UF-Come on over and mount me

I got the chance to catch the last two big UFC fights….you know UFC…where guys (and sometimes girls) are getting it on with each other’s fists?

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Let me tell you….the fights are wildly entertaining…i mean who doesn’t want to see someone get the SHIT kicked out of them.  Hello, Fight Club?  But just imagine Fight Club with 3X the fans, the cheers, the exposure, the awesome.   I think you are talking to the converted.

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The one aspect about the game…..do we call this a game?…….about the UFC sport is the homoeroticism involved.  Since this is so regular boxing match, other fighting techniques are allowed and highly encouraged, to take down your opponent in 3-5 rounds.  This unique mix of fighting skills and discipline can do the trick, to name a few….like Jeet Kune Do, Sanshou, Judo and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.  Damn.  That’s a lot of syllables.

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A lot of these fighting techniques involve wrestling, leg wrap arounds, squatting thrusts….should i go on?  No, i get it.  Wrestling itself is very homoerotic with those tight leaving nothing to the imagination leotards and the obvious fighting moves.  But with UFC, the more and more popular it gets, the more and more exposure this fighting style receives, thus making this homoerotic fighting really cool in the eyes of millions.

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After watching a couple of fights, it is pretty cool to witness the awesome intensity, masculinity and straight up beat downs some of these fools get.  SO ask yourself this….with the dramatic surge in UFC popularity leaving bars standing room only on Saturday night fights and the mainstream broadcast thanks to FOX…..is this style of homoerotic fighting going to permeate into everyday life.  Good GOD I hope so.

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Can you imagine?

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Bar Brawls, Throwdowns, Rumbles, Gang hootenanies…..all would start incorporating these fighting tactics, making every confrontation a possible UFC show.  Awesome.  I would just feel bad for the profesional UFC fighters because when Joe Smoes start embracing your fighting style….it would kind of decrease your level of BadAss.  They just wouldn’t seem as cool when BuBa down the block can take out a legit UFC fighter with one Jiu Jitsu move.    Still, the world would be a much more entertaining place…..

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Armstrong vs. Te’o, Cheater vs. MEAT HEAD

What is with athletes these days?  The cheating, the lying, being plain stupid……the list goes on.  We could blame the media because they sure as hell aren’t helping theses blown out of proportion situations.  Case in point: Lance Armstrong and Manti T’eo.  Both have recently come out to the media explaining their not so subtle developing situations of deceit.  And to top it all off, they both went on syndicated talk shows to pour their hearts out, possibly shed a few tears and experience some sort of redemption or confessional release for the public.  Katie Couric……Oprah.    Who interviewed the better athlete?  Who is the better talk show host?  Who the mofo cares?    Well, this sports fan finds it intriguingly idiotic yet enticing.  Come on people, this is the downfall of our species!

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Common Sense seems to be thrown right out the door with these guys.  But hey, they are professional athletes in the spot-light, they are untouchable right?  WRONG.  Liars are liars and should never get away with it.  Boy, did they get away with it.  At the same time, it is important to acknowledge that Manti Te’o’s situation is a bit lighter in guilt than Armstrong’s.  Which is why I think Armstrong went on Oprah, he wouldn’t have it any other way.  In his first public appearance since his confession, of course he is only coming out to the big time tv talk show mogul….who just manages to bring out the cry baby in everyone….well except Barbara Walters.  But that bitch on The View…yea right Armstrong be coming out on the View being subjected to 5 women’s ridicule and sass.  Hell No.  Let him hang on to the only ball he has left ladies.

