at his contract.  Is he crazy??  “”I really don’t look at the contract.  I had my attorney look at it. I just don’t deal with that or how it compares to other contracts across the country, so I never looked at it. We talked through it and I’m OK with it.”  That’s great Meyer, for you to be just OK with the contract because the private jet perks and 6 potential bonuses you can receive are just OK.  How is that heart condition treating ya buddy?  Is it OK now?  Glad you are a happy man because there so many other football programs who could use that money to salvage a worthy football program and actually reach the BCS championship.  With all that dough flying around your face, I am sure no NCAA violations will get past you!  Psssssh..! Shit, with all that money who cares if there were any NCAA violations, you are going to get a bowl game bonus regardless if you ever actually reach a bowl game this year and finish in the top 10.

Ohio State is delusional if they think they can pay this one person vast amounts of money and believe that they are going to be a championship caliber football team.  Get real Buckeyes.  You cheated and you deserve far more punishment than you received from the NCAA.  Just count your blessings……better yet….just keep counting your money.