Moral of the March Madness Story….?

I know I know, March Madness isn’t over.  But isn’t it really over for all of us?  Aside from everyone’s bracket being completely f*cked,  does anybody really care who wins this tournament anymore?


Moral of this March Madness story:

NEVER EVER LISTEN TO OBAMA!tumblr_inline_n3bj2lw70J1rufomg


Smack that Bracket

“The time has come,” the Walrus said, “to talk of many things, of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and March Madness KINGS.”


Well no, not really but you get it.  It’s MARCH MADNESS baby! This is the time of year when everybody suddenly becomes a college basketball fan, fills out a bracket, takes the time to listen to “experts” in basketball analysis (does that even exist?)……and a general consensus of just feeling smarter.

Bracketology (yes it is an actual word coined by ESPN’s Joe Lunardi) is like a new statistical rating percentage sports equation that determines your predictions in College Basketball’s ultimate tournament.  Can’t you just feel the power of knowledge flowing through you…….


When it comes to March Madness, you don’t necessarily have to like College Basketball, you just have to like being right.  If you fill out a bracket and win your pool, you can’t help but gloat.  You can’t help but gloat the SHIZZZzzzz out of a pretty much pointless life victory.  But hey, it’s the little things that get us through the day.


March Madness serves as a nice distraction from our everyday menial lives.  A nice distraction that makes us feel a little sense of involvement and empowerment in not only the people we are playing with (family, coworkers, friends) but in the greater arena that is College Basketball. ShoOOooot even the President of the United States takes the time to test his bracketology skills.


March Madness is the only time when we feel like we are participating in the collective fate of a sport.  We are willing teams to win, not for them and their potential championship glory but for our benefit to experience something beyond our normal spectrum of feelings derived from sports.  Yes it is amazing to follow a team from the beginning, rooting for a team engrained in your roots yet it is even more amazing to not even be a sports fan and participate in one of the biggest sporting events of the year.


I know nobody out there can predict the outcome of sporting events except if your Biff Tannen in Back to the Future II.  But the feeling you get when you win your March Madness pool is priceless.


It’s such a useless yet beloved accomplishment, we can’t help but embrace it. So here is to a happy and eventful March Madness full of upsets and excitement.  All I can say is, I could care less about who wins the tournament….but I better win my pool.


Your Los Angeles Lakers……

You may or may not be following the Los Angeles Lakers this season…..and why would you?!  They are just downright awful. From Kobe Bryant’s supposed triumphant return from a career ending ACL injury, to yet another detrimental injury to the star player, the Lakers have yet to find their footing.

I think the entire season can be summed up in this succession of photos of Kobe Bryant at the Lakers gut wrenching loss to city rival, the Los Angeles Clippers.  Did I say gut wrenching?  I meant an embarrassing disgrace.


And here we go Lakers…….going straight back to the D League.


Only down 40 points….no real biggie.  But check out his wedding ring bling yo!


As of now, Kobe may be regretting signing his 2 year contract extension…….or his hands smell like coco butter.  Yum.


I don’t know whether Kobe is pissed at his teammates poor play or Jordan Hill’s hairstyle.

I can’t……I just can’t…..

NBA Kickoff

The NBA Season kicks off tomorrow.  And how excited are we?!


Well, as a Lakers fan…….not that excited 😦  How excited can you be if your star veteran player is hurt, the supposed up and coming star player left for greener pastures, your newcomers are a snore, your bench is singing crickets and your returning players are….well, how can I put this….are OLD.  Plus the guys upstairs can’t even decide between ketchup or mustard.

Kobe Bryant

And Jordan Farmar…?  Don’t get me started on Dumbo…..


The Lakers are a battered washed up team who will probably make the playoffs but it definitely won’t be an easy road to get to.  We will be lucky enough to see Kobe Bryant play his last game in full health and spirit.


The one distraction I can count on this season is seeing the return of Derek Rose coming back from a torn ACL injury in April 2012.  Derek Rose is back, and back with a vengeance.  Haven’t you seen his epic commercial?  Here take a gander.

We can only hope that Derek Rose and his Chicago Bulls can take on Lebron James and the Miami Heat. Is anyone really rooting for Lebron this season?  Aside from kiss ass ESPN, aren’t we already sick of him?


Aren’t we sick of hearing Michael Jordan come out and say he doesn’t like Lebron and would rather play with Kobe Bryant any day of the week?  Hahaha, naw not really.  But seriously, when talking about the NBA, there has to be other topics to talk about other than Lebron?

The Bulls, who were the only NBA team with an 8-0 preseason record, are again expected to challenge the Heat for the Eastern Conference crown this season.  So of course, OF COURSE, ESPN had to ask Lebron about the come back of the only player whose on a team that can take on the Heat this season.  “We don’t like them, they don’t like us,” James said of the Bulls after the drill. “It’s not unheard of. We all know how it is.”


So articulate.  How does this guy come up with this stuff?

The only way this NBA season will be somewhat tolerable is if Lebron and the Heat lose.  Not necessarily lose a lot, but lose just enough for him to make that hilarious cry face again.


Hopefully the Bulls can bring the Heat this season…..I mean beat the Heat…..I mean defeat the Heat.  Just WIN Chicago! Do it for Michael! Do it for SpaceJam!



March Sadness

This year’s March Madness is bound to bring more sadness than madness.


The 2013 college basketball season began like any other, ranked teams seemed to be dominated while making us all believe that bracketologists know what they are talking about.  Hell no.  Do they ever know what they are talking about?  LA Sports columnist Bill Plaschke isn’t a bracketologist and his brackets have finished in 90% accuracy the past two years on ESPN’s Around the Horn….which just goes to show you….if you follow sports and are a die hard passionate freak show for sports….then you got a shot to win your March Madness office pool.