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Armstrong’s Oprah interview was anything but moving.  Oprah asked all the right questions but his answers were bleak and a bit banal.  The only ounce of emotion that was felt was Oprah’s question about his LIVEStrong company, millions and millions of invested money down the drain.  He seemed a bit down losing the bling bling, even though he will still be living on easy street the rest of his life.  Which is why I felt nothing during this interview.  The guy flat-out cheated and lied about his situation so I felt no remorse or sympathy for the cyclist.  But I understand the public’s need for confirmation.  We know what he did.  We just want to know WHY he did it and persisted to LIE about it, calling the investigation a “witch hunt.”  More importantly, why did he continue to attack his teammates and journalists who were trying to expose the truth…the truth shall set you free Lance.  It seems like he lied to everybody and to be honest, I think we all deserve an apology, especially his fans……and maybe France.  Send France a gift basket of McDonald French Fries, they will love it.  It would have been awesome on Oprah if he stepped it up and apologized, admit his responsibility for falsely attacking others, and for turning an entire decade of his sport into a worldwide mockery.  This decorated mythical athlete literally put cycling on the map while pissing off one of the USA’s bitchy and whiney allies…it was a win-win situation for America.  I wish there was more discussion of his family.  Gotta give it up to the guy for admitting that throughout this entire controversy, the hardest part was telling his children.  Now THAT I believe.

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What did you want Armstrong to say on Oprah?

 

 

 

Manti Te’o’s story on the other hand is straight up ridiculous and continues to get more ridiculous by the second.  This is truly the most bizarre stories in sports history, simply because of the whole fake girlfriend thing was an essential part of Te’o’s growing legend.  At this point my only question is why Katie Couric?  Katie Couric makes the most random distracting facial expressions while interviewing.  The batting of the eyes, the pursing of the lips, the flip of the hair…..I can’t stand that.  You think Te’o is going to confess his stupidity to twitchy turrets avon lady?  Well, he did.  The Te’o interview was more of a laugher than Armstrong only because his outrageously ludicrous situation.   Katie asked all the right questions, with her (in)voluntary facial expressions, but I still couldn’t take it seriously.  I would have taken a Te’o press conference more seriously….plus his family there.  Oh no.  Come on Te’o your a big boy, going to get drafted to the NFL soon….come on man, giving your future team mates more reason to haze ur mormon ass, you  are already going to get eaten alive once you hit the locker room.  DUDE

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There are endless questions for Te’o, more intriguing and head scratching questions that we may perhaps never answer.  Such as: If he wasn’t involved in the hoax, how does he explain a report that he met her after a game at Stanford? What about those trips his father said she took to Hawaii? At what point did Te’o suspect Lennay Kekua might not actually exist? When did he know for certain? Why didn’t he ever try to visit with her, or even see her face via Skype? Why did he keep the hoax alive when he knew it to be false? Why did he allow Notre Dame and his family to keep the story alive?  He never met this bitch and claimed she was the ‘love of his life.’  UGH.  The real questions I would want to ask this Meat Head is about his integrity….about his decorated fame….does he think he deserves it?  With this story in mind, do you think the media blew it out of proportion?  Did you enjoy the ride?  Do you think you deserved to be nominated for the Heisman despite the fact that you aren’t the most talented LB college football has seen?  Do you feel like your story cheated the public and the sports world? Now THAT would have been an awesome interview.

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We love to hear confessionals.  We are soo entertained by lies and drama that I think we sometimes forget that people’s lives are on the line, on the chopping block fasho.  The only reason I found Te’os interview more entertaining is because of his story.  Armstrong’s story is less interesting and just straight up selfish.  He could have stopped taking PEDs at any time.  He swindled many investors, lost millions of dollars and lied to his devoted fans, thus forever damaging American cycling.  Hope he is happy.  Te’o is still a kid in the eyes of many people, which is why many want to sympathize and feel for the Meat Head.  Is his sheltered lifestyle and religion to blame for his gullibility?  Who knows but I know Oprah would have gotten down to business with the Meat Head. Te’o is the one who should be on Oprah for some counseling and a group hug. Imagine the ratings coup when the tough linebacker with the trusting face confesses his vulnerabilities in a teary prime-time special. Plus that tacky banner in the background in the Katie studio…..seriously?  We know Te’o is speaking because he is on the show Katie.  I guess Te’o’s DUMB is wearing off.

