Top 10 Reasons Why I’m Excited For College Football 2015

College Football 2015 is fast approaching and I can hardly contain my excitement.  Almost as excited as Tim Tebow’s first day as an Alter Boy.

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So I assembled my top 10 reasons to be excited for the upcoming 2015 season.

10. Alabama vs. Tennessee

Even though Tennessee will be meeting Alabama in Tuscaloosa, it will still be entertaining to see Lane Kiffin squirm on the sidelines. After all, Knoxville did name their sewage system after Kiffin’s unexpected departure. Only a lucky few college football coaches have ever received such an honor.

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9. Charlie Strong Wrangling The Longhorns?

Is Charlie Strong in the hot seat? As college football fans are well aware, Texas football is not only a way of life, it IS life. They expect championships and expect no less.  Charlie Strong is entering his second year as their head coach. His 2nd!  Honestly, if Texas wins one more game than they did last year, that wouldn’t matter.  But if Texas faces another dismal season in 2015 and fires Strong entering the 2016 season….geeze, get a life Texas.

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8. Beat the Irish!

Notre Dame is ranked #10 in the preseason polls.  It really grinds me gears that no matter how shitty they were the season before, Notre Dame always seems to creep their way into the top 25 preseason poles.  WTF?! Yea well, Rudy won’t save you this season.

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7. Wow! Oregon’s Uniforms!

You gotta hand it to them, every season the Oregon Ducks give our eyes a nice little gift: tight neon-colored spandex boasting feathers of flight. Flight to Football. Nice.

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6. Urban Meyer’s Non-Existent Health Problem

Let’s see if he makes it out another year. Sorry Meyer family, the Buckeyes are far more important than you.  Careful there Urban, your anger may only exacerbate that heart condition of yours….

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5. Everett “Cheater” Golson Taking Over For Crab Legs

Should be entertaining to see a Notre Dame drop out attempt to form his own legacy following Heisman Trophy-Winning Crab Stealing Misogynist Winston. It is quite the legacy, I must say.  However, Golson is one of the smallest QBs in the game.  Apparently, Golson could be the shortest Florida State QB in nearly 30 years.  He has no chance.

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Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston, right, greets Notre Dame quarterback Everett Golson after Florida State won 31-27 in an NCAA college football game in Tallahassee, Fla., Saturday, Oct. 18, 2014. (AP Photo/Mark Wallheiser)

Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston, right, greets Notre Dame quarterback Everett Golson after Florida State won 31-27 in an NCAA college football game in Tallahassee, Fla., Saturday, Oct. 18, 2014. (AP Photo/Mark Wallheiser)

4. Introducing Ann Arbor’s Own: Constipation Face

I don’t know about you, but I’m excited to see Constipation Face take the Big House by storm. Not so much with his football team, but with his douche-bag childish antics and ridiculous facial expressions, I’m sure we are in for some pure laughter. Those high rising tight khakis alone are up for a College Football comeback.

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And my personal favorite….

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3. Another Year, Another Year Older Can Only Mean One Thing: Retirement For Lee Corso!

Homeboy needs to pack his bags and take up golf. Someone just has to beat College Game Day out of him.  Or maybe just have one bad fall….. (I’m going to hell)

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2. Playoffs Take 2

2nd time can be a charm.

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1. FIGHT ON

Oh yeah 🙂

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Constipation Going Blue

Forgive me as I swallow my pride, but  Jim Harbaugh is a great coach. Despite his constant constipated face, violently angry and all, Harbaugh knows his football and deserves to work for a notable franchise.  he has worked hard, he deserves it.  So hard he looks permanently constipated, which can be seen every game day.  Just look at this fool’s Wikipedia picture.  My God, is he backed up.

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He has turned around football programs, both college and professional, in less than 4 years, transforming teams into competitive forces.  While at San Diego State, the Toreros posted a combined 29-6 record and won two Division I-AA championships during Harbaugh’s three years at the helm.  I think this is when he started to feel the seething festering pain of winning.

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That lead him to the less-than reputable football program at Stanford University.  While there he not only managed to piss off Pete Carroll on more than one occasion, Harbaugh delivered a winning record in his third season, steering the Cardinals to a 12-1 record, always finishing in the top BCS standing.