Every March Madness is bound to bring heart-wrenching upsets, hail mary three pointers and your rare, but expected, shutouts.  In reality, you want all these things to happen, just in your bracket favor.  This season has had more than 15 upsets among top ten teams, giving every ranked team at least two losses.  As of now the #2 ranked team, Indiana, has lost four times.  FOUR.  The #10 team, Michigan St., has lost 7 times. Count ’em, SEVEN.  Yea, this is going to be a fun tournament.

Is it too much to ask to have a predictable March Madness?  Yes, yes it is…..because then there wouldn’t be any madness.  My only issue is that this year’s NCAA tournament is going to bring more jeers than cheers.  The only madness I am getting is the madness of making my bracket?!  I honestly don’t know who to choose let alone make an argument as to why I am choosing Ohio State over Valparaiso.  The one conference I always turn to, the eminent Big East Conference, has sadly fallen from grace.  Can we say…. overrated?  If I was you, I wouldn’t bet on any Big East Team getting very far in the tournament let alone winning it all.  So my advice, would be to bet on the randoms…..the more random the better, just shake up your bracket.   This March Madness is the Year of the Underdog.


Who is seriously going to win it all?  Nobody on ESPN can predict that. You can count on that  lucky Smoe to win it all, predicting Virginia Commonwealth to win as he/she proceeds to collect their accolades, congratulations and that big pot of mula.  I think we can all safely say that this bracket winner is more or less going to have no college basketball knowledge or real interest in the sport.  What a cheap trick you are March Madness!

Brackets - Locked Room

Lebron denied entry into SpaceJam

Are we sick of the Lebron James and Michael Jordan comparisons yet?  I sure as hell am.  Maybe I should just turn off ESPN…but then how the hell am I going to keep up with my sports… can I live without Top 10?!


Lebron James, or King James as so many others like to to call him, is a great basketball player, probably one of the best.  Everybody in the media wants to talk about Lebron, can’t stop talking about Lebron, and clearly won’t stop talking about Lebron.  Ever since his ‘Announcement’ Special aired on ESPN, the world-wide leader of sports won’t stop praising this athlete.  Since praise can only get you so far, ESPN decided to mention King James in the same sentence as Michael Jordan, merely to keep the attention on Lebron and his athleticism.  If you are a sports fan and someone says Michael, shit, you better pay attention!


But is it at all possible for the media to just stop comparing Lebron to one of the greatest, possibly THE greatest, basketball player of all time ?  Why does ESPN have to result in comparison?  If Lebron was so great, wouldn’t he be in a league of his own, surpassing Michael?


Let’s do a comparison of our own shall we?  Jordan had played 6 seasons in the NBA when he was 27 years old. James has played 9 seasons thus far. Also, Jordan missed 64 games in his second season because he was injured. James never played fewer than 70 games in a season until this year, when teams played a shortened 66-game season. So Jordan had actually played 5 seasons by age 27. I don’t think it’s fair to compare a 9-season career with a 5-season career. It’s obvious that a player will achieve more if he plays 9 seasons instead of just 5.  Lebron was drafted out of high school because some considered him to be so good.  Michael on the other hand went to college and played for 3 years, taking North Carolina to win the NCAA championship.  Smarty Pants.


I think it is just waaaaaaaaay to early to compare Lebron to Michael.  Lebron has a long way to go.  Maybe Lebron has yet to prove himself, seeing how he has only one 1 lousy title, but all I know is that someone in particular is sick of the comparison.  (Yea, you hug that trophy Lebron, might be your last.)


Michael Jordan clearly hates Lebron and it’s awesome.  Michael probably doesn’t mind being compared to a newcomer or mentioned in the same sentence, but when sports journalists and broadcasters are bombarding every media outlet and NBA press conference with this tired topic, I think anybody would get sick of it.  This relentless association which may or may not be well deserved if ESPN is the one doing all the talking.  Especially when Michael says he would rather play with Kobe than Lebron.  He is right, “5 beats 1 every the time.” (Kobe, Bring back the FRO!)


Michael Jordan is an international symbol for not just the NBA, but for all sports.  From the collectible shoes to his global clothing line, Michael has established his name as an emblem of elite athleticism.  For god sakes, he starred in one of the most beloved classic children’s movies, SpaceJam.  A basketball player saving the world with the Looney-Tunes……plus an amazing grammy winning soundtrack.  “I Believe I can Fly” hello?  Can Lebron do that?  Naw, guy can barely maintain a conversation let alone save the world.  Guy can play on the court but just ain’t the brightest color in the box.  Maybe things would have been different if he went to college……spacejam

Lebron certainly deserves the accolades because the guy is a beast and a 3 time MVP winner.  But when ESPN is giving all the applause adoration, it’s a bit hard to take it seriously because it’s biased.  ESPN just wants a story that will catch the attention of their audience, not necessarily the truth.  Who knows if Lebron thinks he is just as good or better than Michael.  And frankly, I don’t care what Lebron thinks and nobody in the NBA should either.  Michael Jordan is Zeus while Lebron is merely a sprite trying to claw his way to the top of Mount Olympus.  Jordan didn’t need to leave his team to get a title.

I am just waiting for the day for when some basketball player out of college takes the NBA by storm while the media starts inevitably comparing him to players past, like Lebron…..better yet, comparing him to Jordan.  Sweet. I don’t think Lebron’s little heart could take it.