Oprah for the win.

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Big City, Big Money, Big Talent, Big Problems

Who knows what the hell is going on with LA sports, considering a majority of the classic hometown teams are in disarray.  Sorry Clippers, you didn’t make the cut because you are the only team not sucking ass right now….and seriously who is a Clipper fan?

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I just don’t get these crazy lucrative contracts to get players to come to the big city.  Wait, maybe I do.  But then again, I don’t.  Whatever happened to plucking players from farm teams, the minor leagues, college teams and walk-ons?  What happened to teams nurturing and helping players grow into strong athletes?

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I guess it all started for me with big boy slugger Albert Pujols and his deal with the Anaheim Angels, a 10-deal for $250 million dollars and then some with the perks and bonuses.  WTF dude, I know you have 5 latino babies but DAYYyuuum.  The MLB had to come out and publicly address the ridiculousness of this deal, stating that there is now going to be a spending limit on players’ contracts.  Whooopee. The next was the Doyers crazy blockbuster deal, a deal worth over $265 million dollars, with the Boston Red Sox, sending pitcher Josh Beckett, first baseman Adrian Gonzalez and outfielder Carl Crawford to the Doyers.  Now Zack Greinke’s $158 million dollar for 6 six years is just insane, dude is 30 years old.  That doesn’t seem old but in sports, it is.  Hello, paging the farm leagues…?

It seemed that the ailing Lakers team had to follow the MLB trend of big spending with Steve Nash, a 38-year-old superstar point guard from Phoenix, and Dwight Howard, best center in the NBA from Orlando.  Seriously,  with all the drama they put themselves through with their bottomless purse, the Lakers are in for some hard times…….and it’s not even mid-season.  Dang, LA…..the city of angels just turned into Scrooge McDuck, diving into a pool of gold coins and swimming in wealth. Duck Tails…..Wooo Hoooo.Scrooge-in-gold-coins

Maybe it has to do with the awesomeness that is Los Angeles.  The size and popularity of the city is bound to ignite some drama in every entertainment facet, dude it’s the ENTERTAINMENT CAPITAL of the world.  Los Angeles is starving for more and more newsworthy entertainment because here we are just so spoiled and saturated in gossip, no matter where it comes from.  Sports don’t have a chance of escaping the clutches of LA.  Look what happened to Kobe and his not so fun let’s take advantage of a woman trial?  You think that shiz would have went down the same if he were on the Charlotte Bobcats?  How about Matt Kemp banging Rihanna?  You think those shenanigans would happen is he were on the Minnesota Twins?  Yea…not so much.  You grab dat ass Matty!

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But how many of these lucrative contracts are really paying off?  The only decent payoff would probably be Pujols on the Angels.  The dude hit 30+ home runs but didn’t take the team to a World Series his first season.  Hey, it’s only his first season.  Angels just picked up Josh Hamilton for a butt load of money too, fool is 31 years old getting a $125 million dollars for 5 years.  Dude is crack addict?  Really?!   The Dodgers…..that’s just too depressing to talk about.  The Lakers, well that remains to be seen.

Truly the most tragic part about the greed in LA sports is the sacrifice of players.  It is so rare to see players now a days stay with one team their entire career.  We rarely get to see a player be loved and adored by his city, grow up and become a part of a family, become a part of the city.  Superstars aren’t even immune.  Look at Albert Pujols from St. Louis.  Didn’t he have a restaurant in the heart of St. Louis?  Said he would DIE a Cardinal?  That quickly changed. He picked up and left right after he won a World Series following the millions and millions of dollars that LA flashed before his very eyes.  Steve Nash was the best thing to happen to the Phoenix Suns while Dwight Howard was selected by the Orlando Magic in the 2004 NBA draft.  No professional athlete feels like they can stay if they feel like they deserve more money for their talent.  City love just ain’t what it used to be 😦