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Then his constipation took him to San Francisco to coach the 49ers,  Harbaugh led the team to an 11-4-1 record in the regular season, winning back to back NFC West titles, and one Super Bowl appearance.  Hey, losing to your not so successful brother would only exacerbate the constipation.

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Now he is off to feel even more constipated at Ann Arbor, MI. Him returning to college merely reveals to us that his type of winning and languish energy is more appropriate for the less than mature players.  I think San Francisco was just sick of his shenanigans, or maybe his facial expressions.

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There is no denying that Harbaugh has a knack for building winning football programs.  But I think we can all agree that his constipation will never go away.  This fool thrives on his emotions.  And for college, that is well and dandy because Harbaugh’s maturity level is on the same level as his players.

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Go for it buddy, don’t let that constipation get you down.  That constipation lead you to take the crown from Nick Saban.  Harbaugh is now the highest paid college football coach.  But who would really win that facial feud?

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Even though Saban is The Lord of the Rings of the SEC, Harbaugh would destroy him with his constipated face. Now if only that will translate into wins for Michigan, Harbaugh will be in business.

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College Football > The NFL

I don’t know about you, but I am more excited than a fat kid at the county fair right now….and you know why?

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Two words: College Football…….and maybe beer.

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Better make that three words.

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College Football is upon us! This is the time of year when being crunk before 4 pm is acceptable, when you change your cell phone ring to marching band music, when hanging out in the parking lot is socially acceptable and when getting into heated fights no matter where you are is just plain awesome.

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From the Coliseum to Kyle Field, from the “Big House” to Beaver Stadium, college football fans are thinking more about Saturday’s game than anything at work, that’s for sure.

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It’s the thought that if your team loses one game, their national championship aspirations may be shot to shiz. It’s that late-game interception that leads the dramatic two-minute victory. That’s what we come out in hoards to see these boys give all they got every weekend.

Beyond awesome.

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But then awesomeness is at times derailed by the few sorry people who ask you “Why are you wasting your time watching College? The NFL is way better bro!”  I really hate coming into contact with those people because for one, it is illegal to set their car on fire, two, fantasy football is actually kind of cool and three, they know deep down in their very souls that they are just flat-out wrong.

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So here is my top 15 reasons why College Football is better than the NFL.

1. The Rivalries

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Pro-football rivalries pale in comparison to long-standing college ones.  There’s really no comparison. Not only have they been around longer and generate a more intense atmosphere for the upcoming match-up, they play just once for a solid year of bragging rights. The NFL will play their rival from the same division at least twice in a single season, removing the significance of each win.  What’s the fun in that?

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Love THIS!

2. The Heisman Trophy

Does the NFL have a Heisman Trophy….?

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3. The Marching Bands

College bands are an integral part of the college football experience. They have a way of getting fans pumped up and behind their team like no other. The music is so loud and powerful, you cannot help feeling motivated to get off your seat, clap your hands, and scream your fight song at the top of your lungs. It generates a special feeling and unique atmosphere foreign to pro sports.

Some of these marching bands have even won Grammy awards, been featured on Late Night, in feature films and even have had THE Ron Burgundy lead them to the promise land.

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Just saying……

BTW: Kudos to the band who got banned by the BYU Mormons.  You are an inspiration to all.

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4. A Day to Get Over the Hangover

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Monday is a work day.  That sucks because if you’re an NFL fan and you can’t hold your liquor, you’ve probably gone through life bouncing around between jobs or just completely hating life every Monday morning.  Do not discount the day of reckoning brought upon you by the hangover gods!  College games on Saturday should be your Day of Sloshness and then Sunday your Hangover Day.  If not, you might have to start exercising some self-control, and who really wants to do that?

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5. Brent Musburger

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You can hate Brent all you want but the man at least makes it interesting.  Sure, he makes it interesting by using the same old catch phrases that he’s been using for years, plus in his old age he is getting more and more inappropriate and senile.  Thank you AJ McCarron.

There’s also a Brent Musburger drinking game…?!?!?!! OMG you must see for yourself: http://bit.ly/BQ5Tv. That alone gets him on the list….and Herbie ❤

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6. Roger Goodell doesn’t exist in College Football

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I’m not a big fan of the Hammer.  Seriously.  I don’t understand why 32 grown upindividuals, the owners of each NFL team, can’t come up with real discipline rules and ways of solving issues, especially when it comes to domestic abuse.  “Uhhhh this player who beat the hell out of his wife…..let’s suspend him for only 2 games.  BUT this other fella who tested positive for marijuana….let’s suspend him for an entire year!”  What the hell Roger?  And, then, he’s washing his hands ofthe whole Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy problem and leaving it up to the players and owners to get through.  Whatever, dude.

