It’s always fun to think that athletes can play any sport because they are badass mofos. We sport nuts would love to see basketball players take up a hockey stick and have a showdown on the ice or have golfers trading in their golf clubs for some shiny smelly shoes and a bowling ball. But it would be just a box of fun to imagine NFL Quarterbacks having a players softball league. 18 Cream of the Crop Quarterbacks would come together every Sunday afternoon to play the game that made America so great. (Sorry NFL, but it is fasho the MLB that is America’s pastime).
So if you had the option, lets say the POWER, to make a 9 player softball team made up of today’s NFL quarterbacks, who would you pick? Since I have all the free time in the world and love sports, I made a QB roster for my softball team: The Soggy Goldfish.
1. Peyton Manning– DUH, you gotta pick him. He is the Stan “the Man” Musial of Football. Sad he got let go by the Colts, but that doesn’t mean that would hurt his softball skills 😛 I would put him at first base. As a coach, you can count on Peyton to try his hardest to make those double plays, rocketing the ball to second base. He is getting a bit old, so placing him at first wouldn’t put him in play situations where he would have to move around that much. He would be a solid team captain.
2. Tom Brady–Pitcher. He is purdy darn clutch (not to say that baby bro Eli isn’t, he did just win the Superbowl). But Brady has a few years on Manning, so you would feel a bit more comfortable for him to close out the game. You can count on him to make the clutch plays and throw batters out when it really mattered.
3. Cam Newton– I hate the bastard, I really do. He should give up his Heisman asap. But the fool can run and throw the ball purdy darn far. I would put him at Center Field. He has the speed and the accuracy to throw the ball all the way to home plate, snag those runners out. He would dive for those hard to catch hits and back up right and left field every chance he got. Haven’t you seen his incredible air/ground attack in football? Although he is a rather inexperienced pro football player, the dude is FAST. He was a freakin gazelle in college. His legs alone beat out Alabama.
4. Carson Palmer– DUH, of course I’m going to put him on my team. He would play 2nd base. Although he is a veteran and puts up mediocre numbers in the NFL, he is still a consistent player. He would always put his best efforts into making the double play and never accepting anything less. Carson would definitely dive for those hard ground hits up the middle (which he would never be able to get), but hey you got Cam running in as backup.
5. Michael Vick–Another fast dude. Vick would be in Left Field. With him next the Cam Newton, no ball would get past them. Him and Vick would have some sort of fun (we are cooler than you because we are professional athletes and can get away with those stupid gestures that get you in trouble with the NFL referees) hand shakes. He has a solid enough arm to make the fast throws to third, second and home. His 50.5-percent success rate was sixth in the NFL. SHoooOOoot. He would be a solid addition.
6. Aaron Rogers–Third Base. This position was a hard decision to make. You could put any solid quarterback there. But there is just something about Rogers. He managed to throw 45 scores while getting picked off only six times. Six INTs all season! Rodgers also averaged an insane 9.3 yards per attempt, had the highest NFL passer rating (122.7), the most Expected Points Added (250.6) and a 68.3-percent completion rate. SHOooooOOOt. Sounds like he would be a vacuüm cleaner of a fielder, a golden glove winner, and a solid arm blasting accurate throws into Peyton Manning’s glove at first. He would never overthrow the ball or throw it short to his receivers. He would put up similar numbers on the softball field fasho.
7. Tim Tebow–Come on. He won’t stop praying to GOD until he makes the team, or beg for his forgiveness because he got cut. So I would place him at Right Field. Some say that is the worst position. Who knows? When the coach puts you in right, you run out there like it’s the greatest position on the field (even though you don’t get a lot of action, you are furthest from the rest of the players, and no one takes you seriously). It is still a position Tebow would love to play. You don’t really need the best arm to be in right because it’s outfield position is usually situated a bit closer to the infield than left or center and the ball is more or less hit to center or left than right field. Putting Tebow there would make his day. He would love to just be a part of the team no matter what position he played. Tebow doesn’t got the best and most accurate arm, but he makes the important throws when it counts (thanks Jesus) and would hustle his ass off the just back up Cam at center, Carson at 2nd and Manning at 1st even if the ball was hit to Brady at the pitching mound. His hustle and bustle would either annoy the shit outta everybody else or he would just be the guy to make fun of, “Hey guys, let’s Tebow if he catches a pop fly?!” Nice.
8. Drew Brees: Shortstop. Brees is solid. Brees posted a ridiculous 71.2 completion percentage, threw 46 touchdowns and was second in the league in Expected Points Added with 246.2. You need someone with a solid arm and accuracy at shortstop. He would get down in the dirt to stop the ball and make the double plays. Shortstop is the position everyone admires and respects. Seems like Brees would be the perfect fit with his good guy demeanor and family man smile.
9. Ben the FatAss Douche Roethlisberger–Catcher. GOD this guy sucks. But you need a fat ass to be behind home plate. Being the fattest QB in the NFL, obviously he would be catcher to stop those pitches and break the small bodies of oncoming runners sliding into home. Who knows if he has a decent arm? I think he does but who really knows. When you watch this guy play football you can’t help but stare at his ripples of fat all over his body, particularly on his face. No one should be that fat in the NFL unless you are a lineman, but hey this is softball. You can be as fat as you want as long as you can stop and throw the ball. Fat Ass Douche is Fat enough.
Now can any of these dudes actually hit the ball? That will have to be a different post.