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Sports is a business and needs to make money. DUH.  Gambling big can mean winning big, I get that. What we also have to get is it makes BIG PROBLEMS.  It’s not rocket science.  I just can’t get past the loss of the nostalgia and innocence that sports used to hold dear.  As time goes on, the greed in sports is showing no signs of slowing down as long as athletes will continue to follow the money and not follow their hearts.  Does love have a price tag? In LA, there is a price, it’s just a ridiculously crazy Vatican spending HIGH.   Isn’t that sad?  I feel like I don’t want to accept that but it’s true.  Is there still that good we once loved in sports?  Am I just being a spoiled LA sports fan?  Who the mofo knows.  If you do know, please come talk to me.  Maybe I’ll buy you a taco.

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Project Runway: Coaches Edition

I know it is a bit difficult to take your attention away from the game, averting your eyes from those “leave little to the imagination” uniforms those chiseled athletes are wearing.  But have you ever noticed what the coaches are wearing?

When it comes to what coaches wear on game day, I always wondered if it was a matter of choice, lifestyle or tradition.  Maybe it is neither.  But it does have to do something with the sport itself, whether the sport is a classy dignified occasion or a mangy get down and dirty game.  It is also to important to consider the types of fans those sports attract and appeal to.

So I roughly picked the 5 coaches that best represent the fashion and style (both homeless nasty and clean chic) of their sport.  Omitting Baseball because the coaches wear the same damn uniforms of the players.  Don’t get me wrong, baseball uniforms can be sexy….just not on an old saggy ass man.  Who knows?  Maybe a coach’s style has a direct reflection on their team, their franchise and their town/city.  Or maybe it doesn’t and I’m just really bored.

Here we go fashionista playas.

 

(oh they just look soo cute matching and all.  Don’t you wish all coaching staffs looked like this?  Naw, mean either…there would be no reason for this post yo)

 

1. Bill Belichick- The New England Patriots

Good GOD what is wrong with this guy’s fashion sense?  Oh wait, he clearly has none. This guy is a hell of a coach bringing New England 3 Super Bowl Championships and 5 NFC Championships.  Belichick is such a good coach he is clearly too distracted to get dressed before game day.  He legit dresses like a BUM.  Straight up BUM with his oversized Patriot’s hoodies.  What is even better is that some of those hoodies have the sleeves cut off.  Is he working out later?  WAIT, better call the cops to arrest those Belichick guns!!  Dude, this is New England, I think it is worth it to buy some sleeves.

What respectable coach of a championship team wears a freakin’ poncho of a sweatshirt to work?  Is he hiding something?  It’s ok Bill, we already know your fat.  At least he is comfortable, right. You would think coming from a championship team, producing a future hall of fame quarterback and representing not just one city but an entire region, a region that founded this country, would maybe want to brush his hair in the morning and put on some sleeves.  Then again….it is football

2.  Mike Krzyzewski-Duke University

If your going to coach a sport watched by millions and go all the way to see the March Madness daylight, hey you gotta dress the part.  Nobody does this better in the NCAA than the iconic Coach K. Even though he is on the sidelines, he looks damn good in those crisp grey suites and plenty of gold accents (cufflinks, belt buckles, rings).  It seriously looks like this dude is straight out of Mad Men.  Douche bag of characters but damn can they dress.  I mean Coach K coached the Olympic team for god sakes…..he should have some class.

Since this is college basketball, and the polished wooden basketball courts are pretty reflective, what the coaches wear might matter a bit more.  On a more serious note, any college coaches hold more responsibility than professional coaches because they are more like parents/mentors than a boss/co-worker.  These college coaches are coaching kids, not adults, and have the power to influence their players’ lives and help them grow into respectable athletes. Coach K coaches one of the most respectable college teams in the country, a southern bell of a school, Durham, North Carolina.  The South is always known to stay classy.