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7. The Scandals

Yeah, I know, it’s a negative but for many others, it’s gold!  I mean, where else can you get into ridiculous debates about whether or not the exploitation of individuals is based on some cockamamie scheme of providing a college education is okay?  No where else except in college football!  Without Jameis Winston last year, the end of the season sure would have been boring.  Being charged for only 1/2 crimes is pure scandal in the making, when the crime he was actually charged for was straight up foolish. Damn, those crab legs must have been worth it.  And you gotta hand it to Josh Shaw of USC for being a complete moron and lying to God.  Ugh.

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Idiocy is entertainment.  Haven’t you seen Jackass?

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8. Lou Holtz vs Mark May

These two together is just two college football peas in a pod.  Love them 🙂

Every season, you can always count on these two to bring on the heated bickering to ESPN, diverting our attention from the moronic behavior of Lee Corso.  And rightly so.

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9. The Cheerleaders

Sure, most fellas would put this group of folks much higher than number 10 on the list, but come on people, really?  From a purely aesthetic point of view, cheerleaders are cool.  They dance and holler and they’re always happy.  Plus, it’s nice to see somebody dancing and doing flippity dippitiy moves without having to wait every four years for the Summer Olympics.

 

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Plus I would hope their academic scholarship is more than $50/game.  Sorry Raider Girls…..

10. Better Tailgating

You can live anywhere in the United States, well, almost anywhere, and get to a college football game.  No, really.  And…when you get to that college football game, if you wear the right colors there will be somebody, somewhere in the parking lot, willing to give you a bratwurst and ice-cold brewski.

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While both NFL and college venues feature elaborate tailgating traditions, the college atmosphere is a lot more fan-friendly and just flat-out more awesome. Most college fans bring their entire family, adding a nice little Hallmark touch to the party. Let’s face it, there are idiots that abuse alcohol in all walks of life, but at college tailgates, it seems a bit more contained and just downright fun.  Don’t worry, there are bound to be some parental figures there to keep your idiocy in check.

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11. Better Overtime

In college football, both teams are given equal opportunity to score, and the outcome does not hinge on a mere coin toss. While the coin toss does determine which one first goes on offense, the other team still gets a fair shot to score. Each team starts on the defender’s 25 yard-line and on fourth down they can either go for it to obtain a first down or touchdown, or kick a field goal. The other team then gets a turn to do the same. If the other team scored a touchdown or a field goal, your team must do the same or you lose the game.  It can get intense.

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It’s high time the NFL implements a similar method not so contingent on a coin toss.

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12. Each is Game is IMPORTANT

In college football, rarely do we see a team play the same opponent in a single season. In the NFL, a team will play another from the same division twice in one season. While some fans argue it gives them a chance at payback, it confuses bragging rights unless the same team wins both match-ups. USC and UCLA fans and players can brag, with annual certainty, that they beat their rival back in said year. And isn’t that what bragging rights are all about?

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An NFL fan cannot claim the same unless they beat their rival both times in a single season. If they have to share bragging rights in a given season, it takes something away from the win and makes beating your rival meaningless; especially if the loser of the first meeting manages to make it to the playoffs while your team sits at home.

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13. No Trades, No Lockouts, No Changes

Just ask any Cleveland Browns fan how devastating it can be when your team decides to uproot and move to another city. The Michigan Wolverines will always be in Anne Arbor, forever sport blue & yellow, and will never cease to exist. Many fans of certain pro teams over the years did not have that same sense of security. A college fan could never imagine their team disappearing or moving to another location. It would be a nightmarish scenario for any fan of any sport to endure.

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Our lives are filled with such uncertainty at times, the continuity of college football is a refreshing reminder that we DO have something we can always count on.  Sweet.

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14. The Polls and Rankings

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, polls provide college fans with something to brag about and a gauge to compare their team to others. While it remains an imperfect system until we see how “playoffs” will work out this year, it was still better than what the NFL has. Polls give fans something to talk or brag about each week leading up to the next game. They’re also fun to contemplate, in particular if you like stats and numbers.