3. Lane Kiffin- USC

Love my trojans but this coach’s signature “visor-white wearing style” is just plain boring, kind of like the personality.  If your going to go for a signature style, make it good.  Don’t make it white, especially in a sport that is known to get down and dirty in the mud.  Why would you want to worry about ruining your whites when you have a football game to coach?  Oh wait, he isn’t really coaching is he…at least not this season. You would think as a SoCal coach he would just be sporting Hawaiian shirts and board shorts….that would be ridiculously awesome.

Kiffin’s signature visor is a just another mere hiding tactic, kinda of like his giant laminated play card. Although he is trying really hard to dress like a classic football coach with his neatly pressed khakis and white collared shirts like Oklahoma’s Bob Stoops, but come on, you gotta get rid of that play card man.  You can dress the part but it don’t mean you are the part.  And those white beanies….yikes.  Recipe waiting for a disastrous season..  Word of advice, you can’t get away with wearing white if you muddy up your season with those stains of defeat.

4. Jim Tressel

God I hate Ohio State but damn do I love Tressel’s sweater vests.  Even though he isn’t the coach anymore, his red/grey sweater vests, white colored shirts + khaki pants are just a damn good combo.  Such a clean and classic look for the annoying college football town of Toledo, Ohio.  Although Tressel’s career ended in shame and ultimate termination from the Buckeye family, he is still one of the best dressed college football coaches.    And hey, it wasn’t such a terrible coach anyway, leading Ohio State to 6 Big Ten Conference Final Championship games and winning coach of year 12 times.  Maybe he is soo well dressed he forgot to manage his players, the same players who managed to trade in some one of a kind Buckeye paraphernalia for some narley tattoos.   It’s always something isn’t it!

Why is he a well dressed coach you ask?  Perhaps it is the sport…?  Maybe, maybe not.  I really think it has to do with the University and it’s culture.  Ohio State is a prestigious school known for its winning sports.  Not to say USC isn’t, but Southern California isn’t Ohio.  I don’t know what there is to do in Toledo, Ohio….but it’s not LA, I bet you people live and breathe college sports more so than any dedicated Trojan fan in Los Angeles.  At least Trojan fans go the movies or hit the beach… not so much in Ohio.

5.Paulo Sousa- Videoton FC (Hungary)

What is it about Portuguese men and style?  Wait.  What is it about European men, soccer and style? Seriously, it has to do with the fact that they are from an entirely different country or maybe that the good ol’ US of A has none when it comes to sports?  Meh, I just think it’s because these are sexy guys with accents coaching a foreign sport.

Paulo is well-known for coaching Swansea City A.F.C. (South Wales), Leicester City F.C. (English) and now coaches in the Hungary League.  What a globetrotter. Needless to say, it seems like it reflects his style. His colored sweaters, dark fitted suites, pea-coats with brightly colored buttons and scarfs, it legit looks like he could strut down a Marc Jacobs runaway show in Milan.  Total GQ yo.  The magazine made them their 37th best dressed man in Britain in 2011.  Obviously, he could just resort to wearing a sweater or wind breaker like some other soccer coaches out there who are standing out there in those cold uncovered fields in sometimes miserable weather, but naw, not Paulo.  Always rocking his dapper attire and giving into his love for Armani, Paulo is the classiest and best dressed soccer coach out there.  You don’t really see that soo much in other sports…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgive me for not picking a NHL or NBA coach because frankly, they look the same to me.  Plus the coaches in the NHL are always standing behind the bench and players….how in the hell am I supposed to see what they are wearing? But from what I can tell, they all wear the same dark suit and light-colored tie combo.  No one has ever really stood out from the rest or rocked some shiny jewelry.    Not discriminating against the suit and tie ensemble, very classy, but it can get tedious and down right dull.  The only fashionista to come out of the NHL is Barry Melrose, dude looks like a mobster with those black pin stripped suits and slicked back hair.  Love it.  But Barry hasn’t been a coach in a long time, plus he didn’t start dressing like a badass mobster until he became an NHL analyst on ESPN.  Thanks ESPN!