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15. The Tradition

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College football traditions are the oldest and most elaborate practices in all of sports. There’s the Little Brown Jug awarded to the winner of the annual Michigan verses Minnesota game, the War Eagle entrance for the Auburn Tigers, dotting the “I” in Script Ohio, the Clemson tigers running down the hill, the Twelfth Man at Texas A&M, the Victory bell awarded to the winner of the annual USC vs. FUCLA game and who can forget Notre Dame castrating all the players after Halloween.

Actually, I just made that last one up.  Who says that SHOULDN’T happen though!

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So here we go College Football fans.  It’s our time to shine!

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Damn you ESPN

Why is ESPN covering the upcoming USC vs. Oregon game soo damn much?  I must have seen three segments already about the Trojans preparing to take on the ridiculously good Ducks at the Coliseum.  Seriously, why?

The USC Trojans are only averaging about 15 penalties a game and the no.2 Ducks are averaging 53.3 points a game.  You do the math.   USC’s penchant for drawing penalties stems from the Trojans’ having too much “pride” and trying to protect each other, receiver Robert Woods said.  Too much pride?  Dude, how much pride can you have when you aren’t winning games?

Last season, Barkley passed for four touchdowns in a 38-35 victory over Oregon, a win that ended the Ducks’ 21-game winning streak at Autzen Stadium.  The Trojans led by 24 points late in the third quarter and held on for a victory that was not assured until Oregon missed a last-second field-goal attempt.  Hey, whether we like it or not kickers make the difference!  But USC was a much better team last year.  FAR Better.

SC’s defense hasn’t been good since the three iron linebackers, Clay Matthews, Brian Cushing and Rey Maualuga.  Head coach Lane Kiffin brilliantly decided to appoint his father Monte Kiffin as the team’s Defensive Coordinator.  Good or bad move?  Well just look at the defense.  The defense gives up at least 20 points a game.  The Ducks offense with multipurpose star D’Anthony Thomas and running back Kenjon Barner are returning players for the offense that has average 540 yards a game.  Oohhhhh some more easy math!

All USC can do is try to play and put behind it’s 39-36 loss to Arizona last week that ended their hopes for making a run to the BCS National Title.  “We can’t play a game like that this week,” quarterback Matt Barkley said. “Oregon is too good.”  Forgive the obvious DUH.  Come on Matt, you and your boys been playing mediocre at best.  Obviously you need to step up your game to even be seen with these Quack Quack men.  

It just sucks balls that ESPN is broadcasting this game like it’s the Macy’s Day Thanksgiving Parade.  Seriously if you just type in USC vs Oregon under videos, you get at least 6 videos discussing the upcoming game.  Good God.  All of this media attention and buzz is going to do nothing but psych the Trojans out.  As a loyal Trojan fan, I know this is just going to blow up in the pretty little faces.  This just goes to show you that the media, no matter how farfetched or boring a story may be, will blow it out of proportion to get ratings and create a buzz.  But is this game really creating a buzz?  All it is doing is creating negative attention for the Trojans, highlighting their flaws and shortcomings, while placing Oregon on the BCS pedestal.  Doesn’t ESPN have a massive crunch on the SEC?  Isn’t there the SEC showdown of the century happening this weekend, Alabama vs LSU, you know?  The BCS NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP game repeat, Alabama still holding the no.1 crown and LSU fairly slipping behind riding the no. 5 spot.  What gives?  Both those teams are collectively ranked higher than Oregon and USC.  Furthermore, we all know it is probably going to be a closer and perhaps a bit more exciting game.  WTF ESPN?

I know what you are thinking!  As a Trojan fan you should wish no ill for your team or at least be one of those obnoxiously devoted fans who blindly believe that their team will defy the odds and win the game no matter what the circumstances.  Sigh.  Is there a problem with just being realistic?

I am going to watch the game and obviously root for the boys in Cardinal and Gold.  But with one team averaging above 50 points a game (and this isn’t a basketball score !) and the other team averaging more than 50 penalties this season, it is a little hard to believe that this will be a competitive matchup.  Forgive me Trojan Gods!  Maybe they will prove me wrong.  Maybe ESPN’s incessant coverage will in fact pay off.

Nevertheless, FIGHT ON.