So here is my conclusion when comparing and contrasting these fashion forward and fashion retarded coaches.  One could assume that a highly watched sport would have coaches wanting to look their best.  Yea, not so much. Case and point: Belichick.  The dude has been to how many super bowls?  The Superbowl, one of the most watched television events of the year.  Gimme a break dude.  When it comes down to it, it is the sport and the culture.

NFL is a violent and dirty sport that takes place outside in sometimes not so great weather. Yes sweatshirts, windbreakers and beanies are sometimes a necessity but can be presented in a classy and clean fashion.   You would think New England would produce a classy American Revolutionary coach, but no, you get a dude with cutoffs. All Americans love their professional sports but never really consider the cultural pride behind them. Every sport contains a level of pride, especially representing where your team comes from, but American football (sad to say) is shameless. It really is all about the benjamins in the pros.  Americans only care about the popularity and the winning in professional sports not because it depends on their livelihood (unless they are a professional athlete, coach or owner) but because it’s fun, exciting and just makes life better, even if it costs over $100 bucks for a nosebleed seat.  NFL Fans do care about their team and their players, but they aren’t as genuinely connected as they could be.  How genuinely connected can you get to a money-grubbing conglomerate?

College sports give fans with the same fun just like the pros but have a bit more pageantry, more pride and cultural importance.  No matter if it is football or basketball, college sports is more pure because “in theory” is not about the money.  These are kids playing, not adults.  College athletes have yet to be screwed up by the world.  College coaches are more than just coaches to these athletes, students and fans…. they are family.  These dabber dressed coaches (minus Kiffin) represent more than the sport, they represent an entire family filled with tradition, pride and innocence.  A dingy dressed college coach would be down right disrespectful.  The only reason Kiffin gets away with his boring snuggle white attire is because of the city his team resides in.  Los Angeles is one of the chillest places in the country.  USC does indeed have tradition, but nobody can ever get over the fact that its sunny Southern California…forget that visor man and dismal run of a season, relax bra, just hit the beach.

Soccer takes the project runway cake fasho.  Perhaps because it is a foreign sport and people across the pond have better fashion sense…common decency..? I would assume that since these soccer coaches are closer to the heart of fashion, therefore come into contact with more fashionistas, their fashion sense is taken to new heights.  It was hard to just pick one but apparently Paulo Sousa was the easy choice because he openly talks about his love for fashion.  Even though these coaches are consistently outside standing on the cold grass, yelling and screaming at the top of their lungs hundreds of yards away to get their players’ attention, they still look good doing it.  The biggest distinction between these coaches’ fashion sense is the culture.  Soccer isn’t an American sport and never will be.  It was invented in Europe and is the most popular sport in the world, except in America.  There are Americans that love soccer and there is a somewhat popular league bringing David Beckham to the LA Galaxy, but soccer is still not the country’s sport.  Popular American sports are never going to adopt the styles of a foreign sport because USA is filled with too much pride.  Kudos to European soccer coaches and their fashion forward trendy style, making the rest of the coaches of the world look bad, but hey that is the last Armani shoe drops I guess…

It would be nice for American coaches to take a hint and take fashion more seriously, especially when our attention is on them 25% of time.  Don’t let that attention go to waste boys.  Even if you are an amazing coach with outstanding credentials, I think you can still make a little time out of your busy schedules to take a shower, comb your hair and put on a nice outfit not just for you, but for your team, your town, your city, your sport.  Appearances aren’t everything, but sometimes they can make or break a first impression.  When it comes to any team sport and it’s time to go up against your opponent, it’s all about looking intimidating, overpowering and giving off that aggressive attitude that will win the game.  And if by chance one of those players, or even coaches, on the opposing team takes one look at their competition, a dumpy looking coach with sleeves cut off and goofy white beanie, I think that intimidation might be dunzo.

 

 

Shine on you fashionista coaches you!